As an Asian-American Living in Europe, “Where Are You From” Is a Loaded Question

Brit + Co Community Voices
May 31, 2018

When you’re a foreigner in a new city, the common question locals ask is: Where are you from?

I have Chinese features, a Canadian accent, and a dual Indian-Canadian passport. Born in Kolkata, India, to parents of Chinese descent, I grew up in a Toronto, Canada household that spoke English, Chinese, and Hindi.

In Toronto, my Asian-American upbringing — that is, the experience of growing up in North America with Asian heritage — has never been an anomaly. It wasn’t until I moved abroad to live in London and Paris that I learned I’d have some explaining to do. Never mind the multiculturalism and diversity of these world cities; the trivial “Where are you from?” question has sparked much debate between friends and strangers I meet while living in Europe.

“I’m from Canada,” I usually respond.

“But you look Chinese,” a roommate once argued.

“No, but where are you from?” the Uber driver once asked.

“Well, I am Chinese,” I’ve said.

“To me, there is nothing about you that is Chinese,” my newfound friends, from China, have confessed.

“Where were you born?” a professor, ready to solve the conundrum, has asked.

“I was born in India.”

“You were born in India?” a Dutch airport security guard asked, gawking at my Canadian passport and then back at me.

“Then you’re Indian,” my coworker once decided.

As a child, it never struck me as bizarre to come down the stairs of my family’s home on a Saturday night to see a Bollywood movie playing, without subtitles, on the television while my parents shared a pizza with a cold beer.

My sisters and I were born in India, my parents were born in India, and so were my grandparents. I speak fluent English, broken Hindi and Hakka, a Chinese dialect, with a thick Western accent. I grew up going to Roman Catholic church on Sundays, cheering for the Raptors, and singing “O Canada” with pride. Our Thanksgiving feast consists of a smorgasbord of cultures: turkey with all the fixings, butter chicken and roti, and an array of dim sum and noodles.

This smattering of cultures is not obscure to me; it is simply fact.

There were always benefits of belonging to a multicultural Canadian home: dual citizenship, hot chocolate, and ice skating in the winter, along with barbecues and kayaking in the summer, celebrating two New Years, and filling stockings for my sisters at Christmas.

I’m an expert at assembling poutine, just as I am at folding dumplings or pan-frying parathas.

I won’t lie: navigating the Asian-American experience isn’t always easy. Identity issues are the real deal — I’m well aware that some Chinese communities don’t recognize me as Chinese, maybe because of my Western accent when I speak or my Canadian upbringing. And I know that I’m referred to as the “Asian girl” if friends need to point me out because, well, that’s the best way to pick me out in a crowd sometimes. I’ve even been accused of lying about my birthplace.

And don’t get me started on the disconnect you share with your parents when you were raised in a different country and with a completely different set of values.

While you fit into many boxes, you can’t quite check one off neat and tidy, and sometimes people want you to. I know, with certainty, that this sentiment exists among the Asian-American population, and of other diasporas living in North America, too.

While confusing to some, my Asian-American roots are commonplace in Canada. Multiculturalism is in Canada’s bones, and it’s what makes Canada home to so many Asian-Americans like me. Some of my best friends are a mish-mash of cultures, too, but in the classroom, at the bar, and at movies — wherever we are — we’re Canadian all the same. I’m convinced that sharing your culture with your neighbors and friends — and having them welcome you and embrace your cultural fabric with open arms — is part of the Canadian experience.

Indo-Chinese restaurants have popped up all over Toronto, a city that’s embraced the community and graciously thanks us for our ancestors’ creation of chili chicken, a hodge-podge of Chinese and Indian cooking styles and flavors.

I genuinely love every part of being Asian-American. It’s made life richer, it teaches me something new about the world, and it brings me closer to all of the cultures that make me who I am.

*

Carmen Chai is a Canadian journalist living in London, UK. She has been a staff reporter for several Canadian publications, including the Toronto Star, Vancouver Province, National Post and, most recently, Global News. She writes about health, nutrition, relationships, and travel, and recently wrote for Brit + Co about her sisters as mother figures.

