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What makes landing a dream job so exciting?

The moment you go from thinking about your dream job to actually landing it feels euphoric. You feel a mixture of "I FINALLY did it" and "I can't wait to get started" because you've wanted it for so long. Carroll offers a better explanation though.

"A dream job is often one that marries our strengths, values, and interests — so it feels meaningful and purposeful as well as presenting opportunities to grow and develop in ways that feel exciting," she says.

This doesn't mean all dream jobs are created equal. Carroll says, "Everyone’s definition of a dream job is a little different, but the idea of showing up every day to do work that feels personally impactful, challenging and fulfilling is really motivating for many of us."

What are some harmful ways people approach daily tasks within their dream role?

I'm ambitious which isn't bad, but I've been known to be so laser-focused that I forget to take care of my basic needs. It's my way of trying to convince myself that I have to accomplish 2-3 things on my to-do list before giving something else my attention.

"It’s natural to want to succeed in a dream role, but there can be a number of pitfalls to watch out for as you try to prove yourself in the role and work at a demanding pace. It’s just as important to manage your energy and your workload as it is to manage your time," Carroll reminds.

Here's some of the harmful things she says you can do without realizing:

• Piling too much on your plate each day without a coherent plan to focus and prioritize on priorities
• Always saying yes to additional workload or meetings without assessing your other commitments
• Working too many hours, especially without breaks or adequate downtime to recharge, or feeling a need to be “on” 24-7
• Placing your work to-do list ahead of your self care, sleep or other needs
• Not communicating clearly about expectations, demands, feedback and needs with managers and co-workers

How can people recognize when they're overexerting themselves at work?

I'm beginning to think a lot of us are more introspective than we let on, but we may need help figuring out how to redirect ourselves. Carroll says, "Most clients I have worked with know on some level that they’re overdoing it. They feel the stress, and they may know that they need help in coping with it in healthier ways. But they often haven’t figured out how to unwind the situation that’s been created."

She suggests practicing self-reflection, priority and boundary setting, and often, self compassion and grace for yourself. I probably sound like a broken record, but I wholeheartedly believe we could be kinder to ourselves. Sometimes we place so much expectations on ourselves based on what society, family, or even our friends think.

Carroll says, "Burnout isn’t always a situation of overexertion, however. Sometimes it’s a mismatch between the role and our values, ethics or needs, or toxic workplace situations that can feed burnout as well. And in those cases, you might not recognize it at first."

Unfortunately, toxic workplaces are far more common than any of us like and can add to the stress we place on ourselves to perform our duties well. This can cause us to lose sight of what's truly important to us at our core. Carroll says, "It’s important to identify your core stressors so that you can address those. Burnout is not always about being busy."

What are signs someone is experience burnout?

Knowing that doesn't mean you're still able to understand if you're experiencing burnout or not though. "Burnout can look many ways — you might find yourself feeling stressed more often or less able to deal with your stressors," Carroll says. "There may be tiredness leading to exhaustion, brain fog, not thinking clearly, or a feeling of running on fumes."

That's always my first sign that I'm feeling burned out. I prioritize sleep because it helps me function the way I'm supposed to, but being sleepy is different from feeling tired on a soul level. There have been times where my alarm has gone off in the morning before work and it feels like I have to drag myself out of bed.

Another indicator that could be experiencing burnout is by losing enthusiasm at your dream job. "You might also be losing interest in the work, feeling like you can’t keep up or that the effort is futile. Often I hear 'I just don’t feel like myself. I’m not usually like this,'" Carroll says.

What happens when burnout completely overwhelms someone even if they love their job?

This is the part that makes working at your dream job so difficult IMO. I've talked to people who love what they do, but can't find the motivation to keep performing at the high level everyone expects them to.

"Being in full burnout is a physical and mental crisis point. You may feel depressed, lost, numb, exhausted. Your physical and mental health suffers, as well as your joy and often this has an impact on your wider relationships," Carroll indicates.

There's nothing worse than snapping at the people you love because you're stressed and don't know how to communicate that it's because of your dream job. It can take a lot to admit things are tough because you may not want to feel like you're complaining about something you've always wanted.

How can someone have a healthy relationship with work while prioritizing their mental health?

Burnout is real, it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. One of The Sims 4 characters I was playing developed the 'workaholic' trait and it got to the point where even she came home with the burnout moodlet.

She only had 24 hours to change it before it started affecting the quality of her work so I had to find ways to help her relax. The only thing that truly helped was taking PTO and allowing her to unwind at a spa, spend time with her loved ones, and indulge in hobbies that had nothing to do with work. Eventually, I helped her get rid of the workaholic trait because it was causing more harm than good.

