10 Revealing Signs You’re Actually An Extrovert

1. Women with a lot of friends value connection & community.

The one thing everyone with a solid group of friends can agree on is how it feels like you've built your own supportive community. Friends are often the first people we turn to with good or bad news, or the ones we simply want to go on adventures with. Osequeda says, "Women with strong friendship circles often value connection, community, and the power of vulnerability."

There's a realization that women in this unique position are able to "recognize that life is richer with a support system," says Osequeda. This involves "people who will listen, validate, and be there through both the highs and lows" she adds. From the friend who stayed up with you all night after a bad breakup to the one who cheered the loudest at your graduation, women who have a huge friend circle know that life feels better when we can connect with others.

Based on her experience as a therapist, she's "observed how women start friendships by gradually sharing layers of themselves." This can look like "having children at the same school or bonding over shared interests," she adds. This vulnerability is important because it creates a foundation that signals to women they've found their tribe.

2. Women with multiple friendships are open to vulnerability.

Like Osequeda mentioned, vulnerability can deepen our friendships. "These women are open to sharing the 'messy' parts of themselves which builds a deeper, more authentic bond." Also, she notes women with a lot of friends "aren't afraid to shed layers and be real" because "this vulnerability strengthens their sense of community." The more this happens over time, the more it "helps foster the connections" women with a lot of friends "cherish," according to Osequeda.

Honestly, she says "we’re all wired to seek out connection, and friendships provide that sense of community, validation, and belonging." She believes we truly "crave spaces where we can share our thoughts and feelings about what truly matters to us."

Asher believes women with lots of friends are "usually drawn towards one another in friendship" based on two levels:

• Level 1: Shared interests, appearance of confidence, a positive energy that they feel (smiling helps with this!)
• Level 2: (When in conversation) the safety they feel when speaking to another person, [emotional compatibility], how engaged the person is in conversation, and a desire to learn more about them, ultimately to find shared values.

This determines how women move forward in friendships. The approach is often led with "a deep sense of authenticity and care," according to Osequeda. "This is because women want relationships where they can be themselves, sharing hopes, dreams, and frustrations without judgment."

3. Women who have a lot of friends like other people they're friends with.

Again, the fact women with lots of friends actually like the people in their chosen circle is monumental. Asher says, "An interesting Yale study done in 2003 sought to look at 'popularity' in high schools to see if they could find something that all of the most liked and most popular kids had in common (outside of being a jock, etc.,)."

The common thread? "THEY liked the highest amount of people," Asher reveals. I talk about being a people pleaser a lot, but genuinely liking others isn't the same as that. IMO, it's actually admirable when people can respect others regardless of their race, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexuality.

She knows you're likely asking, "How does this apply to women having a lot of friends?" Her answer? "Across the board, the principle here is that women with the most friends are continuously on a hunt to find good and likable things about others."

However, this isn't based on a selfish need or want. "They've determined that the time invested in others is of mutual benefit," says Asher because "the biggest coast in adult female friendships is time — the most finite resource we all share in common."

4. These women also don't mind making new friends.

While making friends as adults shouldn't be hard, it definitely doesn't mean it comes easily. From overthinking to social anxiety, there's so many reasons why we struggle. Also, this idea we're doing fine without friends isn't exactly helpful or positive. Asher says, "The CDC has said that the impacts of loneliness on our bodies are more harmful than smoking 15 cigarettes A DAY! Making time for quality friendships (and the pursuit of it) is just as important for your physical state as working out is."

Where should you start if you want to forge new friendships? Osequeda says, "Start within communities that already resonate with you — whether it’s your child’s school, your workplace, a gym, dog park or a shared hobby. Places where you already belong create natural opportunities to connect." She even suggests giving "apps like Bumble BFF or local meet-up groups" a chance because they "can also help you find like-minded friends." But don't think you're limited to this!

Though Asher agrees that women tend to approach "friendships by trying to find commonalities right from the beginning," she says you don't have to confine yourself to this formula. "The reason I don't think this is best is because we are boxing ourselves in when we do this. The greatest friends could be on the other side of the stereotypes we're creating," she notes. Taking it a step further, Asher shared her own experience with this. "I watched all 3 of my best friends get married and have kids all before I ever got married. On the outside, most women would think 'They don’t have anything in common.' But on the inside, the character traits and values we each were looking for were mutual, and that became a more important compass for our friendship than the stage in life we were each in."

She was even surprised she'd become close to her best friends because of how things looked externally. "We had nothing in common, but I'm so glad I didn't box myself in," she says excitedly.

Here Are Even More Ways To Make New Friends!

Asher has three ways you can open yourself up to new adult friendships if you're interested.

