When people hear I've never seen Love Actually, the reactions are all generally the same: genuine shock. It's not that I purposefully avoided the beloved Christmas movie — I just never really got around to watching it. I had to make room for my annual The Holiday rewatch! But this year? This year, I decided to change all that by finally popping on this pop culture phenomenon. And honestly, I was left with so many questions...
Here's every unhinged thought and question I had while watching this cult classic Christmas movie — Love Actually fanatics, please send answers ASAP!
Scroll down to see the 25 questions I had while watching Love Actually for the first time!
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1. Is it just me, or is it totally wild to mention 9/11 at the very beginning of a Christmas movie?!
I understand this came out in 2003, so it's not too far removed from 9/11, but there's something off about bringing that up at the start. The message is sweet — people reached out to those they loved on that terrible day — but it's also incredibly sad. I'm not saying every moment of a holiday movie needs to be happy, but goodness gracious this is a depressing way to set the tone.
2. Why is Jamie's girlfriend wearing a turtle neck in bed?
Oh...oh, that's why. I mean she had to think that would be a dead giveaway that she didn't plan on resting during her "cold." I've never once put on real clothes when I was sick — I'm in pajamas 24/7! Although, I guess she also didn't plan on wearing much of anything later on...regardless, weird choices all around.
3. Who would honestly think it's a good idea to call a total stranger their "future wife" out of nowhere?
Listen, I get that Colin Frissel is supposed to be the erratic, kooky character who just wants to find love here, but I really don't understand his tactics. Instead of actually trying to get to know any of these women, he fires off these wild comments without a second thought. And then he has the audacity to say that British women are too stuck up to like him? Sorry, dude, but maybe you're just too inconsiderate and unaware to pull any British women — and most women in general.
4. Could Keira Knightley be any more beautiful?!
Okay, I know this isn't a plot point or anything, but holy moly! She looks truly angelic when she walks in for the wedding. No wonder Mark is head over heels for her!
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5. Does it feel like people are dressed awfully casually for a wedding? (I'm looking at you, Sarah)
Maybe 2003 was a more casual time, maybe daytime British weddings are super chill. I'm not sure what the reason would be, but I couldn't get past how casually dressed the wedding guests were for Juliet and Peter's wedding. Sarah's hat alone was enough to throw me off, TBH.
6. Wait, was this one of the first flash mobs? I'm not even kidding.
I actually had to Google this, but apparently flash mobs did really get started in 2003. So while Mark's surprise for Juliet and Peter isn't the first, it's certainly on-theme for the time!
7. Did he actually just put that food he ate BACK on the tray?
This is genuinely a germaphobe's nightmare — it's me, i'm the germaphobe. Seriously, though, Colin has got to work on his manners if he really wants to find someone to date him. I'm very confused how he thinks this behavior would attract anyone.
8. Have Liam Neeson's eyes always been this blue?
Again, not a plot point, but very distracting. I mean those babies are bright!
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9. What is Professor Snape doing here?!
I kid, I kid. But seriously, his voice takes me back to Harry Potter immediately.
10. How is it okay for Harry to ask Sarah about her love life — and royally interject in it like that — as her boss?
Don't get me wrong, I know people make friendships outside of work and talk frankly with their coworkers. But suggesting she tell Karl she wants "lots of sex and babies" with him? Yeah, that's definitely HR-report worthy in any workplace literally ever. Rein it in, Harry.
11. Are they allowed to say whatever they want on British radios?
Speaking of just saying inappropriate things at relatively inappropriate times, Billy — and the hosts for that matter — really are pretty crass! I'm not a prude by any means (ask my friends), but I was shocked at what they said on live air. I guess it keeps things interesting?
12. WHO flirts with their boss so blatantly like that?
Mia, most simply put, is BOLD AF. She openly flirts with Harry in the office, literally spreads her legs in front of him at her desk, and asks to dance during a slow song at their company holiday party while his wife is literally right there. I wanna know her backstory because these are wild choices. She doesn't even try to be secretive!
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13. Why don't Karen and Daniel end up together? They seem to share the most real, authentic love.
Honestly, I love platonic love, so I don't wanna take that away from them. However, there is a part of me that things Karen and Daniel could be the best couple. They seem to truly get each other in a way most of the other actual couples don't. But I guess that's on the purity of friendship?
14. At what point are we supposed to care about Billy?
This singer just really seems like a jerk, and he truly isn't compelling in the least. (And this is coming from someone who loves Bill Nighy!)
15. Oh my god, did they actually just say what I think they did about those dolls?
Needless to say, we would never get a line like this today. I'll leave it at that.
16. Would Jamie's book actually be salvageable at all after flying into the lake?
I need someone who used typewriters a lot to tell me how durable those typed pages would actually be. Would the water totally ruin the ink? Wouldn't the pages stick together irreparably after you took them out of the water? Literally what is he gonna do to finish this thriller? As a fellow writer, I'm stressed on his behalf.
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17. Why didn't Mark just tell Juliet he was filming these shots as a gift for his best friend?
Boom, problem solved. Instead, he acted like such a weirdo and made it so clear he was in love with her.
18. Did Mark actually tell Juliet just to show herself out of his apartment?
As if he couldn't make it weirder...
19. I'm not trying to be rude, but how is Harry hot enough for Mia to be throwing herself at him like this?!
Who you find attractive is so subjective, but to risk your job and someone's marriage for Professor Snape? Maybe it's his power, maybe it's his elusive (very clearly Scorpio) nature. Whatever it is, I'm just not seeing it. Sorry girly!
20. How many times will Laura Linney play a woman with a brother named Ben in the midst of a mental health crisis?
Ozark, anyone?
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21. What happens AFTER Juliet kisses Mark?!
I seriously don't know how they move forward normally after this confession and subsequent kiss. First of all, the confession was totally unfair to Peter. How is Mark gonna hold this in all this time, only to blow it all up after they're already married? And then for Juliet to kiss him? Is she giving him a false hope? Does she really like him? Do they keep this a secret? Is this all they need? Honestly, this left me with more questions than answers.
22. Is Billy trying to come out? Or is he saying he platonically loves his manager?
I'm honestly so confused. He called Frank the love of his life, and I just can't tell. (Especially after that awkward hug?)
23. Isn't it a little wild for Jamie to ask Aurelia to marry him? Couldn't they just date first?
I am definitely not blaming him for his girlfriend cheating on him, but I'm sure that level of quick intensity landed him here to begin with. Like come on dude, maybe get to know a girl first! (Still, these two are very sweet — one of the actually compelling couples in this story!)
24. Is that Denise Richards?!
At least her jacket's on correctly here... 😂
25. Why is this movie so SAD?
While I loved seeing Sam and Joanna, John and Just Judy, and the Prime Minister and Natalie find their happy ending, for a Christmas movie, there's ultimately not a lot of happy holiday spirit here... Maybe it's just me, but it feels like a total bummer for most of the movie! BRB while I pop on The Holidayinstead.
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