Though that's a simulation game, I can imagine this happens to people. We have to decide we're willing to change how we approach our dream jobs so we're able to still function in our daily lives.

Carroll says, "Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries — with ourselves and with others — is a key point. Even when it’s your dream job, even when it’s demanding, your work is still one part of the larger picture of your life. Start with what is firmly in your control and make changes there first — there may be workplace changes to consider, but that comes second."

She says this can look like:

• Placing limits on working after hours
• Setting technology boundaries
• Being transparent about workload and priorities
• Learning to say no
• Reorganizing or blocking out parts of your schedule and potentially initiating new conversations with your leaders and colleagues where needed

What emotions might someone feel if they realize their dream job isn't what they expected?

It's disappointing when certain things we thought we wanted aren't what we need or even like. It doesn't matter whether we're learning how to get over a crush or feel like our dream job has become a nightmare.

"When our dream job turns out to be less a dream than expected, it’s natural to feel disappointed, sad, disillusioned or even grief. Depending on the situation, there may be resentment and anger as well if the job was misrepresented, or self doubt and questioning yourself and your decisions," Carroll says.

It doesn't always feel good, but letting yourself feel whatever emotion or thought comes up will help you get through the breakdown of having a dream job that's not what you expected it to be. Carroll says, "It’s important that you allow yourself time and space to understand what you’re feeling and to process that before deciding what to do next. There may be ways to job craft a more fulfilling experience, or you might decide to look at alternatives."

How can someone pivot towards something different if they want to leave their dream job?

Thinking about stepping away from your dream job in favor of telling burnout to take a hike? This is a judgement-free zone so just know you're able to do that if it makes sense to pivot in a different direction. However, Carroll does advise you to be mindful before making a potentially life-changing decision.

"The first step I always advise clients who want to step away from their role — dream job or not — is to assess the situation from a bigger picture before acting," she says.

• Take the time to understand what you’ve appreciated most about the role, what you didn’t and what you’re complete with/longing for at this stage of your career. Take stock of what’s most important to you and what is fueling your desire for change.
• Assess your strengths, skillsets, interests, and career values. A career coach can be a valuable ally to understand how you might you lean into these more as you decide where to pivot.
• Activate your future by exploring new career roles that build on the foundation you have, but stretch you in the ways you desire and meet your larger life goals. Then do your homework. Go out and explore potential roles through research, networking, job shadowing and interviewing. Testing out your ideas helps you move forward with clarity and confidence before investing in a job search or retraining.

I Thought I Still Had To Be The 'Good Girl'

My mom used to get a ton of comments about how well-behaved my sister and I were, but I didn't know I was internalizing them until it was too late. I used to thrive on not being considered a disappointment by church members, people at school, and adults in public. All of that praise made the moments I did make mistakes or do typical kid stuff feel like I was a complete failure.

Every comment about how rude, selfish, and sexual kids my age were emphasized they were things I felt like I had to avoid. I was the girl who didn't care about boys or dating until I did. I was also the girl who participated in purity culture and regaled my virginity as something sacred. Any rule there was, I followed them as much as possible.

But, I eventually saw this left little room for "error." To add insult to injury, there were people who would make comments about my biological dad I tried not to embody. I didn't want anyone to think I'd head down the same path because they thought I looked or acted like him.

The thing about being the "good girl" is that people expect you to perform for them all the time. It's tiring and unrealistic to expect a young adult to fit into every expectation the world has because we're all bound to mess up. I know firsthand how it feels to make mistakes and think you're going to be canceled for the rest of your life because you failed in the eyes of others. It's a lonely and depressing feeling that can follow you unless you get to the root of it.

Genuinely Liking Myself Felt Like An Uphill Battle

Being a people-pleaser is probably why I didn't even like myself. It's not that I didn't know who was, but I filtered between settings. Either I thought I wasn't enough or I believed I was too weird to be genuinely liked. There was also belief that my skin color wasn't the "right" shade and my hair wasn't the perfect length.

So, I was always baffled when someone showed interest in me. I thought they only showed interested in me out of pity or some crazy dare just like She's All That or Cruel Intentions. My mindset was, "If I don't like me, why would anyone else?"

My self-esteem was in the dirt and I was the one refusing to nuture it because I genuinely didn't know how.

Finding "The One" Was My Roman Empire

Sigh. 20-something Jasmine was fixated on falling in love with "the one" because of all the Disney movies and TV shows I watched that revolved around adults in relationships. I searched for my perfect prince and even thought I'd found him right before I turned 20.

