Listen, we're all in agreement that money can make friendships super awkward. Venmo has made it easier than ever to split the cost of a trip, grab someone's lunch, or go on a Starbies holiday run — even if it means we see way less cash nowadays (this tweet about never finding money on the street anymore makes me laugh every time). But it also begs the question: how far is too far? Should we be paying someone back for a $2 soda? According to more than a few internet users, there are some times you should absolutely, never, ever send a Venmo request to a friend — and 4 times you should.
Keep reading to see all the times you should never Venmo request your friends, in addition to the times it's appropriate. And all the personal stories to back them up.
7 Times You Should Never Send A Venmo Request
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1. You don't always have to Venmo request someone for their coffee. Gasp!
I can't believe we're living in the land of $9 lattes, so I totally understand not being able to cover the tab every single time you meet a friend at a coffee shop. But if you haven't seen a friend in a long time, or, dare I say, you know they're struggling (whether it be emotionally or financially), cover the bill y'all! And if someone has opened their home to you? A coffee is the perfect thank you.
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2. Don't ask to be paid back for small, generous favors.
Getting into the weeds of every little penny will turn any enjoyable activity into a nightmare. "I had a college friend who would Venmo request every person in the car for gas money when we would drive to the grocery store," one anonymous Brit + Co reader says. "Like girl, don’t offer to drive 15 minutes then."
A Reddit user also points out that asking to be paid back for a cheap favor can come off as rude. "$10 is less than 1 hour minimum wage," they says. "$30 maybe. $50 absolutely. If this became a habit, then sure. But you don't see each other regularly."
Andrea Piacquadio
3. Don't send a Venmo request if you're helping someone who's sick.
If you've offered to help out a sick friend who can barely get out of bed, it's probably not appropriate to charge them for things like medicine, water bottles, and soup.
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4. Definitely don't ask for money if you offered to cover the cost in the first place.
When I went to a movie and a friend offered to cover my soda? So kind! When they texted me the next day to ask I send them money? I was a little taken aback. I didn't mind paying for my own drink, of course, but I would have also appreciated some clearer communication...
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5. Maybe don't send a Venmo charge if your friend is being generous in other areas.
I have to admit that I never realized how expensive it is to host friends. Well, one Reddit user explains that when they hosted some friends, and offered them food, one guest ended up sending a charge to cover just a couple of dollars.
"This is after I hosted her and was very generous with my time, home, and food," they say. "Charging me for crappy cheap grocery store muffins and a soda just feels like a slap in my face."
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6. Do NOT send a Venmo request just to be passive aggressive.
Just like the idea that "it's only weird if you make it weird," relationships can get messy if you let them. Case in point: money situations aren't the time to be passive aggressive.
"I once quit my job at the college coffee shop to help open a local cafe and my former boss at the college...made me feel so bad for taking the new job, like I was betraying everyone," says photographer Brittany Melissa. "He randomly sent me a Venmo request charging me $1 for emotional stress. I cried. I ended up paying it and told him it upset me and then he sent a Venmo paying me $1.50 'for causing you emotional distress.'"
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7. And you shouldn't send a Venmo request if you're just avoiding confrontation.
Friendship really is all about communication, and when you find yourself splitting a bill, make it clearer for everyone and actually discuss who's paying what.
"I’ve had friends in the past Venmo request me for food or for when we go out rather than messaging me & I feel like as a friend & someone I know & when dealing with money, it’s kinder to ask for the money rather than Venmo requesting," Brit + Co reader AspenGrace Ricks says. "When requesting on Venmo, it feels like there is more of an obligation to do it."
3 Times Venmo Requests Are Totally Appropriate
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1. It's okay to send a Venmo request when you have communal living needs.
If you live with friends, there's no way to avoid the fact you'll be using some of the same products (unless you buy two of everything). My roommate and I go back and forth on things like toilet paper and paper towels, but when it comes to items like the folding table we just ordered for Thanksgiving — yeah girl, send that Venmo request.
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2. Feel free to send a request if you're running their errands.
Listen, as someone who's in a very happy relationship with my Instacart, I understand not having time to grocery shop. But (unless you find yourself in the aforementioned "small, generous favors" situation) if you're already at the store and a friend asked you to pick up a few things just because they're short on time, I think it's totally okay to ask for them to chip in.
But if you want to give them the favor out of the kindness of your heart and cover the cost? It'll make their day!
Brit + Co
3. Going on a roadtrip means splitting roadtrip travel essentials.
I know the internet can have some differing opinions on what "essentials" mean, but I'm talking, like, the cost of a rental car. If your friend group is splitting the ride, then everyone should absolutely split the cost. And if you ask me, the same goes for gas money!
Kaboompics.com/Pexels
4. Send a Venmo request if your bill had to be on one credit card.
We've probably all been there: your 6-person bill arrives to the table (where you were all very respectful and kind to your waiter RIGHT?!) and no one wants to pick up the tab. If you end up swooping in to save the day, and you've all agreed to pay your own way, take a picture of the receipt and send those Venmo requests. Dinner ain't cheap!
Long story short, the key to making sure Venmo doesn't strain your friendship is communication. If you're not able to cover your friend, tell them! And if they freak out or just automatically assume they have access to your wallet? It might be time to check out how to break up with a toxic friend...