How to Deal When You Want to Date Your Friend’s Ex

1. Questions To Ask If You're In The 'Honeymoon' Stage

Whenever we finally move from flirting with our crushes to being in a relationship with them, it's typically followed by a period of euphoria. You and your boyfriend likely can't get enough of each other right now which is probably making your friends playfully roll their eyes. Since everything is brand new, you can still keep it light though.

O'Neill suggests asking "open-ending questions that prompt curiosity and connection:"

• What's one dream you've never let me in on?
• What's one little gesture that can make you feel valued?

"These couple of queries facilitate bonding while generating enthusiasm for the goals and interests of each other," he says.

2. Questions To Ask After Your First Big Fight

Even if you and your boyfriend are super tuned in to each other, a disagreement or argument is bound to happen. In case you're worried, your relationship isn't on thin ice because you're not seeing eye-to-eye on something. O'Neill says you can ask:

• How do you think we handled the argument?
• What could we do differently next time to make our future fights more productive?

His reasoning is that these questions "promote growth and empathy" so "disagreements are transformed into stronger communication opportunities."

Note: Disagreements should never turn physical. It's not okay for you and your boyfriend to become physically aggressive with each other. If you're concerned about domestic violence, dial the National Domestic Hotline at 1(800) 799-7233.

3. Questions To Ask Before Introducing Your Boyfriend To Your Parents

Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a huge step that can be scary and exciting. I was terrified when my parents first met my fiancé because they couldn't stand my ex. But, the conversation between them flowed and everyone always looks for him to be at family events.

If you're ready for introductions to be made, O'Neill wants you to "encourage the normality of preplanned talks" by asking:

• What is something about me that you think my parents would really love to hear about?

By doing this, he says it'll "help alleviate anxiety and ensure both spouses feel comfortable and attuned before meeting the parents."

4. Questions To Ask If You Or Your Boyfriend Have An Illness

It's never easy to experience illnesses or health scares, but it can be terrifying if you don't know how to help your partner manage if something unexpected happens. O'Neill says to "nurture insights with queries such as:"

• What is one thing I could to assist you better when ill?
• Are there any aspects concerning your healthy that haven't been discussed which make you anxious?

"The conversations provide a safe space for airing concerns while building up mutual support through health difficulties," he adds.

5. Questions To Ask If You're Worried About Boyfriend's Spending Habits

Financial red flags are always a cause for concern when dating someone — especially when it seems like your boyfriend doesn't care about his spending habits may affect your household if you live together. O'Neill suggests asking:

• What are your financial goals?
• How do you see us working towards them together?
• How do you feel about budgeting as a team?

This will "make goal alignment stronger" because "effective communication about finances can prevent misunderstandings," he says. Also, this helps "lay the foundation for a shared vision of the future."

6. Questions To Ask To Deepen Vulnerability With Each Other

Being vulnerable isn't easy for everyone, let alone two people in a relationship. It took me years to feel comfortable expressing my sadness or fears to my fiancé because I was afraid he'd think I was 'weak.' However, this can cause more harm than good because it becomes difficult for our partners to know what's going on with us if we don't open up.

O'Neill says you can ask:

• What's one fear or concern you've hesitated to share with anyone before?
• How can I help you feel safe sharing with me?

7. Questions To Help Move The Relationship Forward

If you're still wondering "what are we doing" after asking some of the above questions, you focus on asking the following "future-oriented questions," according to O'Neill:

• Where do you see us in 5 years?
• What's something you envision us doing together as a couple in the future?

1. Long-term goals like marriage aren't often a cause for concern.

Have you ever dated someone that made you wonder what you saw in them once you pay attention to certain red flags? You may have found yourself arguing with them about everything from religion to reproductive health, leaving you feeling dizzy afterwards. But Dr. Keels says compatible couples are more likely to be aligned on "whether they want the same things out of life."

Her examples include:

• Relocating for careers
• Family planning
• Finding somewhere to settle down in general (i.e. apartment, condo, different state, close to family, etc.,)

"This common ground lessens the chance of fighting over these big topics," Dr. Keels reiterates.

2. There's a lesser chance arguments about weekend activities occur.

We're no strangers to indecisive moments where we couldn't agree about what to do on the weekends with our partners, but Dr. Keels says compatible couples don't always run into this issue. "When you enjoy similar activities or have overlapping hobbies, you're more like to find ways to unwind together, rather than feeling disconnected or frustrated by each other's choices," she adds.

