20 Pieces Of Advice I Wish I Knew In My 20s

advice for your 20s

I laid in bed listening to the rain outside my window the other day. I could smell the wet grass through my window screen, and I was immediately transported to my college days — specifically a sunrise picnic in an open field. Sometimes, I miss who I was as a young adult. I worked hard and played hard, I had tons of friends, and I was protected by a bubble of community.

Well, adulthood popped that bubble, and navigating from a carefree 20-year-old to a mindful adult 10 years later has been quite the transition. While I can’t go back and change what I did back then, I can still reflect on what I’ve learned. Here are 20 things I wish I knew in my 20s.

Treat your body like a home you will live in for 80 plus years.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

Your body can do some spectacular things, experiencing emotions and pleasure and everything in-between. Since you only get one your entire life, it’s important to keep your body in tip-top shape so you can move through the world with ease. Show your body love by moving it, eating well, getting enough sleep, and practicing good hygiene. Also, just as you would decorate your home, decorate your body in whatever way brings you joy.

Have standards before going into a relationship.

I know this seems obvious, but when I met my ex-boyfriend, I had been single for almost a year. I was fully focused on my career and close friends and family, so I was doing what was best for me at the time. We spent three wonderful years together, but unlike him who had come to the table with expectations I met, I came to the table with no expectations — and then they developed over time. That meant he needed to change some of his ways in order to meet them. If I could go back, I would have a clearer idea of what I was looking for before diving in.

Invest in experiences, not things. Money is important but you can't take it with you!

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

When I look back on my 20s, I don’t remember how much money I spent (other than that I spent it all). I remember where I was and who I was with when I spent it. These are the memories I want to take with me into my 30s, and God-willing, beyond that.

Take advantage of the free perks at your job. 

When you land a full-time job, you’re usually persuaded with a “competitive salary and benefits.” I focused and harped on the salary as a 20-something-year-old, negotiating fiercely for what I was worth. But one year, I almost missed the opportunity to use my annual workspace stipend because I completely forgot about the perks! Make sure you know what your company's benefits are and take advantage of all the ones you can.

Travel often & see the world while you are young and healthy enough to enjoy it.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

When your boss tells you to take your PTO, take it! Unplug from the real world and dip your toes into some wet sand, go zip lining through a lush forest, or enjoy some delicious street food in a food market.

Find a gym buddy.

For me, exercising is one of the hardest things to do because I simply don’t like it. I probably exercised an average of twice a week in my 20s, and while I felt more rejuvenated after each session, I often struggled to get there. If I could go back, I would find a gym buddy to motivate me, and I would switch it up with some indoor and outdoor classes.

Develop an identity outside of your career and job status.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

You are not your job title, or your class status, or even a fixed human being. You are an ever-changing, ever-evolving force of nature. Don’t reduce yourself to what you do or who you know. Keep discovering yourself through adventure and creativity, and give yourself room to just be.

You don’t need that $30 bottle of wine — again.

I can’t tell you how much money I’ve spent on wine. Before I decided to go sober, I was able to drink an entire bottle by myself. The hangover wasn’t so bad, but the $60 a week missing from my checking account was. So was the anxiety and embarrassment. Indulge in the things that bring you pleasure, but set a limit so you don’t hurt yourself after you peak.

Put away money for retirement and max out your 401k (especially if there's a match!)

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

Most of us stop working when we become senior citizens. With little to no money coming in, we’ll need to support ourselves somehow. Plan ahead while you still have a job and enroll in a 401k. This will guarantee you have some money put away for retirement, and your money will grow even more if your company offers any kind of match. Free money? Yes, please.

Drink less, in general.

You don’t realize how much your life revolves around drinking until you decide to stop, cold turkey. Happy hours after work were very enticing. Open bars at weddings used to bring out the glutton in me. And drinking trends, like spiked seltzers and espresso martinis, were incredibly hard to resist. But looking back on it, I probably drank for three or four days out of the week — for years — and that’s terrifying to me. All the time I dedicated to moments I can’t remember would’ve been better spent reading more books, watching more shows, or simply getting to know myself more deeply.

If someone's actions tell you who they are, believe them.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

I don’t know how many times I’ve hurt myself hanging with the same people who’ve brought me the same results: pain and confusion. There’s a time and place for second chances, but by the third or forth, you should probably let them go. People are who they show you, not who you want them to be.

Some of your friendships won’t survive your 20s. 

This is probably the most painful revelation I’ve had to learn in my young adulthood. I’m constantly developing myself, so some of the things I did while I was in college no longer resonate with me. As fun as some of my friendships were, some of them were painful reminders of who I was no longer trying to be, so I had to let them go. It’s okay to outgrow your friendships, and it's okay to be sad about it.