(Photo by Oscar Wong/Getty)

PSA: Now You Can Track How Much Time You’re Mindlessly Spending on Social Media

Some days, you quickly check social media on your commute home. And others, you dive deep in the Instagram rabbit hole of checking your BFF’s cousin’s BF’s Christmas photos from 2016. (Don’t worry, we’ve been there too.) Today, all of that changes. Facebook and Instagram just announced tools to help harness and monitor your mindless scrolling time, including an activity dashboard, a daily reminder, and a new way to limit notifications. Translation? We may have just found a permanent fix to our (bad) browsing habits.

The goal of this change is a promising one — to encourage people to pass the time on Facebook and Instagram in a positive way. “Our hope is that these tools give people more control over the time they spend on our platforms and also foster conversations between parents and teens about the online habits that are right for them,” said Ameet Ranadive, Product Management Director at Instagram and David Ginsberg, Director of Research at Facebook in a recent press release.

The good news is that you can implement these time-saving features ASAP. To do so, head to the settings page on Facebook or Instagram. On Instagram click “Your Activity,” and on Facebook, press “Your Time on Facebook.” From there, you’ll see a dashboard showcasing the time you’re spending. For an added perk, you can activate a daily reminder to flag platform overuse. Or, on the days when you really need to get down to business, head to “Notification Settings” to mute these.

Now excuse us while we go enjoy some undistracted work time!

Looking for more tech news? Follow us on Twitter @BritandCo.

(Main photo via Getty; Body Image via Instagram/Facebook)

real lifesocial mediatech newsapps

Your November Horoscopes Are Here — See What's In Store For Your Sign

Welcome to November 2024! It’s official, everyone. We are cleared of the eclipse season and approaching the holiday season and Election Day. The collective is stirring with anticipation, awaiting the next course in our journey. Breathe. Tensions are especially high due to the major polarity brought on by the collective planet Pluto's re-entry into Capricorn just months ago. The tides are expected to change as the regeneration planet regresses into Aquarius for good.

You may be thinking, “What’s in it for me?” Aligning with the cosmic flow will bring more peace, understanding, and balance in your everyday life. Scorpio season is in full swing, and it beckons you to begin analyzing your internal landscape, desires, and control. You'll improve the world by grasping the importance of revitalizing your inner self. Believe it or not, you're the main character of your story, and your light contributes more than you know. This November highlights this part of your narrative. Are you ready to learn what is in store for you this month? Read on for your sun, moon, and rising November horoscope below.

Themes For Your November Horoscope In 2024

Brian Yurasits

This month kicks off with the New Moon in Scorpio on November 1st, helping you see how you're being of service to yourself and others. Due to Scorpio's vibe of death and regeneration, this lunation will also materialize the importance of “clearing out” from the old. Remember last month’s solar eclipse?

This New Moon in Scorpio extends the path for you to turn over a new leaf and actualize your desired changes. Make a move.

The communication signals will power up as Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2nd, manifesting a feeling of warmth and hope in our messages. The dialogue exchanged will be inspiring and educational.

Share information that will benefit others. You'll experience serendipitous moments as you give back.

Our drive and bravado will turn up as the motivator planet Mars enters Leo on November 3rd. Our self-worth will drive passion and desire. Step forward and claim your desire.

Patricia Luquet

Create your masterpiece and watch it come to life. Believe.

Love will shift to rationality and structure as Venus shifts into Capricorn on November 11. These next several weeks will help you gauge more accordingly with long-term plans and practical concerns. It will also invoke a more grounded approach to romance and dating.

Slow and steady builds stronger foundations in love.

On November 15th, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates the sky, highlighting the importance of taking the reigns through a measured approach. With the rebel planet, Uranus, in alignment with this full moon, it will stir up massive changes involving our narrative and how we are playing our part in our storyline. It can lead to impulsive moves, so remember to be intentional. The great news is that Saturn, the structure planet, is direct today, bringing more clarity regarding our direction.

Ahmed ツ

Brilliance awaits as you hold steady.

Buckle up! On November 19th, Pluto ingresses into Aquarius, settling into this future-oriented sign. Anticipate significant technological advancements, including refined artificial intelligence, quantum computing breakthroughs, renewable energy innovations, and immersive virtual reality experiences. Side note: VR Games like Supernatural(I'm a BIG fan!) are revolutionizing workouts, allowing people to exercise in other worlds while engaging with a supportive community for weight loss, endorphins, and positive accountability. As you visualize your ideal paradigm, Pluto will guide you toward the tools or necessary changes to attract your desired results. Embrace this transformation and let go of outdated constructs, paving the way for a brighter, more interconnected future.

