Why Buying Flowers Is a Legit Form of Self-Care

Opt for canned beer

This was one of my earliest discoveries in the world of fake drinking. No one can see your drink when it's in a can. You might read that and think, yeah so? Well, take that can with you to the other can, and dump it out in the sink. Fill it up with water and no one will be the wiser. In fact, they'll think — wow, she's really blasting through those Coors Lights. Pro tip: Be sure to wipe any water drips off the can before you leave the bathroom, and rinse the sink so there's no errant beer foam floating around.

If you have to order a real drink, choose a clear cocktail. This is the classic move. You creep over to the bar when no one else is around, and order a club soda with lime. Think of it as a mocktail. Be sure to ask the bartender to serve it to you in a cocktail glass — a giant water glass or plastic cup is a dead giveaway.

If it's impossible to get alone time at the bar, order a vodka soda (or gin and tonic). Then take it to the bathroom, dump out the liquid (use a straw to keep the ice and any garnishes in the cup), then fill it with water instead. Complain about the soda or tonic being flat if anyone questions your drink's lack of tiny bubbles.

Make friends with bartenders. At first, bartenders give you a bit of side-eye when you ask for a club soda in a cocktail glass. They won't ask you what the deal is, but you can let them assume what they like — especially when you order that second or third club soda in a cocktailglass.

If you're feeling cavalier, and you and the bartender have really hit your stride, you can even say, “I'll take anything non-alcoholic that looks like a cocktail." I actually made SUCH good friends with a bartender at a wedding where I was fake drinking that every time I came over to the bar, he immediately winked at me and gave me “my regular." My friends guffawed at the fact that I was already friends with the bartender. Pro.

Allude to a possible tannin allergy. Wine is the toughest thing to fake, so don't even try. Tell your friends about how, out of nowhere, you've started to get headaches immediately after drinking a glass of wine. When they're like, “Is it just when you drink red?" reply with a frustrated sigh, “No, both red and white make me feel crappy — maybe it's a tannin thing?" Then get your faux canned beer or clear mocktail, and call it a day.

Ginger ale is a GREAT substitute for Champagne. Ginger ale looks like Champagne, it smells kind of like Champagne, and if your friends are tipsy enough and take a sip, they'll actually believe that it IS Champagne. Don't overdo this one though — too much sugary soda is not a good thing for you and your secret babe!

Pretend to be getting over a cold (so no one asks for a sip). After all, it's sick season! [Insert fake coughs here]

Always be the one to order or serve a round of shots. Shots are one of the toughest things to fake. Like, really difficult. And you might be thinking, who still takes shots anyway? Well, the answer is: I do. Or rather, I did. It would have been impossible to be at my two besties' bachelorette party without at least one round of shots. So what's a preggo to do? Serve 'em up, of course.

Because shots are best served as a surprise to inspire a second wind in any given party, you can creep into the kitchen to set things up. Pour all but one, and fill that one with a substitute. Ideally, it looks like what you're serving, and if that's not possible, make 3-5 of them vodka shots including yours, which is actually… water! If ordering shots at a bar, you're probably already friends with the bartender, so just ask him to make yours a fake one and to put a napkin or coaster under it on the tray that comes out.

Keep a drink in your hand at all times. This is an obvious one, but it's worth mentioning. If you don't have a drink on hand, someone will either hand you one or give you a hard time for not drinking. DO NOT give them that opportunity ;)

Never leave your drink unattended. Hopefully, you already have this rule in your wheelhouse from your college days. In this case, the key here is avoiding two things: friendly refills and someone accidentally picking up your drink and finding out it's phony.

Avoid being the first one to hit the hay. If you've already been squirreling around on the beverage front, the next clear sign that you might be secretly pregnant is when you're the first one to go to bed. So don't do that. Don't go to bed. Ever! Okay, at some point you'll need to go to bed because you need a TON of sleep in your first trimester, but avoid being the first party pooper at all costs.

And don't use getting up early “for a run" or “to do some work" as an excuse for going to bed — friends that know you will see right through that.

1. Have something go seriously wrong at work? A quick (& private) adult tantrum can help you express those emotions.

Even if you're one of the lucky people who love their job, nothing indicates things will go smooth sailing every day. Some times projects fall through because of miscommunication, misunderstandings, or a vindictive co-worker who looks to throw you under the bus every chance they get. Either way, it's sure to stir up big feelings that you may not know how to properly deal with.

As much as you may be trying to avoid this, having an adult 'tantrum' may be the very thing you need to do. Phelan says, "A tantrum can be a quick way to release pent-up frustration or anger."

2. Saw something crazy on your drive to Target? Adult tantrums actually help reduce cortisol in the body!

We've all had a front row seat to another driver's reckless behavior in traffic that's left us feeling rattled. We may have begun to grip our steering wheels even tighter despite developing sweaty palms. By the time we make it to our destination, we're likely on edge and in fight-or-flight mode. But instead of holding that energy in, Phelan suggests releasing it. "Releasing emotions and moving energy helps to regulate the nervous system and alleviate tension in the body," she says.

3. Journaling not your thing? Adult tantrums totally count as another way to express what's on your mind.

if you're not a fan of utilizing journal prompts or checking in with yourself, you may not know why you feel so upset about something. This can cause you to feel sad one minute and agitated the next. However, allowing yourself to have meltdowns can help you figure out what's bothering you so much.

Phelan says, "They can help clarify underlying emotional needs or frustrations." Not only that, but she says there's a reason why tantrums happen in the first place. "When we reach the point of having a tantrum, things have often been bubbling under the surface for some time, so reaching this breaking point can be a sign that something internal is needed our attention or to be expressed."

