6 Ways to Support A Day Without Women If You Can’t Strike

What is the 4B Movement?

According to The Washington Post, this is a "radical Korean feminist movement that swears off men to reclaim a sense of agency." It sounds similar to abstinence, but the trickle down effects are vastly different. Abstinence is taking a step back from anything that usually taps into your pleasure center — and that doesn't always mean sex. However, the 4B Movement is specifically rooted in 'de-centering men' completely.

CBSstates that researchers Jieun Lee and Euisol Jeong wrote a paper for Yonsei University about the movement, and deciphered that the "B" has four meanings:

1. biyeonae — "refusal of dating men"
2. bisekseu — "sexual relationships with men"
3. bihon — "heterosexual marriage"
4. bichulsan — "childbirth"

How did the 4B movement start?

In 2016, Hankyoreh reported that a man in his 30's chose to stab an unknown young woman in Seoul, Korea. When asked why he committed the crime, he gave this answer: "I did it because women have always ignored me." In response to the random attack, Hong Seong-su, a law professor at Sookmyung Women’s University, share a chilling message that the outlet recounted in the article. "The fact that [Kim] chose ‘some woman’ [as opposed to ‘some person’] as the target for his crime suggests it is not going too far to view this as a crime of hate against women."

This radical moment was an inception point for the movement overall, started in opposition to this gender-based violence, as well as gender-based discrimination as a whole. The Korean Herald noted that factors like pay inequality and a Donald Trump-like president of their own (Yoon Suk-yeol) were driving forces in 4B. Since his election in 2022, Yoon Suk-yeol has "promised to abolish the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, which has been popular with his anti-feminist base," (via Korean Herald). Between all this and the global sensation of #MeToo, the 4B Movement gained major momentum throughout the last eight years.

The 4B Movement's Lasting Impact In South Korea

According to The Korean Herald, over 150 elementary schools aren't seeing first-graders walk through their doors and it has everything to do with the falling birth rate in South Korea. CNN reports that officials are so concerned, they're willing to do something to combat it. President Yoon Suk Yeol said, "We will mobilize all of the nation’s capabilities to overcome the low birth rate, which can be considered a national emergency."

But, this isn't the first time the birth rate has been addressed. Another CNN article reported that South Korea dished out $200 billion to "boost the population over the past 16 years." Still, things haven't worked in the government's favor. It's evident less women are having children and it seems to directly stem from women upholding the ideology they're not allowing their bodies to be used for motherhood anymore.

American Women's Response To The 4B Movement

After the shocking results of the 2024 presidential election, many women began to rethink how they relate to the men in their lives, finding South Korea's 4B Movement in the process. Based on the current rhetoric about women who don't have children and the restrictive anti-abortion laws with hardly any policies in place to reduce the maternal mortality rate, it's understandable why some women are fearful or fed up — and why many women are now finding parallels to what sparked 4B in the first place.

When you see people like Nicholas J. Fuentes tweeting things like "Your body, my choice. Forever," on the same day Trump won a second term as president, it can leave a sickening taste in one's mouth. One user's response to this was, "Funny how the loudest champions of 'freedom' are often the first to undermine it for everyone else."

Alongside this are men's social movements that are clearly intertwined with the current political climate, too. While obviously not all men believe in these ideologies, there's been a stark rise in their prevalence.

In 2020, ADL reported about the mindset of "Incels" and discovered that they feel emboldened by the 'manosphere.' So, what do they tend to believe? According to outlet, there's a belief "that the current sexual 'marketplace' gives women too much freedom to choose their own partners." Not only that, but the outlet says Incels tend to think women choose to ignore men unless they look a certain way or have a certain status, "leaving the remaining 80 percent of men (including incels) without a potential partner."

Nicole Prause, a UCLA Statistician and Academic, is well-versed in abstinence movements, and what they ultimately indicate based on statistics. "There are a number of similar men's movements already, especially Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)," she says. According to her, MGTOW don't pursue marriage or relationships with women, but "seek sex when it is on their 'terms.'" She says, "They're often viewing it as a battle pitting sexes against one another. These movements tend to be separatist, often evolving into misogyny and violent speech, such as glorifying sexual coercion and rape."

