Let the games begin! This week’s episode of The Bachelor kicks the competition into high gear, with one ill-fated solo date and two only slightly better group dates that force the remaining women to put on a show — not just for Arie, but for actual crowds of people.
Bibiana and Krystal are still angry at each other after last week’s confrontation, so of course they’re both on group date number one, along with Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B., Tia, Marikh, and Bekah M. Their anger might actually come in handy for this date, though, because it involves them pretending to beat each other up in a ring. That’s right — it’s the Bachelor-GLOW crossover you never knew you needed. (Or just never needed, period.) Jacqueline very astutely observes that this might not be the best idea for a group of women who are already butting heads, but when has that ever stopped them before?
To aid the ladies in their challenge, producers have brought on two of the original GLOW wrestlers, Ursula Hayden, AKA Babe the Farmer’s Daughter, and Angelina Altishin, AKA Little Egypt. They are not impressed by the six bachelorettes — Angelina calls their attempts “pathetic” — but the hostility appears to be mutual, especially after the GLOW women make fun of Bibiana’s name at the expense of her mother. Bibiana is (rightfully) enraged, so she and Tia (who is upset about being yelled at by the wrestlers) take a much-needed break from the action. Ultimately, though, because they still want that group date rose, they get back in the ring.
The rest of the GLOB (Gorgeous Ladies of The Bachelor) show goes off mostly without a hitch, so Arie and the women celebrate with a little party. As per usual, everyone’s scrambling for a little one-on-one time, but Krystal grabs him first, which prompts some not-so-subtle side-eye from the other ladies. Bibiana even complains to Arie about it during their alone time — has that ever not backfired? — and in the end, he passes over both her and Krystal for the date rose, giving it to Bekah M. instead.
Arie’s wine country date with Lauren S. is up next, and it seems at first like it’s going to be a good one. They’re bonding over their early bedtimes and laughing a lot, but things take a turn for the super-uncomfortable at dinner. Lauren S. can’t stop talking — at one point she inexplicably mentions her mom’s eye infection? — and Arie is completely checked out. He’s literally just eating his steak and pretending to listen. And he’s not even pretending that well. She knows the date is going poorly, but the more she tries to save it, the worse it gets. Eventually, Arie picks up the date rose like he’s going to give it to her, only to tell her he can’t because he doesn’t see a future with her. Weird misdirect. She’s a little disappointed, but she also admits she’s not herself around him, so it’s probably for the best.
Time for group date number two! This one is a dog show, where the women — Ashley, Becca K., Caroline, Chelsea, Annaliese, and Jenna — have to train a group of dogs to sit and jump through hoops in what seems like 10 minutes. Annaliese, who broke down over a traumatic bumper car experience on last week’s group date, is struggling again this week, because of a traumatic experience with a dog when she was a kid, which the show REENACTS in faux flashback. (Is anyone else starting to think they’re just planning dates around her childhood traumas?)
She ends up with a pretty stinky job — scooping up poop — but the rest of the girls don’t fare much better. None of them can get the dogs to follow their commands, so they’re basically just walking around onstage in costumes and gesturing their hands in an attempt to distract the audience (and guest commentator Fred Willard, weirdly). At one point, a kid at the show just starts bawling, which pretty much sums up the entire experience. Chelsea ultimately gets the date rose, but the date itself goes in the “L” column.
Back at the mansion for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Bibiana is setting up a romantic mini-date for her and Arie, complete with a bed and a telescope for stargazing. Before she can find him, though, he stumbles upon the setup with Lauren B., and then TURNS BIBIANA AWAY when she tries to interrupt them to tell him that they’re enjoying the date she planned. To add insult to injury, he invites both Chelsea and Bekah M. to join him (separately) on the bed, while Bibiana is still waiting in the wings. All of this could have been avoided, of course, if one of the people behind the scenes had given him a heads up, but then there wouldn’t be any unnecessary drama to watch on TV.
Meanwhile, Annaliese is freaking out because she’s one of the only people who hasn’t kissed Arie “Pillow Lips” Luyendyk Jr., so she pulls him aside and asks him to kiss her, to which he replies, “I just don’t think we’re there yet.” What he really means, though, is that they’ll never be there, so he sends Annaliese home before the rose ceremony. That means there’s just one more elimination coming, and Bibiana is the unlucky lady. Don’t worry, girl — there are bigger things ahead for you.
What did you think of last night’s episode of The Bachelor? Tell us @BritandCo!
(photos via ABC/Paul Hebert)
