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Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Aries (March 21 – April 20): Maggie

Maggie is one of the most ambitious characters in this movie. While she may be the villain in Miles' story, she just may put that drive to good use instead of taking advantage of her partner's industry connections and incredible kindness. I'd like to believe that after their breakup, she takes a long, hard look in the mirror and pursues her passions without throwing anyone else under the bus. Because, Aries, at your core you are one of the most determined people out there who can truly use your power to achieve anything you put your mind to. Just let Maggie be a warning: if you let that fervor go too far, it could get the best of you — and hurt those around you.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21): Arthur

Who else would live in the same house for 47 years, but a Taurus? His eclectic house is full of charm and quirks and stories alike, leaving Iris to wonder who this wild, witty man really is that lives next door. And while Arthur has one of the most impressive lives and careers out of anyone in this movie, he's humble enough to bury the lede and let his life speak for itself. Achievements aren't what matter most to Arthur — the people and the world around him. However, don't be fooled: this man is stubborn as a bull, actively avoiding his mail because he doesn't wanna give the industry what they want from him. While that's not inherently bad, he almost let that stubborn streak keep him from one of the happiest nights of his life.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21): Jasper

I will say this until the cows come home (whatever that means): Geminis are not inherently two-faced or bad! They really aren't! However, their inherent duality can allow for some questionable choices when it goes unchecked — especially if said Gemini is particularly selfish á la Jasper. Instead of using his duality to enrich his inner life, Jasper uses it to live one life with Iris and one with his fiancée. He may be a brilliant writer — and Geminis I know you're incredibly intelligent — but it'll always be overshadowed by this two-sided take he has on life. Fingers crossed he eventually figured out how to put all of himself into what matters: his family (that he literally chose).

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Mr. Napkinhead

Mr. Napkinhead may not be an actual character, but nothing is more sentimental than a napkin-faced, widowed father doing a beloved bit for his daughters. There's an innate level of empathy in Mr. Napkinhead that radiates Cancer behavior — it's a sense of caring so much for everyone else that you're willing to do whatever song and dance brings others joy. Protect yourself though, Cancer. This kind, caring nature can be incredibly draining if you're always putting on for everyone else and not saving enough energy for yourself. Instead of wearing yourself as thin as a napkin (see what I did there?), give your loving gifts thoughtfully and intentionally.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Amanda

Who has more main character energy than Amanda? I mean, she literally sees herself as a main character in her own imaginary trailer of her life! She may do work behind the scenes when it comes to movies, but that doesn't make her any less of a drama queen. Much like you, Leo, Amanda's able to use her big dreams and big drive to build the beautiful life she wants — however, her desire for the picture perfect lifestyle can get in her way too. Thankfully, she doesn't let it totally take her down (I really thought we lost our high heel loving girl boss after that breakup), instead channeling her energy into doing it for the plot and meeting her soulmate. The most extreme of extreme Leo behavior, TBH.

Virgo (August 23 – September 21): Bristol

If Amanda is the queen of main character, type A behavior, imagine the organization it requires to be her personal assistant. Bristol is all that and then some, making sure Amanda's life is queued up to a tee — even when it's seemingly falling apart. While we don't get too much Bristol in this Nancy Meyers masterpiece, I just know this Virgo queen has a spotless home, a color-coded to-do list, and high standards for her partner. You don't rock a ponytail like that and live otherwise.

Libra (September 22 – October 22): Iris

Iris wants the most beautiful, love-filled life — which is so totally Libra it hurts. Her other incredibly Libra trait? Pining over who she can't have (I'm looking at you, Jasper). There's just something about an unrequited love that hits Libras right where it hurts...but they can't help leaning in! It's the dramatic, daydreamer in them. And while Jasper can't truly see Iris for the wonderful woman she is, that doesn't stop her warm, caring nature from shining anyway. Iris makes friends everywhere she goes, eventually charming Miles into giving her the ultimate happy ending she's been waiting for. (Oh, & her style is incredibly her own, from her quirky wardrobe to her eccentric and intricately decorated English cottage — Libra to the max)

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Ethan

Scorpios, please know I am not coming for you with this. I continue to evangelize the idea that Scorpios and Geminis are incredibly misunderstood — however, it's really easy for their worst traits to show up in stereotypical movie villain ways. Ethan is a really good example of this, proving that your guarded nature can really catch up to you if you don't keep an eye on it, Scorpio. Instead of letting Amanda in and being honest with her about what's not working in their relationship, he resorts to putting up a wall, bottling it all up, and cheating on her. My advice to Ethan in the future? Let that soft, water sign center shine! You have feelings, and when they're feeling hurt or neglected, TELL someone. You deserve to be heard too!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Miles

Miles is the epitome of a Sagittarius. He's got a great sense of humor, he's very comfortable with people quickly, he's silly and fun — the kind of friend you always wanna have at your party. It's great because Miles really doesn't care what anyone else thinks, so he's ready to sing a song in the middle of a Blockbuster or sweetly whisk an eyelash out of your eye at a moments notice. He literally says he wants to to celebrate "being young and being alive" — basically the entire ethos of being a Sagittarius. 'Nuff said.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Graham

Oh Graham, you beautiful Capricorn. Where do I even begin? This man cares about seeming "respectable" from the start, ultimately proving that he's put together a carefully curated life for himself, while still allowing himself to let loose and have fun when the time (AKA the pub) calls for it. This earth sign reads parenting books before bed, has an editor's attention to detail (literally), and is extremely confident. However, he compartmentalizes his life — and that could keep him from letting his worlds beautifully bleed together. Luckily, a certain Leo waltzed into his life, and balanced out his very grounded approach to life with her fiery energy.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Ben

Ben is a world-changer...or at least a cinematic world-changer from what we can see. This creative sees the bigger picture, fighting for Amanda's ultimate vision with each trailer they make together. His storytelling ability is honestly really impressive, allowing him to take a story that already exists and condense it down into a digestible clip that draws people in with every second it plays. If that's not Aquarius, I don't know what is. Your unique visions are what make this world so colorful, Aquarius, and I just know this nature isn't just relegated to Ben's professional life.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Sophie & Olivia

These girls have their heads in the clouds...or at least the stars! All jokes aside, these whimsical, eclectic sisters are totally Pisces material. They use their rich imaginations to paint a perfect world for themselves, even after the tragic passing of their mother. Instead of wallowing in the sadness, they wonder and marvel at the man that they have for a father (and if Jude Law was my daddy, I would too — let's be real 😅). Their ability to overcome and create something beautiful is incredibly Pisces — and something we should all strive for.