Stop worrying about the past. You can't change it, so learn from it and move forward.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

The past isn’t meant to depress us; it’s meant to teach us. In a perfect world, you’d be able to go back and do what you did differently, but how would you know any better? Honor your past by applying the lessons you’ve learned to your present circumstances.

Read more self-help books.

Every year, I say I’m going to read more, and every year…I can count on one hand how many books I’ve actually read. As a lifelong learner, I’m always hungry for new information. But it wasn’t until recently that I started buying nonfiction books instead of forcing myself to read fictionalized stories. Now, instead of browsing through Netflix for a documentary on the body or mind, I buy a book about it. I’ve read four books in the last two months. How’s that for reaching a reading goal?

You won't always have your sh!t together and that's OK!

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started my life over. I changed careers from teaching to writing in 2018. I moved from New York to Texas, then back to New York in 2022. And as I explore my spirituality and religion, my beliefs shape my thoughts and behaviors. This is all a part of the process. Just take each day as it comes and do your best with it.

Spend less time on social media.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re on the Instagram Explore page, the more you doom scroll, the more eerie the posts seem to get? I’ll never forget the time I got jump-scared watching a video of a cat dunking a phone into a fish tank next to some man who looked like the Joker who appeared to be crawling out of it (I know, I don’t get it either). I’ve learned how to set healthy limits on social media since then. If I have something to post, I’ll post it, and maybe I’ll click through the stories (or let’s be honest, rewatch my own), but I force myself off the app once I lose my intention.

No one judges you as often as you think they do.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

I don’t know about you, but I tend to freak myself out by assuming what others think of me. What if I’m annoying, or too bossy, or just straight up boring to them? Well…who cares?! Their perception of you is a reflection of who they are. Chances are, if they’re thinking about you at all, they’re comparing themselves to you, and the only truth in that process is what they know about themselves, not who they think you are.

You make more time by being more present. 

Whether we have 30 more years to live or 60, what matters most is how we spend it. I spent many of my young adult years mindlessly obsessing over celebrities, finding the next party, and running away from things rather than changing my responses to them. When I reflect on the last 10 years, the things that mattered most to me were the times where I was the most present. Moving forward, I will keep this same energy so I can enjoy the life that was gifted to me.

Words have power, but actions shape our lives.

Illustration via Claire Shadomy

The saying “actions speak louder than words,” always rings true. You don’t reach a goal by simply “speaking it into existence.” You come up with a plan and act on it — then, it comes true. Honor the process of feeling and thinking, and when you’re ready, create a strategy to bring it to life.

Write that book you keep daydreaming about.

I’ve wanted to write a book since 2017. There’s one specific book idea that comes to mind, and it touches on everything from spirituality, to homosexuality, to healing, to God — but ask me how many times I’ve sat down to write it. Since then, I’ve come up with more book ideas, and while this excites me, it also leaves me feeling overwhelmed. Now, at almost 30, I’ve enrolled in private sessions with an author to hold me accountable. No more excuses! It’s time to tell my story.

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Header image via Johen Redman / Unsplash

It might be cuffing season, but for some celeb couples, it's breakup season. In the midst of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck settling their divorce, TMZ reports that Kaia Gerber & Austin Butler have called it quits after dating for 3 years. The Palm Royale and Dune 2 stars were first linked at the end of 2021 when they were spotted headed to a yoga class together. Well, it appears that in 2025, they'll be doing their sun salutations on their own.

Here's everything we know about Austin Butler and Kaia Gerber's break up.

Despite the breakup (which a source says came at the end of 2024), TMZ reports that Kaia Gerber & Austin Butler are on good terms, and that the relationship came to a natural end. The split also explains why Austin didn't join Kaia on her family New Year trip to Cabo San Lucas, despite the fact mom Cindy Crawford, dad Rande Gerber, brother Presley Gerber, and his girlfriend Isabella Jones were all there.

At the start of their relationship, a Peoplesource said that “she seems really happy" and "all of her friends think he's really cute." And as their relationship progressed, Kaia and Austin kept the details of their romance pretty private (similar to Austin's Dune costar Zendaya & recent fiancé Tom Holland), and told WSJ Magazine that “honestly, I feel like so few things in my life are private, and that is one of the things that I try to keep as sacred as possible."

The couple was very close for a long time, and spent “as much time together as they can,” a source told US Weekly. “Although Austin and Kaia are both in the public eye, they’re really down to earth and have a very secure relationship, so they never let jealousy or anything like that get in the way."

