How Much Should You Spend on an Engagement Ring?

Jun 28, 2018

We’ve all heard at least one of the supposed “rules” surrounding the purchase of an engagement ring, from the percentage of income one should spend to how big the stone should be. But in these modern times, rules were made to be broken — and myths were made to be debunked. That’s why we turned to Kathryn Money, style expert and VP of Strategy and Merchandising at Brilliant Earth, to get the truth about ring shopping.

1. Engagement rings have to cost three months’ salary. Nope. These days, with couples opting for smaller, more intimate weddings and registering for house down payments rather than china, the general consensus is that frugal is best. Says Money, “With the rising cost of real estate, travel, weddings, and other expenses, engagement rings are just one of many significant steps in starting a life together, so opt for a ring that fits your personal budget.” Going into debt for a diamond? That’s so last year.

2. You have to get a diamond. They may be a girl’s — or guy’s — best friend, but why limit your bling to just diamonds? Sure, a classic sparkler is stunning, but other gemstones can be equally as dazzling. Kate Middleton has a sapphire. Jessica Simpson has a ruby. Everything from morganite to aquamarine can make for a style you’ll cherish forever — and one that doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

3. Only women get engagement rings. Spoiler alert: They don’t. According to a recent Brilliant Earth survey, there’s been a 56 percent increase in men searching for male engagement rings since 2007. “With celebrities like Ed Sheeran and Karamo Brown showing off their engagement rings, expect this trend to stay on the rise,” says Money.

4. Lab diamonds aren’t real diamonds. They actually are. “Lab diamonds are made of the same material and have the same optical and chemical properties as natural diamonds, including the same sparkle, fire, and scintillation,” explains Money. Grown in controlled lab environments that duplicate the conditions under which diamonds naturally develop below the Earth’s crust, they’re an ethical and eco-friendly alternative to traditionally mined stones.

5. Bigger is better. Size isn’t the only thing that matters when it comes to selecting a diamond or gemstone. Factors like the cut, color, and clarity of the stone are equally as important to consider, in addition to your significant other’s personal style, lifestyle, hand size, and even finger shape.

(Photos via Getty Images, Dan Kitwood/Getty, Tasia Wells/Getty)

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12 Embarrassing Things To Avoid In Your Maid Of Honor Speech, According To A Wedding Expert

Picture this: You've just received one of the best wedding invitations of all time — to be your best friend's Maid of Honor! You can barely contain your excitement as you quickly skim over the gilded words, and you should be so excited because your status has officially been solidified in the bride's eyes. She likely trusts you with everything, hence why she's also asking you to prepare a Maid of Honor speech.

While you may be panicking about what to say, don't worry! I'm sure your amazing sense of humor, big heart, and impeccable way with words will ultimately shine. But there are some embarrassing things you probably shouldn't mention during your toast, especially given how stress and anxiety can make us say awkward or offensive things unintentionally.

Thankfully, Brittny Drye, Wedding Expert and Editor-in-Chief/Founder of Love Inc. Magazine, is here to help you avoid any mishaps! Here are 12 embarrassing things Drye thinks you should avoid in your maid of honor speech!

1. Singling Out The Bride

Jonathan Nenemann

Witnessing your best friend, cousin, or sister get married is sure to make you sentimental because you've probably known them since childhood. But, this isn't the time to solely focus on the love you have for the bride.

"Make the toast about the couple as an entity … not just one person. Even if you find yourself a bit in the dark about your best friend's new spouse, or just not really knowing them on that deep of a level in general, that's okay," Drye says. This also applies if you don't like the other person. 👀

She also says you can echo things you've learned about about the new spouse "over the last several months/years" so that you can highlight the newlyweds in a positive way. "The couple is beginning this next phase in their lifelong journey together, and you should think of your toast as a loving send-off to both of them as a package deal."

2. Mentioning Embarrassing Stories

Los Muertos Crew

We get it. You've had a front row seat to the bride's shenanigans over the years and keep a mental photo book of every embarrassing moment she's had.

"Avoid overly embarrassing anecdotes, especially those that might make the couple or guests uncomfortable. There is a time and place for funny story-swapping, but this ain't it," Drye says.

Though you may think it's hilarious, talking about the time the bride pooped her pants during a hike isn't something everyone may want to hear. We're sure she's been trying to forget ever since it happened, so leave this between the two of you...and nature.

