Nothing gets you in the holiday spirit quite like baking easy Christmas cookies (and making a mess in the kitchen with sugar, flour, and *all* the sprinkles). Thankfully, you don't have to be a trained pastry chef to create the best holiday cookies for Santa. Christmas cookie decorating doesn't necessarily mean sitting down with fancy candy topping and buckets of royal icing. It could be as simple as throwing together some easy Christmas cookie recipes with few ingredients or hacking cake mix to make the dough. Now that you have the confidence to get started, check out these easy Christmas recipes and get to baking!
Real Food Dieticians
With marshmallow and chocolate chunks and a pinch of cayenne pepper, these cookies are the sweet delicious kick we want in our holiday cookie. (via Real Food Dietitians)
Clean Cuisine
Here's a healthy but just-as-delicious take on the classic Gingerbread cookie. Gingerbread cookie recipe is delicious and healthy. It’s also gluten free and dairy free with a fresh taste of ginger and molasses. (via Clean Cuisine)
Kathryn's Kitchen
This no-bake cookie recipe is so easy and clever! Simply use Oreo cookies dipped in melted chocolate and then decorated with more chocolate, festive sprinkles and a Rolo candy to look like your ornament topper. (via Kathryn's Kitchen)
Julia Frey of Vikalinka
Turn your holiday candy canes into these chocolate cookies, dipped into melted chocolate, for a festive cookie everyone will love. (via Julia Frey of Vikalinka)
Completely Delicious
Drizzle your cookies with white chocolate and sprinkle sparkling sugar for a cookie party favorite. (via Completely Delicious)
You can make the cookie dough in this recipe ahead of time and freeze it to save you time during the Christmas rush. When you're ready for this baking recipe, just take them out of the freezer and arrange on a baking sheet. Fourteen minutes later, you'll be enjoying one of the best Christmas cookie recipes: warm cranberry white chocolate chunk cookies — filled with melty chocolate chips. (via Brit + Co)
Is all that red and green cramping your style? Give typical holiday colors a break with these pink pastel ornament Christmas cookie idea, complete with crushed candy cane sprinkles. Eloise would definitely approve. (via Brit + Co)
The Original Dish
These almond-flavored shortbread cookie sandwiches with raspberry jam and milk chocolate will be on your holiday cookie rotation for years to come. (via The Original Dish)
Kathryn's Kitchen
Soft and chewy and reminiscent of a cinnamon roll. OMG good! (via Kathryn's Kitchen)
This warmly spiced gingerbread cookie dough can act as a base for your favorite holiday shapes and decorations. Personally, we're suckers for this making snuggly sweaters with this easy Christmas cookie recipe. (via Brit + Co)
Need a cup-shaped cookie to go with your steaming cup of hot cocoa? Try this frosted, easy holiday cookie recipe, made with store-bought ingredients. (via Brit + Co)
This Wife Cooks
Top these peppermint-infused sugar cookies with Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses for your next cookie exchange! (via This Wife Cooks)
Pink Owl Kitchen
Perfect with a cup of hot cocoa, these cardamom cookies are melt in your mouth! (via Pink Owl Kitchen)
Vanilla and Bean
These classic no-bake cookies are super simple and make tasty food gifts! (via Vanilla and Bean)
Woman Scribbles
These buttery cookies with coffee caramel and topped with chocolate are a sweet tooth's dream. (via Woman Scribbles)
Feel Good Foodie
These cookies are infused with anise seeds and topped with colorful sprinkles for extra festive fun. (via Feel Good Foodie)
Two Peas and Their Pod
These soft and chewy oatmeal cookies with tart dried cranberries, a hint of fresh orange, and creamy white chocolate are a classic crowd pleaser! (via Two Peas and Their Pod)
Barley & Sage
Add a coffee-flavored twist on classic chocolate crinkles! (via Barley & Sage)
Simon Bajada
This recipe from the new cookbook Crumbs: Cookies & Sweets from Around the World by food writer Ben Mims was inspired by a cookie recipe from Poland.
