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Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Aries (March 21 – April 20): Hagrid

Starting off big and bold with the giant himself, Rubeus Hagrid. His larger-than-life presence fills up the room, the quidditch field, or wherever he steps foot, and people are automatically drawn to his infectious energy. Once he sets his mind to something, he cannot be stopped (remember Fluffy? And Norbert?), using his stubborn nature to the benefit of Hogwarts and the people around him as a whole. However, his mouth tends to run faster than his brain, sometimes getting him in trouble — much like you, dear Aries. 😉

Taurus (April 21 – May 21): Hedwig

Listen: Hedwig may not have been the first 'person' you thought of here, but hear me out! Hedwig is extremely headstrong, making her presence known and doing exactly what she wants (and needs) to do at all times. The Dudleys are being jerks? She's screeching. Harry needs his mail? She's flying. But at the end of the day, she just really loves to be home with her favorite person — Harry.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21): Draco Malfoy

Y'all aren't ready for this, but Draco isn't a Gemini simply because of the stereotypical assumptions people make about Geminis. While he is definitely sneaky, and whatever other negative attributes people try to attach to Geminis, I actually think his duality lies in his pull to please his parents vs his desire to be a literal child and friend to his peers. While he is a bully throughout the entirety of the series, it becomes quite clear that his bullish nature comes from his family's legacy — and his acceptance or rejection of that narrative. If he used his fierce dedication to his family (and ultimately the Death Eaters) for good, he could live an entirely different life.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Dobby

Have you ever met someone who cares for another person the way that Dobby cares about Mr. Harry Potter? Before they've even met, Dobby uses his extreme empathy in an attempt to save Harry from Voldemort. While his actions may seem misguided, his intentions truly come from the heart, as he desperately tries to keep Harry from making it to Hogwarts. And when Harry eventually returns that kindness with a sock, freeing him? Dobby is loyal until the bitter end.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Harry Potter

Who has more main character energy than you, Leo? Harry may seem like a reluctant hero at times, but ultimately this wizard is definitely confident in his abilities. I mean who else would go after the golden snitch like that as a first year? Or literally say out loud, "I am the chosen one," to one of his best friends? Jokes aside, Harry is totally magnetic, attracting friends and foes alike wherever he goes — and he uses that powerful draw to help him throughout his fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

Virgo (August 23 – September 21): Hermione Granger

It's no secret that Hermione is always the smartest person in every room. And much like you, Virgo, she also knows to ask the right questions when she doesn't know the answers — hello, searching high and low to learn who Nicolas Flamel is — ultimately getting exactly what she and her friends need in the fight between good and evil. She's organized, intentional, and an absolute go-getter, making her a pretty unstoppable force of nature. But don't be fooled by her buttoned-up exterior; our girl is totally tender inside, using her skills as a shield against any harm towards herself, her parents, and her friends.

Libra (September 22 – October 22): Albus Dumbledore

Who wants justice and balance in the world more than Albus Dumbledore? The fearless Hogwarts leader is nothing if not consistent in his almost religious pursuit of creating a fair, equitable, good world for all witches, wizards, and muggles alike. Even when it means sacrificing his own life, Dumbledore will do what it takes to do what's ultimately right. And with those fierce wizard coats and accoutrements? Yeah, he's absolutely a Libra.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Severus Snape

Much like his younger Slytherin student, there's a lot more to Severus Snape than what you may typically think about Scorpios. Sure, he's a little sneaky, incredibly intense, and super elusive — but those aren't always bad traits to have! Snape uses his secluded nature to his advantage for the advancement of the greater good. See, he's loyal to the bone, and would do anything to protect Harry based on his love for Lily Potter. So while he may seem 'bad' at first, Snape is proof that appearances can certainly be deceiving, and that there's a lot more behind that wall he's got up.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Sirius Black

Alright, let's jump into the slightly mischievous, highly passionate Sirius Black. This man exudes Sagittarius energy to the max. He'll play the villain if he has to, completely unbothered by what other people think about him — just as long as he's able to protect and care for those he loves. He has the biggest heart, an immediate warmth, and a charm about him that allows him to become a fast friend to all. And at the end of the day, he’s not afraid to stand up for what he believes in…even when that’s his entire family.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall is whip smart and incredibly dedicated to her job — sound like anyone you know, Capricorn? She takes her responsibilities so seriously that she's willing to fight trolls and Death Eaters and everything in between for her students. And while she's tough on Harry, Ron, and Hermione, she's also always looking out for them at every turn, giving off an innate motherly quality constantly. Truly, this woman is an absolute icon and should be protected at all costs.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Ron Weasley

One thing about Ron Weasley? He certainly marches to the beat of his own drum like the true Aquarius he is. Ron's different, and he's not afraid to be, even when Draco says something snide or he's wearing hand-me-down robes. He ultimately wants to make the world a better place for his friends (and for everyone), allowing his experiences to help find unique solutions however he can. Ron is persistent in fight between good and evil — even when it brings him to the lowest of lows — and doesn't let hardship keep him from doing his part.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood is the epitome of a Pisces. She's dreamy and caring and sorta has her head in the clouds. Although she seems like she's in la la land at times, there's honestly a lot more going on beneath the surface. Luna has a perspective unlike anyone else, so she's able to help paint a fuller picture for Harry and the rest of Dumbledore's army as they train to defeat Voldemort day-in and day-out.