You could be secretly — an unintentionally — self-sabotaging in your day-to-day life in more ways than you know. From your job to your friendships, there are probably a few ways that you're counting yourself out and putting yourself last when you don't have to. And that kind of self-sabotaging behavior? It's seriously bringing you down.
Rest assured that this isn't another article meant to make you feel bad about yourself though. It's more of a friendly nudge for all of us to stop being so mean to ourselves because self-sabotaging isn't exactly rooted in self-love. It's like setting small parts of ourselves on fire...then complaining about how much it hurts. That doesn't sound fun, does it?
If you're vigorously nodding your head, let's make a vow to do things a little differently. But first, we have to face the subtle signs of self-sabotaging we just can't seem to stop doing.
Buckle up because we're exposing 10 signs you're actually self-sabotaging!
Mikhail Nilov
1. Treating Procrastination Like It's The Love Of Your Life
We see you snickering to yourself, but it's time to evaluate your relationship with procrastination. Whenever you do it, does it make you feel better about yourself or do you rush to complete whatever you were supposed to do? If you've noticed your habit is a daily part of your life, chances are other people know about it too.
One study found that "1 in 4 Americans say their friends expect them to procrastinate on takes" while "1 in 12 say even their employer expects" late tasks. It may elicit a few jokes, but we wouldn't be surprised if you told us people are starting to rely on you less because you're not starting things when you said you would.
We know it's familiar to reach for procrastination, but it's not helping you in the long run.
Polina Tankilevitch
2. Critiquing Your Appearance Like You Have A Built-In Bully In Your Ear
We couldn't decide if this should be the first self-sabotaging thing we covered, but we know it's serious enough to talk about early on. The Florida House Experience discovered almost 50% of women begin questioning their body as they age which is scary to think about. But what if you're doing that now?
It's easy; we know. Still, there's no reason to repeat negative things about yourself like you're an annoying internet bully who likes to pick fights with everyone. It's soul-crushing and puts you in a position to find new things to critique no matter how many times you swear you'll stop.
Find ways to counter whatever negative thing you're thinking. Here's a few of our tips:
- Instead of saying "My body doesn't look like the girls on social media," say "My body's been keeping me healthy so far and I love it for that."
- Instead of saying "My face is terrible because I have so much acne," say "My face is doing it's best to signal that I need to take care of something."
- Instead of saying, "I hate that I have to wear glasses," say "How cool is it that I get to wear something stylish that also helps me see?"
Anastasia Shuraeva
3. Treating Yourself Because "You Can't Spend It When You're Gone"
We're not financial experts whatsoever, and we honestly don't believe in restricting yourself to the point you can't ever enjoy your money. It's just you shouldn't carry recurring debt so you can have the fun you want. You could be an emotional shopper or have a huge FOMO; two things we know a lot about. Usually we'd say it doesn't matter, but your underlying why absolutely does.
The only person who can get to the root of what's causing you to spend excessively is you, though we'd also argue that a therapist and financial expert can help you even more.
cottonbro studio
4. Not Cleaning Up After Yourself Regularly
The thing about cleaning is that you don't have to love it to do it. It's more about making sure you respect and value the space you're in more than making sure your inner child is appeasing your parents. Leave them and anyone else out of the equation for once.
Wash your dirty dishes with old food stuck to them because you want to have something clean to put your new meals on. Wash, dry, and put away your clothes because not seeing a huge pile makes you less anxious. Put your shoes in a safe space so that you stop spraining your pinky toe.
See how that works?
Liza Summer
5. Being Scared To Set Boundaries Because You Don't Want To Be "Mean"
People pleasers to the front! You're still putting everyone else's needs and emotions before your own, aren't you? We see you and think you have a beautiful heart. We also think it's time for you to stop willingly allowing yourself to shrink or feel uncomfortable because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
A hard fact it's time to understand is that you're never going to please everyone nor should you willingly accept toxic behavior. Your best friend or sister doesn't get a pass for making passive-aggressive comments if you wouldn't let a stranger do it.
Mikhail Nilov
6. Ignoring What You've Accomplished Because You Think You Can Do Better
What are you in a rush to prove Ms. Perfectionist? That you can make your boss regret passing you over for a promotion? Maybe you think you can make your ex regret mistreating you because you've gone on to accomplish everything they said you wouldn't.
Whatever your reason for chasing the next thing is, we want you slow down and look around you. If you're able to afford your rent or mortgage, have a car to get you from point A to B, or have received work accolades, you're not failing. You are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for and it's time to recognize that.
Every time you feel like you have to chase the next big thing, you're signaling to yourself that what you have done is insignificant and it's not. The fact you get up every day to try counts so it's time to give yourself more credit!
cottonbro studio
7. Pushing Your Partner Away Because You're Afraid Of Being Hurt
Eh, we're calling ourselves out big time here. Sadly, we're guilty of being mean to our partners because we've kissed a few snakes in the past and found ourselves nursing broken hearts after getting wounded. Unfortunately, this made us carry fear from past situations into our current relationships.
If this tune sounds familiar then you're probably guilty of starting drama with your partner before they can even think about playing with your feelings. But, what if they're a genuine person who cares about you and you're just being mean? Does that seem fair? Chances are you don't even realize you're doing it which makes this one of the trickier self-sabotaging things you've been doing.
We're not here to berate you for it though because —like we said — we've been there. If you want a shot at having the healthy relationship you want, you have to put down your proverbial fists though — trust us.
Christina Morillo
8. Being Afraid To Speak Up Work Because You Think Your Ideas Are "Stupid"
Hey, Ms. "I Want A Successful Career!" You're not going to get there if you bite your tongue whenever your boss asks if anyone has fresh ideas to share. We're guilty of sitting on things too because we've been overlooked in the past, but all jobs aren't like that.
If you work with a collaborative team where people genuinely care about your input, don't be afraid to speak up. Even if all your ideas don't come to fruition, it still helps when you actively bounce ideas off your co-workers.
This is the only time you'll hear us say this, but teamwork really does make the dream work.
Vlada Karpovich
9. Turning Down Event Invites Because You're Nervous To Be Yourself
Who made you feel like you have to hide from the world when you have so much greatness inside of you? Point them out so we can have a word with them. Just kidding, sort of.
Really, we're more concerned about how many opportunities you're letting pass by because it means you'll have to actually talk to people and let them see you. It's obvious someone wants to see you if you're receiving invitations to pop-up shops, NYFW shows, and even just a friend's birthday dinner!
If you've been dreaming about rubbing shoulders with certain people in the industry you work in, put your best foot forward and show up! You've been doing the work to get to this point so don't hold back.
We promise you've got this!
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