Advice from an Illustrator (or Things I Wish I Knew Before Freelancing Full-Time)

Sometimes I receive emails asking for advice on how to do what I do: Draw pictures for money. Recently a new-to-the-game illustrator named Patrick reached out to me. I asked him if I could post my (adapted) response here because I think it can help other aspiring illustrators too. Here it goes.

I love what I do.

But it’s tough.

(We all knew that was coming.)

I assume the advice you’re seeking is how to make money (find clients and know what to charge)…? Those were my questions when I first started.

First of all, it’s okay to not know what you’re doing. When you’re new, you should be especially fearless about asking questions. I say this because when I was new, I felt paralyzed (in terms of asking for help) because I thought that working for myself meant I was supposed to be an expert. How silly! I could have had a much easier time if I was comfortable asking lots of questions (including asking for work and asking people how much they charge). Speaking of questions, make sure your questions are specific.

Email & Reaching Out

Next time you email someone seeking advice, ask that person what you really want to know. You don’t really want advice, you want answers. Is it how to make money? How they found their clients? How they built up their internet presence? What are three things they wish they knew/did before they started working for themselves? Did they have a breakthrough moment or has it been slow and steady? I remember so desperately wanting someone to tell me the magic formula. But there isn’t one. It comes with a lot of work and curiosity. In those brain picking emails, just ask a couple of easy-to-answer questions, and I’m certain you’ll get more replies than asking for general advice. We’re all busy. If I’m in over my head for work, a well-intentioned advice-seeking email from someone I don’t know can easily get pushed back because it takes me a minute to think, “Hmmm… how do I summarize all of my experiences and lessons learned into a concise email?” vs. “What are three things I wish I did differently — that’s easy!” Specific questions are less daunting. Unfortunately, I have emails from four months ago that have still gone unanswered because they came at a time when I was slammed and every passing day pushes them further back in the inbox. I feel awful about this. On that note, it’s nice to check in if you haven’t heard back from someone a week later. They probably want to respond, but they’re busy. If you pop in quick, it will probably be a nice reminder. At least that’s how I feel when people check in.

Stay Curious

Absorb, absorb, absorb. Read all the books, articles, TED talks, etc. that you can. Invest in meeting people in the field and becoming friends with them. Start with one conference a year. Go into it with the expectation that you want to walk away with friends in the industry. If you can’t go to a conference, go to a Dribbble meetup, AIGA event, Under the Radar (if you’re in Austin), conferences, lectures, etc. There are tons of places where artists/designers/makers gather. I promise this gets easier in time. Take it one day (or event at a time). If there are zero get-to-know-your-local-illustrator happenings in your area, what’s stopping you from starting up a monthly Happy Hour? (It’s called Drink and Draw.)

A big turning point for me was when I made the kind of close friends where I could just text things like, “Hey, do you think charging X-amount is good for this project?” or, “How do you handle it when a client wants a project really fast? Do you do a rush fee? If so, how much?”

Finding Clients

Now let’s talk about the long game.

It takes time. Share your work and share it often. Don’t be afraid to ask for help every step of the way. Email your friends and family and tell them that you’re doing this big thing (pursuing illustration as a career) and you’d like them to keep you in mind for work.

Encourage them to help you spread the word. Make sure to give them specific examples of what you can do since most people don’t really know what illustration actually entails (other than children’s books).

You can also email other illustrators you know and tell them you’re looking for X-type of work and keep you in mind in case their plates get full and they need extra help. That email alone could move you to the top of someone’s list (they may have a lot of illustration friends but we’re all busy. It’s easier to refer a client to the first person that comes to mind that feels like the right fit).

I’m also a big fan of projects like the 100 Day Project. It helps establish your credibility (lots of output in a short amount of time) and gives you a great backlog of work.

Pricing

There’s a lot I could say here (perhaps another post another day!), but I’ll keep this one brief.