As a result of these growing men's movements and the incoming 47th President of the United States — a convicted felon with multiple allegations of sexual assault — there have been growing calls from women on social media to consider the 4B Movement for themselves. X user @jungsooyawning wrote, "american women it's time to learn from the koreans and adopt the 4b movement as a matter of fact women from all over the world should adopt the 4b movement i'm so serious," on the platform.

Freelance writer Daria Yasmiene also wrote about about why she's taking part in the movement for POPSUGAR. She said, "As a Black woman who has lived through three back-to-back elections with Trump as a focal point, I'm so far beyond tired that I need a lifestyle change." Ultimately, she wants to continue having the freedom to choose to live her life in a way that's not solely governed by men.

"With the little autonomy that I have left, I would rather be alone and safe from the consequences of male influence in my life than lie next to someone who doesn't see me as an equal. We deserve so much more than that."

Meanwhile, Sex and Relationships Coach, Leah Carey says that 4B "makes sense as a response to realizing that a majority of men valued the economy over a woman's right to self-determination." Depending on where you stand, she also says that it can be "seen as 'punishment' for men" or "as a choice of self-determination and self-protection for women." Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu shares Carey's sentiments in that the movement is "a response to patriarchy and the centering of men and conversely the objectification of women, with the expectation that they fulfill roles as wives and mothers."

Potential Benefits Of The 4B Movement

So with all that in mind, is a movement like 4B beneficial? And is it even sustainable? I'm not going to tell you that you should or shouldn't join the 4B Movement because it's a personal decision. It's always wise to examine where you are in life instead of relying on social media, news outlets, or even the government to determine what you're going to believe. Still, there may be some benefits to the 4B Movement that outweigh any potential fallouts.

Carey says that "not being refused care for reproductive matters" is a potential benefit of 4B, while also highlighting that "the mental health benefits can also be huge for people who deal with anxiety, depression, or anything else that might cause emotional hardship in the current climate."

This could also lead to women identifying and honoring their true desires instead of following society's scripts about who they should be. Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu believes that 4B is about women de-centering men and re-centering themselves — about "being the 'stars of their own stories,' rather than supporting characters in a malde-dominated narrative." Uchendu says. "It can be incredibly empowering to step away from systems that have felt compulsory in order to reflect on whether you are making decisions centered on yourself and your desires or whether these decisions are centered on the expectations of the society around you."

The most important thing Carey wants to note is that women aren't unable to find love and joy ever again by participating in the 4B movement. "Just because a woman chooses not to date, have sex, get married, or have kids with a man doesn't mean she can't do those things: with other women. it's more and more common for adult women to explore their same-sex attractions after divorce or widowhood," she notes. "With a generation of young women growing up with the understanding that heterosexuality is not the only option, we may see a wave of younger women also exploring in this arena (in addition to all the younger women who already know themselves to be queer)."

I would also say that you can always go back to dating and engaging with men whenever you want — this movement doesn't have to be a permanent choice if you don't want it to be. The whole point is to take charge and embrace your own sense of agency.

Yet, Prause does pause to mention the downside to "separatist movements." She explains that without support from men, women could struggle financially given pay disparities and other gender-based work inequities. Still, she says this doesn't really affect much if women have been figuring things out for themselves with little help from men.

Ultimately Uchendu says women having the freedom to exist without the weight of society's patriarchal standards on their shoulders is the "ultimate freedom." She says, "In the words of Audre Lorde 'If I did not define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and be eaten alive."

No woman should have to live in fear of having violence committed against her, but history continues repeating itself in terms of how society treats our bodies. "When a woman's right to make choices about her own body and health care are removed, she may decide to not put herself in a position where pregnancy can become an option," Carey says.

