8 Friend Date Ideas That'll Actually Make It Out Of Your Group Chat

1. Whenever something good happens, your friend can't just congratulate you.

This is such a subtle sign that's easy to miss, especially if you've been friends with someone for a long time. It could be that the other person doesn't even realize they have a habit of finding ways to belittle something you're excited about. However, Dr. Hafeez says this person is toxic if "they make backhanded compliments or subtle digs that leave you feeling unsettled but unsure if you should call it out." Adding on to this, Bayramyan feels this is "passive aggressive" behavior and agrees you may be "uneasy" about drawing attention to it.

My first time experiencing a fallout from this was four years ago and I've never forgotten how shocked my nervous system felt when I shared something that was met with a backhanded compliment. I don't know if it was my heightened hormones during pregnancy that made me pay attention or if I'd finally caught on to how unhealthy that was, but I was distraught. Needless to say, that friendship didn't last much longer when I couldn't shake the feeling that something in our dynamic had changed.

2. They have a tendency to start arguments with other friends the second they feel offended.

Imagine you and your friends have decided to go to someone's house party or even a bar as a unanimous decision. It seems like everything's going well until you decide to get a late-night snack. While eating, one of your friends makes a joke that everyone else gets, but another friend thinks it's directed towards them. Instead of asking, the offended friend becomes belligerent and starts cursing while everyone else is confused about why the atmosphere changed.

If this has happened more times than you can count, you may be dealing with a toxic person. Dr. Hafeez says, "Small issues are often blown out of proportion, leaving you feeling drained by unnecessary conflict." The more this person succeeds at creating something out of nothing, the more they create "unnecessary tension" and can even "make friends take sides or get emotionally burned by endless conflict," adds. Dr. Hafeez.

Once that happens, say goodbye to the "group trust" because a toxic person is adept at destroying "a tight-knit group," according to Dr. Hafeez. Bayramyan calls them "emotional vampires" because they "suck the energy out of you and out of different situations." She says, "Their lives may seem to revolve around conflict, and they may bring negative energy into every interaction, draining those around them."

3. They find ways to make you feel like you're a bad friend if you can't always lend them money.

There's nothing wrong with supporting friends when they're in need, but lending them money can be difficult. Some people, especially those closest to us, feel entitled to our time, money, and attention regardless of if you're able to be there in the capacity they need. Dr. Hafeez says that people like this will find a way to "guilt-trip you into doing things or make you feel responsible for their emotions."

Bayramyan points out, "Toxic friends often expect you to meet all their emotional needs, while they offer little to no support in return, making the friendship one-sided."

4. They won't admit when they can't (or just didn't) contribute money towards a planned dinner or trip.

Some people don't like being accountable even if it's something small to take responsibility for. "When something goes wrong, they always find a way to blame you or someone else, never taking responsibility," says Dr. Hafeez.

Say you and your friends agree to go to dinner or take a road trip. After agreeing on somewhere to eat, plane tickets, an AirBnb, or activities, it seems like there's an understanding about the portion everyone needs to pay. However, there's always one person who waits until the last minute to admit they're unable to pay for something. This usually happens after dinner or right before a trip. Instead of them admitting they weren't honest about their financial situation, they find a way to weasel out of being responsible for their lack of planning or honesty.

5. They intentionally leave you out of certain group plans.

Our friends are likely going to have other friends we've never met or have heard about in passing, but that doesn't mean you won't get along with them. However, Dr. Hafeez knows that toxic people will "sometimes leave you out of group activities or plans, but do so in ways that feel unintentional or 'accidental.'" If that keeps happening, you can ask your friend what gives or decide to keep your distance.

6. Despite how many times you help them, they're never available when you need someone to watch your dog or help you move.

Dr. Hafeez says people who only "reach out when they need something," but become "distant or unresponsive when you need them" are displaying a toxic behavior. Bayramyan says, "They may withdraw support or become distant when you need them the most, yet expect you to be there for them unconditionally." She further explains, "Whether it's your time, energy, or personal boundaries, they often push past your limits in ways that feel disrespectful or invasive. These are boundary violations." It's like that one friend who's always asking for you to pick them up from work, only to ghost you when you need their help with something.

As much as I don't want you to have someone in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you know or knew someone like this.

7. They can't stop talking about how people are always turning their backs on them.

If someone "frequently portrays themselves as the victim in every situation" while "never acknowledging their role in conflicts," they're probably toxic says Dr. Hafeez. It's actually not uncommon for people to develop this mindset, but it seems hard for them to break away from it. Some never do if we're being honest.