3. Bringing Up Exes Or Past Situations

Josh Willink

The thought that someone might mention the bride's previous relationships — or even flings — make us turn red with second-hand embarrassment! According to Drye, it's a huge no-no during your Maid of Honor speech!

Drye says, "Stay clear of mentioning any of the couple’s past relationships or exes—it’s awkward and unnecessary. The toast should be about the couple and their life together -- not digging up past flames."

Seriously, the bride's parents don't need to know about any hot hookups, nor do they want to be reminded of the one person that continuously broke their child's heart. Let's leave those comments for your next girls' night debrief!

4. Making Inside Jokes

Los Muertos Crew

Inside jokes are cool! Most people develop them without even trying, which is what makes them so personal. But that's it — sometimes they're just too personal. "While inside jokes can be funny, they can alienate guests who aren’t in on them," Drye says.

That doesn't mean Drye thinks you can't have a little fun, though. You can mention "one inside joke for the couple," but save overly "cryptic" funny moments for one-on-one conversations.

5. Choosing The Wrong Time To Be A Comedian

Kari Bjorn Photography

There's a reason Drye keeps advising you to steer clear of too many hilarious moments during your Maid of Honor speech. "It's really staggering how many people think that the wedding toast has to be a comedy act! Of course, everyone loves to laugh, but if you're trying hard to be funny ... guess what? You're usually not," she says.

It may sound harsh, but I wish more people had someone to steer them away potentially embarrassing moments like this. You may be known for a being a lot of things, but it's important to also know your own limits.

Drye notes, "If on-cue humor is not your niche, don't force it. Take the opportunity to just do you." There's a reason you were chosen to be the bride's Maid of Honor, so embrace that instead of the amateur hour comedy routine no one asked for.

6. Mentioning Tense Family Dynamics

Los Muertos Crew

Weddings can highlight tense family dynamics on their own — that one cousin that's not invited, the overbearing mother-in-law, etc — but your job isn't to verbally point them out. "Don’t bring up family tensions, divorces, or any sensitive issues related to family or friends. This has never, ever served well in the history of wedding toasts," Drye says.

Let's avoid making people uncomfortable, please!

7. Reminiscing About Wild Party Days

RDNE Stock project

TBH, we'd cry if someone brought up our past party days during our weddings. Although we probably have fond memories of them, we don't want our grandparents to know we shotgunned a beer with a stranger on the street that one time.

"Stories about wild college parties, bachelorette antics, or any instances involving excessive drinking or risky behavior might be entertaining for a small circle but can come off as cringe for a wedding crowd that includes parents, grandparents, and possibly children," Drye says.

Even if you're the Maid of Honor at a wedding that has a 'no children' policy, leave those memories buried for the time being. In the words of Drye, it's "not a good look" to mention them!

8. Picking At Negative Qualities Of The Bride And Groom

Dimitri Kuliuk

Everyone will send you to a Passive-Aggressives Anonymous meeting if you use your speech to poke at the bride or groom's negative qualities. Their wedding isn't an indicator that anyone thinks they're perfect, but it's also THEIR day. Let's not make them the butt of every joke, okay?

"It's a wedding toast, not a wedding roast. Even in jest, avoid highlighting negative traits or annoying habits of the newlyweds," says Drye. She encourages you to "keep the tone positive and uplighting" by only "highlighting the qualities that make them...incredible persons and friends."

In other words, don't make the bride regret choosing you to be her Maid of Honor.

9. Complaining About Wedding Costs

Liza Summer/Pexels

We know weddings can be pricey and have even talked about how to decline being a bridesmaid to one if you're budgeting. But if you choose to be the bride's maid of honor, you're accepting whatever comes with that. "Comments about how much things cost, who paid for what, or financial situations are tacky and should be avoided," Drye reminds.

You may want to check in with yourself before your speech so that you don't let your personal feelings or situation interfere with your toast.

10. Expressing Too Much Gratitude

Al Elmes

There's a reason why awards shows start playing music when the winner's oh-so grateful speech is long-winded. It serves as a polite reminder for them to "wrap it up" so there's not any lags in the program.

"While it’s nice to thank people, it’s best not to go overboard — keep the focus on the couple. You'll quickly lose people's interest if you're just listing names," says Drye.

Remember, keep it short and cute!

11. Using Crude Language

Marcel Strauß

We shouldn't have to mention this, but some people seem to think there's no problem with potty language in front of everyone they meet. Drye says, "Avoid crude jokes, swearing, or anything that could offend older guests or young children. Keep it classy!"