While it varies from couple to couple, you and your partner may enjoy the following:

• Buying tickets to watch the latest college basketball or football game
• Going to a 'Paint and Sip' class for fun
• Having a mini outdoor picnic
• Visiting a national park if it's on your couple's bucket list
• Spending a day at a local arcade

The possibilities are endless, but all that matters is that "this mutual understanding makes spending time together feel natural and fun," according to Dr. Keels.

3. Communication styles aren't causing a daily disruption.

Some people have a more direct way of communicating while others may be passive or even passive-aggressive. Less arguments aren't happening because compatible couples communicate the same however. "When they both understand each other's communication style — whether it's direct or more subtle — it helps avoid misunderstandings and frustration."

Here's a couple of examples:

• If you're having a bad day that has nothing to do with your partner, they don't take it personal when you prefer some alone time.
• If your partner says something they perceived to be a joke, but you didn't, you're less likely to immediately accuse them of being insensitive. Instead, there's a higher chance of asking what they mean by something and expressing why you didn't like it instead of arguing.

Compatible couples "know how to express their feelings and needs in a way that the other person can easily understand" which makes "it easier to resolve issues calmly," according to Dr. Keels.

Are couples better (or more compatible) because they don't have a lot of arguments?

Well, no. That's actually a stretch because everyone has arguments. "Even compatible couples can argue about everyday things like chores or schedules. No matter how well they get along or how "in sync" they are, little annoyances can still pop up here and there, and cause some tension between them," Dr. Keels shares. "The difference," she points out, "is that they're usually better at handling these moments and keeping them from turning into bigger problems."

The other thing she's seen couples argue about is money. "It's such a common stress point because everyone has different habits and priorities when it comes to spending or saving," she says. But, guess what? "Compatible couples tend to approach the conversation with more understanding and a willingness to find a compromise," she continues.

If you feel like you and your partner aren't on the same page, it may not be time to break up just yet. We've learned that that it can take time to effectively communicate with a romantic partner or understand them. Compatibility is great, but it's not an indicator that a relationship will be smooth sailing!

How can I have healthier disagreements with my partner?

Like we said, getting to a point where you and your partner aren't consistently hurting each other's feelings during disagreements takes time as well as skill. No one's born knowing all the answers so don't think your relationship is over because you're still figuring things out.

Dr. Keels says one way you and your partner can work on the kind of disagreements you're having is by "knowing how to communicate/compromise." Look, we heard your sigh and know it's probably the antithesis of how you feel. We struggled with compromising, but you don't get far in life thinking that everyone else has to bend to your will all the time.

"Even if they don’t see eye to eye all the time, healthy couples listen to each other's perspectives, and look for solutions that work for both of them. It’s not about 'winning' the argument and getting to say who's right, but finding common ground so they can move forward together," adds Dr. Keels.

Also, "staying respectful event when things get heated or when you're upset" is a way to have a productive arguments, according to Dr. Keels. What happens is that "healthy couples avoid yelling or saying hurting things during disagreements," she says. This means no cursing or raising voices to the point your next door neighbors feel they have to call the police to do a wellness check on you.

"Instead, they just focus on the real problem and stay calm, which helps them work through the issue without hurting each other and the relationship," Dr. Keels says. And in the event you and your partner can't find common ground in a given moment? She highly suggests you "take breaks or pause when things get too heated."

Couples who do this "know when to step away and cool off before continuing the conversation," she adds. There are times where it's difficult to have a proper conversation when you're anxious or angry, so it's always better to revisit the topic.

Dr. Keels agrees and says, "This gives them a chance to cool down first so they can properly think things through, and think of a solution that works for both of them without saying anything they might regret."

What is color therapy?

Color therapy is a holistic, non-invasive modality used for the body. Historical figures such as Pythagoras (circa 2,500 years ago) applied “color light” therapeutically, while “color halls” were used as a means of treatment in ancient Egypt, China, and India. The modern medical pioneer patron of color therapy was Niels Finsen of Denmark in 1877. He discovered that visible light was how ultraviolet or red light energy could heal wounds, bacterial infections, or scars. Sounds familiar? In this present, infrared light therapy is used for pain relief, improved sleep, inflammation, facials, detoxes, and more. Knowing this, you can see why color and light restores our mind, body, and emotional needs.