The best way to describe a person like this is to think about a friend who always feels like people turn their backs on them despite evidence showing that people have actually supported them despite many of their harmful actions or words. A person like this seems to expect unwavering loyalty and isn't interested in hearing that they're capable of being wrong.

Bayramyan says people like this truly "lack accountability" because "they rarely, if ever, apologize or take responsibility for their mistakes." Just like Dr. Hafeez says, Bayramyan agrees this makes people start "deflecting or blaming others."

8. They never seem to want to talk about anything related to your personal life (i.e. new job, engagement, favorite TV series, etc.), but love to hear themselves talk.

When "the conversation is always about them," Dr. Hafeez says toxic people "rarely show interest in your life or feelings." Friends like this always find a way to cut you off mid-sentence so they can talk about something that relates to them. It's not easy to stomach, but you may write it off as having an overly-eager friend.

9. They tend to downplay your wins and successes.

A toxic friend "won't celebrate your wins and often downplays or ignores your struggles," according to Dr. Hafeez. This may be rooted in their ability to properly support you or pure jealousy. Furthermore, she says a person like this may "subtly or openly compete with you or express envy instead of being happy about your achievements."

Have you ever had someone tell you a promotion wasn't a big deal because 'everyone gets a promotion'? Yeah...if one of your friends has something passive aggressive to say every time you're excited about something, it's time to ask yourself if it's really worth having them in your life.

10. They're snarky about your struggles, like breakups.

Everyone needs to take accountability for their actions, but it's odd if your friend is constantly criticizing you. If they seek ways to "constantly put you down, even under the guise of 'helpful advice,' Dr. Hafeez admits it's toxic behavior. There's no reason to call someone out of their name if you think they made an impulsive decision.

For example, your friend shouldn't be calling you a 'stupid b****' just because you dated someone you shouldn't have. We all make mistakes and sometimes this involves dating the wrong people. Based on my experience, I always feel like someone was looking for a way to call you something like that if they openly say it during a moment they're supposedly giving advice.

11. They openly diss a friend you have in common when that person isn't around

Let's be honest, a lot of people do this from church to family members. But if you've noticed your chosen friend consistently disses others when they're not around, it's a sign they're doing that with everyone. "They may even talk badly about you behind your back, show disloyalty in crucial moments, or side with others against you. There's inconsistent loyalty with toxic friends," says Bayramyan.

Not only that, but Dr. Hafeez says they could be "encouraging drama or division." Unfortunately, some people thrive on drama and love to include people in their misery.

Now that you know what toxic behavior is, here's how to redirect (or end) a friendship:

Ultimately, Dr. Hafeez says "toxic friends may cause dissension of friends by sowing seeds of doubt and animosity, often using manipulation or gossip to make others fight against one another." Your friends may even harbor sore feelings against you for refusing to see how much pain someone is causing. This stems from the toxic person's ability to "amplify insecurities by making some friends feel better or more important than others," she adds.

Toxic people have learned how to sway things in their favor in several ways. "By manipulating situations or twisting stories, toxic individuals can create misunderstandings or conflict between friends and turn friends against each other. They might intentionally pit friends against each other by comparing accomplishments or spreading jealousy, ultimately fostering resentment within the group," says Bayramyan.

Similar toe everything mentioned above, she says these people may control a friend group in the following ways:

1. Cancelling plans
2. Controlling group activities
3. Disrupting events

"Toxic friends may encourage clique-like behavior, subtly excluding certain people to create a hierarchy or division," says Bayramyan.

It's time to kick toxicity out of your inner circle and life. But how?

If you're noticing these sneaky signs in among your friendships, you may be ready to completely cut your certain people off. However, Bayramyan wants to stop and think first. "Before ending things, consider why the friendship feels toxic and how it's impacting your well-being. Reflect first, be sure of your reasons and consider whether reconciliation is possible," she says.

Her steps to ending a friendship involve:

1. Approach the conversation with empathy but clarity
2. Briefly explain your reasons without placing blame
3. After the breakup, set firm boundaries to avoid being pulled back in.
4. Avoid situations where you're tempted to engage in emotional conversations with them.

if you're having a hard time being upfront with you friend, Bayramyan says you can "reduce contact gradually" by being "kind but firm, explaining how the friendship no longer feels healthy." Honestly, I'd never recommend someone ghost their friend the way I did even knowing I didn't know how to properly handle the realization things weren't the same.

Of this Bayramyan says, "Some people may need closure, while others don’t. Understand what feels right for you—whether it’s a final conversation or cutting ties more gradually." Also, she wants you to lean on other friends, family, or a therapist to process the end of the friendship and to help reaffirm your decision."

