This Millennial Pink-Inspired Backyard Makeover Is What Outdoor Living Is All About

Having a backyard is both a blessing and a curse. You get that coveted outdoor space, but then you also need to fill it with furniture and plants *and* maintain it. Our DIY Kit Designer Marianne Koo recently moved into her new San Francisco digs and inherited a yard that needed some serious TLC. On this edition of Make It Over, we'll show you her gorgeous transformation, along with a few DIYs that helped her reach #plantlady status.

The Before

Koo's yard had a bit of wear and tear (not to mention a leaning fence). It was basically a blank slate that was begging for an overhaul. She wanted a stylish space that would work for entertaining, lounging, and her growing plant collection.

The After

Koo's (below left) minimalist style came out in all of our design choices — from the millennial pink-inspired tablescape to the modern outdoor fireplace nook. And we even got to replace that sad fence with a beautiful stained wood version.

After settling on a color palette of blacks, whites, and pinks, we sourced our hero pieces: the teak dining table from Article and the bold patterned rug from The Mine. Then we added pops of blush and terra cotta to warm things up. And for that extra wow factor, we brought in brass candle holders and flatware.

FEATURED PRODUCTS

None

Pink Modern Dinnerware Set

$69
None

Block Carres Ivory Rug

$313
None

Gold Metallic Flatware Set

$56

Since adding additional seating was a must in this big yard, we found these gorgeous armchairs and added pops and texture with pillows. The concrete side table is the perfect size to hold some canned rosé.

In order to house Koo's growing plant collection, we got her an actual house — well, a greenhouse. This find not only added more storage but really filled up the yard and added architectural elements. “I love my new plant house and can't wait to watch my jungalow grow!" exclaimed Koo.

FEATURED PRODUCTS

None

Tassel Bolster Pillow

$49
None

Anson Fire Bowl

$358
None

Barbara Ceramic Pot

$31

There she goes, getting started on it already. Happy planting, girl!

Check out our DIYs below and scroll down for all the shoppable links to get the look on your own.

The DIYS

With such an empty yard, we really needed to bring in planters to add more interest and personality. We put Koo to work on a few DIYs that would look amazing in any yard (or indoor garden, if that's what you're working with).

VERTICAL GARDEN

These affordable vertical gardens (like this one on Amazon for just $11!) are easy to dress up with paint to make a bold statement piece in your garden.

Simply lay out your design with the masking tape. Be sure to press the edges down firmly so that paint doesn't seep underneath. Then paint between the pieces of tape. It took us two layers to achieve an opaque look. When making these, be sure to allow the paint to dry overnight and then remove the tape.

OUTDOOR PLANT BENCH

Trust us; this outdoor bench is actually surprisingly easy to put together. Most hardware stores will cut the 2×4's down for you for a small price. We recommend using redwood for any outdoor project, as it naturally resists decay. Feel free to use cedar as well, which exhibits the same properties but is a little pricier.

Butt up a 15-inch piece of wood against a 17-inch piece of wood. Use a spare piece of wood to keep the first two pieces aligned. Secure the two pieces of wood together with two screws.

Repeat the previous step and secure the two “L" shaped pieces together. Repeat these two steps to make two squares.

Arrange the four 48-inch pieces of wood on top of the two squared, making sure to leave an even amount of space between each piece.

Your bench should mirror the layout shown above.

Lay a strip of tape across all of the planks to make sure the screws are aligned and use two screws to secure each top plank into the base. Repeat the previous step on the other end of the bench and remove the tape.

Use the masking tape to create a template for paint. Make sure you use exterior paint. Allow the paint to dry overnight before removing the tape.

