10 Revealing Signs You’re Actually An Extrovert

1. Women with a lot of friends value connection & community.

The one thing everyone with a solid group of friends can agree on is how it feels like you've built your own supportive community. Friends are often the first people we turn to with good or bad news, or the ones we simply want to go on adventures with. Osequeda says, "Women with strong friendship circles often value connection, community, and the power of vulnerability."

There's a realization that women in this unique position are able to "recognize that life is richer with a support system," says Osequeda. This involves "people who will listen, validate, and be there through both the highs and lows" she adds. From the friend who stayed up with you all night after a bad breakup to the one who cheered the loudest at your graduation, women who have a huge friend circle know that life feels better when we can connect with others.

Based on her experience as a therapist, she's "observed how women start friendships by gradually sharing layers of themselves." This can look like "having children at the same school or bonding over shared interests," she adds. This vulnerability is important because it creates a foundation that signals to women they've found their tribe.

2. Women with multiple friendships are open to vulnerability.

Like Osequeda mentioned, vulnerability can deepen our friendships. "These women are open to sharing the 'messy' parts of themselves which builds a deeper, more authentic bond." Also, she notes women with a lot of friends "aren't afraid to shed layers and be real" because "this vulnerability strengthens their sense of community." The more this happens over time, the more it "helps foster the connections" women with a lot of friends "cherish," according to Osequeda.

Honestly, she says "we’re all wired to seek out connection, and friendships provide that sense of community, validation, and belonging." She believes we truly "crave spaces where we can share our thoughts and feelings about what truly matters to us."

Asher believes women with lots of friends are "usually drawn towards one another in friendship" based on two levels:

• Level 1: Shared interests, appearance of confidence, a positive energy that they feel (smiling helps with this!)
• Level 2: (When in conversation) the safety they feel when speaking to another person, [emotional compatibility], how engaged the person is in conversation, and a desire to learn more about them, ultimately to find shared values.

This determines how women move forward in friendships. The approach is often led with "a deep sense of authenticity and care," according to Osequeda. "This is because women want relationships where they can be themselves, sharing hopes, dreams, and frustrations without judgment."

3. Women who have a lot of friends like other people they're friends with.

Again, the fact women with lots of friends actually like the people in their chosen circle is monumental. Asher says, "An interesting Yale study done in 2003 sought to look at 'popularity' in high schools to see if they could find something that all of the most liked and most popular kids had in common (outside of being a jock, etc.,)."

The common thread? "THEY liked the highest amount of people," Asher reveals. I talk about being a people pleaser a lot, but genuinely liking others isn't the same as that. IMO, it's actually admirable when people can respect others regardless of their race, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexuality.

She knows you're likely asking, "How does this apply to women having a lot of friends?" Her answer? "Across the board, the principle here is that women with the most friends are continuously on a hunt to find good and likable things about others."

However, this isn't based on a selfish need or want. "They've determined that the time invested in others is of mutual benefit," says Asher because "the biggest coast in adult female friendships is time — the most finite resource we all share in common."

4. These women also don't mind making new friends.

While making friends as adults shouldn't be hard, it definitely doesn't mean it comes easily. From overthinking to social anxiety, there's so many reasons why we struggle. Also, this idea we're doing fine without friends isn't exactly helpful or positive. Asher says, "The CDC has said that the impacts of loneliness on our bodies are more harmful than smoking 15 cigarettes A DAY! Making time for quality friendships (and the pursuit of it) is just as important for your physical state as working out is."

Where should you start if you want to forge new friendships? Osequeda says, "Start within communities that already resonate with you — whether it’s your child’s school, your workplace, a gym, dog park or a shared hobby. Places where you already belong create natural opportunities to connect." She even suggests giving "apps like Bumble BFF or local meet-up groups" a chance because they "can also help you find like-minded friends." But don't think you're limited to this!

Though Asher agrees that women tend to approach "friendships by trying to find commonalities right from the beginning," she says you don't have to confine yourself to this formula. "The reason I don't think this is best is because we are boxing ourselves in when we do this. The greatest friends could be on the other side of the stereotypes we're creating," she notes. Taking it a step further, Asher shared her own experience with this. "I watched all 3 of my best friends get married and have kids all before I ever got married. On the outside, most women would think 'They don’t have anything in common.' But on the inside, the character traits and values we each were looking for were mutual, and that became a more important compass for our friendship than the stage in life we were each in."

She was even surprised she'd become close to her best friends because of how things looked externally. "We had nothing in common, but I'm so glad I didn't box myself in," she says excitedly.

Here Are Even More Ways To Make New Friends!

Asher has three ways you can open yourself up to new adult friendships if you're interested.