More importantly, she says to '"allow yourself to grieve and move on without second-guessing your decision."

Here are five tips Dr. Hafeez has for you to get rid of toxic friends:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: If you're not ready to cut ties completely, start by setting firm boundaries—whether it's limiting contact, changing the nature of your interactions, or calling out specific toxic behaviors.
2. Be Honest but Respectful: If you choose to address the situation directly, be honest about why you're ending the friendship, but try to be calm and respectful rather than confrontational. Focus on how the relationship has affected you, rather than attacking them personally.
3. Keep It Short and Simple: You don't owe anyone an elaborate explanation. A straightforward "I don't think this friendship is healthy for me anymore" can be enough.
4. Don't Get Drawn into Arguments: Toxic friends may try to guilt-trip or argue with you. Stay firm in your decision and avoid getting dragged into emotional battles.
5. Prepare for Pushback: Be ready for them to resist or react negatively. They might try to manipulate you into staying or make you feel guilty, but stay confident in your decision.
6. Don't Feel Guilty: Ending an abusive friendship is self-love, not selfishness. It's okay to put your emotional well-being before keeping a toxic relationship.
7. Allow Time to Heal: After ending the friendship, give yourself time to process your emotions and heal. It might take some time to fully let go, but with support and reflection, you'll feel lighter and more at peace.

A Full Relationship Timeline For Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton

April 2014 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Meet As Co-Workers On The Voice

We've all heard that workplace romances are bad for business, but that's not always the case. In Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani's situation, meeting at work was one of the best things that happened for them! They met while taping Season 7 of The Voice, but kept things friendly and professional given they were still married to their former spouses, Gavin Rossdale and Miranda Lambert.

November 2014 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani Take A Selfie Together

In a picture that's still on Gwen's Instagram page, the former co-workers snapped a cute selfie together that showed them happily grinning. She captioned it, "💓him @blakeshelton@nbcthevoice gx."

July and August 2015 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Announce Their Divorces

Despite the fact Blake Shelton and his ex-wife Miranda Lambert had been together for a decade, they shared an exclusive statement with The Associated Pressabout their decision to divorce. "It is with heavy hearts that we move forward separately. We are real people, with real lives, with real families, friends and colleagues. Therefore, we kindly ask for privacy and compassion concerning this very personal matter," they said.

When Gwen appeared on The Howard Stern Showin 2016, she revealed she wasn't expecting Blake's situation to mirror her own. "I was in shock, because I felt like he was exposing me...I had this huge weight on me and nobody but my parents and obviously everybody involved knew."

The two began confiding in each other and eventually developed a friendship that would set the tone for their romantic relationship.

January 2016 — Blake Shelton Gifts Gwen Stefani A Horse

It's always nice when the person we're dating pays attention to our interests and hobbies, which is exactly what Blake Shelton did when he gifted Gwen a horse! She shared a gorgeous snapshot of the beautiful 'Halo' on Instagram and wrote a little snazzy caption to celebrate how gorgeous the horse is.

Blake joked with Entertainment Tonight, "Gwen, she loves riding and she loves horses. It's actually so funny that people are so shocked by that, but [just try to] name me one girl on the planet that doesn't love horses or just think that they are beautiful."

February 2016 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Make Their Relationship Red Carpet Official

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani were glowing as they posed for pictures on the red carpet of Vanity Fair's Oscar party in 2016. USA Today reported that Gwen wore a red-hot dress by Yanina Couture while Blake stayed true to his all-America cowboy casual look.

That same month Blake shared how much of a positive impact Gwen had on his life. He told Billboard, "Gwen saved my life. Who else on earth could understand going through a high-profile divorce from another musician? You can’t even imagine the similarities in our divorces."

When Gwen appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show in 2022, she dished about her and Blake's red carpet debut. "I think I played at the party and then we went out that night...That melts me when I see it. It's such a moment for me — a good one," she said with her signature smile on her face.

November 2017 — Gwen Stefani Encourages Blake Shelton to Celebrate His Sex Symbol Status

More than a year later, Blake was crowned People's Sexiest Man Alive in 2017, and initially, it shocked him. He joked that maybe People chose him as a last resort, but was quick to highlight how Gwen encouraged him to embrace his new title. "She goes, ‘Listen to me, you’re going to regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t take this gift and just live in the moment.'"

