3 Ways to Spot a Flaky Friend

1. What to say if your romantic partner makes you question whether you saw inappropriate texts on their phone

If I had things my way, gaslighting would be outlawed. Unfortunately, some people just can't seem to take responsibility for their actions, and they really love to make it everyone else's problem. Even more infuriatingly, it can appear in romantic relationships when one person is caught doing something that breaches the trust between them and their partner.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend spins a tale that makes you question what you’re sure you saw, try not to panic. Instead, take a page from Beaupre’s book. She suggests saying, “I’ll stand by what I know is true. If we need to agree to disagree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to let this change what I know or how I feel.”

She says doing this “shows them you’re not going to be swayed or pulled into their ‘game.’” It also helps “keep you grounded and firm, making it clear that their gaslighting isn’t going to work.” The more you stand your ground, the more someone is “less likely to continue trying to manipulate/control you,” according to her.

2. What to say when a friend keeps lying about their accomplishments

This is a tricky one because you probably know one of your friends likes to embellish the truth a bit. It’s one of the things that used to be funny because they could always come up with a story on the spot. But, it can be confusing if you notice your friend tends to lie about something they’ve accomplished. Just don’t think you have to go out of your way to expose them though.

Beaupre says, “If it’s not harming anyone, sometimes it’s okay to leave it alone because, eventually, the truth will catch up to them anyway, and they will learn their lesson on their own.” But she says if you notice “their lies are causing major problems or hurting others,” speak up “gently.”

“You can ask them why they feel the need to lie, and if there’s something they’re struggling with that they might want to talk about,” she continues. Her suggestion is to say, “I’ve noticed that sometimes, you say things that don’t really add up, and I’m just wondering if there’s a reason. Is everything okay?”

3. What to say when someone complains about you setting boundaries

If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s boundaries. If you know someone who has a tendency to overreact when you set them, Beaupre knows what you can say to them. “I’m not okay with how you’re reacting. If you can’t respect my limit, then I’m going to have to take a step back and distance myself,” she suggests.

She feels “this makes it clear that you’re serious about your boundaries.” Also, it signals that you “won’t let their reaction change what you need to feel respected, safe and secure.”

4. What to say if someone utters "I love you" after a few weeks of dating

If only some of us would’ve asked this question during some of our prior relationships, we may have avoided unnecessary heartbreak. Should you find yourself faced with someone’s eager declarations of love early on, Beaupre wants you to “to be honest about how you feel and not feel pressured to say it back if you’re not ready.”

5. What to say when someone makes light of something or someone you're grieving

This reminds us of one of the relationship red flags we recently dug into. We know why people say passive-aggressive things, but it's still painful no matter what the situation is. In the case of grieving, it's a hard no for us. Beaupre says, “In times like this, when you’re going through a lot of heavy emotions, it’s important to set a boundary for your peace.”

If you feel yourself questioning whether your feelings are valid, Beaupre says not to do that. "Don't let others downplay/dismiss what you’re feeling or going through, especially if it's something that's really taking a toll on you." What she urges you to say is, "I know you may not fully understand, but this is really important to me, and I need you to respect that.” In her opinion, it's a way of letting that person "know you're serious about protecting your emotional space without being confrontational."

And if they're still being a grade-A jerk about it? It may be time to limit the time you spend with them.

6. What to say if someone uses 'jokes' to constantly critique your appearance

We think laughter is good for the soul, but not at the expense of hurting other people's feelings. This means no one should have the luxury of repeatedly commenting about the way you present yourself. Beaupre says, "If the way you look, what you’re wearing or how you speak isn’t hurting anyone, they really shouldn’t be commenting on it." Should you notice this unfortunate pattern in someone close to you, it's time to address it.

Beaupre wants you to try saying, "I’m fine with how I look and speak. You can let me know if there's a problem, but please don’t make me feel bad about it." That way, you can "set a clear limit about what you won't tolerate," according to her. She believes it's also a "chance to share any concerns without crossing into criticism or bullying."

Still, someone who refuses to stop disguising their obvious issues with you as harmless 'jokes' isn't someone who deserves a long-term spot in your life.

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer

I've been dipping into this bronzer since high school (don't worry – I've repurchased, like, 4 tins since then), and it's never failed me. The color itself is a nice blend of both matte and shimmery finishes, which I feel makes for the most natural glow around. I also adore how smoothly it goes on, likely thanks to the addition of murumuru, cupuaçu, and tucuma butters to the formula.

From my experience, the Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer works best on fully makeup-ed skin. I typically wear it when I'm rockin' foundation, concealer, and powder, and find that it has more pop than if I use it on bare skin for minimal makeup days. A simple powder brush is the best tool for application!

Promising review: "I have bought many bronzers and this one is by far the best I've tried. I'm very pale and I use this to give a light sun-kissed look. The only thing I'm not a huge fan of is the applicator it comes with to apply. I use a blush brush instead. I use this almost daily and it has lasted me close to 6 months."

