We’re All Narcissists, But That Doesn’t Mean You Should Date One

1. If you don't cook often, surprise your spouse with their favorite dinner recipe.

Saiter says you or your spouse "can make time for small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness, like cooking" each other's "favorite meal." We don't know everything, but we're aware that home-cooked meals mean a lot to some people. Eating out is fun, but seeing someone put time and effort into a meal for you feels more personal.

2. Allow your partner to sleep in while you handle bank runs, grocery shopping, and other chores.

One of the other ways to each other's heart is "...running errands to show love and appreciation," according to Saiter. This can look like letting your partner rest while you handle early morning visits to the bank or grocery store before traffic picks up on the weekend.

Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating. For instance, taking a class together, whether it’s cooking, dancing, or photography, can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories.

3. Sign up for a dance or photography class together.

If you've been thinking about taking a cooking, wine, dance, or photography class together, now's the time to do so! Saiter says, "Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating." Before you roll your eyes because you think you and your spouse don't have anything in common anymore, take a step back to remember what it was like when you were dating.

You probably went on different dates like going to the bowling alley, visiting a pumpkin patch, or even taking a candle class together for fun. Doing this again "can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories," according to Saiter.

4. Verbally share why you're grateful for each other.

Yes, it's time for you and your spouse to remember why you chose to exchange vows. "...practicing gratitude by regularly expressing appreciation for each other's qualities and contributions can strengthen the emotional bond and bring back the warmth and closeness," Saiter says.

You can tell your partner you appreciate the times they've sensed something was wrong and knew just what to say to cheer you up. Also, you could simply thank them for remembering to take out the trash without you having to ask.

There's no rulebook that says expressing thanks for each other has to be elaborate and drawn out. It's just something to help you remember how much you see each other.

5. Set aside time to hold hands or cuddle everyday.

If you or your spouse are experiencing a drop in your libido, physical intimacy be hard to navigate. Saiter says, "Overcoming a 'dry spell' requires open communication and a willingness to explore underlying issues." As difficult as it may be, don't be afraid to express concerns because "there are many feelings and unsaid wants underneath the 'dry spell,'" he adds.

Doing something as simple as "prioritizing physical, non-sexual touch" is one way way Saiter believes can help you and your spouse become close again. You do things like "holding hands, cuddling, or sharing a long hug," to add a little spark back to what you had.

6. Pencil in date nights.

How many times have your or spouse asked, "Who has time for date night?" Wait, we don't want to know because chances are one of you have said it one too many times to count. Saiter says, "Planning regular date nights or weekends away can also help break the routine and create a sense of adventure in the relationship."

Communicating and being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions, can also reignite the spark and make things exciting again.

You can also try revisiting places or activities that were significant earlier in your relationship to evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection.

7. Let your adventurous side show in the bedroom.

If one of you are comfortable initiating sex again, let your fun side call the shots. However, Saiter wants to make sure you're "communicating" before surprising your spouse. "...being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions" is one of the ways he thinks you can reconnect behind closed doors. It's all about finding safe ways to "reignite the spark and make things exciting again," he shares!

8. Revisit the place you fell in love with your spouse.

If you remember the exact time and place you knew your spouse was the one, Saiter suggests revisiting it to "evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection." Whether it was at your local pizza parlor, the park, or even at a place like Disney World, find your why again.

My spouse and I are doing great after incorporating these tips, but how can we stay consistent?

Saiter says, "Life gets busy, but it’s crucial to carve out time for each other. Treat it like any other important appointment—block off time in your schedule for date nights, family dinners, or just time relaxing together." Maybe you think it should sound so simple, but it is. Like Saiter says, you have to prioritize your marriage just like you do everything and everyone else.

Ways to help you do so are limiting "distractions by putting away phones and other devices" to "talk about your dreams, unwind together or simply enjoy each other's company," he adds. Still struggling?

"It might also be helpful to look over your daily responsibilities together to make sure the workload at home is shared fairly. Building a strong and fulfilling relationship takes effort and commitment. By prioritizing your partner, communicating openly, and making time for each other, you can strengthen your bond and reignite the spark," Saiter suggests.

1. What to say if your romantic partner makes you question whether you saw inappropriate texts on their phone

If I had things my way, gaslighting would be outlawed. Unfortunately, some people just can't seem to take responsibility for their actions, and they really love to make it everyone else's problem. Even more infuriatingly, it can appear in romantic relationships when one person is caught doing something that breaches the trust between them and their partner.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend spins a tale that makes you question what you’re sure you saw, try not to panic. Instead, take a page from Beaupre’s book. She suggests saying, “I’ll stand by what I know is true. If we need to agree to disagree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to let this change what I know or how I feel.”

She says doing this “shows them you’re not going to be swayed or pulled into their ‘game.’” It also helps “keep you grounded and firm, making it clear that their gaslighting isn’t going to work.” The more you stand your ground, the more someone is “less likely to continue trying to manipulate/control you,” according to her.