There are many ways in which you can work best with color therapy. To implement physical changes, you can update your selection of colors in your clothing, nail colors, makeup palette, or home decor. For the mind and emotional system, you can work with colors through visualization practices like art, meditation, or a color therapy lamp.

How Can Color Therapy and Astrology Work Together?

Color therapy works by frequency or wavelengths of colors, which can have a physiological or psychological impact on our well-being. Using appropriate colors guided by your zodiac sign can rebalance or harmonize your body’s energy centers. How can color therapy integrate with your zodiac sign? It begins by knowing and working with your Sun sign, granting you more confidence and understanding regarding your direction. It extends our overall vitality and spreads endless radiance in our lives. It fuels our well-being and emits light wherever it touches in the birth chart. In principle, our Sun sign is our destination point, our identity. Now, the Sun Sign is where we can reach that higher level of understanding about our process and how we will experience fulfillment in this life. Incorporating color therapy guided by astrology can help you obtain confidence, and when you feel balanced, you make sound choices.

​How Colors Align With Zodiac Signs

Observing the astrological signs, they are all categorized within the elemental values. Starting with fire, the signs Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are placed within this element. These signs hold precedence over the esoteric realm of spirit as they are meant to initiate, inspire, and teach. Fire tones are within the spectrum of golds, reds, and oranges.

The signs Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn reside within the earthy realm. They are supportive, detailed, and persevering in nature. The earth element enables humanity to take a firm stance involving patience or consistency. Deep greens, grays, and navy are colors that hold a grounded energy for these signs.

The signs Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius inhabit the air element. Those who hold this element strongly have the skill to circulate a constant flow of ideas, remain stimulated, and effectively communicate. Air energy guides humanity in the exchange of information, negotiation, and evolution. For clarity, the colors that best support these signs are yellows, pastel blues, or electric blues.

Ending with Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, these signs embody the water element. Natives with a strong water element are receptive to others' feelings and can be intuitive. They can also conjure creativity, withstand intensity, and dive deep into the world of dreams. Colors such as purples, deep reds, or soft greens can help these signs invoke self-love and confidence.

Colors for Each Zodiac Sign

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Personality Traits: Aries is bold, energetic, and daring, often leading the way with confidence and courage. They are natural-born leaders who take on challenges fearlessly.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Colors like red and orange help Aries channel their energy and passion. These colors promote confidence, courage, and an enhanced sense of purpose to match their bold nature.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Personality Traits: Known for their patience, determination, and deep connection to nature, Taurus seeks stability and grounding. They are steady and reliable, with an appreciation for beauty and luxury.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Earthy tones like green and brown are ideal for Taurus. These colors promote relaxation, groundedness, and stability, aligning with Taurus' need for balance and connection to nature.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Personality Traits: Gemini is versatile, adaptable, and intellectually curious. They thrive on communication and change, with a playful and creative side. Their dual nature makes them curious and full of ideas.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Bright yellow and light green stimulate mental agility, creativity, and versatility for Gemini. These colors foster communication and mental clarity, enhancing their natural curiosity and adaptability.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Personality Traits: Compassionate, intuitive, and deeply connected to family and emotions. Cancer nurtures others and seeks emotional fulfillment. They are protectors and caretakers.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft white, silver, and pale blue promote emotional healing, inner peace, and nurturing energy. These colors align with Cancer’s need for emotional well-being and tranquility.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Personality Traits: Leo exudes warmth, creativity, and pride. With their strong sense of self, they seek recognition and joy, and they inspire others with their vitality and passion.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Gold, yellow, and orange help Leo amplify their natural creativity and vitality, enhancing their self-expression and sense of pride. These warm colors increase confidence and fuel their dynamic energy.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Personality Traits: Virgos are known for their perfectionism, sharp intellect, and organizational skills. They are reliable, practical, and thrive on productivity and efficiency.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft green and blue are ideal for Virgo, promoting balance, healing, and clarity of mind. These colors assist in maintaining a calm and focused environment, supporting Virgo’s need for order and tranquility.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Personality Traits: Libra values harmony, beauty, and fairness. They seek balance in all aspects of life, often striving for peace and cooperation in their relationships and surroundings.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Pastel colors, particularly light blue and pink, promote peace, harmony, and emotional balance. These soft hues help Libra maintain their sense of equilibrium and enhance their diplomatic nature.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Personality Traits: Scorpio is intense, passionate, and deeply transformative. Known for their mystery and depth, they possess great inner strength and are drawn to uncover hidden truths.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Deep red, black, and maroon channel passion, power, and transformation for Scorpio. These intense colors align with their transformative nature and help them harness their strength.