One way to learn what to charge: If you feel completely incapable of knowing what to charge or how to price your work, reach out to someone who’s doing what you want to be doing and ask them what their rate is for a one hour Skype consultation. Paying them for an hour of their time ensures that neither of you means funny business. That is your time for real talk and real answers. Walk through your projects and tell them what you charged and see what they think. Did you charge too little? Should you have done fewer revisions before kicking in the hourly rate? How would they have quoted the project? Hopefully, this person will either give you the peace of mind knowing that you’re on the right track or they’ll help you understand what you’re worth (and what the market actually pays). Best case scenario: You learn a lot and now you’re friends with someone you admire.

Handy resources having to do with money/pricing:

And finally…

You can be doing everything right and it still feels like you’re swimming upstream. It takes time. Or you can just be doing everything wrong. That’s possible too.

But that’s why community is so important. When we’re in dialog with other people in our industry, we kind of develop this barometer for what “right” looks like (I know I know, there isn’t one right path blah blah). You’ll make it harder on yourself if you just wing it. Be proactive about this dialog.

It’s okay to be the first (or only) person in your circle who is really honest about stuff like money.

Why not? What do you have to lose? When my friends and I told each other what we make, we suddenly felt more invested in each other. We had a bond and a trust. This doesn’t have to be your approach, but sometimes it just takes one person to ask the honest questions and everyone else follows suit.

And finally-finally…

Don’t be too proud to get a job. There is dignity in all work. I can’t decide if I did the right thing sticking to the freelance life even when I was barely getting by. It’s all fine and dandy now, but I missed out on a lot of life (and money) just because I was too stubborn to get a job. It doesn’t have to be permanent (but it’s okay if it is). You are not a failure if you decide to go back to the office. You are wise and taking care of yourself.

Well, that concludes this installment of, “So You Want to Be an Illustrator?” or whatever I titled it (I can’t remember, and if I scroll up, I will lose my place).

I hope my mistakes and “scenic routes” can give you a shortcut or two on your own journey.

Sally forth!

You have a few of Becky’s freelancing tips. Now learn more about her design skills in our Digital Illustration in Adobe Illustrator online class.

This article was originally published by Becky Simpson on Medium. All illustrations in this post are by Becky Simpson and some can be found in her store, Chipper Things.

In March 2020, we opened up our creative library to the world and over 150,000 of you joined to stay creative during the pandemic.

Well, things have changed for sure, but it's still a bit crazy out there. Many of us are still balancing working from home by night with watching our toddlers by day. Some of us can't work and are catching a serious case of cabin fever this winter... and ALL of us want to stay inspired, creative, and take care of ourselves.

So starting February 1, 2023, we're offering 10 free courses for the next 3 months and you can always access all 120+ online classes for just $10/month or test drive them all with a 30-Day Free Trial after you create a free B+C account. Interested in learning some new recipes or baking techniques? Check out 45+ expert-led classes in our B+C Baking and Cooking Bundle.

You've all shared some beautiful and creative things over the past few years, so we wanted to figure out how to make it easier for all of you to keep learning, making and creating. This is just the first phase of some new things coming to B+C Classes, and we're excited to give members exclusive access to even more great creative stuff in the near future.

Stay creative, friends!

Zach Bryan and Brianna "Chickenfry" LaPaglia's explosive breakup is everywhere right now. From his seemingly one-sided social media posts to all the bombshell revelations she keeps dropping, it's clear this split is NOT amicable. Both parties are dropping tons of lore, info, and everything in between — including new music?! — right now, so it makes sense if you can't keep up. Luckily, I'm here to help break this breakup down for you! Here's everything you need to know about Zach Bryan and Brianna Chickenfry's relationship...or lack thereof.