2. What to say when a friend keeps lying about their accomplishments

This is a tricky one because you probably know one of your friends likes to embellish the truth a bit. It’s one of the things that used to be funny because they could always come up with a story on the spot. But, it can be confusing if you notice your friend tends to lie about something they’ve accomplished. Just don’t think you have to go out of your way to expose them though.

Beaupre says, “If it’s not harming anyone, sometimes it’s okay to leave it alone because, eventually, the truth will catch up to them anyway, and they will learn their lesson on their own.” But she says if you notice “their lies are causing major problems or hurting others,” speak up “gently.”

“You can ask them why they feel the need to lie, and if there’s something they’re struggling with that they might want to talk about,” she continues. Her suggestion is to say, “I’ve noticed that sometimes, you say things that don’t really add up, and I’m just wondering if there’s a reason. Is everything okay?”

3. What to say when someone complains about you setting boundaries

If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s boundaries. If you know someone who has a tendency to overreact when you set them, Beaupre knows what you can say to them. “I’m not okay with how you’re reacting. If you can’t respect my limit, then I’m going to have to take a step back and distance myself,” she suggests.

She feels “this makes it clear that you’re serious about your boundaries.” Also, it signals that you “won’t let their reaction change what you need to feel respected, safe and secure.”

4. What to say if someone utters "I love you" after a few weeks of dating

If only some of us would’ve asked this question during some of our prior relationships, we may have avoided unnecessary heartbreak. Should you find yourself faced with someone’s eager declarations of love early on, Beaupre wants you to “to be honest about how you feel and not feel pressured to say it back if you’re not ready.”

5. What to say when someone makes light of something or someone you're grieving

This reminds us of one of the relationship red flags we recently dug into. We know why people say passive-aggressive things, but it's still painful no matter what the situation is. In the case of grieving, it's a hard no for us. Beaupre says, “In times like this, when you’re going through a lot of heavy emotions, it’s important to set a boundary for your peace.”

If you feel yourself questioning whether your feelings are valid, Beaupre says not to do that. "Don't let others downplay/dismiss what you’re feeling or going through, especially if it's something that's really taking a toll on you." What she urges you to say is, "I know you may not fully understand, but this is really important to me, and I need you to respect that.” In her opinion, it's a way of letting that person "know you're serious about protecting your emotional space without being confrontational."

And if they're still being a grade-A jerk about it? It may be time to limit the time you spend with them.

6. What to say if someone uses 'jokes' to constantly critique your appearance

We think laughter is good for the soul, but not at the expense of hurting other people's feelings. This means no one should have the luxury of repeatedly commenting about the way you present yourself. Beaupre says, "If the way you look, what you’re wearing or how you speak isn’t hurting anyone, they really shouldn’t be commenting on it." Should you notice this unfortunate pattern in someone close to you, it's time to address it.

Beaupre wants you to try saying, "I’m fine with how I look and speak. You can let me know if there's a problem, but please don’t make me feel bad about it." That way, you can "set a clear limit about what you won't tolerate," according to her. She believes it's also a "chance to share any concerns without crossing into criticism or bullying."

Still, someone who refuses to stop disguising their obvious issues with you as harmless 'jokes' isn't someone who deserves a long-term spot in your life.

What's happening astrologically during the week of December 22-29, 2024?

The freewheeling Sagittarius energy is past, and we enter the depths of Capricorn season. This week heralds several important transits that have far-reaching effects for the coming new year. On December 24, Venus, the planet of love and beauty, forms a beneficial sextile with Chiron, the wounded healer and shaman of the Zodiac. Don’t let this opportunity pass. We can gain access to an understanding of our own innate self-worth. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest, we can face our insecurities and move past any blockages to growth and evolution of our very essence. We all have insecurities that prevent us from living our best lives at times, but with Chiron moving forward on December 29 after months of retrograde motion, the momentum is building toward lasting healing. It won't come easily, however. Chiron wounds are buried deep. Still, the work we put into addressing our core issues will result in a sense of ultimate freedom. It's a great time to work with a therapist or astrologer to identify and heal our innate wounds.

Also on December 24, Jupiter squares Saturn. This monumental transit will reflect tension in the zeitgeist for the next two years. We will be face-to-face with the reality of the decline in our societies, where injustice and immorality rise to the surface. There might be a sense of despair resulting in despondency and hopelessness. But no one will benefit from putting their head in the sand. We must face our problems head-on — growth requires hard work. On a personal level, it feels like we have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. It is a good time to take a pause from the indulgences of Sagittarius season, withdraw from society for a bit to gain a better perspective, and realize that a shift is required. As the frustration passes, we will be able to see that for growth and abundance, we must focus and systematically rework our approach. Patience and hard work are required, and Saturn provides the inspiration for that work. If we're successful and as we move from frustration to empowerment, we'll have the rewards we seek in the long term.

