Finally, A Habit App That Delivers Results With Your Very Own Personal Coach

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

1. Get outside for at least 20 minutes everyday.

My seasonal depression is definitely perpetuated by my work setup – I work remotely full-time, which means a big chunk of my days are spent inside in isolation.

Knowing that being in nature can soothe the tension caused by not only locking in on work tasks for hours at a time, but sitting in the same place for just as long, I’ve been prioritizing getting outside for at least 20 minutes a day. Even just sipping in a breath of fresh air can provide a nice restart to a not-so-great day.

Whether it’s going for a walk, coffee run, or to let your dog out, getting outside for a change of scenery can absolutely improve your mental health.

2. Engage in exercise that feels good.

I’m lucky to have found a combination of workouts that feel good to my body and mind. Climbing, hot yoga, and outdoor walks have truly kept me sane this far in the season!

Exercising (of any kind) releases dopamine and serotonin, which arecommonly linked to treating depression. It can also improve neuroplasticity, learning, and memory in the long-term, which, to me, sounds like a win-win for everyone.

The key for committing to an exercise routine in the depths of seasonal depression (and beyond) is only engaging in workouts that bring you joy – exercise should not serve as punishment, nor does it have to be painful.

3. Delete social media when I know it’s impacting my mental health.

This one is huge. I could talk for hours – heck, even days – about how hurtful social media can be for my mental health. To make a long story short, social media (Instagram in particular) degrades my attention span, sense of reality, and self-confidence.

There was a period of time where I had screen time limits on apps like Instagram and TikTok, but I would override them 99% of the time. Now, I'm making an actual conscious effort to delete the apps off my phone entirely when I feel the doomscrolling has gone too far. It’s helped so much: I don’t feel a constant sense of FOMO (which is a massive challenge when 69% of adults use social media), pressure to buy unnecessary things, or distracted from the present moment.

Of course, I’ll still download the apps every once in a while to check in – there’s a delicate balance between wanting to feel simultaneously connected and disconnected – but the biggest part of this is maintaining the boundaries I set for myself.

If you feel like deleting social media apps cold-turkey isn’t quite the step you need to take at the moment, I suggest making use of screen time limits and sticking to them, so you can live and be present in your (real) life!

4. Prioritize seeing my friends in person.

As I mentioned, working from home is quite isolating. I know many of my friends feel isolated this time of year, even if they work in-person jobs. I don't have any family members that live very close to me, so my besties have truly become my chosen family.

Speaking from experience, having a friend group (or even just a golden best friend) to turn to in those quiet moments after the workday is the ultimate cure for loneliness, boredom, and depression. In fact,studies like this onehave shown that a positive sense of community is associated with reduced reported symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.

So, gather your pals for a movie, craft night, potluck, or even just time to rot on the couch together. A lot of times, your friends may be feeling the exact same way you are.

5. Cook nourishing and rewarding meals.

Winter time is comfort👏 food👏 central👏, so there’s no excuse to not whip up a delectable soup or casserole fit for the season. Seasonal depression most certainly takes a toll on my executive function, though, so finding (or rather, making) the time and motivation to cook something for myself can be rough. Don’t even get me started on going to the grocery store.

That’s why I like to turn to recipes that yield big ol’ batches of food, so I can eat on leftovers for a week or so rather than cook something new every single day. Bonus points if the dish is healthy! Maybe the meal preppers are onto something…

You can find tons of delicious, easy, healthy, meal prep-friendly recipes here!

6. Be cognizant of my water intake.

As important as eating healthy is, it doesn’t mean much if you’re not hydrated. Drinking adequate amounts of water every day simply sets me right – I notice I have so much more energy than the days my water bottle’s not tied to my hip.

Experts recommend that women drink roughly 11 cups of water daily in order to benefit the body, from your immune system to your mood. I’ve been making the ritual even more enjoyable with a fun water bottle, customized with stickers and all.

7. Journal regularly.

Journaling can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility, as well as encourage self-awareness and resilience against the daily grind, which is why I aim to commit a tiny slice of my day to writing (or drawing). Even if there’s nothing “bad” or dramatic going on in my life, journaling about the mundane is super helpful in simply getting to know myself.

To incorporate journaling into your routine, I suggest writing right before bed, right before you wake up, or on a quick break during the day. Even just 5 minutes alone with your thoughts and your pen can transform your mindset.

You can find some really helpful journal prompts for improving your mental health here!