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for The Recording Academy

October 22, 2024 – Zach Bryan Announces His Breakup With Brianna Chickenfry

On October 22, 2024, after some recent speculation that Zach Bryan and Brianna Chickenfry split up, Zach took to his Instagram stories. The country star said, "Addressing something: Brianna and me have broken up with [each other] and I respect and love her with every ounce of my heart. She has loved me unconditionally for a very long time and for that I'll always thank her."

He continued, noting, "I have had an incredibly hard year personally and struggled through some pretty severe things. I thought it would be beneficial for both of us to go our different ways. I am not perfect and never will be. Please respect Brianna's privacy and space in this and if you have it in your heart, mine too."

To wrap it all up, he closed by apologizing to his fans. He said, "With everything I am and to anyone I let down, I am sorry. I try my best in everything. I failed people that love me and mostly myself."

www.youtube.com

- YouTube

Brianna hopped on her own Instagram stories shortly there after. She posted, "Hey guys I'm feeling really blindsided right now. Gonna hop off social media for a while and attempt to heal privately, when I'm ready I'll be back and ready to talk. I love you guys so much thank you for all of your kind words. Remember you are so loved and everything's always gonna be okay 🫶"

The Brianna got on Youtube next, posting a raw, emotional video about the situation. Sitting on the floor of her bathroom, she opened up as much as she could in the moment about her breakup. She said, "I just woke up to Zach posting on his Instagram that we broke up and I had no idea that post was going up. He didn't text me, he didn't call me. I just woke up to a bunch of texts, like, 'Are you okay?'"

Brianna, with her teary eyes and red face, explained she's been crying for "five days straight." She said, "I'm at the point where it's like, how can you give someone everything and love them so unconditionally, like through stuff that you shouldn't because you just love them and you want them... like you see the good in them?"

The internet personality said that this is all "so embarrassing" and "really, really heartbreaking." She elaborated that the couple broke up on October 21, but wanted to process on her own and "didn't want it to be public."

Much like her Instagram story, she told her audience that she'll come back when she's ready.

www.youtube.com

- YouTube

November 7, 2024 — Brianna Claims Zach's Emotionally Abusive, Wanted $12Mil NDA

Well, it appears this week, Brianna decided she's ready. On Barstool Sports' BFF's Pod November 7, 2024, Brianna gave an inside look at the breakup unlike any other. Not only did she claim Zach was abusive, but she also alleged that he offered her a $12 million NDA to "not talk about the relationship."

After saying it's been the hardest year of her life, she said. "I'm still scared right now because I'm scared of him. My brain's rewired and I'm scared to make him mad and last week, I didn't want to talk about it 'cause I was scared."

Brianna then described the alleged emotional abuse. She noted that everything was cyclical and that he would build her up only to break her back down again. "There was always another excuse as to why he was treating me so poorly and why I'm crying myself to sleep every night, why he's screaming at me," she said. "And then you wake up, it's the apology, it's the 'I'm going to be better like I need you in my life,' but if you've been through this — I don't expect people to understand emotional abuse if you haven't been through it. I hope you never have to go through it but if you've been there you know what I'm talking about."

Not only does Brianna allege she was offered an NDA, but she said that other women that came before her had to sign their own agreements. She declined the offer because she didn't want to "sign away [her] experiences and what [she] went through to protect someone that hurt [her]." She also wanted to share this experience for other women who've suffered something similar.

And when it comes to the logistics of losing out on the famous lifestyle and alleged $12 million? She said, "It was never about the money — I was with the dude because I loved the dude."

Jason Kempin/Getty Images for Pilgrimage Music & Cultural Festival

November 8, 2024 — Zach Quit Touring Amid Abuse Allegations

On November 8, 2024, Zach posted on Instagram — where he clearly loves to share all his big news — that not only is his new single "High Road" out today, but that he's also ending his tour early. Read his full statement here:

After not being home for a year and a half I drove out to my mothers gravestone in the dead of night a few days back on familiar Oklahoma roads and I came to realize just like in the past, that she never would call me again

Told her I quit touring because I got accepted to get my masters in Paris next year, I told her I was back in Oklahoma, told her about all my best friends in New York and all the nights we howled with the moon, told her about the immeasurable laughter my band and me have shared these last five years, all the calluses on my finger tips, every tear shed, told her about making it on The Rolling Stone and most importantly told her about porch swinging with my beautiful sister.
I wrote the chorus for this song a month or two back and finished it when I realized I was blessed with all these things.

