With the holidays now approaching almost eerily quickly, you might already be feeling slightly uneasy about the family stresses that are bound to be on your plate (along with delicious Christmas cookies, of course). Spending a lot of time face-to-face with family can dig up old arguments or squabbles that everyone may have forgotten during the rest of the year.
You’re not the only one dealing with the drama, though, and while your own family issues might feel somewhat out of your control, there might be more you can do to take the edge off the stress that your friends are feeling in anticipation of holiday gatherings. Keep scrolling for eight expert tips for how to best offer support to your most stress-ridden BFFs.
Being a good listener is one of the most basic — and yet most important — things you can do as a friend 365 days of the year, but when tensions run high near the holidays, those listening skills become all the more crucial. You might even consider resisting the urge to speak, like, at all. “Be a good listener and don’t give advice,” licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says. “Supporting someone doesn’t mean that you have to fix their problem. Instead, truly being supportive means giving a hug when someone is crying and being a caring friend.”
Rather than reassuring your friend that things at family celebrations may not be as bad as they fear, trust what they know about the situation and help them wrap their head around what’s to come. This should minimize the stress for them in the long run. “If you expect it and it happens, situation normal,” certified life coach Susan Golicic tells us. “If you expect it and it doesn’t, well, then, a bonus!”
Going into any situation with a plan almost always feels better than going in unprepared. Per writer, speaker, and healing expert Alisa Zipursky, a helpful plan might include specific check-in times, a code word that indicates your friend needs extra support, and ideas for creating healthy boundaries with family members who make them feel especially triggered. “The idea is to make asking for help as easy as possible,” Zipursky says. “Making sure a proactive plan is in place well before someone enters the stressful situation can help relieve some of the anticipatory anxiety.”
Licensed counselor Maria Inoa recommends that you prioritize regular touch-base texts over the course of whatever event is causing your friend the most stress. It’s not about solving the conflicts or taking away their pain. Instead, you can focus on offering gentle reminders that you are thinking of them and are available if they need you.
If your friend’s family holiday celebrations don’t exactly inspire positive feelings about the occasion, why not help them establish some better associations? Licensed clinical professional counselor Anna Poss suggests planning a “low-stress, fun way to celebrate with each other before or after the actual holiday.” Get a seasonal movie night or cookie swap on the calendar before everyone leaves town to hang with family. Those cozy vibes may help dull the negative, anxious feelings.
Grab some pretty stationery and put your love and support on paper for your BFF. “In the note, remind her how strong, courageous, and capable she is,” licensed psychotherapist and life coach Diane Petrella says. “Let her know how much you love and admire her and how grateful you are for her friendship. Write whatever you think your friend needs to hear to feel supported, grounded, and loved.” Remind her to hide the note in her pocket or bag so she can read it whenever she needs a little extra TLC over the course of the holidays. You can even go one step further and send them home with a care package, per therapistShannon Thomas.
If things have gotten so bad with your bestie’s family that she wants to steer clear of their celebrations entirely, you may want to invite her to join you and your crew instead. Even if she opts to decline your invitation, it will mean a lot to her to know that she has choices. If your friend does take you up on the offer, Mountainside Treatment Center‘s family wellness manager Tina Muller recommends that you try to incorporate some of her favorite traditions into your holiday schedule.
“Before an event with possible family issues even happens, schedule a time not long after to see the friend,” marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein suggests. “Now you’ve become the light at the end of the tunnel for them.” Be prepared to be a listening ear over dinner or a workout session so your pal can vent about everything that’s gone on and (hopefully) be ready to move on from there.
How do you and your pals support each other through the not-so-fun parts of the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo.
(Photo via Getty)
Running into an ex can be absolutely awkward — especially if you're Katy Perry and your ex is paramour, singer-songwriter extraordinaire, John Mayer. We all know that even if your breakup ended on good terms, you may forget how to temporarily speak — I may or may not know from experience! So it's really not surprising that Katy had a totally hilarious reaction to seeing John at Sabrina Carpenter's concert...I mean, she's SO freakin' relatable.
It seems like Katy Perry and John Mayer are both Sabrina Carpenter fans because they were seen at her concert November 18. They didn't arrive together, but we don't think Katy was expecting him to sit RIGHT BEHIND HER as she got ready to enjoy the show. Once she turned around and saw who was sitting in the lucky seat, Katy's head dipped her head in an "Oh sh--" moment based on this short clip.
Same girl, same.
However, another clip captured by Deux Moi shows the two exes were engaged in a brief conversation. It doesn't look like there was any hostile energy between them so maybe they're on cordial terms.
Larry Busacca/Getty Images for NARAS
According to US Weekly, Katy Perry & John Mayer had an "on and off" relationship for 3 years before deciding they were better apart. Beginning with a cute meet in 2009 and a reconnection in 2012, these were the epitome of opposites attract. Sources were quick to note both their romantic moments and multiple breakups, per E! News, but it seemed they had a lot of love for each other.