Vlada Karpovich

Happiness and fulfillment await those willing to adapt and grow.

This month ends with the Sun in Sagittarius on November 21 and Mercury Retrograde on November 25. Sagittarius season invokes wanderlust, adventure, and growth. Remember that you'll reign this season as you remain open-minded to new concepts and ideas.

Close-mindedness and dismissiveness of others' input lead to dead ends.

As we conclude working with Mercury’s backspin this month, steer clear of making traveling plans (like booking a ticket/itinerary), launching a business, or signing contracts. Plus, it will help you streamline your messages, think through your personal beliefs, and change your attitudes towards life. Going through reflection will help you gravitate toward your desired outcomes.

Which signs will be most affected in November?

Juliane Monari

As we journey through November 2024, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, and Sagittariuswill each feel the cosmic waves uniquely. Scorpios will harness the transformative energy of the New Moon to reflect on their desires and initiate powerful changes. Taurus will be called to acknowledge new narratives during the Full Moon, prompting them to take control of their path and make intentional decisions. Aquarians will experience a significant shift as Pluto settles into their sign, inviting them to envision a brighter future and release old patterns that no longer serve them. Meanwhile, Sagittarians will be inspired by the Sun’s entry into their sign, igniting a sense of adventure and growth. However, they should navigate Mercury's retrograde carefully to avoid miscommunications and hasty decisions. Allow these energies to guide you toward a more fulfilled and intentional existence this month!

​Key Dates & Transits This Week

Griffin Wooldridge

  • 11/1 New Moon in Scorpio
  • 11/2 Mercury enters Sagittarius
  • 11/3 Mars enters Leo
  • 11/11 Venus enters Capricorn
  • 11/15 Full Moon in Taurus, Saturn Direct
  • 11/19 Pluto re-enters Aquarius
  • 11/21 Sun enters Sagittarius
  • 11/25 Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius

​Read Your November Horoscope For Your Sun & Rising Signs

Brit + Co

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Themes: Investments and Ambition

This month brings transformative opportunities for personal growth and ambition. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages you to dive deep into your desires and set intentions for long-term investments. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your voice shines, sparking optimism and inspiring connections. Let love lead the way as Mars in Leo ignites your creative passion and pushes you to take bold steps in your relationships. Make a move while factoring in your happiness. The Full Moon in Taurus prompts you to let go of unwanted habits while tying loose ends with finances. The great news is that your adventurous spirit flourishes with the Sun entering Sagittarius later this month. Be mindful of impulsive trips or conversations, as Mercury retrograde calls for thoughtful reflection on your plans and communication style.

Brit + Co

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Themes: Connection and Identity

Expect a month filled with deeper connections and self-reflection as you reassess your values and domestic life. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages the exploration of your love life and partnerships, manifesting progress. With Mercury shifting into Sagittarius, discussions around shared resources become enriching and insightful. Consolidate your research or your internal landscape of beliefs and get to the bottom of what keeps you from attracting more abundance. Mars in Leo energizes your home life, inspiring you to create a nurturing environment. Rearrange furniture or begin visualizing your ideal home life — this new pattern will attract movement in your domestic life. The Full Moon in your sign focuses on your identity, offering a moment of self-realization and understanding about how you need to reshape your narrative. Mercury retrograde will help you retrace your steps regarding merged resources and enable you to work out your financial priorities or unresolved debts — research methods.

Brit + Co

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Themes: Wellness and Subconscious Needs

Prepare for a month rich in exploration and relationship review, inviting you to evaluate your connections and daily routines. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on health and work, paving the way for beneficial changes. Begin a new protocol and establish a sacred practice involving wellness that will reorient you with your goals. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus shifts toward partnerships, enhancing the depth of your conversations. Work on listening intently to your partner or connections to find practical solutions. Mars in Leo ignites your curiosity, encouraging the pursuit of fresh ideas. Get involved in the local realms and initiate conversations — this will inspire you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus sheds light on your subconscious, urging you to confront hidden fears and clear out. The Sun in Sagittarius with Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and analyze your relationships and their direction.