I figured it was about time I released it.

Thank you guys for listening to ‘This Worlds a Giant’ last night and thank you to all the people who love me; who have truly carried the weight with me.

Seems that all these Quiet Dreams have gotten much too heavy but I’m home now and I’ll hold you through the pain.

High Road is out today and I appreciate all of you"
@ihatebriannachickenfry

Sometimes all you need is a nyc sunrise and some good pals

♬ I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

November 15, 2024 — Brianna Alleges Zach Bryan Picked Out Engagement Ring For Her

It goes down in the DM, according to Brianna (& Yo Gotti). In a TikTok caption, Brianna explained that her "biggest celeb crush tried to slide [in her DMs] a few months back" but that she denied it given her relationship with Zach. Then, in the comments Brianna elaborated that she continues to learn more about Zach's alleged infidelities — and how deep they really go. She wrote, "Been finding out he was cheating the whole time lol. The week he showed me my engagement ring he was DMing girls hahahahha.” OOF, that's tough.

November 17, 2024 — Brianna Posts TikTok With A New Man... & Threatens To Post Alleged Abuse From Zach Bryan

After going through Taylor Swift's entire anthology (girl, we've BEEN there!), it's clear Brianna Chickenfry isn't about to let her breakup with Zach Bryan bring her down. The podcast host posted a TikTok on November 17, 2024 with the caption, “Sometimes all you need is a nyc sunrise and some good pals." And while that message is sweet, we noticed something else pretty sweet — the man she's seemingly cuddled up with throughout the 42 second clip!

Commenters were quick to notice, too — one person even writing, "That was fast." Brianna responded, “Well I was cheated on my whole relationship so yeah," clearly proving she doesn't care what anyone thinks right now. And good for her!

That same day, Brianna threatened to share videos of alleged abuse from her relationship after Zach kept posting pictures of her cats, according to Page Six. She said the videos depict “whipping s–t at my face," but her reps have yet to respond to Page Six for comment about this.

Definitely a whirlwind of a day in the life of Bri...

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We recently partnered with Bounty to support emerging artists and designers in a national design competition. The ask? Design a graphic for a new Brit + Co and Bounty paper towel collection themed A Clean Fresh Start, which launches this month. In this creator spotlight series, we are featuring the winners of that competition to learn more about their inspirations, their design process, and their winning Bounty design. Read on to meet…

Jill Reynolds | Jill OREY Design | @jilloreydesign | Saint Paul, Minnesota

What are your design inspirations? Getting away from my computer. I find inspiration in the outdoors, nature, organic shapes, and patterns, from something as simple as a unique leaf shape to cracks in the pavement. I love looking at textiles old and new and being inspired by vintage motifs. Travel is always an amazing way to see something fresh and feel inspired. My favorite trip has been to Japan – the juxtaposition of old and new is like nowhere else I’ve experienced.

Tell us your design process? I like to play and experiment a lot. I don’t have a hard structure to my work and instead I prefer to let ideas flow and come about with experimentation. I love to use different objects to paint with and create imperfect textures and marks that I’ll piece together. I work with traditional mediums as well as Adobe programs and Procreate. Color is really important to me and I love an unexpected combination.

How did you get into illustration? My career goal when I was 10 was to travel the world to find inspiration for the books I would write and illustrate so from a young age, I knew instinctively that I wanted to create. I’ve always followed what I’m good at and what I enjoy and that has created a career path that has eventually brought me to becoming a full time surface pattern designer. I still strive to illustrate my own series of children’s picture books.