8. Go to therapy regularly.

Seeing a therapist on a regular basis has been a huge game-changer for me. When I started to go several years ago, I denounced therapy as a whole, but I started to really love it after a few months worth of sessions.

A good therapist can help you manage depression, stress, anxiety, and other mental health struggles, plus provide effective methods for self regulation, self awareness, communication, problem solving, and a whole lot more.

I’ve found my favorite part about therapy is having a third party to talk to about certain situations in my life – it’s been super beneficial when I want to talk through things I can’t (or don't necessarily want to) tell my close friends or family. Seeing a therapist regularly also helps me keep myself in check in terms of life, mental health, physical health, work, creative goals, and more.

Mac Duggal Halter Rosette Satin Maxi Dress

Ooh, so sultry! This satin maxi dress features a cheeky open back design that pairs perfectly with a flattering halter neckline. The big rosette decal on the front recalls Valentine's Day blooms in the cutest way.

RIXO Ardith Check Midi Slip Skirt

With bits of red and pink, this plaid midi skirt would be so sweet for a more casual V-Day date alongside an oversized sweater and some ballet flats.

Dolce Vita Linsey Heels

These deep red satin heels with pairs of rosettes on the straps are everything. They'd work well with a mini dress and blazer for a fun V-Day 'fit, though you could also easily wear 'em year-round with dress pants and a formal blouse.

Lace Rosette Tulle Tights

These floral tights will instantly upgrade any Valentine's Day get-up, especially if you plan on wearing a coordinating mini dress or skirt – they're meant to be seen!

By Anthropologie Colorblock Column Midi Dress

The bold color blocking on this midi dress is playful enough that you can wear the piece alone. It'll look great whether you dress it up with heels, or down with some comfy sneakers.

The Giselle Lace Bustier

If you feel like really dressing up this year, this lacy bustier top adds a very sexy-yet-elegant vibe. Pair it with some black slacks or a black skirt, then layer up with a sleek cardigan or jacket.

The Tilda Maxi Slip Skirt

When it doubt, red it out. The color is V-Day's perfect match, and this comfy maxi slip skirt makes donning it so easy. You can style it however you please – we'd rock it with a tucked-in graphic tee, a denim jacket, and some sneakers.

Coconuts by Matisse Florence Kitten Heels

Kitten heels will always be a winner in our book. This sleek pair features a tiny heel height, pointed toes, and eye-catching paneling with mixed materials. They'll instantly complete your Valentine's Day outfit!

Reformation Tancy Midi Dress

Reformation kills it when it comes to dresses. This one's dotted in tiny hearts to fit right in with Valentine's season. The sweetheart neckline is ultimately super flattering, plus the midi length of the piece gives you ample coverage so you can wear it to a variety of plans, from dates to Galentine's parties!

Endless Rose Sequin Mini Skirt

This fiery and feisty number is a statement piece all on its own. Wear it with a more toned-down black top and some tall black boots to complete the look!

The Kenna Mid-Rise Heritage Barrel Jeans by Pilcro: Valentine's Day Edition

These ever-trendy barrel jeans are adorned with subtle heart illustrations, so they're a perfect fit for the lovey-dovey holiday.

ALOHAS Tb.490 Rife Sneakers

Yes, yes, and yes! These pink sneaks detailed with some bits of red practically scream Valentine's Day. The mix of suede on the upper and the rubber soles is so cute.

The Hannah Seamless Textured Tank

This tank boasts a floral texture that makes it a great base layer for any V-Day 'fits you're planning. The red is the obvious choice for Feb. 14, though you can also shop this piece in 8 more colors!

Endless Rose Off-The-Shoulder Knit Mini Dress

We looove an off-the-shoulder moment. The knit material on this piece will keep you warm, but the silhouette still allows you to show a lil' skin.

Beach Riot Monterey Quarter-Zip Sweater

How cutesy is this sweater?! It's the perfect casual V-Day piece if your plans this year are simply to stay in and bake some delicious treats.

Maeve Bow Lace Turtleneck Top

This top was made for layering. Whether you wear just a bralette or a full-on tank under it, the sheer pattern boasts some adorable bows that feel extremely appropriate for the V-Day season!

Bibi Lou Bonnie Slingback Buckle Detail Heels

We can't get enough of these eye-catching heels. The bold buckle, block heel, and slingback strap instantly qualify them as a total "it girl" shoe for Valentine's Day.