They also supported one another's work, with Austin showing up to Paris Fashion Week and Kaia attending The Bikeriders premiere. Hopefully they can still support one another as friends!

Does Kaia Gerber and Austin Butler's breakup surprise you? I'm shocked, TBH. Let us know your thoughts on Instagram!

Eating out as a vegan can be a true challenge, especially if you don’t exactly know that what you’re ordering is 100% vegan. Fast food faves like McDonald’s and Taco Bell are secretly packed with vegan items, and Starbucks is no exception. From oat milk coffees to satisfyingly savory snacks, you’ve actually got plenty of plant-based choices when you pull up at your local Starbucks.

Scroll on to explore every vegan Starbucks drink and food item you can add to your order!

Vegan Starbucks Drinks

Starbucks

1. Brown Sugar Oatmilk Cortado

This new-to-the-menu espresso drink combines brown sugar syrup and oat milk to balance out the punchy coffee notes.

Starbucks

2. Latte (Iced + Hot)

You can totally enjoy a latte at Starbucks if you're vegan. Their oat, almond, coconut, and soy milks are vegan, plus many of their syrups qualify as vegan, too, if you want to flavor up your drink. According to this Starbucks supervisor, all of Starbucks "clear" syrups are vegan and dairy-free. Starbucks' regular and white mocha sauces and caramel drizzle are also vegan and dairy-free.

Starbucks

3. Americano (Iced + Hot)

Starbucks' Americanos are just water and espresso, so you don't have to worry about any dairy being in there. Optionally, you could ask for a splash of non-dairy milk and pumps of your fave syrup.

Starbucks

4. Brewed Coffee (Iced + Hot)

Same goes for their brewed coffees, including iced coffee. Easily ask your barista to add in some non-dairy milk and a few pumps of syrup if you desire!

Starbucks

5. Nondairy Salted Caramel Cream Cold Brew

This vegan cold brew drink is crafted with non-dairy cold foam that's flavored with salted caramel – and it's delish!

Starbucks

6. Nitro Cold Brew

A plain nitro cold brew from Starbucks is fully vegan and dairy-free. You can choose to add a splash of non-dairy milk, if you wish your sip to be a bit smoother and creamier.

Starbucks

7. Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso

This one's a classic: shots of espresso get shaken up with ice and brown sugar syrup to create a frothy foam, then the drink is topped off with oat milk to cut the bitterness. It's quite a delectable order, even if you're not eating fully vegan.

Starbucks

8. Starbucks Refreshers

All of Starbucks' fruity Refreshers are vegan. Plus, you can can add lemonade, tea, other flavor inclusions like strawberry and peach to add some extra oomph.

Starbucks

9. Iced Black Tea

Their refreshing iced black tea is certifiably vegan, too.

Starbucks

10. Iced Green Tea

If you prefer green tea, Starbucks' offering is vegan-friendly. If you tend to take your tea a bit sweeter, just order it with however many packets of your preferred sweetener, and your barista will add it in.

Starbucks

11. Lemonade

You truly can't go wrong with a lemonade!

Starbucks

12. Hot Teas

Starbucks' hot teas are totally vegan, too. If you want to make them fancier, ask for an additional splash of your go-to non-dairy milk!

Vegan Starbucks Foods

Starbucks

1. Rolled & Steel-Cut Oatmeal

Now onto the food! First up is Starbucks' oatmeal, which you can fancy up with nuts, berries, and brown sugar. Make sure to order it with water to ensure it stays vegan.

Starbucks

2. Plain Bagel

Surprisingly, Starbucks' bagels are also vegan.

Starbucks

3. Everything Bagel

The plain and everything bagels will work for any vegan eater.

Starbucks

4. Avocado Spread

Plus, you can order your bagel with a side of this delicious avocado spread for a nutritious boost!

Starbucks

5. Spicy Falafel Pocket

This 100% vegan snack pocket is new to the Starbucks menu, but it's already become a fan-favorite amongst vegans and non-vegans alike.

Starbucks

6. Chipotle Almond Dip

You can order the Spicy Falafel Pocket with a side of this fully-vegan Chipotle Almond Dip (AKA Bitchin’ Sauce). Yum.

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Valentine's Day is next month, so it's time for a little tough love. Are you ready? Deep breath... You're not going to get far in your relationship by wondering, "What are we doing?" anymore. For such a simple question, it carries the weight of being vague and loaded. It's not that you shouldn't want to know where your relationship is headed, but there are better questions to ask your boyfriend.

