If no one has ever told you that your emotional expression and passionate view of the world are beautiful: they are.
Some of the conversations I remember most clearly from my time in school revolve around me being “too emotional” or “too much.” So, I know firsthand how easy it is to focus on a rude comment, especially since the human brain can often remember negative experiences more than positive ones.
Whether it’s a passing comment from a stranger, or a more intimate form of gaslighting with someone in your inner circle, women are told time and time again to calm down and relax, even if we’re not actually worked up about something.
“People may perceive a woman to be dramatic or over the top when in fact she just has a strong opinion on something and is unafraid to speak that,” says NYC Therapeutic Wellness owner and founder Beth Gulotta. “How women express themselves can often be scrutinized and/or mislabeled in a way that makes it unacceptable.”
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Although hyper fixating on the idea that women’s emotions are a problem feels personal (even though women aren’t actually more emotional than men), it can actually reflect a more generalized issue.
“I think that a lot of people are still not entirely comfortable with emotions, period,” says Gulotta. “So, any expression of strong emotion is hard to receive because there is such discomfort from others to hold space for them."
When someone feels uncomfortable, they can resort to defense mechanisms like sarcasm, using phrases like “don’t be such a drama queen” and “you’re so extra.” Reclaiming those titles for yourself is very different than hearing them from someone else, especially if that person doesn’t have your trust.
“I think those phrases continue to perpetuate the unfair stigmas and reduce our emotions to something trivial,” Gulotta says. “Or worse: attach meaning to them that deters women from expressing more strongly for fear of being labeled a drama queen and/or misunderstood.”
I’m naturally enthusiastic about the things that I love, and it’s easy to get a very passionate (AKA, loud) response if you ask me about The Last of Us, Marvel movies, or Taylor Swift. That excitement hasn’t always gotten a positive response, and it takes a lot of consistent effort to separate negative connotations from what is a foundational part of my personality.
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And if your feelings are so detailed and life-giving that you can’t help but talk about them, then the same goes for you! Because the things that you care about are important, and your care for them is beautiful.
Unfortunately, believing that’s true is a lot easier said than done if there are people in your life who tell you otherwise. But understanding the benefits to your heightened emotions will make you feel more confident in who you are.
Emotions play a huge role in empathy, and expressing them can also help diversify problem-solving and help you feel more in control. Not to mention that expressing your emotions gives the people around you permission to do the same.
“I think when women can express themselves strongly, passionately, and respectfully, it sets a great example for others and models to others a way to build a voice,” Gulotta says. When those three aspects of emotional expression — strength, passion, and respect — come together, it shows that emotion and self-control don’t automatically cancel each other out.
Celebrating others’ emotions will also strengthen your relationships. Because welcoming someone into an emotional experience makes it more enjoyable for everyone involved — and it’ll give you both the confidence to come to each other in the future.
“When people feel they can be vulnerable, they will express themselves in a deeper, more authentic way,” Gulotta says. “Safety perpetuates vulnerability, vulnerability perpetuates stronger and deeper connections.”
Better relationships and a stronger sense of self? That’s something “extra” I can definitely get behind…count me in.How do you make space for your emotions? Let us know in the comments and check out our email newsletter for more op-eds.
Lead image via Rachel Claire/Pexels