I started dating this guy and fell in love for the first time. It was one of those relationships where we talked all the time and experienced multiple moments of jealousy. Still, I thought he was going to be the person I married so I began molding myself to be everything he liked.

I changed the way I dressed, started listening to music he liked, and even dimmed my personality so I wouldn't be "too much" for him. And when we called off our engagement after he wanted an open relationship, I ended up asking him for forgiveness. 🫠

It took him being low-key verbally abusive for me to snap out of my self-imposed, "He's the one" fog. The day I grew a backbone and called him everything under the sun was the moment I stopped making falling in love my personality.

I Assumed It'd Be Easy To Start My Career

I partially blame my love for Livin' Single, Sex and the City, and The Devil Wears Prada for believing I'd be able to become a career girl with little effort. Okay, that's not true. I knew I'd have to work hard, but I didn't realize that started a journalism career wasn't as easy as 1-2-3.

I assumed I'd be able to get my foot in the door, but felt crushed when I realized a lot of places wanted someone who had completed an internship. Since I was focused on fashion journalism and couldn't figure out my college trajectory for a while, I didn't know how I'd get my foot in the door while living in Georgia.

My mom wasn't a fan of me going to New York either, so I started giving up on starting a career. It seemed like I was placing too much stress on myself to hit a milestone by a certain age. So, I decided to cut my losses and worked at a law firm for 10 years. It's ironically the place I was able to learn the valuable lessons I'm now applying to my career.

Believing Healthy Relationships Were Perfect

My little stint with my ex-boyfriend made me believe healthy relationships were the opposite of what we had; that they were perfect. You should've heard the way I started weaving in therapy speak to explain why healthy relationships were so great and full of boundaries, especially since I'd never been in one.

I had no idea that relationships still experience highs and lows, nor did I know how to navigate disagreements. I was still on edge from my last relationship because I'd think, "No man would ever speak down to me again." Can you imagine bringing this energy to a relationship with someone who's willing to work towards having something healthy?

Thank goodness for growth!

I Expected Parents To Be Perfect

I'm not proud to admit this, but parents used to annoy me when I was in my 20s. I thought my generation had lied about what makes a great parent because it felt like there weren't any. If you ever wanted to meet someone who had their head up their a— about parenting, I was your gal 10 years ago.

Honestly, I said a lot of biased and downright awful things about parents when I didn't have a child. I used to judge parents for letting their kids scream in public and even judged my own parents for not knowing how to handle every situation the way I thought they should. The truth is, I thought parents were supposed to be the all-knowing heroes in their kids' stories. People who could handle anything life threw at them. It just never really occurred to me that parents were individuals who have their own trauma, desires, fears, etc.

Also, I milked the whole being child-free thing. I'd think things like, "That person is just miserable because they're stuck being a parent." As a mom with a toddler who has severe eczema, I cringe at how much of an entitled a—hole I used to sound like. I think it's partially why I understand the "childfree by choice" comments, but can't get with the crowd who tries to pit their choices above others'.

My Mindset In My 30s

Getting Focused & Honing My Skills Helped Me Start My Career

I have no problem telling anyone who'll listen that I wasn't prepared to start my career in my 20s. I was wildly all over the place, had no self-esteem, and couldn't stay focused on one thing to save my life. Everything I'm doing in my career requires confidence, a willingness to accept constructive criticism, and extreme focus.

At any given time I'm juggling two assignments at once, preparing for an interview, or trying to organize my inbox so I can respond to emails. This is usually accompanied by keeping an eye on my toddler, so it's the perfect time for me to handle so many responsibilities since I get to work from home.

What helped me get to this point is learning how to recognize when I was getting overwhelmed by things instead of spiraling. I haven't mastered it, but I'm able to notice when I need to take a step back to redirect myself. Sometimes this looks like going for a walk, taking a quick shower, or focusing on things I can see, touch, hear, and smell.

The other thing I credit with helping me prepare for my career is practicing like I already had it. I started blogging in 2014 and would interview other content creators like I was already getting paid to do it. This prep, along with seeking out remote internships or publications I could write for, helped me truly understand what my current role entails.

Going To Therapy Helped Me Accept And Love Myself

I'm still learning how to love me in every season of life, but I credit my mom for introducing me to therapy. I frequently tell her how much she saved my life because I don't know where I'd be without it. I've mentioned it before, but this is where I learned how to confront certain narratives I believed about myself.

From believing I had to perform for others' approval to questioning my worth as a young Black woman, I was able to start peeling back the layers of things I'd internalized from childhood. Once I did that, I could truly see myself and it was scary at first.