Our favorite moment involves Katy Perry telling Billboard how much she admired John. She called him a "genius" based on "his songwriting" and even said, "I've been a fan of John's for years before I actually got to kiss him."
Despite the fact their inner circles thought they seemed "perfect together,"E! News also reported Katy broke up with John for good in 2014.
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Last year, some of us celebrated the holidays apart from our families for the first time. COVID has brought with it many changes, some of them arguably positive (like increased flexibility to work from home), some difficult (such as the realization of vastly different political and social views between family and friends), and some horrible (obviously, the health implications of a global pandemic). However, for some of us, celebrating the holidays without family members isn't exclusively due to COVID. In addition to so many of us living in different areas than our families of origin, some of us simply don't have close bonds with the people we grew up around. Sometimes, this can cause loneliness.
If you're not close with your family members, the holidays can be a difficult time. This is doubly true if you don't have a close circle of friends to call upon. But make no mistake, if this sounds like your situation, you're not alone — there are thousands of other people going through the same struggles you are. We sat down with Irad Eichler, founder of Circles, a website that connects people who are sharing similar struggles, like heartbreak, grief, or loneliness. Here are some of Eichler's tips for coping — and even thriving! — during the holiday season when you're not planning on spending it with your family, for one reason or another.
The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.
"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."
In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.
"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.
Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.
While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.
"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.
Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.
Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?
"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."
The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.
Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.
"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."
Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.
"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."
If you're struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Connect with our digital community of makers and creatives here at Brit+Co by following us on IG and signing up for our newsletter!
This post has been updated.
The holidays are here, people – now is the perfect time to gear up your holiday decor game! Luckily, Fortunoff Backyard Store is here to help you get a jump with plenty of holiday decor options like Christmas trees, ornaments, outdoor lighting, wreaths, and charming indoor pieces. We scrolled their entire site and found these 17 total hidden gems that will undeniably fill your home (inside and out) with cheer.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
This affordable Christmas tree is at the very top of our holiday decor wishlist. Plus, you can't beat cozy lighting!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Though this gas-powered fire pit will sure come in handy during the cold holiday season, you can definitely still use it in the spring and summer for family bonfires and well into the following fall and winter for s'mores parties. Did we mention it's 64% off right now?!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
This adorable battery-powered TV decor piece features a very charming Santa in his sleigh. We love the retro flair! When powered on, Santa's pictured in warm light and plenty of dazzling glitter to some of your favorite Christmas tunes.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
We're all about advent calendars this season. The best part about this Santa design is you can use it year after year. This is definitely a fun and festive way to count down the days until Christmas!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
This 50%-off pick is perfect for keeping your holiday guests warm, especially if your patio or backyard tends to be your main hosting spot. It can cover about 210 square feet for a super cozy effect.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
This tiny deer fitted with a fun infinity mirror is ideal for decorating small spaces. You could also display it in your entryway or a front window for a bright and energetic "welcome home!"
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Nothing beats a Christmas tree with some warm lights. They help supply that classic Christmas look we know and love. With pre-strung LED lights, you can spend more time enjoying the season instead of decorating!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Don't worry: we've got some goodies for you, all you yard decorators! This plug-in reindeer is crafted from a rattan material, giving it an unmatched cozy feel. It also comes ready to go with warm white LED lights that'll shine once the sun goes down.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
This faux snow-sprinkled wreath looks great on its own with its collection of cozy lights, but you could also fix it up with some ribbons and other playful holiday accoutrement to show off on your front door.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
The coordinating garland is so gorgeous, too. Hang it across your mantle or along your stairwell to really up the holiday vibes!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
If you prefer your Christmas and holiday decor to lean more traditional, this is the tree for you. It gives a soft, warm glow that's sure to complement any interior!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Of course, a Christmas tree wouldn't be a Christmas tree without some ornaments! We love Fortunoff Backyard Store's selection, plus you really can't go wrong with a classic ball shape.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Poinsettias always provide a warm welcome to the holiday season. Embrace Christmastime with a pop of poinsettia blooms placed tastefully throughout this decked-out garland!
Fortunoff Backyard Store
The lights wound around this cheerful star-shaped decor piece have a magical twinkling effect that'll cover your front or back yard with tons of holiday cheer. The 11-inch frame is fitted with 26.2 feet of clear cable, so you can hang it how you really want it.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Net lights like these are the premier choice for decorating your yard's shrubs and bushes. They're extremely easy to install, plus the net construction ensures your lights are always evenly distributed.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
If jolly's what you're looking for, this handsome little snowman will be the piece to complete this year's holiday decor setup! He can happily sit in a window or on top of your mantle, emitting an eye-catching design all the while.
Fortunoff Backyard Store
Plaid will never go out of style when it comes to holiday decor, as far as we're concerned. Snag a few of these glass ornaments to truly deck out your tree in timeless Christmas spirit!
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