From my first relationship to being engaged with an energetic toddler, I know a thing or two about how to broach certain topics. But, I'm no one's expert so I turned to Sean O'Neill, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Director at Maple Moon Recovery, to help you figure out how to get to the heart of your relationship.

Scroll to see which deep questions to ask your boyfriend for a better, healthier relationship!

Andres Ayrton

1. Questions To Ask If You're In The 'Honeymoon' Stage

Whenever we finally move from flirting with our crushes to being in a relationship with them, it's typically followed by a period of euphoria. You and your boyfriend likely can't get enough of each other right now which is probably making your friends playfully roll their eyes. Since everything is brand new, you can still keep it light though.

O'Neill suggests asking "open-ending questions that prompt curiosity and connection:"

  • What's one dream you've never let me in on?
  • What's one little gesture that can make you feel valued?

"These couple of queries facilitate bonding while generating enthusiasm for the goals and interests of each other," he says.

Budgeron Bach

2. Questions To Ask After Your First Big Fight

Even if you and your boyfriend are super tuned in to each other, a disagreement or argument is bound to happen. In case you're worried, your relationship isn't on thin ice because you're not seeing eye-to-eye on something. O'Neill says you can ask:

  • How do you think we handled the argument?
  • What could we do differently next time to make our future fights more productive?

His reasoning is that these questions "promote growth and empathy" so "disagreements are transformed into stronger communication opportunities."

Note: Disagreements should never turn physical. It's not okay for you and your boyfriend to become physically aggressive with each other. If you're concerned about domestic violence, dial the National Domestic Hotline at 1(800) 799-7233.

Keira Burton

3. Questions To Ask Before Introducing Your Boyfriend To Your Parents

Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a huge step that can be scary and exciting. I was terrified when my parents first met my fiancé because they couldn't stand my ex. But, the conversation between them flowed and everyone always looks for him to be at family events.

If you're ready for introductions to be made, O'Neill wants you to "encourage the normality of preplanned talks" by asking:

  • What is something about me that you think my parents would really love to hear about?

By doing this, he says it'll "help alleviate anxiety and ensure both spouses feel comfortable and attuned before meeting the parents."

Mikhail Nilov

4. Questions To Ask If You Or Your Boyfriend Have An Illness

It's never easy to experience illnesses or health scares, but it can be terrifying if you don't know how to help your partner manage if something unexpected happens. O'Neill says to "nurture insights with queries such as:"

  • What is one thing I could to assist you better when ill?
  • Are there any aspects concerning your healthy that haven't been discussed which make you anxious?

"The conversations provide a safe space for airing concerns while building up mutual support through health difficulties," he adds.

Mikhail Nilov

5. Questions To Ask If You're Worried About Boyfriend's Spending Habits

Financial red flags are always a cause for concern when dating someone — especially when it seems like your boyfriend doesn't care about his spending habits may affect your household if you live together. O'Neill suggests asking:

  • What are your financial goals?
  • How do you see us working towards them together?
  • How do you feel about budgeting as a team?

This will "make goal alignment stronger" because "effective communication about finances can prevent misunderstandings," he says. Also, this helps "lay the foundation for a shared vision of the future."

Bethany Ferr

6. Questions To Ask To Deepen Vulnerability With Each Other

Being vulnerable isn't easy for everyone, let alone two people in a relationship. It took me years to feel comfortable expressing my sadness or fears to my fiancé because I was afraid he'd think I was 'weak.' However, this can cause more harm than good because it becomes difficult for our partners to know what's going on with us if we don't open up.

O'Neill says you can ask:

  • What's one fear or concern you've hesitated to share with anyone before?
  • How can I help you feel safe sharing with me?
These questions "create room for openness and trust between partners" which aids in "helping them connect emotionally," according to him.

Katerina Holmes

7. Questions To Help Move The Relationship Forward

If you're still wondering "what are we doing" after asking some of the above questions, you focus on asking the following "future-oriented questions," according to O'Neill:

  • Where do you see us in 5 years?
  • What's something you envision us doing together as a couple in the future?
"Thinking about what is ahead strengthens commitment to the relationship and brings both partners' goals into line," he says.
Even though my fiancé and I have been together for a while, we still have conversations about our goals, health, raising our son, and more. It helps us to either stay aligned or see what needs to be addressed as opposed to letting physical attraction guide the way we feel 95% of the time.

But that's not all! We have more advice about relationships if you're looking to build a deeper connection yourself, friends, or family in 2025!