4. Did your partner make another passive-aggressive comment? An adult tantrum can help you figure out why you haven't talked to them about how that hurts your feelings!

While this is just an example of a way that you need to set boundaries, it's still a valid one that some people can unfortunately relate to. I'm currently saying a silent prayer for my 19-year-old self who dealt with a passive-aggressive partner.

But, are there healthy ways to have an adult tantrum?

According to Phelan, yes! I know this contradicts everything we've been taught in our communities about tantrums, but they don't have to look like the outbursts we've seen on social media. In her honest opinion, here are 5 ways to express yourself:

1. In Private: Choose a safe, quiet place to express emotions.
2. Physical Movement: Engage in activities like stomping, shaking, or throwing a pillow to physically move the stagnant, stuck energy.
3. Breathing & Grounding: Use deep breathing or grounding exercises to manage intensity and release pent up emotions.
4. Vocal Release: Scream into a pillow or use sound for catharsis.
5. Journaling: Write down the intense emotions to release them without acting out.

Similar to Phelan's suggestions, Michelle also shares her top tips for having a "productive" tanrum:

• Find a private, judgment-free space.
• Use physical movement like stomping or shaking.
• Let emotions out vocally, but intentionally (a sigh or growl works better than a scream).
• Set a timer for just a few minutes.
• Reflect afterward: What does that part of you need?

In Michelle’s words:
"Set a timer, yell into a pillow, and ask yourself: What does this part of me need? (Just don’t scare your kids or get fired from your job!)”

Just because tantrums aren't horrific doesn't mean we're giving you a pass to be rude to others or have them whenever you want. Phelan warns, "They're inappropriate in certain settings, such as work environments and public places. They are also of course inappropriate if they involve harming yourself or others in any way." Hession says something similar in that she wants you to "avoid tantrums in public, around children, or at work" because "they can cause misunderstandings or even harm." It goes without saying, but violence is never the answer!

Also, Phelan and Hession want you to pay attention to how often you're using this as a way to calm down. "If tantrums become a consistent occurrence, healthier coping strategies are needed and therapy is a great place to start learning them," she suggests. Hessions feels that recurrent tantrums "may indicate unresolved trauma that's worth exploring in therapy."

Basically, therapy is always a great idea!

How Barlow And Bear's Bond Influences Their Art

“We have such a sacred sisterhood!” Abigail tells me over email. “We met and found musical soulmates in one another. It’s more than just special. It’s a once in a lifetime connection that laid an incredibly strong foundation for creation.”

“Most of my life I’ve been the only girl in the room writing with much older people,” Emily adds. “Honestly because Abigail and I are like sisters, it creates such a safe place to be vulnerable together and create without restraint. When writing for Moana 2, we leaned on that emotional connection to explore the complexities of the story and how much we see ourselves in Moana!”

And the empowering message of the film, which follows Moana’s journey through Oceania, actually influenced their art. “Every day that I worked on Moana, I was empowered to continuously choose who I wanted to be,” Abigail says. “A leader, a listener, and a learner. In being tasked to write for this movie, I was being asked to go past my comfort zones. I think by being completely open hearted to this experience, it allowed me clarity when crafting the lyric and melody with Emily.”

“Moana 2 is a story about finding strength through vulnerability, and that message became a huge theme in the music,” Emily says. “All our characters’ journeys reminded us to embrace our imperfections and trust the process of growth — no matter how painful it may seem in the moment. Moana is THAT girl. No one defines her but herself and writing for such an inspiring heroine FOR SURE inspired us right back.”

Why Abigail Barlow And Emily Bear Loved Working On 'Moana 2'

But considering the fact these two women are huge Disney fans (Abigail tells me her favorite Disney movies are The Little Mermaid and Frozen, while Emily loves Hercules and Mulan), one of the most inspiring details about their involvement is the fact that Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear’s Moana 2 score marks the first time a female duo has composed a Disney movie — and it’s a moment they don’t take for granted.

“I hope this shows [young girls] that their voices matter,” Emily says. “Growing up, I barely saw people who looked like me in roles like this, so being here now feels surreal. I want girls and women to know that their stories are powerful and deserve to be told. I really hope that Abigail and I can continue to open doors for more female creatives in film and music.”

And Abigail agrees. “I hope our story encourages young girls and women to forge their own path, and to never let anyone tell them they can’t do something.”

But this unbelievable experience didn’t come without its challenges. “Imposter syndrome is so real and a part of life for every single creative, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying,” Emily says.

“I’m just trying to enjoy the ride, trust the fall, and be so grateful for the opportunity to be a role model for any little girl who might have a song in her heart,” Abigail says. “It’s an absolute honor and privilege to show her that anything — even magic — is possible.”

And according to Emily, the challenge of imposter syndrome actually propels her forward. “I do feel like that little voice of self-doubt pushes me to do the best work I possibly can do…I zoom out and focus on the bigger picture: the little girls watching this movie and realizing they, too, can dream as big as they want.”

How Lin Manuel-Miranda Empowered Barlow And Bear

One friendly face that provided a soft place to land was actually the original movie’s composer, Lin Manuel-Miranda! To no one’s surprise, theIn The Heights and Hamilton writer had some wonderful advice for Barlow and Bear.

“He was such a wonderful resource especially at the inception of the project when we were just setting sail,” Emily jokes. “He urged us to lean into our heroes for inspiration!”

“He gave me a stack of books I needed to buy,” Abigail adds. “Finishing the Hat by Stephen Sondheim, LYRICS by Oscar Hammerstein, Lyrics on Several Occasions by Ira Gershwin to name a few. He empowered me to study the craft of musical theatre storytelling in a way I never had before.”

And thanks to Barlow and Bear, a whole new generation of young women will dream about musical theatre storytelling now too!