Milani Baked Bronzer

Milani's Baked Bronzer is a very close second when it comes to the best drugstore blush. It definitely has more shimmer, which is perfect for an extra-glowy look. I like to apply it to my cheekbones, temples, and even add a bit on my nose for a tanned appearance.

Promising review: "This is the real deal! It is so beautiful and I love the subtle shimmer it has. So good I will definitely not be ordering my usual very expensive baked bronzer anymore. This is my new go-to!"

Pixi On-The-Glow Bronzer Stick

I've come to really enjoy cream and stick makeup products over the past year. Of course, I fell for Pixi's viral stick blush, which led me straight to their stick bronzer. What I love about it most is how dang easy it is to apply. Just one or two swipes of the product does the trick, then I can lightly blend it out with my fingertips.

The formula of Pixi's On-The-Glow Bronzer Stick is always super smooth and soft, so I can feel good about putting it on my skin regularly. As opposed to traditional powder bronzers, I feel like the creaminess of this product is super compatible with bare skin.

Promising review: "I recommend this, especially because it's really easy to manage the amount of color you want. It can sheer out so much, or build up easily. It won't break the bank, either. I use it as a lip tint, too. You really can't go wrong here."

NYX Matte Buttermelt Bronzer

NYX's Buttermelt Bronzer is just as amazing as their Buttermelt Blush. The feel is extremely smooth, and as the name suggests, buttery. This makes it easily blendable, plus a little product goes a long way, so I feel like the $10 investment is well worth it.

Promising review: "I am in love with this bronzer! It has such a smooth, buttery texture that just glides on effortlessly and blends like a dream. It does have a slightly tropical, coconut-sunscreen scent but it's not going to haunt you all day the way some scented cosmetics can. The shade "BMB02 - All Buttad Up" works really well for my light olive complexion. 10/10 would recommend!"

Sheglam Sun Sculpt Cream Bronzer

This $6 cream bronzer can double as a bronzer and a contour shade, thanks to the localized application tip. It allows you to place the product exactly where you want it, sculpting your face and adding a nice wash of color to warm up any look! It has amazing blending capabilities, so you can work it to be as bold as you please. It went viral on TikTok with 101 million views, and counting, so it pretty much has everyone's approval.

Promising review: "My skin is very light, most bronzers end up looking orange on me and don't match with my skin and undertones. THIS is the only liquid contour that had the actual tone I needed which has a grey tone rather than orange. It's buildable and blends flawlessly with my beauty blender! Will only be purchasing this now"

e.l.f. Bronzer Palette

This bronzer palette is the way to go if you wish to customize your glow every time. You've got 4 fun shades to pick from, all of which host the perfect amount of shimmer for a natural finish. For a more sculpted, contoured look, simply opt for a contour brush instead of a powder brush (which'll give you more of a general sun-kissed vibe).

Promising review: "Elf is always affordable and delivers on their products, this palette is no different. Definitely useful and I think it’s a real systole to your makeup bag without breaking the bank."

Wet n Wild MegaGlo Makeup Stick

This stick bronzer reigns supreme in the way of affordable drugstore bronzers. It's currently only $4 from Amazon! The product truly melts right onto your skin in one swipe and blends out just as easily.

Plus, these sticks from Wet n Wild span across both blush and highlight shades, so you can get a full face look on the go.

Promising review: "What gets cheaper than Wet N Wild. I've tried many cream blushes at this point (I'm 38) and this is by far the easiest to blend and the most natural looking. I am NOT a make up aficionado, I only wear tinted lip products, blush and mascara, but this blush has been my favorite of all time. I swipe it right on my cheeks and blend with my fingers with a circular tapping motion. Flawless application, buildable and super natural looking on my light skin with cool undertone."

e.l.f. Halo Glow Contour Beauty Wand

You'll fall in love with how buildable this product is. The cushion tip makes applying it extremely quick and easy, allowing you to contour and bronze simultaneously.

Promising review: "I use this every day when I’m getting ready for work. This is my go to to contour my face. I absolutely love how easy it is to use how well blends into your skin and the glow you have after you use it"

Essence Baby Got Bronze Cream Bronzer Stick

This is another one of my fave bronzers since I can swipe it on and blend it with my fingers. Since I tend to go bare-faced more often than not, it works really well for bringing my skin to life when I don't want to apply foundation. The formula is undeniably smooth and silky, which feels so nice on.

Promising review: "I've been using this cream bronzer for a few months now and its even better than the higher end ones I've tried. This one is creamy, very pigmented and it stays on if you put a powder bronzer over the top. Really amazing and the best part is, the formula is clean! highly recommend"

Physicians Formula Butter Glow Contour Wand

This wand is like the creamy, liquidy version of the Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer. It's definitely easier to apply on-the-go since all you need is the tube and your hands to blend it out. It also smells amazing!

Promising review: "Can't believe the price. It's definitely a dupe for the Charlotte Tilbury and i may also add that this one lasts longer so it's probably better in my opinion. very natural finish and easy to blend with fingers. It's thin so i powder after foundation and before using this wand. LOVE IT"