It's only for one day, so you'll survive if you're not saying your favorite curse word every other sentence.

12. Predicting The Couple's Future

Jonathan Borba

This socially accepted thing is actually one of the red flags we should collectively toss to the side. It always starts with, "What are your plans after college" and ends with, "So when are you getting married or having kids?" Everyone's not always up to hear or answer these questions so don't use your speech as a time to make your own predictions about the couple.

"Making predictions, like when they’ll have kids or how their lives will unfold, can feel presumptuous and pressure-filled. (Not to mention the general fact that no one should ever comment on someone else's decision/ability to have/not to have children!)," Drye says.

What you can do is "wish them happiness and a bright future." Basically, leave out the weird specifics!

Looking for more wedding advice? Here's our take on wedding guests wearing white!

Header image via Seljan Salimova

6 Subtle (& Obvious) Signs You Grew Up In A "Dysfunctional Family"

Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

Kaboompics.com

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

cottonbro studio

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

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How To Respectfully Decline Being A Bridesmaid Without Ending A Friendship

27 Dresses is a fun story until you think about how much Jane (Kathryn Heigl) spent for each and every one of those weddings. There are engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry — I mean the list of costly responsibilities goes on and on and on. Imagine doing that 27 times.

Wedding events aren't just a casual affair anymore either — the financial obligations for wedding guests and bridal parties continue to rise steadily. According to a 2023 study from The Knot, the average cost of a bridesmaid's dress is $130. Business Insider reports that you can expect to spend $1,200 for bachelorette parties on average. Just being a wedding guest alone has an average price tag of $580, according to another study by The Knot. Suddenly, from your dress to the destination bach to the delicate (and likely expensive) stemware you got the couple as a gift, you're potentially spending thousands of dollars on a wedding that's not even your own.

And while you likely love the bride asking you to be in her wedding party very much...is there a way you can politely decline? Especially if you're trapped for cash or trying to save for a major financial goal? HerFirst100k's Tori Dunlap would like to think so! And it doesn't have to be this friendship-altering event either. With Dunlap's tips, you should be well on your way to the happy couple's good graces without paying an arm and a leg to earn it.

Photo by Karolina Kaboompics

When turning down a bridesmaid offer, Dunlap suggest using the "sandwich method" here — AKA saying something complimentary, giving the bad news, and ending on another positive, complimentary note. Seems simple enough, right?

She suggest saying, "I'm so excited for your wedding! Thank you so much for thinking of me! I am so honored. However, at this time I really can't afford the commitment of being a bridesmaid, but I would love to support you in any other way I can."

With this phrasing Dunlap says you're accomplishing three key things:

Setting expectations
Validating the friendship
Maintaining your own financial boundaries

In doing this, you're ensuring that you've done and said everything you can kindly and upfront so that you don't leave the bride on the hook or disappointed. This should keep your relationship in tact — and if it doesn't, that maybe says more about the situation than your polite decline. Regardless, now you don't have to worry about going into debt for someone else's wedding, so you're able to spend mindfully and maintain your personal finance goals.

How would you decline being a bridesmaid? Let us know in the comments, and follow the convo on Facebook!

Header image via Caleb Oquendo

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7 Cute Christmas Nail Designs That'll Put Your Beauty Look In The Spirit

Sprinkle the magic of Christmas into every seasonal activity by creating some festive Christmas nail designs! Whether you like to lean towards the traditional reds and greens or prefer to think colorfully outside the box, the polishes and Christmas nail designs below will set your mood and nail look right. Winter nails don't have to be drab – from star-studded nail art to bejeweled nail beds, we've got just the inspo for you.

Christmas Nail Colors

Amazon

essie 'Off Tropic'

You can't get your dream Christmas nail designs done without some stellar nail polishes! If your look involves a deep green, this shiny pick will help you pull it off easily. Use it to coat the entire nail for a sultry seasonal mani.

Amazon

OPI Opaque Light White & Gray Shimmer Nail Polish

With Christmas comes cold, and this nail polish screams icy. Wear it alone or apply it over a traditional Christmas color like red or green!

Amazon

OPI Infinite Shine 'Bubble Bath'

This baby pink will look gorgeous as a solid coat for Christmas-y dates and dinner parties.