1. The most important place to start is our mindset. We have to first decide “I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I’m worth having meaningful friendships.” When we make that decision, then we give ourselves permission and the courage to step out and take action in that! Important note about this: there was a study done at Stanford that revealed that people are 1.5x MORE likely to accept us than we think they are! So don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back!
2. Go first. Make the ask, and then make the plans! Saying “We should hang out sometime” is ineffective because “sometime” isn’t a day on the calendar! We cannot wait for other people to want to pursue a friendship with us, because most of us are in this same boat — not knowing where to start! We can pursue connection, get plugged into a community (examples: book club, fitness class, church, etc), or create our own connections by just inviting someone over to our house/apartment. The biggest thing we need to remind ourselves of that is to stop making excuses, or pre-determining how we think people will respond!
3. Again, don’t box yourself in. Don’t let your preconceived notions of what you think your archetype of a friend will look like stop you from spending time with others who don't fit that label. As addressed above, the friendships we’ve been looking for our whole lives could be right behind the stereotypes we’ve created! It’s more about character traits than it is about the external compatibility of hobbies or stages of life.

Osequeda's last piece of advice? "If you already have a friend group, meeting friends of friends is another great way to grow your circle. They key is taking that first step with a little bit of vulnerability — start a conversation, ask a question, and show interest." She's sure "it's these small moments of openness that create lasting connections!"

You're An Observer

In a group setting, you tend to observe what's going on before participating. This doesn't mean that you never participate, but that you need time to listen, observe, and find your place in a new social setting. A former boss once told me about a colleague he respected. While everyone was quick to throw out their ideas during meetings, this colleague would sit and listen and absorb, and then after the meeting, email his thoughts, which were always insightful. If you're more like that colleague, then you're likely an introvert.

You Prefer Deep Conversation Over Small Talk

For those with introverted tendencies, small talk feels draining while deep, meaningful conversations feel invigorating. This can sometimes come off as unfriendly in social settings. When my sister, a major introvert, walked into her bridal shower, she was overwhelmed and didn't socialize with her now husband's side of the family, upsetting her now MIL. Thankfully, they understand each other a little better, but that early interaction came off as rude rather than really understanding this personality trait (which, btw, was first classified in the 1920s by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung).

You Have A Small Group Of Close Friends

You value deep, meaningful relationships over having a broad social network. This doesn't mean extroverts don't value deep friendships, but introverts are less likely to have a large network of acquaintances. You prefer quality over quantity, investing time and energy into a few close relationships that give you emotional support and genuine connection.

You Prefer To Write Out Your Thoughts Than Talk It Out

You feel more comfortable expressing your thoughts on paper (or digitally), so you can organize and articulate your ideas clearly, without the pressure of immediate conversation.

You Do Your Best Thinking Alone

Your inner monologue is chatty! You often need time to think things through before making decisions or sharing your thoughts. It goes back to that observer role. In IRL brainstorming, extroverts tend to command the room but introverts tend to absorb everything and then think it through alone.

You're Energized By Solitude

There's a moment when social interactions start to leave you feeling exhausted. Alone time helps you recharge and build up your energy for more chit-chat.

You're A Great Listener

You make a great friend because you are a great listener. You give your friends your full attention, try to understand their perspectives, and respond with thoughtful advice.

You Love To Get Lost In A Good Book

Solo activities like reading, writing, gardening, or solo sports are more your jam. Team sports as a kid would always stress me out. As an adult, I found the solitude of running perfect for my introverted side.

You Take The Time To Think Before You Speak

Being in the spotlight is not your cup of tea. You carefully consider your words before speaking, which can help you communicate more thoughtfully and respectfully.

You Prefer To Work Remotely

Cain notes that research shows introverts can be great leaders, yet they often get overlooked for (or shy away from) higher positions due to their discomfort in social situations. But good news: many successful people, such as Rosa Parks, Barack Obama, and Eleanor Roosevelt, were/are introverts. Your introspection and crazy ability to focus (making WFH ideal) can be powerful assets, boosting your productivity. Introverts can also be excellent communicators, though they may shine more in one-on-one interactions than in big, all-hands-on-deck meetings.

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Header image via Samson Katt

A Charlie Brown Christmas — On Apple TV+

Little Women — On Paramount+

Sisters Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy are dealing with a Christmas with no presents and, even worse, no Father while he fights in the Civil War. But as they encounter love and loss throughout their adolescence, the older they get, the more they realize the greatest gift was each other.

The Holiday — on Prime Video

This classic Christmas movie (which stars Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, and Jack Black) has everything you could dream of: a house swap to a dreamy location and a run-in with handsome strangers. Say no more.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation — On Max

Clark Griswold is determined to give his family the best Christmas vacation ever. Unfortunately, it's totally on brand for the entire holiday to become a giant disaster.

It's a Wonderful Life — On Roku

The first classic Christmas movie on our list is one that my dad tried to get me to watch for years. I finally watched it and I cried almost the entire time. It's A Wonderful Life follows George Bailey, who's taken to an alternate reality where he never existed and realizes just how much he as to live for. This movie will definitely make you appreciate the people you love.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer — Rent On Amazon Prime

Stop motion holiday movies were my entire childhood, and this one is a super cute addition to any family gathering. It expands on the iconic reindeer's story and features romance, danger, friendship, and even themes of identity and belonging. Go Rudolph!