Brit + Co

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Themes: Happiness and Friendship Circles

This month invites you to balance your daily routines with self-care for emotional fulfillment. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to understand the core of your joy and what fulfills you. Mercury’s entry into Sagittarius shifts your focus to daily routines, enhancing discussions around wellness. Health is wealth. As you focus on your overall well-being, abundance will follow. The great news is that Mars in Leo energizes your financial goals, motivating proactive steps forward, so taking care of yourself this month will ensure the results. Later this month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your social circles, prompting a reassessment of friendships. As Pluto in Aquarius encourages transformative growth, the Sun’s ingress into Sagittarius and Mercury retrograde emphasizes health, inviting you to take self-care practices and review how you typically extend your energy to others.

Brit + Co

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Themes: Fulfillment and Reassess Life Purpose

Get ready for a vibrant month of self-discovery and creative expression. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on your domestic life and family, inspiring you to cultivate a supportive environment while establishing your terms. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus turns to love and creativity, allowing you to step out of your comfort zone and explore these realms of joy. Mars in your sign boosts your confidence, empowering decisive actions in your pursuits. Be yourself and ignite your fire to get things done. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your professional aspirations, prompting you to reassess your career goals. Factor in what makes you happy and optimizes your energy. The Sun's entry in Sagittarius alongside Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and align with your priorities in love and your creative potential.

Brit + Co

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Themes: Ideas and Past Aspirations

This month brings clarity and enriched communication, inviting you to refine your thoughts and deepen your familial connections. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages engagement with new ideas and community interactions, promoting open dialogue. Being openhearted and receptive to people's feedback will lead to breakthroughs in your development. Mercury’s transition into Sagittarius shifts your focus to home and family, enhancing emotional discussions regarding your direction. Be curious in your approach; it will heal your unresolved matters. Mars in Leo energizes your subconscious, motivating you to confront hidden fears while helping you understand your habitual patterns. Rest and reflect. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus prompts reflection on your philosophical outlook and long-term goals. Look back at your old journals or past aspirations to fill the gaps in your story. Mercury's backspin entails reviewing your next steps involving your emotional security — look within yourself and align with your feelings instead of seeking external validation.

Brit + Co

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Themes: Self-Worth and Vulnerability

You're in for a month filled with financial themes and meaningful interactions, guiding you to reassess your values and friendships. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to reflect on personal resources, setting intentions for more stability. This is an opportunity to revamp your approach to money and security — research new methods that will attract more abundance. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus shifts to engaging conversations and learning opportunities. It is also an excellent opportunity to network locally and gain traction and confidence with the side hustles you may be working on. Mars in Leo energizes your social life, motivating you to cultivate new friendships and connections that will get you one step closer to achieving your long-term aspirations. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights shared resources, prompting a reassessment of intimate relationships and closing the chapter on any outmoded approaches. By the end of this month, Mercury retrograde will enable you to reflect on old ideas that may have rested on the back burner. This is your chance to let your past endeavors rest or revive once Mercury goes direct.

Brit + Co

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Themes: Self-Empowerment and Commitment

Embrace a month of self-confidence and financial insight! The New Moon in your sign empowers you to set intentions for your goals and new beginnings. You're worthy, as this is your chance to establish a new seed based on what's aligned with your heart. As Mercury moves into Sagittarius, your focus shifts to finances, enhancing your ability to express your needs clearly. It can lead to frivolous spending, so be mindful of ongoing patterns that can result in retail therapy. Your hard work will pay off as Mars in Leo energizes your career ambitions, motivating you to make bold moves. You'll shine as you begin to dream bigger and aim higher. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates your partnerships, prompting a reassessment of commitments and closing the chapter on past disagreements. Hold space for your heart and your past to find a solution. As this month closes, Mercury retrograde will enable you to feel more in your power as you analyze your self-worth and become intentional with your next steps in financial planning or business endeavors. Clarity will be set next month.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Themes: Revelation and Health

Get ready for a month of revelations and enriching opportunities. The month begins with the New Moon in Scorpio inviting you to assess your emotional patterns, reorienting you toward powering up your inner belief and renewal. Begin an affirmation practice because this lunation will level up your manifestation abilities. Mercury gracing in your sign will invoke clarity and enhance your ability to articulate your ideas. Traveling or seeking out new experiences will be your go-to course, as Mars in Leo fuels your adventurous spirit, motivating you to seek a new perspective. Taking a class or engaging in higher study will fulfill you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shifts attention to your work life and health, helping you to assess your well-being. Release whatever is weighing down at work or mental patterns — focus on one thing at a time to ensure productivity. Later this month, your season begins while Mercury retrograde occurs. It will be beneficial to slow down and observe your personal goals and how you're showing yourself up for others.