Amazon

ILNP 'Ruby'

It's red. It's glittery. It's perfect for the holidays!

Amazon

Essie 'Winter Trend'

Spending Christmas with your besties or roommates? It's time for you to have your first 'Pinkmas' with the sparkly magenta nails to match!

Amazon

Sally Hansen Insta-Dri 'White on Time'

A super solid white nail polish, alongside a thin nail art brush, can be used to paint snowmen, gift wrap, or snowflakes like some of our featured Christmas nail designs depict.

Amazon

RARJSM Holographic Gel Polish

For the lazy gal manicurists, this holographic polish will make any light reflect off your nails which is the point during Christmas!

Amazon

essie 'U Wish'

Embrace the holidays with this fiery red that defies expectations of what a Christmas color should be.

Amazon

Butter London Patent Shine Nail Polish

This one color will work excellently for minimalist Christmas nail designs – use it to dot, stripe, or wear it on its own.

Amazon

Revlon 'Iced Mauve'

Sparkles are a must for Christmas, which is why we're heavily eyeing this potent pink.

Christmas Nails Inspo

Nataszija / July Ninety Six

Nifty-Gifty Gems

Use small nail gems of any color to infuse your Christmas nail designs with festive energy. We're loving red in particular because it just feels luxurious!

Brydie/Instagram

Deep Red Elegance

The bold red French tips, in combination with some art deco-inspired golden stars, can really bring your seasonal mani to the next level.

Charlotte Herberts/Instagram

Colorful Christmas Stars

Use a stencil or freehand these tiny stars in different chrome nail colors for a more jolly vibe this year.

Bryony Howell/Instagram

(Gift) Wrap It Up

A nail art brush can be used to paint on cutie little Christmas bows like this silvery one!

(via )

Oliwia Krauz/Instagram

Classic Colors

Multicolor nails are not dead – take the trend further for the holidays by crafting your look with a mix of whites, golds, greens, and reds.

Melou's Nails/Instagram

Let It Shine

For an understated (yet still spirited) Christmas manicure, glitter will be your go-to. We love the gradient effect that this hand has on!

Peachi Nails/Instagram

Merry & Bright

Tiny star details are sure to turn heads this Christmas! You could use any hue, but a standout gold like this one really makes your nails pop!

Check out our weekly newsletter for more seasonal inspiration!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated

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Ali Krieger Just Told Us About "A Wave Of Dishonesty" Amid Ashlyn Harris & Sophia Bush Drama

Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris are the talk of the town lately — and Ali Krieger definitely has something to say about it. The timeline of Ashlyn and Ali's divorce and Ashlyn and Sophia's relationship is messy at best, but the latter couple constantly dispel any rumor that there was overlap. For much of this narrative, Ali's been pretty silent, but it's clear she's ready to speak her truth. In a statement posted to Instagram, the soccer superstar opened up. Here's what she had to say.

See Ali Krieger's full statement about the Ashlyn Harris drama here!

Ali says that while she's had an "outpouring of love and support" over the last year, she's been confronted with "a wave of dishonesty and misinformation" in regards to her marriage to Ashlyn Harris.
Ali noted that her "unwavering priority" is to her kids, and that she requests privacy while she comes to terms with the state of her personal life right now.
This comes after Ashlyn Harris made comments about the dissolution of their marriage on a podcast, stating that there was a total lack of intimacy and that the cheating "is so far from the truth."

www.instagram.com

On December 3, 2024, Ali posted her statement to Instagram. She opened with, "I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support I’ve received this last year. However, amidst this warmth, I’ve also had to confront a wave of dishonesty and misinformation regarding my marriage and personal life."

Ali shared that she isn't ready to make a more formal statement, but she feels "compelled to address this currently to prevent further distortion of the truth." But at the end of the day, Ali explained that her "unwavering priority" is her kids at this moment, and that she'll share more when her "heart feels ready."

She closed her statement with, "In this vulnerable time, I humbly ask for privacy and understanding from all involved, as I grapple with the profound changes in my personal life."

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for American Ballet Theatre

This comes after Ashlyn spoke on the Naked Sports with Cari Championpodcast. Ashlyn noted that she was in a relationship without intimacy, eventually leading her to ask for an open marriage as a "last attempt." She also stated that people constantly see her as a cheater, which she says is "is so far from the truth."

I guess we'll know the truth in time...but for now, this is definitely messy. Wishing both sides of this divorce peace and understanding!

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