These crunchy, delicate, heart-shaped cookies come together with puff pastry, cream cheese, and a cinnamon sugar coating. (via Brit + Co)
This lightly pink holiday cookie idea is homemade, but in a pinch, just stock up at a Chinese restaurant and dip in white chocolate and crushed candy canes at home. (via Brit + Co)
These fun Christmas cookies are sure to wow all your holiday guests, including Santa himself. Plus, it's awesome to add a twist to the Christmas cookie game with zero baking. (via Brit + Co)
Express those fond holiday emotions not with words but with a custom-made emoji expression. (via Brit + Co)
The holidays can be nutty, but baking Christmas cookies definitely makes things better. These goodies can be rolled out, cut, and decorated to your liking. Plus it makes for a fun date night or girls' day activity. (via Brit + Co)
Though there aren't any animal crackers in the actual recipe, the addition of honey and oat flour will make you think otherwise. Use the dough for all of your fave rolled or cut cookies. (via Brit + Co)
Though you can make any cut-and-bake cookies with the chocolate dough, we're partial to using it for these edible hot cocoa mugs. They are finished off with a sprinkle rim, Rudolph face, and candy cane handle. They're so cute they can almost pass for the real thing! (via Brit + Co)
Who needs store-bought Oreos when you can impress your friends with the homemade version? We also think that the scalloped edges are the perfect finishing touch. (via Brit + Co)
These Christmas cookies can also double as cute decor, at least until they're all gobbled up. Add some powdered sugar before serving or add peppercorn eyes and buttons and bake until all the moisture is gone (around 10 minutes) to display them through the holiday. (via Calico and Twine)
Not only are these cookies tasty but they're extra cute. The hearts are perfect for Valentine's Day but for the holiday season swap your cookie cutters for some Classic Holiday Cookie Cutters. (via Two Spoons)
It's just not the holiday season without frosted sugar Christmas cookies. Ditch the idea of a perfect cookie and instead, top yours with a fluffy buttercream and whimsical decorations. The messier the better! (via Half Baked Harvest)
Why choose between cookies and brownies if you don't have to? This hybrid is the best of both worlds, with a luscious peppermint frosting on top. It's the thing of our candy cane dreams! It's oh-so-tempting to serve these warm with ice cream in lieu of the frosting! (via Cooking Classy)
Buttery toffee, smooth white chocolate, and rich macadamia nuts make these homemade Christmas cookies a natural pairing with hot chocolate. (via Lovely Little Kitchen)
Any combo of cinnamon and sugar tastes like the holidays to us. This easy Christmas cookie is great for all kinds of gatherings and is plain enough that even picky eaters will want one. (via Cozy Cravings)
Just when you thought mini Reese's cups couldn't get any better, they make impressively convincing snowmen hats on these unique Christmas cookies. Don't forget to save a couple cups to snack on later! (via Half Baked Harvest)
The trick in these cute Christmas cookies is making a depression in the cookies with the bottom of a glass before sticking them in the oven, so you can fill each one with as much icing as you like. Load 'em up! (via The View from Great Island)
These cookies are made with healthier ingredients (like coconut sugar, cinnamon, and almonds) and are also grain-free, dairy-free, and gluten-free. That means you can gift them to pretty much everyone on your list. (via Cotter Crunch)
If you're going to give your kids a cookie, you might as well hide a strawberry on top to balance it out. Dip the strawberry in green candy melts, add sprinkle ornaments, and let it fully harden before attaching it to the cookie with a blanket of white frosting snow. (via Lovely Little Kitchen)
Gingerbread cookies are a mainstay of the easy holiday cookie table. This recipe is made healthier with dried apples, then drizzled with a paleo-friendly caramel sauce. (via Food Faith Fitness)
Turn your favorite cup of cocoa into a festive + easy Christmas cookie with this recipe. This is definitely for the chocolate lovers out there — it's got double the chocolate and a cocoa powder topping for good measure. (via Amanda Wilens)
If you don't usually love eggnog, give this recipe a try before you write it off completely. There's only a touch of spice, but it's just enough to keep things interesting. (via Half Full)
If you love cookies but dread rolling out the dough and meticulously decorating them, use this recipe. The dough doesn't need to be rolled out before you form the cookies, and since the sprinkles go directly into the dough, the decorations are already done. (via Averie Cooks)
Soft and chewy molasses cookies are a hallmark of the holidays. And unlike some, these don't need to be chilled before baking, so they can go from the bowl to the oven to your mouth in record time. (via A Cookie Named Desire)
Chocolate, caramel, and nuts form the traditional turtle cookie — but these are a deliciously gluten-free version. (via The Skinny Fork)
If you're more of a visual learner, follow along with the easiest Christmas cookie recipe of all, the whipped shortbread cookie.