Venus in Aquarius will square Uranus in Taurus this week, and we might be feeling irritable with our loved ones or personally restless. Realize this energy will pass, but it will need to be expressed in one way or another. Harness it and use it to infuse some excitement into your relationships. Do something new together. Experiences outside our normal routines will be a good way to let the energy manifest. If you don’t initiate something, be prepared for some unexpected display of this tension between the planet of love and the planet of disruption.

Read Your Weekly Horoscope For Your Sun & Rising Signs

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

The tension of the week will require an adjustment in your daily habits. Focus on healthy eating, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep. It's a good time to break a bad habit or form a beneficial new one — just be sure to fully lean into whichever choice you make. If you don't put your passion into something, I know you'll struggle to fully commit, Aries...

Being of service to others is another way to ease any personal frustration you're dealing with this week. While we all suffer, helping others puts our own struggles into perspective. Buy some gifts for the people you love! Work at a soup kitchen! Get out there and share your infectious energy and love with the world around you.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

You might be feeling a sense of personal scarcity. If you find yourself on an unstable foundation, pause and allow yourself to retreat for a bit. Use any solitary time you can manage to get creative and devise a solution to your dilemma. Use light and positive affirmations to overcome any tendency toward despair. It will feel difficult until you break free from the darkness. However, I know you can use your natural tenacity to pull you through.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Spend as much time with your family and at home as you can. Take time to nurture yourself and to let others nurture you. This week is a good time to recover and recuperate. You'll need to be strong and healthy in the coming weeks and months — the depths of winter can be totally brutal, so it's best to take care of yourself now. Cultivate and focus your heart on love, and let that love energy flow around you. Allow the feeling to permeate your cells and remember the healing energy of love when faced with challenges in the weeks ahead. This can help sustain you if things get tough!

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Communicate as clearly as possible what you're experiencing. Instead of holding your feelings in, hiding them from the people around you, share your emotional landscape with your loved ones. The healing power of love is exponentially more powerful when you give it away freely — so share that love, and let others share their love with you. It's a good time to rise above and overcome any insecure feelings you have. If you are so inclined, poetry or music can be a great way to express yourself or as a source of inspiration. Whatever you choose, just let yourself feel all the feelings and express them!

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

It's a good week to re-evaluate your resources. Do what it takes to create security, and clear out anything that is excessive or unnecessary and focus on what really matters for your stability. The space you create will soon be filled with more meaningful and appropriate activities, people and things. Be sure that whatever you do involves joy and lightheartedness. That energy and levity will propel you towards greatness, Leo, helping you create stronger foundations for your dream life.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Prioritize yourself and your needs this week — basically just go full 'treat yourself' mode. If you're rested, healthy, and organized, everything else will proceed more smoothly. Your natural inclination to be of service will only benefit you and others if you take care of yourself first. Set clear boundaries and communicate your needs so that there are minimal misunderstandings. This will give you the recipe for the best holiday season yet!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your spiritual practice will give you much comfort this week. Be sure to devote adequate time to quiet contemplation and ritual. Listen to music, go to a museum, or practice your art form and spend time in nature for inspiration. Tap into anything that elevates and soothes your spirit. You deserve the peace and tranquility — even (and maybe especially) if you're craving something else. Let the peace wash over you.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Spending time with your community and engaging in social connections will help alleviate any tension you feel this week. It's important to allow others to be themselves and to relinquish any tendency to control those around you. The more you go with the flow, the easier it will be to maintain harmony and joy. You can enjoy things without having to hold so tightly to the reins — let go, release, and live.

Sagittarius (November 21 – December 21)

Hopefully, you're fully sated with the holidays and can focus on any lingering responsibilities before the end of the year. Take time to get organized and set realistic goals to accomplish important tasks. I know that's not your favorite advice, but resist any tendency to procrastinate so that you can start the new year from a stable and productive position. You'll appreciate it so much more if you do!

Capricorn (December 21 – January 19)

This first full week of Capricorn season will find you in a philosophical state of mind. A broad perspective will help you navigate any tension you feel — keeping an open mind and heart can help you adopt habits, rituals, choices, and more that you may have previously ignored at first glance. And if you're not in the market for big changes on your own, at least take a moment to realize that while you might know exactly what you need, you may not know what others need. Practice being more flexible.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

Tensions that may come up during the holidays — as always, these are best navigated from the perspective that all things are temporary, and all things change. Check your attitude and realize you might be too intense for productive exchanges with others. Spend time alone to understand what is going on within and try your best to let others experience life on their personal terms. It's more than okay to take a moment to reset and come back to the group when you're ready.

Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

Experiencing harmony in your relationships will give you peace this week. It's important to balance your needs with the needs of others, though. Reciprocity and fairness can be achieved, so be sure to equally emphasize the needs of everyone. Resist the temptation to acquiesce your needs to keep the peace — that will only leave you feeling depleted and resentful. Relationships go both ways, and it's okay to demand that of them.