June 2018 — Blake Shelton Shows His Support For Gwen Stefani's Las Vegas Residency

When it came time for Gwen Stefani to jumpstart her Las Vegas Residency in 2018, Blake Shelton made sure to show his full support for her. She shared a series of cute pictures on Instagram that showed the two sharing a intimate kiss moments before she hit the stage for the first time.

August 2019 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Appear on The Voice as Judges Again

People shared that when Gwen Stefani returned as one of the judges on The Voice in 2017, it was like a happy reunion for her. "I’m so happy to be back. My life changed so much on this show...then to be with my best friend Blakey, and to be here with Kelly and John, I feel pretty lucky right now," she exclusively told the outlet.

December 2019 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Release Their Duet "Nobody But You"

As part of Blake's album Fully Loaded: God's Country, he and Gwen recorded "Nobody But You" together. He said the song perfectly aligned with what was going on in his life during an interview with People. "I also realized how important it is for me and where I am in my life, and I think that's why [writer] Shane [McAnally] was trying to get it to me," he said.The couple went on to perform it at the Grammy's in 2020 and it was obvious they felt every lyric they sang.

July 2020 — Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani Share "Happy Anywhere" During Lockdown

When the pandemic was still very fresh and everyone was on lockdown, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani shared another single — "Happy Anywhere" — on Instagram. Once again, their love for each other was evident in the way they looked at each other while singing.

Gwen also shared how the pandemic brought them closer together during an interview with Entertainment Tonight. "We got to be in Oklahoma as a family. We got to do things we never get to do, like try to make sourdough bread, like everybody else in America, and just do so many fun things -- garden, tear down trees, plant tons of different things," she said.

October 2020 — Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Get Engaged

After five years of dating, the happy couple sharing the happy news that they were engaged! Gwen posted another amazing picture of them while showing off her new ring on Instagram in 2020. Her caption simply read, "@blakeshelton yes please! 💍🙏🏻 gx". But, that doesn't mean the couple didn't have some things to discuss and work on prior to entering a new chapter together.During a video interview with the Today show hosts in 2021, Gwen briefly talked about this. "I think there was a lot to consider when you have so many people involved. Children, and their hearts, and everybody in my family [and] his family, we all went through a lot together," she said.

July 2021 — The Happy Couple Walk Down the Aisle Together

Less than a year of announcing their engagement, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani got married at his ranch in Oklahoma. Based on the snapshots shared by People, the couple looked d*mn good! I literally have Gwen's wedding dress saved as inspo for my own special day!Since then, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have shown up for each other in truly inspiring ways. That's not to say they have a perfect relationship though because relationships take work. But, it seems like they've truly found their sweet escape in each other no matter how much work it takes to keep their love going BTS.

April 2024 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani Are Still Going Strong

As far as those divorce rumors? Gwen Stefani laid them to rest. She told Nylon, "It’s just lies. The truth is the truth, and we know what that is. And so that [negativity] would never penetrate just by me being vulnerable and sharing a song that I didn’t write for anybody else but myself and Blake." The song she's referencing is "Purple Irises" which is another sweet ode to their love.

*Sigh* They sure know how to make me believe that loving someone is a beautiful choice.

August 2024 — Blake Shelton And Gwen Stefani's 'Family' Just Got Bigger

NBC reports Blake Shelton added new farming equipment to he and Gwen's repertoire on August 20, but a source believes the "Sweet Escape" singer isn't a fan of her husband's excitement about "hunting season," (via Instagram).

"They agreed to disagree about his hunting back when they first got together, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing for Gwen to handle," the source told Life & Style. The two continue to go back-and-forth on this, but it doesn't seem like Blake's budging anytime soon.

November 2024 — Gwen Stefani Almost Walked Away From Blake Shelton

This relationship almost didn't reach a sweet point, according to Gwen Stefani. Since they were dealing with a lot when they decided to date, the "Sweet Escape" singer was ready to leave Blake in the dust. "We had just met, and it was chaos. Both of our lives were in complete turmoil, all over the ground. Nothing could save us at that point," she remembered (via PEOPLE). "There was a point where I was like, 'I can't even talk to you. This is insane. I already have enough problems. This is not happening anymore. We're not going to text or nothing.'"

The key to winning her over was speaking to her through music. "I think he really wanted to impress me, because he doesn't really write songs as much as he used to. And I love writing songs. That's everything to me...That's where I get my fulfillment," she says.

His ability to start writing "Go Ahead and Break My Heart" to send to her became one of the couples first completed songs together. "He sent it to me, and it was a half-written song. He was like, 'Help me finish this.' So I wrote him the verse back — the second verse on the song — and it's just over text," she said."

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

• Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
• Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

• Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
• Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
• Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.