1. The most important place to start is our mindset. We have to first decide “I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I’m worth having meaningful friendships.” When we make that decision, then we give ourselves permission and the courage to step out and take action in that! Important note about this: there was a study done at Stanford that revealed that people are 1.5x MORE likely to accept us than we think they are! So don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back!
2. Go first. Make the ask, and then make the plans! Saying “We should hang out sometime” is ineffective because “sometime” isn’t a day on the calendar! We cannot wait for other people to want to pursue a friendship with us, because most of us are in this same boat — not knowing where to start! We can pursue connection, get plugged into a community (examples: book club, fitness class, church, etc), or create our own connections by just inviting someone over to our house/apartment. The biggest thing we need to remind ourselves of that is to stop making excuses, or pre-determining how we think people will respond!
3. Again, don’t box yourself in. Don’t let your preconceived notions of what you think your archetype of a friend will look like stop you from spending time with others who don't fit that label. As addressed above, the friendships we’ve been looking for our whole lives could be right behind the stereotypes we’ve created! It’s more about character traits than it is about the external compatibility of hobbies or stages of life.

Osequeda's last piece of advice? "If you already have a friend group, meeting friends of friends is another great way to grow your circle. They key is taking that first step with a little bit of vulnerability — start a conversation, ask a question, and show interest." She's sure "it's these small moments of openness that create lasting connections!"

You're An Observer

In a group setting, you tend to observe what's going on before participating. This doesn't mean that you never participate, but that you need time to listen, observe, and find your place in a new social setting. A former boss once told me about a colleague he respected. While everyone was quick to throw out their ideas during meetings, this colleague would sit and listen and absorb, and then after the meeting, email his thoughts, which were always insightful. If you're more like that colleague, then you're likely an introvert.

You Prefer Deep Conversation Over Small Talk

For those with introverted tendencies, small talk feels draining while deep, meaningful conversations feel invigorating. This can sometimes come off as unfriendly in social settings. When my sister, a major introvert, walked into her bridal shower, she was overwhelmed and didn't socialize with her now husband's side of the family, upsetting her now MIL. Thankfully, they understand each other a little better, but that early interaction came off as rude rather than really understanding this personality trait (which, btw, was first classified in the 1920s by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung).

You Have A Small Group Of Close Friends

You value deep, meaningful relationships over having a broad social network. This doesn't mean extroverts don't value deep friendships, but introverts are less likely to have a large network of acquaintances. You prefer quality over quantity, investing time and energy into a few close relationships that give you emotional support and genuine connection.

You Prefer To Write Out Your Thoughts Than Talk It Out

You feel more comfortable expressing your thoughts on paper (or digitally), so you can organize and articulate your ideas clearly, without the pressure of immediate conversation.

You Do Your Best Thinking Alone

Your inner monologue is chatty! You often need time to think things through before making decisions or sharing your thoughts. It goes back to that observer role. In IRL brainstorming, extroverts tend to command the room but introverts tend to absorb everything and then think it through alone.

You're Energized By Solitude

There's a moment when social interactions start to leave you feeling exhausted. Alone time helps you recharge and build up your energy for more chit-chat.

You're A Great Listener

You make a great friend because you are a great listener. You give your friends your full attention, try to understand their perspectives, and respond with thoughtful advice.

You Love To Get Lost In A Good Book

Solo activities like reading, writing, gardening, or solo sports are more your jam. Team sports as a kid would always stress me out. As an adult, I found the solitude of running perfect for my introverted side.

You Take The Time To Think Before You Speak

Being in the spotlight is not your cup of tea. You carefully consider your words before speaking, which can help you communicate more thoughtfully and respectfully.

You Prefer To Work Remotely

Cain notes that research shows introverts can be great leaders, yet they often get overlooked for (or shy away from) higher positions due to their discomfort in social situations. But good news: many successful people, such as Rosa Parks, Barack Obama, and Eleanor Roosevelt, were/are introverts. Your introspection and crazy ability to focus (making WFH ideal) can be powerful assets, boosting your productivity. Introverts can also be excellent communicators, though they may shine more in one-on-one interactions than in big, all-hands-on-deck meetings.

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Header image via Samson Katt

Daisy Edgar-Jones also revealed that she's remained incredibly close to Paul Mescal after their time on Hulu's Normal People. "Paul is one of my lifetime best friends," she says. "He’s an incredibly grounded person and I am too, I think, so it’s nice to be able to have those touchstones and those people you can laugh about it with and be lighthearted with. We met when I was 20 and Paul was 22; I’m so excited to see where we’ll be at 32, 42, and what life will bring us."

But the coolest thing is that not only is Normal People special for Paul and Daisy, but they've also been able to see the effect of the show on its fans.

"The thing I love people saying the most is, 'It made me contact my ex,'" Daisy continues. "Especially when much older people say, 'I just wanted to reach out to the person I was with when I was 17 just to say you were a big part of my history and thanks for being part of who I am, the tapestry of my life.' And that I really love, because I’m a massive romantic."

Daisy recently revealed they bonded over their training for Twisters and Gladiator II.

"I did running lessons — isn’t that crazy?" she told Variety. "Actually, Paul [Mescal] and I were laughing about it, because he was training for 'Gladiator II' and I was training for 'Twisters,' and obviously he had to be huge and I was like, 'Don’t worry, I’m going to be right up there with you.'"