What are three IG accounts you love?

Fantastic Fungi They forage all these amazing mushrooms and discuss the texture and color and other magical properties. With some ASMR thrown in, it’s addictive!

Lucy Tiffany She paints from her imagination on large-scale using beautiful color palettes and bold strokes. I like designers who take risks, create from the heart, and aren’t following trends.

Domino Magazine There are lots of amazing interior accounts out there and Domino has been one of my favorites for aspirational and real-life living spaces.

How do you know when a piece of art, like your winning Bounty Paper Towel design below, is “finished”? I just know. I can’t really put my finger on it but there’s a certain level of balance and being slightly ‘off’ that I find satisfies me.

What will it be like for you to see your design on a Bounty paper towel at your local store? To see my designs in my local store will be such a thrill! I imagine it’s like when a musician hears their music on the radio. A lot of work and moving parts goes into the final product and it’s starts with an idea and some imagination. It’s a huge reward as a creative to see my thoughts become a real tangible product that people can use. I always hope my work at the least spreads some joy and I think we have done that with these new prints!

Be sure to look out for Jill’s winning design wherever Bounty Paper Towels are sold!

Jennifer Lawrence announced she's pregnant, and we couldn't be happier for her! Though she and her husband, Cooke Maroney, aren't known for being in the public eye too much, it seems like this is one piece of news they don't mind sharing! Sorry, but we haven't been this excited about baby news since Suki Waterhouse and Robert Pattinson became parents — excuse us while we celebrate!

Here's everything we know about baby number 2 so far.

November 17: Jennifer Lawrence Glows On The Red Carpet Again

Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

Not only is Jennifer Lawrence glowing during her second pregnancy, but she's also showing how stylish moms can be! According to WWD, she wore a gorgeous brown Bottega Veneta gown to the Governors Award event and looked like a goddess on the red carpet. The dress and its gold hardware complemented her skin beautifully along with her matching clutch!

It seems like maternity style gets better every year and it gives this mama hope that the world sees that life doesn't stop just because we have kiddos in tow!

Has Jennifer Lawrence debuted her baby bump yet?

Anna Webber/Getty Images for AFI

YES! Jennifer Lawrence's baby bump was the star of the Zurawski v Texas premiere (via PEOPLE). She wore a structured white dress with a black belt around her waist that accentuated her cute baby bump and appeared to be glowing.

According to Deadline, she's one of the executive producers of Zurawski v Texas, a documentary that sheds light on the "restrictive abortion laws" that put women's lives in danger in Texas. Alongside producers Hilary and Chelsea Clinton, Jennifer's involvement in the documentary as a pregnant woman makes a pivotal statement during a time where mothers' mortalities aren't always considered during their pregnancies.

When did Jennifer Lawrence announce her second pregnancy?

Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images for BFI

Leave it to Vogue to get the exclusive scoop about Jennifer being pregnant again! According to the publication, an official "representative for the actor confirmed" the news yesterday, October 20. So exciting!

When is Jennifer Lawrence's second baby due?

Kevin Mazur

Jennifer Lawrence hasn't announced her due date yet, so we can't be quite sure! However, if she's out of her first trimester, Jennifer could have her baby around April 2025!

What have Jennifer Lawrence and Cooke Maroney said about their family?

John Phillips/Getty Images for Sony Pictures

It seems Jennifer Lawrence and Cooke Maroney were open to the idea of having another baby as recently as this summer! An unknown source told Entertainment Tonight, "Jennifer and Cooke are doing very well and are super in love. They make each other laugh and have the best time parenting together. They would love to have another kid and expand their family."

When was Jennifer Lawrence's first baby born?

Sebastian Reuter/Getty Images for Sony Pictures

Jennifer and Cooke's firstborn son, Cy, was born February 2022, which means he's almost three years old!