Sagittarius (November 21 – December 21)

Personality Traits: Sagittarius is adventurous, optimistic, and philosophical. They love exploring new ideas, cultures, and places and often share wisdom and joy with those around them.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Purple and deep blue enhance spiritual growth, adventure, and wisdom. These colors stimulate the Sagittarian desire for exploration and wisdom while supporting their boundless optimism.

Capricorn (December 21 – January 19)

Personality Traits: Capricorn is disciplined, ambitious, and pragmatic. They take a methodical approach to life and are determined to achieve their goals through hard work and patience.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Earthy tones like gray, brown, and navy support Capricorn’s need for focus, discipline, and groundedness. These colors help them stay on course and maintain a practical mindset.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

Personality Traits: Aquarius is eccentric, innovative, and idealistic. They value independence and individuality, often challenging the status quo and embracing forward-thinking ideas.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Electric blue and purple enhance mental clarity, innovation, and independence. These vibrant colors support Aquarius' need for originality and their intellectual pursuits.

Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

Personality Traits: Pisces is intuitive, empathetic, and imaginative. Known for their dreamy and artistic nature, they deeply connect to the spiritual and emotional realms.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft green, seafoam blue, and lavender promote relaxation, creativity, and intuition for Pisces. These calming colors enhance their dreamlike state and encourage emotional balance and creativity.

​Color Therapy Visualization Technique

Now that you know which color vibrates with your zodiac sign, you can use this visualization technique to connect more with your Sun sign. Color therapy is a powerful tool for balancing energy, emotions, and well-being. By using the healing properties of colors, you can encourage emotional release, relaxation, and revitalization. Each color carries its frequency and vibration, which can help align and support different aspects of your life, from physical health to mental clarity.

This color therapy visualization technique will guide you through grounding, relaxation, and energetic renewal. Connecting with the colors that resonate with you will activate healing energy within your body and mind, clearing away any negative or stagnant energy. It’s a simple yet powerful practice that you can do daily to restore balance and promote a sense of calm and well-being.

Energetic Healing Visualization Technique

1. Position yourself comfortably or sit in a lotus position. Place your left hand over your heart area.
2. Take a deep breath through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. With each breath, feel your body becoming more relaxed.
3. Focus on the soles of your feet and imagine an energetic pull grounding you, anchoring you in the present moment.
4. Take another deep breath, feeling a nurturing energy rising from the ground, reaching up to the soles of your feet. Allow this energy to gently move upward, relaxing and energizing your body—feet, calves, thighs, core, shoulders, arms, neck, face, and head.
5. Imagine a bright, glowing light in the sky above you. This light represents your Higher Self.
6. See the light spiraling down toward you, entering through the crown of your head and flowing through your body. As it moves, it changes into a vibrant color that resonates with you.
7. Take another deep breath and allow the colored light to fill your core center. Visualize it growing brighter and expanding with each breath, filling your entire body.
8. Imagine the light forming a dome or egg-like shape around your body, extending outward, cleansing your physical and energetic space.
9. Release any tensions, worries, or negative energy, visualizing them fading away into the ground. Trust the process of transformation.
10. Continue this visualization as long as you need. When you feel light and neutral, place your hands in a prayer position and silently offer thanks.
11. Visualize the light around you returning to its source, and when ready, gently open your eyes.

This practice can be done 1-2 times daily, ideally in the morning or before bedtime.

By integrating color therapy with your astrological sign, you can tap into a powerful tool for enhancing your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. These simple yet effective practices allow you to align with the natural flow of your energy and support your unique traits, helping you to feel more balanced and connected to yourself. Whether you choose to surround yourself with the colors that resonate with your sign or engage in visualization techniques, color therapy offers a profound way to nurture your overall health and personal growth.

Remember, your journey toward healing and balance is personal, and using the right colors can be an uplifting part of that process. Take time to explore the colors that speak to you and notice the subtle shifts they create in your life.

Do you wish to learn more about Lumi's work with astrology and her holistic approach? Lumi Pelinku invites you to dive deeper into your journey through an extended reading that can provide tailored insights and inspiration. Click here to book your reading today!