Brit + Co

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Themes: Community and Desires

Prepare for a month focused on community engagement and clarifying your core desires. The New Moon in Scorpio invites you to energize your social circles, sparking intentions for collaboration and shared goals. Be sure that your connections contribute to your vision — enthusiasm is vital for success. With Mercury moving into Sagittarius, you’ll gain insights into your emotional patterns, helping you navigate feelings more effectively. This is your chance to change what no longer meets your standards as Mars in Leo brings energy to transformative experiences in intimacy and with your vulnerability. Get to the root and realize what needs revamping. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shines a light on your creative and romantic pursuits, urging you to reassess what brings you joy and fulfillment. As Mercury retrograde approaches, take a moment to reflect on past experiences that shaped your emotional landscape; you might find clarity in revisiting old dreams and wishes.

Brit + Co

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Themes: Professionalism and Family Roots

Get ready for a month rich in professional focus and social opportunities. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to define your career goals, inspiring strategic intentions for success. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your attention shifts to building social networks and enhancing collaboration and networking potential. Love and partnerships will fire up as Mars in Leo energizes your connections, motivating you to seek mutual growth and shared ambitions. It's time to set the terms with your relationship — this will help you get answers involving its direction. The Full Moon in Taurus highlights your dynamics, prompting a reassessment of your foundational support systems. Revisit the old structures regarding your family roots and decide whether you want to implement this as your course moving forward. As Mercury retrograde sets in, consider reaching out to old friends or colleagues; reconnecting could spark fresh ideas and rejuvenate your professional aspirations and inner needs.

Brit + Co

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Themes: Exploration and Purpose

You're in for a month of exploring and understanding your life purpose. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires a quest for new knowledge, guiding your intentions toward education, beliefs, or travel opportunities. It is time to fall in love with life by broadening your reach. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus sharpens on your life purpose and public image, enhancing your ability to articulate your ambitions. Dig deeper and understand what stirs in your zest for life. Expect vitality and endurance as Mars in Leo energizes your daily tasks, fueling your enthusiasm for tackling responsibilities. Consider a health kick or a new regimen to help you keep up with your new endeavors. Your body is a temple, and this month is the starting point in getting things done with your motivation. The Full Moon in Taurus lights up your communication skills, enabling you to reassess your old ideas and how they can be cultivated. It's time to launch your idea or make room for something better. With Mercury retrograde approaching, reflect on past career choices; revisiting old projects or connections might unveil new growth opportunities.

With 2025 just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to explore how you can power up your year ahead. Lumi Pelinku invites you to dive deeper into your journey through an extended reading that can provide tailored insights and inspiration. Click here to book your reading today!

Wanna stay up-to-date on all things astrology? Be sure to sign up for our weekly newsletter!

zodiacastrologyzodiac signsnsfwhoroscopes

To Be a Single Mom Is to Smash Expectations of What Parenting ‘Should’ Look Like

Single mother.

The words may conjure images that are neither reflective nor encompassing of the reality. If you were to think “cold, detached career woman who has neglected her children in the pursuit of her own self-interest, paycheck, and career,” or “ragged, lazy, mooching-off-of-someone-else’s-paycheck occupier of the sofa and faithful reality TV viewer,” or maybe a combination of both or somewhere in between, you’d be off. Being a single mother is knowing all too well the stretch of being pulled in 15 different directions at once.

In the morning, I exist as a student. My day begins at 4am when I jump out of bed, hurrying to turn off the alarm blaring out of my iPhone before it wakes my sleeping children. I tiptoe out of the dark bedroom that the three of us share and prepare myself for a morning of productivity (or at least, that’s the goal). The next stop is the kitchen for coffee and whatever breakfast is the fastest to prepare and consume. I complete and submit the day’s assignments to my professors and take half a second to breathe before my second shift begins.

Once the kids wake up, I exist as Mom. I give good-morning hugs, lay out the day’s clothing, pack lunchboxes, serve breakfast, and hurry everyone out the door so we’re not late to school for the second time this week. This is the part of my day that brings me the most joy. No matter how many times the same routine is repeated, I continue to be in awe of these little humans that follow me around everywhere and call me Mom.