Prause chimes in with, "On average, women are more likely to experience mental health declines with marriage to a man (the opposite is true for men). While men also can experience domestic violence and sexual assault, the risks are exceptionally higher for women." Not only that, but she also points out that "women risk unwanted pregnancy, from which they now have fewer healthcare rights to address" and "are at much higher risk for sexually transmitted infections, even from their regular romantic partner."

As if that weren't a slap in the fact, Prause mentions that "childcare continues to fall disproportionately on women and does cause less income for women over time."

Why is the writers strike happening?

Writers in the entertainment industry (represented by the Writers Guild of America) are demanding fair wages from the bigger Hollywood studios (represented by the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers). The strike began on May 2 at 12:01 because the contracts ended at midnight.

Where is the strike?

Picket lines are in New York City and Los Angeles.

What shows will be impacted by writers strike 2023?

In addition to SNL, other late-night television shows are being immediately affected, includingThe Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, and Late Night with Seth Meyers.

We don't know yet whether the upcoming seasons of scripted shows and movies will be affected.

Has this happened before?

Yes. During the 2007-2008 television season, the WGA went on strike for the same reason they're on strike right now: fair compensation.

What happens during a writers strike?

During the writers strike, television and film writers that are a part of the WGA stop working until they can reach a fair contract with the larger studios. The 2007-2008 strike lasted from November 2007 until February of 2008.

Is the writers strike 2023 over?

Yes, the writers' strike is officially over! On September 24, after five straight days of negotiation, the WGA and the larger studios + streamers finally came to a tentative agreement on a brand new three-year contract. If they end up signing the contract, the writers' strike (which has lasted for 146 days) will finally come to an end. Picketing officially ended Sunday night, and after the WGA councils voted to agree to AMPTA's contract, the writer's strike officially ended at 12:01 September 27.

Late night shows like The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon and Saturday Night Live, as well as daytime talk shows like The Kelly Clarkson Show, can now return to air. That means we could see brand new episodes by the first week of October!

However, because other scripted programs are still being affected by the SAG-AFTRA actors' strike, production and post-production for your favorite TV series and movies is still at a standstill.

1. Women with a lot of friends value connection & community.

The one thing everyone with a solid group of friends can agree on is how it feels like you've built your own supportive community. Friends are often the first people we turn to with good or bad news, or the ones we simply want to go on adventures with. Osequeda says, "Women with strong friendship circles often value connection, community, and the power of vulnerability."

There's a realization that women in this unique position are able to "recognize that life is richer with a support system," says Osequeda. This involves "people who will listen, validate, and be there through both the highs and lows" she adds. From the friend who stayed up with you all night after a bad breakup to the one who cheered the loudest at your graduation, women who have a huge friend circle know that life feels better when we can connect with others.

Based on her experience as a therapist, she's "observed how women start friendships by gradually sharing layers of themselves." This can look like "having children at the same school or bonding over shared interests," she adds. This vulnerability is important because it creates a foundation that signals to women they've found their tribe.

2. Women with multiple friendships are open to vulnerability.

Like Osequeda mentioned, vulnerability can deepen our friendships. "These women are open to sharing the 'messy' parts of themselves which builds a deeper, more authentic bond." Also, she notes women with a lot of friends "aren't afraid to shed layers and be real" because "this vulnerability strengthens their sense of community." The more this happens over time, the more it "helps foster the connections" women with a lot of friends "cherish," according to Osequeda.

Honestly, she says "we’re all wired to seek out connection, and friendships provide that sense of community, validation, and belonging." She believes we truly "crave spaces where we can share our thoughts and feelings about what truly matters to us."

Asher believes women with lots of friends are "usually drawn towards one another in friendship" based on two levels:

• Level 1: Shared interests, appearance of confidence, a positive energy that they feel (smiling helps with this!)
• Level 2: (When in conversation) the safety they feel when speaking to another person, [emotional compatibility], how engaged the person is in conversation, and a desire to learn more about them, ultimately to find shared values.

This determines how women move forward in friendships. The approach is often led with "a deep sense of authenticity and care," according to Osequeda. "This is because women want relationships where they can be themselves, sharing hopes, dreams, and frustrations without judgment."