I'd spent so much time running away from who I am that I didn't know if I was capable of accepting what I saw. But, the therapists I worked with did such an amazing job of helping me do just that. I still have to recite a few affirmations in the mirror from time to time, but it feels good to rely less on the opinions of others.

I can actually hear my own voice in my head instead of past bullies or adults who didn't realize how harmful their "jokes" were. That's priceless to me in my 30s.

Healthy Relationships Aren't Perfect...At All

I think there's still a huge belief that people who have relationships we admire must be perfect. As someone who's been actively working on having a healthy relationship with her fiancé, I'm here to tell you there's nothing perfect about it.

Do we curse at each other or physically fight? No, never have. Have we experienced moments of intense jealousy? Also no. But, we've had to learn how to navigate each other's traumas and personal quirks. We've certainly had to relearn how to prioritize each other after becoming parents which has been TOUGH. I'm talking two years of "I don't really like you at all right now."

If I was in my 20s, I probably would've left because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anything that didn't feel perfect. I mean, who wants to be willingly stressed out by their partner when both people are dealing with something new and are sleep-deprived + scared?

But I've realized it's not enough to say you want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Setting boundaries, learning to communicate, and being accountable takes work. The reality is that you're not always going to be on the same page with someone you love, and it's okay to agree to disagree.

My fiancé and I have 10 years under our belts so we've had a chance to navigate our 20s together. There's been a lot of growth and apologizing. We both feel that we're doing a great job, even when we have 10 minutes where we really don't want to talk to each other.

That's the other beautiful thing about healthy relationships being imperfect. You start picking up on each other's cues and can say things like, "I'm going to sit over here for a bit and I'll come back once I calm down," instead of having so many big arguments.

It feels good to say I don't need my fiancé or myself to be perfect. We have love, respect, a desire to learn, and a commitment to navigating all the changes that occur in life. That's more than enough.

Becoming A Mom Opened My Eyes About A Lot

When I made the decision to be okay with my pregnancy in 2020, my feelings were crushed by someone close to me during my first trimester. I'd already started panicking about my past comments about parents, but I was also worried about how society would see me once it realized I was about to become a mom.

It was heartbreaking to feel like I was already being attacked for how I was choosing to think about my child. I didn't think it was a conversation I'd need to have because I assumed that person would accept my choices the way I'd always accepted theirs. That fateful interaction made me realize how easy it is for people to put their truths and identities on a pedestal over others. Sometimes it's unintentional, but it doesn't hurt any less.

See Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden's 2024 Emmys Date Night!

At the 2024 Emmys, Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden made their first red carpet appearance as a married couple and I simply cannot get enough of them. The Little Women actress stunned in a navy skirt and bandeau set, complete with draping detail and a silver necklace, while Jack Lowden wore a complementary navy and black tux with a bowtie.

Are Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden married?

Yes, Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden are reportedly married! Documents from a Scottish civil marriage registry show that the couple have an official license and tied the knot in Edinburgh (via People).

They had an intimate ceremony that was kept under wraps by all who attended (via Irish Independent). This is on par with the couple's tendency to keep the details of their relationship out of the public eye.

It's hard to say if they'll make a public statement about their marriage, but we're still happy for the cute couple!

Where was Saoirse Ronan seen wearing a diamond ring?

According to People, Saoirse made an appearance at the Louis-Vuitton Womenswear SS 2024 runway show last year. In addition to gorgeous blonde bob she was seen sporting, close observers noticed a beautiful diamond ring on her finger — hence the engagement speculations.

How long did Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden date before they reportedly got engaged?

The lovely couple have been dating for some time now. In 2018, Page Six shared that Saoirse Ronan and Jack Lowden were dating following their appeared in the film Mary Queen of Scots. A source told the outlet, "We don’t know when they got together...but they seem very happy and sweet."

They've mostly kept their relationship under wraps but have made appearances here and there.

What has Saioirse Ronan said about Jack Lowden?

In an interview with Harper's Bazaar UK, Saiorse Ronan offered a brief glimpse into their relationship. She said, "When a person you respect as much as I do him says that, it means more than anyone else’s opinion."

What has Jack Lowden said about Saiorse Ronan?

Jack has sang Saoirse's praises when talking about her work ethic with him recently telling Esquire UK, "Saoirse is, first and foremost, one of the best actors in the world, so to work with her in that way and help in any way I could was great." He was referring to her role as Amy Liptrot in The Outrun - a film their production company is producing.

What has Saoirse Ronan been working on lately?

Saoirse recently appeared in Foe, which premiered in theaters October 6th. She stars alongside Paul Mescal as they play a married couple whose bond is tested when they're met with an unusual offer. Two words — artificial intelligence.

To watch it in theaters, visit AMC to get tickets!