10 Tips To Boost Your Confidence In Your 30s And Beyond

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

A Full Relationship Timeline For Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton

April 2014 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Meet As Co-Workers On The Voice

We've all heard that workplace romances are bad for business, but that's not always the case. In Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani's situation, meeting at work was one of the best things that happened for them! They met while taping Season 7 of The Voice, but kept things friendly and professional given they were still married to their former spouses, Gavin Rossdale and Miranda Lambert.

November 2014 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani Take A Selfie Together

In a picture that's still on Gwen's Instagram page, the former co-workers snapped a cute selfie together that showed them happily grinning. She captioned it, "💓him @blakeshelton@nbcthevoice gx."

July and August 2015 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Announce Their Divorces

Despite the fact Blake Shelton and his ex-wife Miranda Lambert had been together for a decade, they shared an exclusive statement with The Associated Pressabout their decision to divorce. "It is with heavy hearts that we move forward separately. We are real people, with real lives, with real families, friends and colleagues. Therefore, we kindly ask for privacy and compassion concerning this very personal matter," they said.

When Gwen appeared on The Howard Stern Showin 2016, she revealed she wasn't expecting Blake's situation to mirror her own. "I was in shock, because I felt like he was exposing me...I had this huge weight on me and nobody but my parents and obviously everybody involved knew."

The two began confiding in each other and eventually developed a friendship that would set the tone for their romantic relationship.

January 2016 — Blake Shelton Gifts Gwen Stefani A Horse

It's always nice when the person we're dating pays attention to our interests and hobbies, which is exactly what Blake Shelton did when he gifted Gwen a horse! She shared a gorgeous snapshot of the beautiful 'Halo' on Instagram and wrote a little snazzy caption to celebrate how gorgeous the horse is.

Blake joked with Entertainment Tonight, "Gwen, she loves riding and she loves horses. It's actually so funny that people are so shocked by that, but [just try to] name me one girl on the planet that doesn't love horses or just think that they are beautiful."

February 2016 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Make Their Relationship Red Carpet Official

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani were glowing as they posed for pictures on the red carpet of Vanity Fair's Oscar party in 2016. USA Today reported that Gwen wore a red-hot dress by Yanina Couture while Blake stayed true to his all-America cowboy casual look.

That same month Blake shared how much of a positive impact Gwen had on his life. He told Billboard, "Gwen saved my life. Who else on earth could understand going through a high-profile divorce from another musician? You can’t even imagine the similarities in our divorces."

When Gwen appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show in 2022, she dished about her and Blake's red carpet debut. "I think I played at the party and then we went out that night...That melts me when I see it. It's such a moment for me — a good one," she said with her signature smile on her face.

November 2017 — Gwen Stefani Encourages Blake Shelton to Celebrate His Sex Symbol Status

More than a year later, Blake was crowned People's Sexiest Man Alive in 2017, and initially, it shocked him. He joked that maybe People chose him as a last resort, but was quick to highlight how Gwen encouraged him to embrace his new title. "She goes, ‘Listen to me, you’re going to regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t take this gift and just live in the moment.'"

June 2018 — Blake Shelton Shows His Support For Gwen Stefani's Las Vegas Residency

When it came time for Gwen Stefani to jumpstart her Las Vegas Residency in 2018, Blake Shelton made sure to show his full support for her. She shared a series of cute pictures on Instagram that showed the two sharing a intimate kiss moments before she hit the stage for the first time.

August 2019 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Appear on The Voice as Judges Again

People shared that when Gwen Stefani returned as one of the judges on The Voice in 2017, it was like a happy reunion for her. "I’m so happy to be back. My life changed so much on this show...then to be with my best friend Blakey, and to be here with Kelly and John, I feel pretty lucky right now," she exclusively told the outlet.

December 2019 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Release Their Duet "Nobody But You"

As part of Blake's album Fully Loaded: God's Country, he and Gwen recorded "Nobody But You" together. He said the song perfectly aligned with what was going on in his life during an interview with People. "I also realized how important it is for me and where I am in my life, and I think that's why [writer] Shane [McAnally] was trying to get it to me," he said.The couple went on to perform it at the Grammy's in 2020 and it was obvious they felt every lyric they sang.

July 2020 — Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani Share "Happy Anywhere" During Lockdown

When the pandemic was still very fresh and everyone was on lockdown, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani shared another single — "Happy Anywhere" — on Instagram. Once again, their love for each other was evident in the way they looked at each other while singing.