3. Women who have a lot of friends like other people they're friends with.

Again, the fact women with lots of friends actually like the people in their chosen circle is monumental. Asher says, "An interesting Yale study done in 2003 sought to look at 'popularity' in high schools to see if they could find something that all of the most liked and most popular kids had in common (outside of being a jock, etc.,)."

The common thread? "THEY liked the highest amount of people," Asher reveals. I talk about being a people pleaser a lot, but genuinely liking others isn't the same as that. IMO, it's actually admirable when people can respect others regardless of their race, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexuality.

She knows you're likely asking, "How does this apply to women having a lot of friends?" Her answer? "Across the board, the principle here is that women with the most friends are continuously on a hunt to find good and likable things about others."

However, this isn't based on a selfish need or want. "They've determined that the time invested in others is of mutual benefit," says Asher because "the biggest coast in adult female friendships is time — the most finite resource we all share in common."

4. These women also don't mind making new friends.

While making friends as adults shouldn't be hard, it definitely doesn't mean it comes easily. From overthinking to social anxiety, there's so many reasons why we struggle. Also, this idea we're doing fine without friends isn't exactly helpful or positive. Asher says, "The CDC has said that the impacts of loneliness on our bodies are more harmful than smoking 15 cigarettes A DAY! Making time for quality friendships (and the pursuit of it) is just as important for your physical state as working out is."

Where should you start if you want to forge new friendships? Osequeda says, "Start within communities that already resonate with you — whether it’s your child’s school, your workplace, a gym, dog park or a shared hobby. Places where you already belong create natural opportunities to connect." She even suggests giving "apps like Bumble BFF or local meet-up groups" a chance because they "can also help you find like-minded friends." But don't think you're limited to this!

Though Asher agrees that women tend to approach "friendships by trying to find commonalities right from the beginning," she says you don't have to confine yourself to this formula. "The reason I don't think this is best is because we are boxing ourselves in when we do this. The greatest friends could be on the other side of the stereotypes we're creating," she notes. Taking it a step further, Asher shared her own experience with this. "I watched all 3 of my best friends get married and have kids all before I ever got married. On the outside, most women would think 'They don’t have anything in common.' But on the inside, the character traits and values we each were looking for were mutual, and that became a more important compass for our friendship than the stage in life we were each in."

She was even surprised she'd become close to her best friends because of how things looked externally. "We had nothing in common, but I'm so glad I didn't box myself in," she says excitedly.

Here Are Even More Ways To Make New Friends!

Asher has three ways you can open yourself up to new adult friendships if you're interested.

1. The most important place to start is our mindset. We have to first decide “I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I’m worth having meaningful friendships.” When we make that decision, then we give ourselves permission and the courage to step out and take action in that! Important note about this: there was a study done at Stanford that revealed that people are 1.5x MORE likely to accept us than we think they are! So don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back!
2. Go first. Make the ask, and then make the plans! Saying “We should hang out sometime” is ineffective because “sometime” isn’t a day on the calendar! We cannot wait for other people to want to pursue a friendship with us, because most of us are in this same boat — not knowing where to start! We can pursue connection, get plugged into a community (examples: book club, fitness class, church, etc), or create our own connections by just inviting someone over to our house/apartment. The biggest thing we need to remind ourselves of that is to stop making excuses, or pre-determining how we think people will respond!
3. Again, don’t box yourself in. Don’t let your preconceived notions of what you think your archetype of a friend will look like stop you from spending time with others who don't fit that label. As addressed above, the friendships we’ve been looking for our whole lives could be right behind the stereotypes we’ve created! It’s more about character traits than it is about the external compatibility of hobbies or stages of life.

Osequeda's last piece of advice? "If you already have a friend group, meeting friends of friends is another great way to grow your circle. They key is taking that first step with a little bit of vulnerability — start a conversation, ask a question, and show interest." She's sure "it's these small moments of openness that create lasting connections!"