Shop the Look

Outdoor Dining Table: Article Teaka Dining Table ($1099), Article Sala Chair ($189), The Mine Orian Blocks Carres Ivory Area Rug ($150), World Market Large Bodega Glass Set of 6 ($12), World Market Ivory Linen Napkins ($24, set of four), World Market White and Brown Jute Table Runner ($25), All Modern Elkhart 3-Piece Vase Set ($46), Urban Outfitters Umbra Shift Pleated Succulent Planter ($79), Urban Outfitters Umbra Shift Pleated Vase ($79), Urban Outfitters 12-Piece Metallic Flatware Set in Gold ($56), Urban Outfitters 12-Piece Modern Dinnerware in Pink ($69)

Outdoor Fireplace Area: Luxe Decor Zuo Outdoor Teak Arm Chair ($698), Urban Outfitters Venice Net Tassel Bolster Pillow ($49), The Mine Real Flame Anson Fire Bowl ($358), The Mine Safavieh Torre Concrete Accent ($101), AllModern Barbara Ceramic Pot Planter ($31)

Greenhouse: Wayfair Glory Greenhouse ($2210), AllModern Valve Ceramic Pot Planter ($38)

Photography: Brittany Griffin

Are you looking to make over your own home? Follow us on Pinterest for more inspo!

Products provided by Article, The Mine, Luxe Decor Urban Outfitters, Wayfair, AllModern, and Cost Plus World Market.

Color lovers are in for a treat this season as the best trending home decor hues lean heavily into moody jewel tones and nature-inspired hues. Espresso and burgundy and hints of gold – with a few earthy pastels in the mix – are brightening our neutral spaces and giving us a reason to love color again this season. Here are six moody, modern, and monochrome color trends to embrace this season and decorate your happy home.

Golden Yellow

Lemieux Et Cie

Darker shades like deep gold are adding drama and sophistication to interiors. Whether you opt for subtle buttery yellows (also on trend) or go bold with gold, yellow tones can brighten and elevate your space. Find this rich hue on accent walls, furniture, or accessories.

Shop Yellow Home Decor

West Elm

Cotton Velvet Blackout Curtain

Burgundy

Meredith Kleinman Design

Deep, rich reds are classic for the season and gracing our living spaces with stunning color. Use this color on kitchen cabinets (try Benjamin Moore Classic Burgundy) or your favorite furniture and decor.

Shop Burgundy Home Decor

Interior Define

Maxwell Fabric Sofa By Apartment Therapy

Lulu and Georgia

Carmine Velvet Pillow

Earthy Greens

Gavin Cater

Married couple and design duo behind the Los Angeles design firm Bungalowe, Karan and Sapna Aggarwal, recently renovated their home in the Highland Park neighborhood of LA with this earthy green zellige tile as the accent color in an otherwise neutral home. (Check out their gorgeous home for rustic decor inspiration). Moss, olive, and deep greens like this one are making their way into homes that want to bring in some striking color.

Shop Earthy Green Home Decor

Ruggable

Taylor Washable Wool Rug

Espresso And Mocha

Nils Timm

These yummy colors are on the rise as a modern neutral. Amanda Leigh and Taylor Hahn of celeb-loved L.A. design firm House of Rolison were tasked with reimagining this 1950s Beverly Hills home in the coveted neighborhood for a modern era and chose chocolate and dark woody accents throughout. UK-based Graham & Brown announced its Color of the Year 2025: Elderton, a neutral toned brown inspired by nature. These versatile hues add a sense of warmth and earthiness, perfect for creating cozy, inviting spaces.

Shop Espresso And Mocha Home Decor

Ferm Living

Mara Knotted Rug

Pottery Barn

Ozark Swivel Chair

Urban Outfitters

Sienna Checkered Stool

Earthy Pinks

Desenio

Earthy pinks like toffee, clay and mauve are softening up the rich jewel tone vibe in spaces like this Whimsical Wonderland Gallery Wall. Mixed with more saturated pinks it creates a stunning contrast for all your demure dreams.

Shop Earthy Pink Decor

Lulu and Georgia

Kimber Linen Pillow

Midnight Blues

Anthropologie

With warm colors dominating in recent years, dark moodier blues are creeping back in for us blue lovers. This Winton Dining Table gives this monochrome room a beautiful centerpiece.