What is it about family sagas that seem to make book clubs more interesting? Maybe it's because we know interpersonal relationships can be a little dysfunctional. It could be that we still don't know how to communicate with the people we love the most. Even if we love our parents and siblings, reading about other families' fictional twists and turns gives us a rush of adrenaline.

So it's no wonder Jenna Bush Hager's January book club pick feels like something we can read without putting down. It's full of complicated relationship dynamics, love, and reconciling one's identity with their past. You can say it's the perfect read to kick off your 2025 reading goals!

Learn more about Jenna Bush Hager's 2025 book club pick and fall in love with one character's journey of self-discovery.

Amazon

The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus by Emma Knight

Penn should be excited about advancing her education at the University of Edinburgh, but she can't stop thinking about the secret her parents have been keeping from her. For some reason, she believes she'll uncover it while she's in Scotland because Lord Lennox — her father's friend — is in the area.

Her hunger for the truth leads her to Lord Lennox's estate where she she starts mingling with his family and even discovers love in this moving novel.

@readwithjenna/Instagram

Jenna Bush Hager's Thoughts About The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus

Jenna Bush Hager thinks readers will love The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus because "it's a rich novel" with themes of "friendship and motherhood" (via Instagram). It's so good, she's sure "it will sweep you off your feet (via Instagram).

We hope you enjoy reading about Penn's journey in The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus and encourage you to check out Reese Witherspoon's January book club pick next!

Trader Joe’s loves to keep us on our toes when it comes to their new arrivals. We’re constantly monitoring the aisles to discover all the new TJ’s sweet treats and savory snacks they launch – and these 7 new picks for January 2025 are not to be missed! All of these Trader Joe’s products will run you less than $5, which only makes sealing the deal on your grocery bill easier.

From delicious dips to a very enticing new frozen meal, these are the 7 best new Trader Joe’s finds you absolutely need to try in January 2025.

Trader Joe's

1. Teensy Candy Bars

These tiny little candy bar bites ($2.99) resemble Snickers in the best way possible: layers of nougat, caramel, and peanuts are enveloped in a delicious chocolate coating for maximum snackage. We're gonna have to resist eating the whole bag! TJ's even suggests using these bits as decoration for other desserts, like sprinkling some on a scoop of ice cream or baking them into some cookies.

Trader Joe's

2. Olive Tapenade Hummus

Trader Joe's array of dips is simply too good to resist, and this newcomer hummus ($3.49) is no exception! It's a tub of "smooth and nutty" hummus topped with a tapenade comprised of black olives, manzanilla olives, capers, and olive oil to give it a salty effect. It's gonna taste so great as a dip for crackers or as a spread on a Mediterranean pita wrap.

Trader Joe's

3. Organic Concord Grape Jelly

This squeezable grape jelly ($3.49) is nothing short of nostalgic. Trader Joe's says it's "super smooth, joyously juicy, and potently purple," which immediately has us sold on making PB&Js every day now.

Trader Joe's

4. Spicy Chicken Nuggets

Oh, yeah. Bring on the spice with these spicy nuggs ($3.99) that make the perfect easy meal no matter the time of day! Made from all-natural chicken breast and rib meat, breaded with wheat, rice and corn flours, then covered in hot sauce and lightly fried, TJ's has their texture down to a tee. You can easily cook 'em in the air fryer, oven, or microwave before chowing down!

Trader Joe's

5. Crispy Potato & Poblano Pepper Tacos

These halved and fried frozen tacos ($4.99) will totally crush your Taco Bell cravings, since they come together super quickly and contain flavors with mind-blowing authenticity! Each taco is filled with a blend of seasoned mashed potatoes and some "ever-so- slightly spicy" poblano peppers that'll work so well with any dipping sauce, from TJ's salsa to their creamy Jalapeño Sauce.

Trader Joe's

6. Strawberry Mini Hold The Cone!

Just in time for Valentine's Day, Trader Joe's is debuting a new flavor ($3.99) of their classic Hold The Cone! frozen dessert: strawberry! These tiny, chocolate-covered cones are lined with even more "rich" chocolate on the inside, then packed with strawberry ice cream, which TJ's says is crafted with plenty of strawberry purée.

Trader Joe's

7. Caesar Salad Dip

Trader Joe's shoppers have said this new Caesar Salad Dip ($3.69) makes a perfect girl dinner addition– which, if you get it, you get it! The tub starts with a "creamy" base that's then loaded up with Caesar-seasoned sour cream, mayo, anchovy paste, Parmesan, and finely shredded Romaine for the crunch. It's best enjoyed with crackers or veggie sticks to dip, but you could also smatter fried chicken or seared steak in it for some ahh-mazing flavor!

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