The actress later explored her feeling about becoming a mom in another Vogueinterview. "It’s so scary to talk about motherhood. Only because it’s so different for everybody. If I say, It was amazing from the start, some people will think, 'It wasn’t amazing for me at first,' and feel bad. Fortunately I have so many girlfriends who were honest. Who were like, It’s scary," she said.

What has Jennifer Lawrence said about being a mom?

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

It seems like Jennifer found her stride because she's apparently embraced being a mom. She hasn't said anything recently, but she did speak with Entertainment Tonight last year during the promotion of No Hard Feelings about her parenting habits. "Of course, the urge to stop anything from ever hurting or negatively affecting your baby..." she said.

However, co-star Andrew Barth Feldman had nothing but positive words to share about Jennifer as a mom. "Jen is an amazing mother, for real. That was kind of one of the incredible things about doing this with you is seeing just how much of a priority being a mother is for you and how deeply you care about that over everything," he said.

We can't wait to see how Jennifer's second pregnancy develops and hope she's willing to give us a little sneak peek of how she's prepping to have two young kids!

Follow us on Facebook to stay tuned for updates!

Have you ever wondered why it seems some women always have the best friendships? We're talking about on the level of Sex and the Cityor Insecure. It's debatable whether some of those friends are toxic or not, but that's another story. The point is, it seems like some women have the best luck when it comes to building fun and supportive platonic relationships.

Are there unique qualities women in this position share? According to friendship coach Zoe Asher and licensed therapist Nicolle Osequeda, the answer is yes! Asher is host of the top-rated Accidentally Intentional podcast while Osequeda is the owner and founder of Lincoln Park Therapy Group, giving them an inside look at how people tend to approach all types of relationships!

Let's dive in!

Here are the unique qualities women with lots of friends share.

1. Women with a lot of friends value connection & community.

Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

The one thing everyone with a solid group of friends can agree on is how it feels like you've built your own supportive community. Friends are often the first people we turn to with good or bad news, or the ones we simply want to go on adventures with. Osequeda says, "Women with strong friendship circles often value connection, community, and the power of vulnerability."

There's a realization that women in this unique position are able to "recognize that life is richer with a support system," says Osequeda. This involves "people who will listen, validate, and be there through both the highs and lows" she adds. From the friend who stayed up with you all night after a bad breakup to the one who cheered the loudest at your graduation, women who have a huge friend circle know that life feels better when we can connect with others.

Based on her experience as a therapist, she's "observed how women start friendships by gradually sharing layers of themselves." This can look like "having children at the same school or bonding over shared interests," she adds. This vulnerability is important because it creates a foundation that signals to women they've found their tribe.

2. Women with multiple friendships are open to vulnerability.

Like Osequeda mentioned, vulnerability can deepen our friendships. "These women are open to sharing the 'messy' parts of themselves which builds a deeper, more authentic bond." Also, she notes women with a lot of friends "aren't afraid to shed layers and be real" because "this vulnerability strengthens their sense of community." The more this happens over time, the more it "helps foster the connections" women with a lot of friends "cherish," according to Osequeda.

Honestly, she says "we’re all wired to seek out connection, and friendships provide that sense of community, validation, and belonging." She believes we truly "crave spaces where we can share our thoughts and feelings about what truly matters to us."

Asher believes women with lots of friends are "usually drawn towards one another in friendship" based on two levels:

  • Level 1: Shared interests, appearance of confidence, a positive energy that they feel (smiling helps with this!)
  • Level 2: (When in conversation) the safety they feel when speaking to another person, [emotional compatibility], how engaged the person is in conversation, and a desire to learn more about them, ultimately to find shared values.

This determines how women move forward in friendships. The approach is often led with "a deep sense of authenticity and care," according to Osequeda. "This is because women want relationships where they can be themselves, sharing hopes, dreams, and frustrations without judgment."