Shop Moody Blue Decor

Lemieux et Cie

Roanne Renee Rug

Anthropologie

Liv Wood Lamp Base

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

If you've been struggling to get enough sleep, new TikTok viral wellness trend — 'sleepmaxxing' — wants to help. We'd give anything to stop dealing with insomnia, middle-of-the-night wakeup calls, and overall sleep anxiety. But does this trend work? And more importantly, are all these social media tips safe for you to try?

Dr. Ankur Bindal, MD, MPH, FAPA, FAASM can tell you better than we can given his board certification in psychiatry, from American Board of Psychiatry & neurology. In addition to being the founder of the KAB Medical Group Inc. in San Diego, he's also a board certified sleep medicine practitioner who's seen firsthand how a lack of rest can affect our overall wellbeing.

TL;DR

  • Sleepmaxxing is a TikTok trend that's focused on setting yourself up for the best night of sleep possible.
  • While sleep masks and other tangible efforts to get comfortable in bed are great, you mainly want to make sure you're making healthy choices before bed like avoiding your phone.
  • Adults should aim for seven to nine hours of sleep each night.
  • Eliminate too much light in your bedroom, avoid screen time, and establish consistent sleeping and waking times.

What is sleepmaxxing?

KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA

If you're confused about sleepmaxxing, you're not alone — it's really not a straightforward term. It reminds us of what Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory: "No one knows what it means but it's provocative...gets the people going." However, it actually has a meaning, and Dr. Bindal succinctly breaks it down. "Sleepmaxxing is the art and science of optimizing one's sleep and achieving the best possible quality & quantity of sleep by addressing every factor that can disrupt sleep," he says. This can look like using ear plugs, sleep masks, establishing specific sleep rituals, or anything else that is soothing and helpful.

Mainly, if you actually want to maximize your sleep, then you need to focus on what you do before you go to bed. Unbeknownst to us at times, our bedtime habits can affect the kind of rest we get (or not) at night. Dr. Bindal says, "Optimal Sleep hygiene methodologies including limiting light and sound exposure to using the latest sleep gadgets so sleepmaxxing aims to enhance sleep quality to the fullest." Unfortunately this means our habit of binge watching shows or scrolling mindlessly on TikTok at night aren't helping us.

I mean, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 35% of those surveyed have their sleep interrupted by lights inside of their homes. That's just lights, sans repetitious social media sounds and compelling television plots. When you add those on top of it all...let's just say we really are not doing ourselves any favors.

How does getting the proper amount of rest aid in our overall wellbeing?

Ahmed ツ

Now that you have a better idea of what sleepmaxxing is, we have to talk about why it matters. Dr. Bindal says getting the "proper amount of sleep" helps support" the following "various bodily functions" including, but not limited to:

  • Brain health — Enhanced cognition in domains of learning, concentration and consolidating memory by promoting phenomenon of hippocampal plasticity
  • Immune system function — A production of essential immune cells, better equipped to fighting off infections
  • Hormone regulation — A regulation of mood and reduced stress and physical repair that promotes muscle recovery, tissue repair, and overall physical development

He further explains that hormone regulation eventually leads to "improved mood, concentration, energy levels, and reduced risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes."

Basically, the health benefits of slowing down and going to sleep outweigh what society often pushes — staying up later, longer and hustling at all hours of the day and night.

On average, how many hours of sleep are recommended?

Kaboompics.com

How much rest are you truly getting at night? If you ask America's Health Rankings, 35% of adults are getting less than seven hours of sleep. Dr. Bindal says that while adults should sleep between seven and nine hours every night, and there are health risks for those who don't. "Research corroborates that adults who sleep less than seven hours a night may have more health issues than those who do," he explains. Johns Hopkins Medicinefound that sleep deprivation can lead to a "36% increased risk for colorectal cancer," propensity for developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and an overall lower immune system.

