This Guy Is Grabbing Coffee With ALL of His Facebook Friends

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

​We're Back On The Outer Banks!

FINALLY! After a couple of seasons in the Caribbean and South America, Outer Banks is back, well, on the Outer Banks. Honestly, this automatically makes the season better because it provides a ton of familiarity, nostalgia, and comfort for readers. And it also provides a realistic, grounded aspect to the adventure. Because let's be honest, a group of teens hopping on a tiny plane and taking part in a jungle treasure hunt requires a little too much suspension of disbelief for me. Plus, just like Gossip Girl wouldn't be the same without Blair and Serena hitting up Bergdorf's, a Pogue beach & surfing day just feels right.

​The Pogues Open Their Own Bait, Tackle, & Deep Sea Charter Business

The first episode of Outer Banks season 4 catches us up on that season 3 time jump. After learning how much money they actually have their hands on, the Pogues move into JJ's old house (renaming it "Poguelandia 2.0"), and open a bait, tackle, and charter shop. While I have a few questions about how six teens literally built a business without the help of a contractor, I love seeing this group lead regular lives. The shop plays into their strengths and allows them to cultivate their relationships in normal settings instead of life-or-death ones. Friendships are made in those boring moments, IMO.

​The Group Is Searching For More Than Blackbeard's Treasure

After Outer Banks season 3, the one thing I said I didn't want the show to do was go into supernatural, ghost territory. And for a moment, I thought that's where we were going. Wes Genrette and his son-in-law Chandler Groff hire the Pogues to find Blackbeard's treasure, but it doesn't take long for them to realize they're in over their heads (again).

Wes is a direct descendent of Francis Genrette, the man responsible for killing Blackbeard and his wife Elizabeth. Now, Elizabeth haunts every generation of the Genrette family, and once she appears, you don't have long to live. Wes reveals his daughter Larissa (Chandler's late wife) saw Elizabeth a week before she died, and Wes himself has seen her, which means his days are numbered.

At the end of part 1, the Pogues are on a mission to find Elizabeth's amulet & break the curse, which also puts them on track to find the Blue Crown. Their race against Lightner and Dalia brings Pope, Cleo, Sarah, and John B. to Charleston — and leavesPope and Sarah trapped in a crypt as it slowly floods.

Turns out, Chandler Groff was behind the ghost murders the whole time, something Shoupe should have clocked a long time ago.

​John B., JJ, And Their Friends Have A Beach Day Run-In With The Kooks

Because so much of Outer Banks season 4 takes place on the OBX, it means John B., Sarah, JJ, Kie, Pope, and Cleo are once again clashing with Topper, Rafe, and the rest of the Kooks. Despite the fact this season features plenty of death-defying stunts, the scene that will stick with me the most is when the Pogues and Kooks wind up at the same beach access.

I audibly gasped when Ruthie, Topper's new girlfriend, plays chicken with the Pogues on the beach, almost hitting Kiara with her Jeep and running over a turtle hatch in the process. (IRL, protecting endangered sea turtles & their hatches are a big deal on the Outer Banks, so this definitely got a visceral reaction from me).

At the end of the day, the major (and arguably, the most painful) conflict of this teen drama is how the Kooks make the Pogues feel like they don't belong anywhere. And if you ask me, exploring this tension and these relationships is where the show truly shines.

Lightener Is Determined To Take Out The Pogues

That being said, I found the villains this season, Lightner and Dalia, to be way scarier than I expected — especially once Lightner killed Terrance and almost killed Cleo. Every time he showed up onscreen, my heart started pounding like he was chasing me! The thought of being stuck in my bait shop alone with a creepy guy, especially one brandishing a knife? Thank you, next.

​Luke Returned To The Outer Banks

After JJ & Kiara said goodbye to JJ's dad Luke in Outer Banks season 2, he's been totally off the grid. Except, apparently, he hasn't? JJ learns Luke is back when he visits Barracuda Mike, but the father-son bonding quickly takes a turn for the crazy when Luke drops a piece of news that changes everything: he isn't JJ's biological father. Chandler Groff is.

