You've got the Friendsgiving menu planned — and all the pumpkin recipes are on it — and you've perfected setting a table for a dinner party, but before you send out the invites, you have some questions. Questions about tricky situations that come when you're hosting a party: Do I need to invite everyone? Can I mix friend groups? And how can I get guests to bring a dish without creating more work for myself?
The short answer is it's your party, so you can truly decide to do whatever works for you. But we also know etiquette can be a social minefield, and it's all too tempting to take the path of least resistance. Still, there are ways to manage guests' expectations, minimize disappointment, and spare yourself a headache or two. Below, get answers to a few common etiquette questions for those hosting Friendsgiving or, really, any dinner party.
Do I need to invite everyone in my friend group to Friendsgiving?
We know it's tempting to invite everyone and avoid this issue altogether, and that's certainly one option. Fortunately, there is one practical reason to stop a guest list from ballooning: space. It's something everyone understands, and unless you live in a party-friendly house (hint: few do), it's likely a real issue.
While you're not required to explain yourself, you can seed an explanation among your friend group with a casual comment like "I'd like to keep it small and intimate this year" or "I really want everyone to be able to sit at one table." Most friends will understand this, and as long as no one in your inner circle is excluded, the chance for drama is minimal.
Can multiple friend groups be invited?
Of course! Mix it up. Maybe someone will meet the love of their life, and you can marry them in five years. (Not to write a whole play or anything.) You might want to make sure everyone knows someone, but this is in no way a requirement, especially for extroverted guests who will have no trouble mingling. Now, if this idea stresses you out — as in, you'll feel responsible for how good of time everyone has — that is a sufficient reason to not mix friends. But know that people can decide if they are okay with the setup when they accept the invite. Your job is to throw a party, not to be personally responsible for every minute of guests' time at it.
If a couple has broken up, should I still invite them both?
This is entirely dependent on the specific circumstance. Assuming you're close with both parties — if not, simply invite the person you're closer to — you can do it two ways: Ask both people ahead of time how they each feel about the other attending. Or, invite them both, and let them hash it out.
A word of caution about asking for input: It could put you in the middle of a situation you'd rather not be in, so feel free to put the onus on them. If you're doing assigned seats, sit them on opposite ends of the table next to people you know they are comfortable with. Otherwise, let them be responsible for themselves.
For potlucks, what’s the best way to decide who’s making what?
To avoid three sweet potato casseroles, you'll want to take a bit of control here. If you don't want to assign items, make a Google Doc of everything you'll need, and let people fill in their names. It can be as specific as "mashed potatoes" or as generic as "side dish."
Also, feel free to set boundaries with guests if you're worried about too many cooks in the kitchen the day of. Tell them exactly how to bring their dish. For food that will need to be heated, tell guests to bring it "ready to go in the oven." For items that can be served immediately, tell guests to either bring their dish in a plastic container or a serving dish (your call). If you need any serving utensils, ask them to bring those as well.
What should I tell people to bring for a non-potluck?
If it's a drinking Friendsgiving, ask for wine, beer, or other liquor. It's typical to go through more alcohol than you think you will, so it's good to have extra. And because it won't go bad, you can save it for your next party — even if it's Friendsgiving 2023. For sober parties, ask for whatever you want or need! Guests want to help. They like to be useful. Only say "nothing" if you 100% mean it.
How long before dinner should I tell guests to arrive?
Definitely tell people to arrive at least an hour before you plan to serve dinner since most won't arrive exactly on time. But if you want to have a two- to three-hour appetizer/cocktail hour, go for it. A good rule of thumb is to tell people "dinner will be served at X." That way they know how late is too late or can plan to come after dinner if they need to.
How can I keep guests from staying too late?
If you don't want Friendsgiving to turn into a rager don't expect guests to read your mind. Put an end time on the invite along with the start time: for example, 6 to 11 p.m. If a few guests overstay their welcome, you can be direct and say something like "Sorry, guys! But the party is over." If you prefer more subtle tactics, offer one last drink and say it's "last call," tell guests you're tired or need to wake up early the next day, turn off the music, or offer guests a to-go plate — or some combination of these. Most people will get the hint and call it a night.
Looking for more Friendsgiving ideas? Be sure to check out our holiday dinner party guide with recipes, conversation starters, invite templates, and more!