Saying "I'll sleep when I'm dead," may sound like a joke, but there's nothing funny about not letting your body get the rest it needs to function.

Should people with sleep difficulties try sleepmaxxing?

Marcus Aurelius

There are several reasons why your sleep could be negatively impacted right now. You may be dealing with insomnia due to stress, depression, or being a new parent. According to the American Psychological Association, 43% of people believe being stressed contributes to their lack of sleep. Furthermore, these same people have noticed their mood has shifted. The same reports shows that 45% of people who are getting less than the recommended hours of sleep have shared they feel on edge more than others while 52% have noticed they've been taking their frustrations out on those in their household.

Dr. Bindal agrees that sleepmaxxing can greatly benefit you if you're struggling because it can "enhance sleep quality to the fullest and emphasizes the importance of optimal sleep health."

How does sleepmaxxing benefit us?

Pavel Danilyuk

Clearly, you need a certain amount of sleep to function properly and achieve all those goals you've so intentionally set recently (hello, October Theory!). That's where sleepmaxxing can come in. Dr. Bindal says, "Improved sleep quality can lead to enhanced mental clarity and emotional stability, making it easier to navigate daily challenges."

If you're planning to change a few habits, you're going to need all the strength and focus you can access because change isn't always easy — even if you welcome it! So when you're implementing these new nighttime routines, be sure to stick to them. Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb, avoid the itch to scroll socials, and make sure you're able to properly relax. It can make all the difference in the world!

How can we incorporate sleepmaxxing in our bedtime routines?

KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA

If you don't know how to make sleepmaxxing work for you, Dr. Bindal has great suggestions! "Key techniques include optimizing your sleep environment, establishing a consistent sleep schedule, and managing stress and anxiety," he suggests.

One of the key ways you can make sure your room will promote a good night's sleep is by "adjusting the temperature" or "practicing a relaxation exercises before bed," he says. While meditation and mindfulness may be relaxation exercises that take practice over time, choosing the correct temperature is an easy way to set yourself up for success. Everyone's different, but he truly believes your room should be between 65 and 69 degrees Fahrenheit, too.

As Dr. Bindal mentioned before, eliminating sources of light can also aid in the rest you get. Personally, I can't sleep with the TV or lights on anymore because I just know it interrupts my sleep. My room is usually pitch black when it's time to go to sleep — to the point my three-year-old knows what it means when I turn everything off.

Besides these things, Dr. Bindal encourages you to maintain "consistent sleep and wake times" along with a "balanced diet and regular physical activity." Whether that means you start making your own Cava bowls inspired by the blue zone diet or doing workouts at home, they can aid in helping your body repair itself which then promotes the sleep you need.

Can we become too hyper-focused on our quality of sleep?

Kevin Malik

As with anything, too much of something can have adverse affects which rules out any benefits. Though sleepmaxxing can be a good thing for you, becoming fixated on it is likely going to make you even more stressed. "One of the primary concerns with sleepmaxxing is the development of orthosomnia, a condition caused by an obsession with tracking sleep metrics, with devices or apps, which increases anxiety and can further disrupt sleep, called paradoxical insomnia," Dr. Bindal warns.

If you become too obsessed with tracking every little thing, he says all this will do is "disrupt sleep cycles and limit the efficacy of insomnia treatments." But, he has an idea of what you can do to lessen the chance that'll happen. "Instead of over-analyzing how much sleep you’re getting, it’s important to understand that insomnia is a common and treatable condition, by incorporating healthy sleep hygiene routines organically and focusing on addressing the root causes of insomnia symptoms," he shares.

How can we optimize our sleep without getting sucked into wellness trends?

Niels from Slaapwijsheid.nl

Whether you want to call it sleepmaxxing or not, all you have to do is normalize the tips Dr. Bindal mentioned above. "Some of the ways can include established a consistent sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, managing light exposure, and limiting screen time before you want to go to sleep," he reiterates. Social media isn't going anywhere so don't let your FOMO convince you that potential scandals or tutorials are more important than getting seven to nine hours of sleep.