JJ Has Actually Been A Kook This Whole Time

JJ's entire character is based around the fact he's proud to be a Pogue. He hates the Kooks and everything they stand for, which is why when Luke reveals he isn't JJ's biological father, and that JJ is related to the Groff/Genrette clan, it totally sends JJ into orbit.

JJ Destroys Downtown

And by "sends JJ into orbit," I mean he literally destroys downtown Kildare...with a baseball bat (okay Steve Harrington!).

This Kook identity is something JJ's been running from the entire series — even before Kie had to reassure him that finding the gold didn't make them Kooks — and he's going to have to do some serious soul searching to figure out who he actually is now.

I was wholly sold on the theory Outer Banks 4 would reveal JJ and Sarah were siblings, but this is a pretty good alternative. And who knows? Maybe they're actually cousins.

​Powers At Be Want To Bulldoze The Cut

If this show has proven anything, it's that the OBX is far from paradise. This season, some big names are trying to turn The Cut — including Poguelandia 2.0 — into an extension of the wealthier Figure Eight. Things get even more complicated when Hollis, who worked with Ward before he died, wants to trick Rafe into being her financial partner...and then gets his girlfriend Sofia to convince him to sign her contract.

Rafe Proposes To Sofia...And Then Breaks Up With Her

It doesn't take long for Rafe to learn Hollis tricked him. And despite proclaiming his love for Sofia, proposing, and telling her nothing could get in the way of their relationship, Rafe breaks up with her and kicks her out of his home the second he finds out she conned him. Messy, messy.

The one silver lining is that it sends Rafe back to Sarah and her friends! Is he finally turning into the kind and protective older brother fans want him to be?

Sarah Learns She's Pregnant

After she starts feeling sick, Sarah takes a pregnancy test that comes back positive...and Kiara immediately finds out. Despite the fact adding a baby to the Outer Banks dynamic is a wild concept, this is exactly the kind of domestic, sweet ending I would have hoped for Sarah and John B. And Kiara's statement that Sarah's going to be an amazing mom? I couldn't agree more.

The Pogues Head To Morocco

Remember how excited I was for the Pogues to return to the Outer Banks? Well, that doesn't last long because in the final episode of Outer Banks season 4, the group heads to Morocco to find the Blue Crown. It's definitely not smooth sailing, but I really love seeing John B. and Sarah, Pope and Cleo, and JJ and Kiara work in their pairs.

​Rafe Begins His Redemption Arc

Drew Starkey admitted after season 1 that he didn't care whether Rafe got a redemption arc, and I agreed at the time. I found the idea of Rafe, who was so driven to please his father he'd literally murder for him, incredibly compelling. Plus, he's been the ringleader of the War on Pogues this whole time, so suddenly making him sympathetic towards them felt like backtracking on his character.

Rafe still has his moments (like saying he'd never date a Pogue after finding out Sofia was from The Cut), but now that him and Sarah are finally moving towards reconciling, it seems like we could actually be getting a Rafe redemption after all. But that doesn't mean I want Kiara and Rafe to get together. Let's keep things platonic people!!

JJ Dies In Kiara's Arms

If you're a fan of OBX, or you've been on the internet at all over the last week, then you already know where this is going. After the group splits up, it's total chaos. Pope ends up killing Lightener after Cleo's wounded, while JJ finds the Blue Crown.

When Chandler Groff threatens Kiara, JJ gives up the treasure in exchange for Kie — and Chandler kills him for no reason anyway. Fans went wild over the season 4 ending, and more than one told me they were heartbroken. Outer Banks will never be the same, that's for sure.

"Revenge"

After they bury JJ's body, the group gathers around a campfire and acknowledges that if any of them had died, JJ wouldn't rest until they were avenged. Kiara stands up, looks into the fire, and mutters "revenge" before the screen cuts to black.

Season 5 is going to be one wild ride, because based on Kiara's pure, white hot anger, and Rafe's love of all things vengeful, I can only imagine what kind of havoc this group is going to wreak on Chandler Groff.