3. Women who have a lot of friends like other people they're friends with.

Again, the fact women with lots of friends actually like the people in their chosen circle is monumental. Asher says, "An interesting Yale study done in 2003 sought to look at 'popularity' in high schools to see if they could find something that all of the most liked and most popular kids had in common (outside of being a jock, etc.,)."

The common thread? "THEY liked the highest amount of people," Asher reveals. I talk about being a people pleaser a lot, but genuinely liking others isn't the same as that. IMO, it's actually admirable when people can respect others regardless of their race, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexuality.

She knows you're likely asking, "How does this apply to women having a lot of friends?" Her answer? "Across the board, the principle here is that women with the most friends are continuously on a hunt to find good and likable things about others."

However, this isn't based on a selfish need or want. "They've determined that the time invested in others is of mutual benefit," says Asher because "the biggest coast in adult female friendships is time — the most finite resource we all share in common."

4. These women also don't mind making new friends.

Elina Fairytale/Pexels

While making friends as adults shouldn't be hard, it definitely doesn't mean it comes easily. From overthinking to social anxiety, there's so many reasons why we struggle. Also, this idea we're doing fine without friends isn't exactly helpful or positive. Asher says, "The CDC has said that the impacts of loneliness on our bodies are more harmful than smoking 15 cigarettes A DAY! Making time for quality friendships (and the pursuit of it) is just as important for your physical state as working out is."

Where should you start if you want to forge new friendships? Osequeda says, "Start within communities that already resonate with you — whether it’s your child’s school, your workplace, a gym, dog park or a shared hobby. Places where you already belong create natural opportunities to connect." She even suggests giving "apps like Bumble BFF or local meet-up groups" a chance because they "can also help you find like-minded friends." But don't think you're limited to this!

Though Asher agrees that women tend to approach "friendships by trying to find commonalities right from the beginning," she says you don't have to confine yourself to this formula. "The reason I don't think this is best is because we are boxing ourselves in when we do this. The greatest friends could be on the other side of the stereotypes we're creating," she notes. Taking it a step further, Asher shared her own experience with this. "I watched all 3 of my best friends get married and have kids all before I ever got married. On the outside, most women would think 'They don’t have anything in common.' But on the inside, the character traits and values we each were looking for were mutual, and that became a more important compass for our friendship than the stage in life we were each in."

She was even surprised she'd become close to her best friends because of how things looked externally. "We had nothing in common, but I'm so glad I didn't box myself in," she says excitedly.

Here Are Even More Ways To Make New Friends!

Asher has three ways you can open yourself up to new adult friendships if you're interested.

  1. The most important place to start is our mindset. We have to first decide “I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I’m worth having meaningful friendships.” When we make that decision, then we give ourselves permission and the courage to step out and take action in that! Important note about this: there was a study done at Stanford that revealed that people are 1.5x MORE likely to accept us than we think they are! So don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back!
  2. Go first. Make the ask, and then make the plans! Saying “We should hang out sometime” is ineffective because “sometime” isn’t a day on the calendar! We cannot wait for other people to want to pursue a friendship with us, because most of us are in this same boat — not knowing where to start! We can pursue connection, get plugged into a community (examples: book club, fitness class, church, etc), or create our own connections by just inviting someone over to our house/apartment. The biggest thing we need to remind ourselves of that is to stop making excuses, or pre-determining how we think people will respond!
  3. Again, don’t box yourself in. Don’t let your preconceived notions of what you think your archetype of a friend will look like stop you from spending time with others who don't fit that label. As addressed above, the friendships we’ve been looking for our whole lives could be right behind the stereotypes we’ve created! It’s more about character traits than it is about the external compatibility of hobbies or stages of life.

Osequeda's last piece of advice? "If you already have a friend group, meeting friends of friends is another great way to grow your circle. They key is taking that first step with a little bit of vulnerability — start a conversation, ask a question, and show interest." She's sure "it's these small moments of openness that create lasting connections!"

Want to know if you've taken on a certain role in your friendships? Discover the 11 ways you can tell if you're an empath!