Also, don't forget to "maintain a comfortable sleep environment" while being aware of your "caffeine and alcohol intake throughout the day," Dr. Bindal points out. Something tells us that we're going to have to be intentional about breaking up with our daily coffee runs and desires to unwind with a nice glass of wine. But if it means we'll sleep better, we'll add that to our list of habits to change!

Need an extra dose of positivity in your life? We have even more lifestyle tips to share to help you end the year on a healthy and wholesome note!

I like to think of curtains as a room's final accessory, like putting on earrings before heading for a night out. They instantly warm up a room, literally and aesthetically, and can be the statement piece or the neutral backdrop to your favorite room. They also provide privacy, blocking unwanted views and light, which is essential in bedrooms, living areas, and offices. We found 15 curtains in a slew of materials, patterns, and styles that will elevate your style and space. Make sure to measure your window’s width and height to determine the right length and width of the drapes, letting them hang to the floor or a little beyond it, and dress your rooms for fall and beyond!

CB2

CB2 Light Brown Organic Cotton Velvet Window Curtain Panel

Fall is the perfect time to swap your sheer drapes for a lush organic cotton velvet. This light brown velvet curtain panel reduces sound, darkens the room, and hangs beautifully for a luxe look.

West Elm

West Elm Laney Floral Curtain

Feeling more floral in earthy tones? This sophisticated floral pattern will elevate your windows, offer privacy, and keep light at bay. There are also two ways to hang, giving you more rod style choices.

Quince

Quince Raw Silk Curtain

These raw silk blackout curtains are low-key luxe, designed with a nubby texture rather than a high-sheen silk. Hang from the back tabs for an elegant pleated style, use the rod pocket to create a more relaxed, gathered look, or hang with a set of our curtain clips. Your choice!

Wayfair

Susanna Linen Room Darkening Curtain Panel Pair

Sometimes a room needs a touch of floral charm to bring it to life. This stunning drapery set brightens your space by letting in just the right amount of sunlight, while still maintaining your privacy.

CB2

CB2 Basketweave Natural Tan Cotton Window Curtain Panel

Get this classic look that never goes out of style with opaque cotton ivory panels that provide total privacy. Pair with sheer French-Belgian linen for a 5-star hotel look.

Anthropologie

Anthropologie Zosia Curtain

This romantic floral print says demure all over it. The light-filtering organic cotton panels are perfect for living spaces and offices.

Target

Threshold Blackout Velvet Window Curtain Panel

Get the best night's sleep ever with this affordable blackout curtain. The seasonal organic velvet is also super easy to care for.

Wayfair

Madison Park Anaheim Plaid Darkening Thermal Fleece Lined Curtain

It's almost fleece season! Block the breeze with this plaid panel made with warming fleece lining. The set reminds me of something you'd see in a cozy Studio McGee cabin.

Pottery Barn

Pottery Barn Belgian Linen Flax Curtain

This best-selling curtain from PB offers the airy, breezy look of a summer panel, but its hidden secret is the blackout liner — ideal for sleep-in Saturdays.

Wayfair

Eastern Accents Kelso Viscose Room Darkening Curtain Panel

The timeless check pattern adds a touch of classic style to any room, while the built-in liner ensures your space stays perfectly dark for sleep and movie-night coziness.

IKEA

IKEA GLANSHAGTORN Panel

Bring in a burst of green or orange color this season with IKEA's plaid curtains that also filter light, perfect for playrooms and dorms.

Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters Ella Vine Floral Window Panel

This semi-sheer fabric filters light through your space in an eye-catching floral vines print. It's OEKO-TEX Standard 100 certified cotton and machine washable.

