This Graphic Designer’s Travel-Themed Wedding Is EVERYTHING

1. RSVP "no" early

As soon as you receive an invitation, you probably have an idea of whether or not you can or want to attend. Decline ASAP so the host has an opportunity to invite someone else, get a refund on your seat, and plan accordingly. Plus, you don’t want to carry the burden of accepting and dreading the event for weeks. It’s way more emotionally draining, and confusing for the host.

If you do want to attend, but are unsure if you can, check your calendar and let the host know your circumstances. Perhaps your sister is expecting her first baby around the same time as your college roommate’s wedding. Reach out to your friend directly and let them know that you may be able to come, or would like to come, but it’s dependent on another important factor.

Chances are, the host will respect and appreciate your honesty. And remember: for big events like weddings, guests = money, so giving the hosts as much time as possible to make adjustments before their event is imperative.

2. You don't have to explain yourself

This is a bit contradictory to what we just said, but if it’s not an up-in-the-air type of situation, you can just say “no.” Plain and simple. Hosts don’t need a laundry list of reasons you can’t go, and you don’t need to share yours.

3. Declining is *actually* quite respectful

Responding to someone, whether it’s an enthusiastic “yes” or a “no,” is way better than not responding at all – or worse, canceling at the last minute. It shows that you care enough about the person to give them an answer, and that your friendship allows for open communication. With anyone in your life, you should be allowed to ask for what you want, and what you need. If you can’t do this for yourself, do it for Future You.

4. Don't make up excuses

It’s just a no-no. If you fabricate an excuse, it can lead to way worse (and certainly more awkward) situations. For example, if you say you can’t go deep sea fishing this Saturday (when it’s really about not wanting to fish), the person might ask you to go with them another time, evidently putting you on the hook (pun VERY intended) for future excursions.

Alternatively, if you opt for blowing them off and they find out, they’ll probably feel worse and assume your response was personal to them. Whether or not that’s true is besides the point.

Being a bit more honest always goes a long way. Oh, and BTW, refusing an invitation isn’t that deep! Truly. It’s literally fine.

5. How to say "no"

Saying no is all about what you say and how you say it. Aim for a warm, neutral and matter-of-fact tone paired with a short, candid response. Don’t beg for forgiveness (and TBH if you have to do this, they’re probably not a great friend in the first place), give them a vague reason as to why you can’t go, or get defensive if they have questions. Repeat after us: saying no is normal!

BTW – by declining an invite you have to allow others to do the same. So if someone declines an invitation to your birthday party (which we know will be totally amazing), it’s OK.

Becki Owens x Surya Luca Area Rug ($54+)

This vintage-inspired rug in a dusty pink has a distressed look that blends cool and warm earth tones in the most French Country way. Try it in a living room, dining room, or bedroom for a bit of old world romance.

Elsie Green Vintage Plates & Bowls ($69/set of 4)

Threshold French Country Mantle Wood Mirror ($70)

This 36" x 26" mirror is brimming with French Country appeal. Display it on a mantel or over a vintage dresser.

Vintage French Country Cottage Landscape Flower Garden Painting ($6)

This digital print of a vintage French Country painting is a great way to add a natural touch to your home without spending a ton of money.

Life in a French Country House ($55)

Hear it from the source: French tastemaker Cordelia de Castellane shares her inspo for creating the perfect French Country home decor and entertaining.

Small Daisy Floral Tea Tablecloth ($10)

The beauty here is in the simplicity with cheerful daisies embroidered on cotton and linen. Who's ready for tea?

Anthropologie Luxe Linen Blend Pillow ($68+)

These linen-blend pillows with frayed edges add a refined but still rustic coziness to your sofa or bed. So French Country!

PB Decorative French Wine Bottle Riddling Wall Rack ($299)

Threshold Berea Slouchy Lounge Chair with French Seams ($600)

This comfy linen lounge chair with French seams is a great accent your French Country decor. Pair it with modern lighting or sofa to keep it fresh and cool.

Olivia Boho Traditional Beige Purple and Coral Rug ($145)

Boho is very French Country adjacent. This cotton-blend rug with a mix of green, coral and purple colors adds a playful not-too-serious touch to your countryside decor.

Edmund Steel Nightstand ($80)

This vintage-inspired nightstand has a distressed farmhouse feel with an antique French Country look. Keep books and things on the bottom shelf, and a table lamp and plant up top!

Spurling Peel & Stick Toile Wallpaper ($1.17/sq. ft.)

Can we talk about this whole setup? Love this Chateau Toile peel-and-stick wallpaper depicting scenes of the French countryside for one. It makes the perfect accent wall in an otherwise clean, neutral space, which goes to show you can introduce elements of French Country decor in any style in a subtle, elegant, and totally cool way.

West Elm Parlor Sofa ($1,399+)

This elegant sofa has a subtle romantic vibe with sloping armrests and a bench-style seat cushion, and would totally standout in a French Country living room that looks more French than country.

French Connection Versailles Cotton Accent Rug ($50+)

If you're more into moody blues, this 100% cotton and vegetable-dyed rug has the timeless, distressed look we're going for in French Country decor.

Elsie Green Reclaimed Wood Farm Table ($2,695)

OK, not exactly ideal for a beer budget but this farm table made from reclaimed antique fir is the kind of piece you want to look for in an authentically cool French Country room. This one extends from 72" long to 108", thanks to two breadboard extensions. Bring on all the dinner parties!

Scottdale Headboard ($177)

This classic headboard in a modern silver finish makes an impact in your French country bedroom.

Modern Farmhouse Candle Style Chandelier ($100)

Cecelia Upholstered Loveseat ($1,324)

This antique-style loveseat comes in a slew of colors and makes for a cozy spot to lean into your loved ones.

Laurel Foundry Modern Farmhouse Mariella Bench ($145)

Vintage Wildflower Field Wall Art ($56+)

Bring in botanical wildflowers into your home with this print of vintage art that you can order in various sizes.

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Header image via Elsie Green

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

• Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
• Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

• Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
• Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
• Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.