Check out our online baking classes for more easy Christmas cookie recipe ideas and inspiration and follow us on Pinterest for more recipes!
Additional reporting by Justina Huddleston and Sara Cagle
This post has been updated.
Lead image via Half Baked Harvest
There are almost as many Christmas Eve dinner ideas as there are cuisines. And that's a good thing, because you can't expect to power through Santa's big night on Christmas cookieand cocktail recipes alone (as delicious as that actually sounds right now). Your house may be the kind to appreciate some Christmas Eve buffet menu ideas. Or perhaps dinner options to eat in your PJs is what you and your loved ones are after. Whatever your style is, here are 50 recipes for a Christmas Eve spread that will put a spring in your step when you roll out of bed Christmas Day.
The Real Food Dietitians
Go easy on yourself this holiday with this Mediterranean-inspired dip that takes just minutes to make! (via The Real Food Dietitians)
Clean Cuisine
Serve these party-appropriate stuffed mushrooms made with cheese, peppers, and fresh herbs. (via Clean Cuisine)
Averie Cooks
Turn your charcuterie board ingredients into a festive tree with mozzarella cheese, olives, pepperoncini peppers, and fresh rosemary! (via Averie Cooks)
Damn Delicious
This veggie side is super simple, calling for just two ingredients and 10 minutes of prep work. Throw them in a skillet right before showtime and let the prosciutto get nice and crisp while the asparagus turns bright green and tender. They turn out perfect every time, trust us. (via Damn Delicious)
Kitchen Gidget
There's nothing more tasty on earth than crispy potato croquettes, unless it's potato croquettes stuffed with savory picadillo. Prepare for the onslaught, because *everyone* is going to want this Christmas Eve dinner menu idea. (via Kitchen Gidget)
This Wife Cooks
Kick your guests' tastebuds in gear with this easy and delicious dip! (via This Wife Cooks)
Fake Ginger
Baked brie is so ooey-gooey delicious that it's definitely one of our favorite Christmas Eve dishes, and this one calls for ingredients you probably already have on hand. Serve it as an appetizer with a crisp white wine or in place of rolls at the table. It's always a crowd pleaser and goes great with dessert. (via Fake Ginger)
Brit + Co
It doesn't have to be a game day to enjoy the this tasty Christmas Eve food idea. Serve these appetizers to everyone before dinner, or snack on them as you're preparing the rest of the food. Either way, you'll love this recipe! (Brit + Co)
Brit + Co
With sweet potatoes, Gruyère, cream, and sage all mixed in together, this is one easy Christmas Eve dinner dish (or Christmas brunch idea) that you'll never leave off your holiday menu ever again. (via Brit + Co)
Crowded Kitchen
This shaved Brussels sprout salad with pomegranate, candied pecans and a lemon dijon vinaigrette went viral and is perfect for potlucks! (via Crowded Kitchen)
Hello Little Home
This vegetarian stuffing is easy and loaded with flavor, making it perfect for your Christmas feast! (via Hello Little Home)
Kathryn's Kitchen
Skip the box in favor of this homemade recipe that takes less than 30 minutes! (via Kathryn's Kitchen)
Feel Good Foodie
This kale salad is loaded with pears, and cranberries, topped with walnuts, and blue cheese with a homemade vinaigrette, making it perfect for the holiday table. (via Feel Good Foodie)
Brit + Co
Butternut squash is one of those seasonal foods that's perfect in salads and adds a bit of weight to any Christmas Eve recipe. (via Brit + Co)
Brit + Co
This side dish can also serve as a main course for any plant-based eaters around your dinner table this Christmas Eve. The flavors of pumpkin and vegetables keep things light and bright, while the spicy curry will warm you to your toes. (via Brit + Co)
Brit + Co
Green bean casserole is so tasty that everyone should be able to enjoy it! With mushroom sauce, beans, and plenty of vegan and gluten-free swaps, this dish will be a Christmas favorite. (via Brit + Co)
Brit + Co
There's nothing quite as cozy as a bowl of warm soup on Christmas Eve, and this slow cooker version is about as convenient as it gets. More time for wrapping presents! (via Brit + Co)
Half Baked Harvest
This green pozole is bubbling over with the goodness of peppers and tomatillos, zucchini and sweet corn, avocado and cotija cheese — with fresh baked tortilla strips and roasted pumpkin seeds on top. One bite and your taste buds will be singing hallelujah! (via Half Baked Harvest)
Brit + Co