Anthropologie

Anthropologie Pieced Stripe Curtain

Have a little fun with stripes pieced together with zig-zag stitching. This light-filtering curtains adds a pop of pattern to any room.

Made Trade

Made Trade Grid-Stitch Curtain Panel

Made with GOTS-certified organic cotton, this embroidered curtain allows some light to pass through while providing privacy. Love the grid pattern!

Etsy

Etsy Minimalist French Country Drapes

Get the French Country look with this minimalist floral linen curtains that you can customize to your room's needs. So sweet!

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

In The Holiday, there's Cameron Diaz’s sleek, modern LA home, while Kate Winslet’s character offers up her quaint, cozy English cottage. If you lean more into Kate’s cozy vibe, especially in the fall & winter, here are some simple tips to transform your home into a rustic and cozy cottage this season. From fresh flowers to vintage art, these easy upgrades will help you capture that English charm in your home so you can sit back, relax, and admire.

Tip 1: Use A Soft, Neutral Color Palette

@sophia.at.home via Farrow & Ball

Choose soft whites, creams, pastels with touches of blue, sage green, and blush pinks in your decor. Paint a cozy reading nook with a soothing color like Farrow & Ball's Schoolhouse White, and look for vintage-style furniture made in natural fibers like linen or cotton. Bonus if you have a fireplace, but if not a candle will do!

Shop The Nook

IKEA

IKEA ROCKSJÖN Armchair

Tip 2: Layer Natural Linens

Shutterstock

Get cozy with plenty of pillows, quilts, and knitted throws to add layers of warmth and comfort (kitty optional;). Natural fiber rugs like jute, sisal, or wool rugs bring natural texture to the space, and light and airy curtains like linen or lace can help filter sunlight and create a romantic, cozy atmosphere.

Shop Linens & Rugs

Magnolia

Magnolia Flora Pillow

Tip 3: Bring In Floral Elements

JJ's Flower Shop

Treat yourself to a subscription of fresh flowers, like this pastel bouquet from JJ's Flower Shop, perfectly neutral and natural for your cottage aesthetic. Display them in mason jars or vintage vases for a natural touch. Bring in small plants like succulents, herbs, or wildflowers, and add botanical prints and wallpapers with floral patterns to enhance the look.

SHOP COTTAGE FLORALS

Chasing Paper

Chasing Paper x Jenni Yolo Cosmo Block Print

Tip 4: Add A Warm Touch

Vlada Karpovich

Go for soft, warm lighting instead of bright overhead lights and light your favorite fall candleto create a cozy ambience, especially in candleholders made from metal, wood, or glass. Warm fairy lights create a magical glow and are perfect for mantels. Enjoy the season with a pot of soup, coffee, hot chocolate, or mulled wine and get hygge in the kitchen too!

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Navigating adulthood as an eldest daughter can be tough. While you’re not a child in your parents’ home anymore, the dynamics you grew up with can still follow. Think about it: how often do you find yourself trying to solve everyone else’s problems while continuously trying to shoulder your own alone? If this resonates with you at all, you may be dealing with Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

To understand what this actually looks like beyond the TikTok therapy speak of it all, I talked to a licensed therapist, Briana Paruolo, LCMHC. As the founder of On Par Therapy — a practice that specializes in “burnout, disordered eating, and self-worth” that seeks to “empower high achieving women” — she comes across a lot of clients dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Here’s what Paruolo has to say!


TL;DR

  • Eldest daughter syndrome isn't in the DSM-5, but that doesn't make the experiences of eldest daughters any less real.
  • Eldest daughter syndrome can look like intense perfectionism, unrealistic high standards, an inability to delegate, and an innate need to prioritize the needs of others first.
  • Eldest daughters can heal by validating their experiences, understanding their self-worth, and setting clear boundaries with themselves and others — especially by just saying "no" sometimes.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

cottonbro studio

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Pavel Danilyuk

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

Netflix

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Any Lane

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

jasmin chew

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

Elina Fairytale

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

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