Facebook’s Instant Video Is the New FaceTime

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Tips For Finding Thrifted Gift Ideas

I’d say keeping an open mind about your potential finds before venturing off to your local secondhand store is super important for executing these thrifted gift ideas.

If you’re shopping for a candle holder to gift with something too specific in mind, you may find yourself in an endless and unsuccessful search for the “perfect” piece. Instead, be open to combing through the knick-knack shelves and clothing racks – you never know what you may find!

Use the 10 thrifted gift ideas ahead to directly guide your gift-making journey, or let each one inspire you to find your own gift!

1. Use thrifted jars to put homemade jam, spice mixes, or snacks in.

Mason jars and other kitchen-y vessels are some of the most common items at the thrift. Pick up several this season, clean them off, then use them for holding homemade food goods to gift! You could even use some to put plant cuttings in.

2. Fill up thrifted vessels like mugs, vases, and bowls to pour candles in.

Making your own candles is actually super easy once you have the materials. Just melt some candle wax with some (or no) fragrance over a fixed wick that you've placed in a thrifted container. Everyone loves a cozy lil' candle!

3. Thrift and gift a pre-loved jewelry box alongside a new or handcrafted jewelry piece.

This thrifted gift idea will really impress, especially if you're able to find a unique jewelry box, or one in your giftee's personal style. As far as jewelry goes, you could make your own beaded necklace or earring set, or check out our favorite statement earringsfor inspiration.

4. Add matches and a striker to a small vessel for a unique match holder.

A box of 300 matches goes for about $10 online, and a dozen striker stickers are about $6. Get the most out of your dollar by thrifting a ton of small vessels (like a shot glass or shallow teacup dish), adding the matches and strikers to them, then gifting out multiple to friends and coworkers.

5. Thrift a velvet garment to cut into strips for handmade bows.

You can transform a $2 shirt into countless bows )for making hair clips and/or gift toppers) by following a simple bow-making tutorial. Sometimes you can even find unused gift bags and boxes in between the aisles to save on wrapping.

6. Thrift cookie tins for all the holiday treats you’ll make (and gift) this season.

Cookie tins and food storage containers are always hiding out at the thrift store. Snag a few and wash them thoroughly before stuffing them full of sweet treats (I always go with puppy chow/muddy buddies) to share! You can also use cookie tins and plastic containers as complete gift wrapping for anything small.

7. Find some candlestick holders or candelabras, clean them off, then gift them with a few candlesticks.

'Tis the era of candlesticks. Candelabras are hot right now, and you're bound to find some on the thrift store shelves. Add them to cart, clean them off, then gift them with a pair of candlesticks tied with a ribbon bow for a cute touch.

8. Thrift a picture frame and use it to hold a collage, a painting, or a photo that’s special to the recipient.

It's not hard to find old picture frames or prints that are still intact. Framing a photo you have of a favorite memory with your gift recipient or a place they love could really hit home and win their heart over! This example with pressed leaves and flowers is adorable, too.

9. If your giftee is a fashionista, scour the thrift store racks for some cool and unique pre-loved garments.

You could even package a few as a ‘style bundle.’ Bonus points if they’re winter-friendly! Just make sure you give everything a good wash before gifting them.

10. Use thrifted bottles to put homemade infused liquors in.

Just add any flavor combination you’d like (lemon + vodka, jalapeño + tequila, candy cane + vodka, coffee grounds + vodka) to some clean, thrifted, and airtight glass bottles – the more elegant the better – and let it steep for up to a month for a single-batch spirit.