After school drop-off comes the rush to catch my train, where I exist as a writer. Believe it or not, the MTA can be an excellent makeshift office for the writer-in-training — if you can find a seat, that is. My two-hour commute to campus is spent brainstorming ideas for new pieces or improving and expanding the ones I already have. If I’m not writing, I’m engrossed in the latest book I’m reading.

On campus, I’m back to being a student again, and a darn good one, thank you very much. My hand raised in every class, classroom discussions are my favorite. As a student of international studies, there is never a shortage of theories to grapple with, current events to analyze, or debates to (respectfully) hash out in class.

After a day’s worth of studies, a downtown A train takes me to Amnesty International, where I exist as intern. There, I scurry around my desk in an effort to complete the tasks I’m focusing on that week. Phone calls, emails, meetings, brainstorming — all in a day’s work and for some of the best causes. I’m blessed to call it my place of work.

Another hop onto the train and I’m headed home for the day. For a brief moment I exist as daughter when I pick my children up from my mother’s — their grandmother’s — house, checking in to make sure she is doing well and has everything she needs. Then I’m back in mom mode, with after-school snacks, homework help, pretend games, puzzles, Legos, and more. This is usually followed by bath time and bedtime stories, at which point I transition back into student mode to go through the readings I need to be prepared to discuss for tomorrow’s classes. And the next morning, the cycle starts again.

The reality of single motherhood is living with society’s insistence that we are incomplete without that one last piece of the puzzle we’re always told we are lacking, be that a job, a partner, or whatever else is on the menu of deprecation for the day. It is the tendency for granola bars and caffeinated beverages to become your lifeline. It is mom guilt: that pesky little thought that you are always, somehow, falling short. It is the combination and juggling of all these roles, with their responsibilities and expectations, into one very tired woman. And it is experiencing all of that alone.

My life is hectic, there is no doubt about that. Beyond the roles I play in my daily life, I also occasionally cameo as older sister, ex-wife, and friend, among other things, every day. I exist at an intersection of sorts; as a Muslim American woman living in New York City in a post-9/11 world, the parts that make up my identity can too easily feel like they are at odds with one another, and adding “single mother” to the mix makes for an extra kick. To my right is the Muslim community, with all its demands of what I should be, how I should raise my children, and how I should live my life, and to my left are the Western notions of what freedom, success, and living well looks like.

And there I am in between, this person standing somewhere in the middle who is a part of both and none at the same time, eagerly trying to fulfill all requirements that both sides have for her. Early on, my head would constantly swing left to right and back again in an effort to satisfy all demands, to be everything I was expected to be and more, often at the expense of my own best interest.

Then these two beautiful little humans who call me Mom came to mind. And I realize that there is a lesson for them in everything I do. I think back to all the lectures I’ve given them about being all of themselves, unapologetically and openly, and understand that if I don’t model that, they won’t learn it.

Through them, I’ve learned the importance of putting down roots where I stand and allowing myself to grow there, uninhibited by the demands for conformity echoing all around me. I’ve learned that in order to give the best me I possibly can to my children, I had to allow myself to exist completely as I am, marvelously and completely with all of my flaws and accept myself as such. And, moreover, to celebrate myself for it.

So, sometimes my family doesn’t fit society’s mold of what it is to be “right,” or “correct.” And that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, this parenting thing? No one is doing it “right.” “Right” is a myth.

(Photo via Getty)

real life

Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco Are Literally Unrecognizable In Their Halloween Costume

Things are heating up betweenSelena Gomez and Benny Blanco since late last year to the surprise of some, but it seems like the couple's romance is just getting started. They're not shy about PDA and posting each other on social media and pretty much telling anyone who doesn't like it to get lost. We love how fiercely supportive they are of each other, giving us so many good green flags! Here's everything we know about the lovely new couple so far.

Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco's Relationship Timeline:

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

March 2019

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco first collaborated on the song "I Can't Get Enough" along with Tainy and J. Balvin in 2019. Though they were featured in a cute scene together, there weren't any rumors about them being romantically linked then.

August 2023

They didn't work together again until late summer 2023 when he produced Selena's single "Single Soon" with Cashmere Cat.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

December 2023

Before 2023 ended, Selena started leaving comments on Instagram that suggested she and Benny Blanco were in fact together. One of the comments she left appear on this Instagram fan page and it reads, "He is my absolute everything in my heart."