If you need a festive and easy Christmas Eve dinner idea, think of these pointy florets like miniature Christmas trees. Set them in a creamy cheese sauce and dust with Parmesan for a snowy (and tasty) side dish for your dinner. (via Brit + Co)
Vikalinka
Side dishes don't have to be underwhelming before your big Christmas dinner. Whip up this delicious pan of fried zucchini with basil and Pecorino Romano cheese that will make your guests ask for the recipe! (via Vikalinka)
Averie Cooks
If you can't wait until Christmas to treat your family something sweet, make this sweet potato cornbread to go with your meal! You can either serve it as a side dish or treat it like dessert. (via Averie Cooks)
Seasons and Suppers
Make-ahead sides are a real life saver at holiday time. These potatoes are whipped up with cream cheese, sour cream and eggs, so you can keep them in the fridge until the very last minute and they'll bake up to perfection, casserole style. (via Seasons and Suppers)
Bowl of Delicious
Toss Brussels sprouts with bacon grease, maple syrup, salt, and pepper, then roast until perfectly crispy and browned. So tasty! (via Bowl of Delicious)
The Iron You
This rice casserole is rich with three kinds of cheese, spices and lemon zest. Make a double batch and hold one back in the fridge for leftovers; you'll be thanking yourself amid tomorrow's wrapping paper frenzy. (via The Iron You)
Carlsbad Cravings
The trick to feeding a crowd with your Christmas Eve meal ideas is to make a meat or fish entreé with a plethora of easy and tasty sides. Well… nothing could be easier than these carrots that caramelize slowly to perfection in a balsamic glaze in a low-heat oven. This is one sweet veg you won't have to beg the kids to eat. (via Carlsbad Cravings)
Brit + Co
Make a turkey full of the flavors of the season with this simple, easy-to-follow recipe. (via Brit + Co)
A Spicy Perspective
Made with a flavorful brandy and brown sugar glaze, this baked ham is the perfect main dish for Christmas. (via A Spicy Perspective)
Brit + Co
Here's everything you need to know about prepping, roasting, and serving the best bird you'll eat this year. You'll learn how to thought and season the turkey, as well as everything else you need in the kitchen to prepare it just right. (via Brit + Co)
Julia Frey of Vikalinka
Not just for vegetarians at the table, this Mushroom Wellington, flavored with roasted garlic, thyme and Parmesan cheese, then baked in flaky puff pastry, is an everyone pleaser! (via Julia Frey of Vikalinka)
The Original Dish
Racks of lamb served with a fresh, vibrant citrus salad is a unique, refreshing take on holiday dinner. (via The Original Dish)
NeighborFood
Prime rib is always a showstopper, but the real star of this show is the homemade horseradish sauce. It cuts right through the richness of the beef, adding just the right amount of savory zing to this Christmas Eve dinner recipe. (via NeighborFood)
Donna Hay
If you haven't had lasagna made the old school way, with béchamel sauce instead of cheese, you are in for a *tasty* treat. This is one meatless dish even the carnivores in the house will be clamoring for — definitely add it to your Christmas eve dinner menu! (via Donna Hay)
Half Baked Harvest
Slow-cook a beef pot roast braised in wine with onions, carrots, and fresh thyme, serve it alongside creamy mashed potatoes for a one-pot meal that’ warms a holiday crowd. (via Half Baked Harvest)
Iowa Girl Eats
This pork shoulder is cooked the traditional way — in a tasty citrus trio of orange, lemon and lime juice, spiked with onion, jalapeño, herbs, spices and an entire head of garlic. Start it in the morning and it will bubble away happily in your slow cooker all day, giving you time (and counter space) to get the rest of the feast prepared. (via Iowa Girl Eats)
No. 2 Pencil
Ham is one of those hearty dishes that's great for feeding a crowd, but it's actually pretty tricky to get it just right. This recipe uses the slow cooker to your advantage, gently heating the meat all day in delectable juices without ever drying it out. Serve it in slices the next day for a Christmas morning breakfast add-on. (via No. 2 Pencil)
Two Peas and Their Pod
This 30-minute meal makes a great holiday main with tender strips of beef, mushrooms, and a rich and creamy sauce, serve dover egg noodles or mashed potatoes. (via Two Peas And Their Pod)
Salt & Lavender
If you're making a whole feast, this 30-minute meal with the tastiest gravy and tender and juicy pork would be the perfect addition! (via Salt & Lavender)
Pinch of Yum