Love Actually — on Prime Video

Any rom-com fan will want to tune into this classic, which tells the story of multiple lovestruck (or heartbroken) characters and will make you feel totally seen.

Christmas With The Kranks — On Prime Video

Jamie Lee Curtis might not have won an Oscar until 2023 for Everything Everywhere All At Once, but she deserved one for this classic Christmas movie ;). Luther and Nora have decided to all but cancel Christmas with their daughter in Peru. But when she comes home at the last minute, they must figure out how to have a spontaneous celebration.

The Polar Express — on Max

If you ask me, it's not a proper holiday without watching this iconic animated movie. Tom Hanks voices both the train conductor leading children to the North Pole and the little boy who isn't sure he even believes in Santa.

Home Alone — On Disney+

If you prefer a hilarious Christmas movie, then Home Alone is exactly what you need. 8-year-old Kevin McCallister is left behind when his family goes on their holiday vacation. As fun as it sounds, he starts to get tired of being ~home alone~ pretty quickly — especially when two burglars decide to target the house.

Eloise At Christmastime — on Prime Video

Speaking of spunky children, take a trip around the Plaza Hotel with Eloise, who basically rules the roost. With Gavin Creel as the lovable Bill and Christine Baranski as Prunella, this is one classic Christmas movie you'll want to watch even when you're not a kid anymore.

A Muppet Christmas Carol — On Disney+

By this point, A Muppet Christmas Carol is a classic Christmas movie that you'll remember for years to come. Every iteration puts a new spin on the tale, but this version is definitely Gen Z's favorite. The movie follows Ebenezer Scrooge, a stingy bachelor whose life is changed when the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future visit him on Christmas Eve.

Elf — On Hulu

Even though this movie takes place in a post-Y2K world, it is absolutely a classic Christmas movie at this point! Buddy has spent his whole life thinking he's an elf, but when he learns he's a human — and that his dad is living in New York City — he goes on an adventure to find the family he never met. If anything will spark a lifelong love of narwhals, it'll be this movie. This is also a fun movie to watch after Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer because it's supposed to be the same world!

A Christmas Story — on Max

If you watched Elf and thought that Ming Ming the elf looked familiar, it's because he's played by Peter Billingsley from A Christmas Story! In this holiday classic, Ralphie does what every kid does the closer we get to Christmas: begs his parents for his dream gift, a Red Ryder BB gun.

The Nightmare Before Christmas — on Disney+

Pumpkin king Jack Skellington is in for a surprise when he finds Christmastown...and decides to kidnap Santa and take on the mantle of the jolly old elf. Tim Burton's musical delight is perfect for anyone who considers themself just a little bit more of a Halloween person (we get it!)

Miracle on 34th Street — On Disney+

There are two versions of this classic Christmas movie you can add to your watchlist: the 1947 black and white film, or the 1994 version starring Matilda's Mara Wilson. The story follows an independent single mother, a man on a quest to prove he's Santa Claus, and a little girl looking for something to believe in. I cannot recommend it enough, for real.

White Christmas — On Prime Video

This movie is my family's non-negotiable yearly watch, and TBH, everyone needs to see it! White Christmas is a musical that follows Bob and Phil who team up with sister act Betty and Judy to save an old friend's failing Vermont inn. For even more of a recommendation, my family genuinely and spontaneously breaks into any song from this movie as soon as the holiday season stars.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! — On Peacock

This classic Christmas movie (which I prefer to the Jim Carrey version, but you do you, boo) follows the titular Grinch, who decides to ruin Christmas by stealing presents, decor, and food from the Whos in Whoville. This heartwarming story really serves as a reminder that Christmas — and life — is more than material objects.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas — Rent On Amazon Prime

In this spin on the aforementioned cartoon, Jim Carrey plays the Grinch, who hates Christmas and can't stand the Whos of Whoville. This is a full feature film so they've added some extra plotlines the original doesn't have, but TBH, it just makes it more memorable.

Frosty The Snowman — on Hulu

Another classic Christmas movie that kids of all ages will love! When Frosty comes to life and befriends some local children, they have to team up to prevent him from melting.

The Santa Clause — On Disney+

Tim Allen stars as Scott Calvin, who must step into the red, cookie-loving shoes of Santa Claus when he accidentally causes the previous Santa to fall off his roof. After decades of Santa stories, I always loved how original this one is!!

The Year Without a Santa Claus — Rent on Apple TV+

"I'm Mister White Christmas, I'm Mister Snow!" Whether you've been singing this song since the special aired in 1974, or you've seen all the TikToks, it's a better time than ever to rewatch the story of the elves trying to convince Santa to carry out his annual trek.