Some fans weren't so thrilled to see the two together though and they weren't afraid to express their opinions. But, this only prompted Selena to leave more comments that defended her relationship with Benny.

People grabbed a screenshot of one of the comments Selena responded that revealed the couple had been together for a while. "Not mad. It’s been 6 months bb. I will always defend my friends, family and fans till the day I die," she wrote. They even shared another screenshot from Selena's Instagram Story that showed her wearing a "B" ring on one of her fingers.

Craig Barritt/Getty Images for TIME

December 15, 2023

Soon after that, Selena shared a photo carousel on Instagram that included some of her favorite moments in New York and Benny Blanco can be seen in BTS moments. The last picture of the carousel features them sharing a kiss in a black and white photo that basically confirms the responses the singer had for fans.

December 28, 2023

Before the new year began, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco spent some time at a cute art exhibit during a date. From the looks of things, it seemed like they discovered their love language of physical touch early on.

Presley Ann/Getty Images for GQ

January 2, 2024

Feeling the love of being with Selena, Benny Blanco took to Instagram Stories to officially signal that the two are dating. People grabbed a few more screenshots that Benny shared and all we can see is the happy glint that was in Selena's eyes.

Sarah Stier/Getty Images

January 3, 2024

The next day the couple were seen court side at one of the Los Angeles Lakers' game. Once again, their love language was on full display in the most intimate way. A source revealed to People that they understood why people had so many opinions about Selena's relationship with Benny. "Everyone was a fan of hers before Only Murders [in the Building], and now everyone is protective of her."

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

January 15, 2024

Later that month, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco showed up to the Emmy Awards together. They were sitting side-by-side and weren't afraid to show affection with each other.

Jesse Grant/Getty Images for AFI

March 2024

When Benny Blanco's birthday rolled around, Selena Gomez shared a sweet message to him on Instagram. She wrote, "Happy birthday baby! Your emotional endurance, positive disposition, unbelievable talent (that blows me away), undeniable humor and loving, kind heart absolutely kill me. I love you @itsbennyblanco 🎂🥹."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

April 2024

Although we're only four months into the new year, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship is still going strong! The Only Murders in the Building star has been seen smiling in every pic she posts which indicates she's genuinely happy in her relationship. A source hinted to People that the two are doing well. "It’s a very serious relationship, and they’re making long distance work while she’s in New York for work commitments," they said.

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Spotify

April 25, 2024

In an interview with WSJ, Benny Blanco gave his POV of how his relationship with Selena Gomez began and it was the cutest revelation. "It’s crazy how your partner could just be sitting there the whole time, right in front of your eyes...And then you have a Clueless moment where you're like, Wait, I'm in love," he says.

A man who compares his relationship to that moment in Clueless where Cher and Josh admit their feelings for each other gets brownie points from us!

May 15, 2024

It looks like Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship may be ready for the next step — that's if you ask Mr. Blanco. He appeared on The Howard Stern Show yesterday to chat about everything, including his relationship with Selena. When Howard Stern asked, "You want to have kids with Selena? Have you told her you want to have kids yet," Benny replied, "That’s my next goal, to check the box. I have a ton of godkids. I've got a ton of nephews. I love being around kids."

However, he's not in a rush and wants everything to happen naturally. All that matters is that the two of them are in each other's life. He said, "I just know that when I look at her, I just say, ‘I don’t know a world where it could be better than this.’ That’s what I always say to her.”

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

May 29, 2024

Selena Gomez tells TIME just how much Benny Blanco means to her — no matter what anyone else says. "My own fans, who I adore and feel like have shaped who I am, will say the most hurtful things to me about how I live my life," she says. "But he has the strength in him that none of that noise fazes him. It’s really impressive, and I just cherish every moment with him. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that he’s not going anywhere any time soon.”

Selena Gomez/Instagram

October 27, 2024

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco looked amazing in their Alice in Wonderland couple's Halloween costume. "Curiouser and curiouser," Selena wrote on the post, which is totally reminding us of Taylor Swift's 1989 (hello "Wonderland"!!!).

Selena wore a corset dress in what looks like slate blue with cap puffed sleeves and a tulle skirt, along with a blonde wig, black bow, and slingback shoes. Benny went all out as the Mad Hatter with face paint, a wig, a top hat, and a waistcoat. We'd follow them down the rabbit hole!

What do you think about Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship?Follow us on Facebook for more celebrity news!