Christmas Eve menu ideas for a buffet cannot be complete without pie! Tamales are a tradition this time of year, but you know the old saying: It takes a village! If you're craving the flavor but dreading the assembly line, your new go-to recipe has arrived. (via Pinch of Yum)
Nerds With Knives
Sometimes you want to mark a special occasion with a challenging dish. This lasagna bolognese is made completely from scratch, including the pasta, and your guests will appreciate that effort with every delicious bite they take. (via Nerds With Knives)
Crystal & Co.
When you love the *thought* of made-from-scratch lasagna but you just don't have the time, roll ups to the rescue! This Christmas Eve party menu idea is jump-started using store-bought ingredients, but no one will ever taste the difference. (via Crystal & Co.)
Host The Toast
Do you have fond memories of Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve? Before you dive into your Christmas desserts, serve up this crockpot version of everyone's fave, which tastes every bit as good as the real thing in case you were wondering. (via Host The Toast)
A Spicy Perspective
When it comes to seafood, lobster is the crème de la crème. This Christmas Eve recipe, flavored the old fashioned way with clam juice and cognac, is sure to impress everyone at your holiday party table. (via A Spicy Perspective)
Nicky's Kitchen Sanctuary
Nothing beats a creamy fish pie when the *crust* is made of mashed taters. Here's a meal that's guaranteed to taste better if you eat it in your jammies followed by your favorite holiday cocktail. (via Nicky's Kitchen Sanctuary)
Saveur
Whole roasted fish dishes are an Italian tradition on feast days. While this one looks like a culinary work of art sitting on your table, it actually comes together easily and calls for just seven ingredients. (via Saveur)
Completely Delicious
This stunning gingerbread layer cake with cream cheese buttercream is surprisingly easy to make and perfect for the holidays! (via Completely Delicious)
Vanilla and Bean
Indulge in a cookie dessert that is delicious and not at all hard to make! (via Vanilla and Bean)
The Fast Recipe
Make these quick and easy thumbprint cookies with only five ingredients. (via The Fast Recipe)
Barley & Sage
For a decadent and delicious twist on holiday dessert, try these chocolate cupcakes with cherry filling and whipped cream. (via Barley & Sage)
Averie Cooks
These sweet fall treats are sure to become a fan-favorite when you serve them as part of your Christmas Eve dinner. (via Averie Cooks)
Completely Delicious
This recipe makes us think about funnel cake combined with yummy cinnamon butter honey. (via Completely Delicious)
Love these Christmas Eve dinner ideas? Follow us on Pinterest and check out our online cooking classes for more inspo.
This post has been updated with additional reporting by Jasmine Williams.
Featured image via Half Baked HarvestFirst loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.
Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.
I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.
"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.
As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."
Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.
While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."
Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.
Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."
Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?
Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.
You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says
*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."
Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.
Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.
Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.
I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."
Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."
At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.
First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."
I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.
"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.
Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.
Here are Menon's tips:
I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.
"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."
Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."
He wants you to consider these things:
Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.
That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.