Gwen also shared how the pandemic brought them closer together during an interview with Entertainment Tonight. "We got to be in Oklahoma as a family. We got to do things we never get to do, like try to make sourdough bread, like everybody else in America, and just do so many fun things -- garden, tear down trees, plant tons of different things," she said.

October 2020 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Get Engaged

After five years of dating, the happy couple sharing the happy news that they were engaged! Gwen posted another amazing picture of them while showing off her new ring on Instagram in 2020. Her caption simply read, "@blakeshelton yes please! 💍🙏🏻 gx". But, that doesn't mean the couple didn't have some things to discuss and work on prior to entering a new chapter together.During a video interview with the Today show hosts in 2021, Gwen briefly talked about this. "I think there was a lot to consider when you have so many people involved. Children, and their hearts, and everybody in my family [and] his family, we all went through a lot together," she said.

July 2021 — The Happy Couple Walk Down the Aisle Together

Less than a year of announcing their engagement, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani got married at his ranch in Oklahoma. Based on the snapshots shared by People, the couple looked d*mn good! I literally have Gwen's wedding dress saved as inspo for my own special day!Since then, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have shown up for each other in truly inspiring ways. That's not to say they have a perfect relationship though because relationships take work. But, it seems like they've truly found their sweet escape in each other no matter how much work it takes to keep their love going BTS.

April 2024 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani Are Still Going Strong

As far as those divorce rumors? Gwen Stefani laid them to rest. She told Nylon, "It’s just lies. The truth is the truth, and we know what that is. And so that [negativity] would never penetrate just by me being vulnerable and sharing a song that I didn’t write for anybody else but myself and Blake." The song she's referencing is "Purple Irises" which is another sweet ode to their love.

*Sigh* They sure know how to make me believe that loving someone is a beautiful choice.

August 2024 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani's 'Family' Just Got Bigger

NBC reports Blake Shelton added new farming equipment to he and Gwen's repertoire on August 20, but a source believes the "Sweet Escape" singer isn't a fan of her husband's excitement about "hunting season," (via Instagram).

"They agreed to disagree about his hunting back when they first got together, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing for Gwen to handle," the source told Life & Style. The two continue to go back-and-forth on this, but it doesn't seem like Blake's budging anytime soon.

November 2024 — Gwen Stefani Almost Walked Away From Blake Shelton

This relationship almost didn't reach a sweet point, according to Gwen Stefani. Since they were dealing with a lot when they decided to date, the "Sweet Escape" singer was ready to leave Blake in the dust. "We had just met, and it was chaos. Both of our lives were in complete turmoil, all over the ground. Nothing could save us at that point," she remembered (via PEOPLE). "There was a point where I was like, 'I can't even talk to you. This is insane. I already have enough problems. This is not happening anymore. We're not going to text or nothing.'"

The key to winning her over was speaking to her through music. "I think he really wanted to impress me, because he doesn't really write songs as much as he used to. And I love writing songs. That's everything to me...That's where I get my fulfillment," she says.

His ability to start writing "Go Ahead and Break My Heart" to send to her became one of the couples first completed songs together. "He sent it to me, and it was a half-written song. He was like, 'Help me finish this.' So I wrote him the verse back — the second verse on the song — and it's just over text," she said."

'Small Town Setup' puts you right in a Hallmark movie.

All six episodes of Small Town Setup premieres on Hallmark+ on Thursday, January 2, 2025, and is hosted by Ashley Williams, who you'll recognize from movies like Falling Together and Two Tickets to Paradise as well as How I Met Your Mother.

Just like your favorite Hallmark movies are all about finding love, Small Town Setup focuses on singles coupling up. The show will follow a single who "has made it in the big city, but has yet to find love." And their concerned parents (definitely a Hallmark trope and an IRL trope...) get the whole neighborhood involved in finding three potential matches.

"When the singleton arrives home for a visit, they are presented with dating options curated by their hometown. After three dates, will they find love in their hometown? Or head back to the big city? All is revealed at a big town hall event, full of heart, warmth, and a few laughs along the way."

Okay, getting the entire town involved in my love life sounds crazy, but the whole community coming together for a town hall event sounds exactly like the kind of sweet and sappy event my life needs. (Listen!! Dating as a 20-something in the city is harder than I expected...)

Throughout the trailer we see our singles looking for love around their hometown, going on small town dates, and finding connection in the most unexpected places. Yeah...I'll be tuning in — especially since Small Town Setup is totally giving Gilmore Girls.