This post has been updated.

relationshipsentertainmentcelebritiescelebrity newsnsfwcelebrity couples

'It Ends With Us' Star Brandon Sklenar's Next Movie Is Another BookTok Favorite

Gretchen Weiners' hair might be full of secrets in Mean Girls, but in Amanda Seyfried's new movie, her life is full of secrets. The Housemaid, based on the novel by Freida McFadden, follows Millie (played by Sydney Sweeney), who's down on her luck and in desperate need of a fresh start. When she snags a job as a housemaid in Nina's (Amanda Seyfried) beautiful home, it looks like things are finally moving in her favor. But all is not as it seems — and it doesn't take long for Millie to realize Nina's secrets are the most dangerous thing about her.

The book, which has sold over 3.6 million copies, has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for over a year and Amazon's Bestsellers list for 98 weeks (talk about popular). It was also the second-most-read title on Kindle for their 10th anniversary, so it's no surprise that the story is getting its own adaptation. Here's everything you need to know about The Housemaid starring Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Brandon Sklenar.

  • The Housemaid by Freida McFadden is getting the movie treatment.
  • Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney will star as Nina and Millie, respectively, while Brandon Sklenar will star as Andrew.
  • Seyfried promises fans "I'm gonna do you well."

Who's in The Housemaid movie?

Jon Kopaloff/Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

The Housemaid Cast

The cast of The Housemaid will be led by Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, Anyone But You) as Millie, Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, The Drop Out) as Nina, and Brandon Sklenar (It Ends With Us,Drop) as Andrew. Uma Thurman, Phoebe Dynevor, and Anthony Hopkins will also star. Check back here for the rest of the official cast list!

"I hope [die-hard fans of the book] accept this casting," Seyfried jokes in an interview with Bustle. "I know Sydney's amazing...I can't wait to work with her. I think we're going to have a lot of fun. But also, like, I don't know how people see Nina, my character...I hope they like the casting because the fans are the reason it's being made. So I'm here to tell all the fans that I'm gonna do you well."

"I can’t even express how excited I am to announce that #TheHousemaidMovie is coming soon!!!" McFadden said in an Instagram post. "@Lionsgate has come up with the absolute perfect cast and director, and I am just so grateful! I mean, Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Paul Feig…mind blown!!!! I’m so honored and thankful to all my readers who helped make this dream come true!!!!!"

Is The Housemaid going to be made into a movie?

Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels

Yes, Deadline announced on October 8 that The Housemaid would become a film, thanks to Hidden Pictures and Lionsgate. Paul Feig will direct, Rebecca Sonnenshine will write the script, and Todd Lieberman, Laura Fischer, and Feig will produce while Alex Young, author Freida McFadden, Sydney Sweeney, and Amanda Seyfried will executive produce.

“I’m thrilled to have The Housemaid join our upcoming slate,” said Adam Fogelson, chair of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group. “A great filmmaker and a great cast with a great script from a great book is a terrific place to start.”

“Part of the fun of the book was imagining the cast while we read it, and Sydney Sweeney and Amanda Seyfried are perfect for Millie and Nina – they’re both mysterious, nuanced, and incredibly skilled at becoming characters who don’t reveal everything right away,” said Erin Westerman, co-president of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group.

What is the plot of The Housemaid?

Amazon

The Housemaid Plot

Millie has one more chance at starting over, and taking a job as a housemaid for wealthy couple Nina and Andrew is the perfect place to start. But as she cleans, cooks, and takes care of their daughter, Millie quickly realizes her employers are far from perfect — even if they'll do anything to keep up appearances.

When is The Housemaid coming out?

Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

The Housemaid Release Date

We don't have an official release date for The Housemaid yet, but there's a good chance we could see it in 2025. Stay tuned for more news!

How many books are in the series The Housemaid?

Amazon

Freida McFadden has three books in The Housemaid series: The Housemaid, The Housemaid's Secret, and The Housemaid is Watching.

Is The Housemaid spicy?

hubbugaye/Pexels

There is some sex and violence in The Housemaid, but it's not as overwhelming as some other popular books on the market. One Goodreads user compares the content to what you'd watch in Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Minds. If you're concerned about one of your preteens reading this book, you could always read it first, or start a bookclub and read it together!

Read The 17 Best Mystery And Thriller Books For All Readers while it's still spooky season!

This post has been updated.

pop cultureentertainmentnsfwmovies