5 Excuses to Get You Out of an Awkward Holiday Party

A lot of people pride themselves on being optimists, and TBH, if you canstay positivewith everything that’s going on in the world today, major props to you. For most people who consider themselves the glass-half-full type, it’s a lifestyle. They try to look at everything that comes their way, from relationship troubles to work mistakes, with a positive spin. But a recent study investigated whether optimists still stay more positive than pessimists when things get really tough, and what they found was pretty surprising.

Scientists analyzed nine previous studies to see how both optimists and pessimists brace themselves for receiving important and potentially negative news, like medical test results. They found that even though people who identify as optimists tend to be more positive in general, they too start assuming the worst as the moment of truth about something important nears. It’s easy to understand this instinct, since some people tend to believe that preparing yourself for the worst will ultimately make it less shocking if it happens. On the other hand, some people would rather stay positive whenever possible, since it’s easier to fight off stress and anxiety when you have a sunny outlook. Here, we’ve gathered some of our favorite expert tips for staying optimistic when you’re dealing with some super hard stuff.

How To Stay Positive

1.Learn to reframe negativity. “The trick to positivity is not avoiding pessimism,” says Elaine Taylor-Klaus, a certified professional coach. “It’s really about how quickly you can redirect your focus from negative to positive. Critical thinkers are going to see problems to be solved, but the ability to ‘reframe’ the conversation is the really important skill for people to practice.” She recommends getting into the habit of acknowledging negative thoughts and then asking, “What else is possible here?” This can guide you back into a positive mindset more quickly.

“Bottom line: Negativity happens,” she says. “Positivity is a choice, and the quicker you learn to reframe, the more time you’ll spend in a positive space. Then, over time, the more likely you are to turn directly to a positive interpretation of events.”

2. Ask yourself if this will matter a month or year from now. Sometimes things seem crucial AF in the moment, but might be inconsequential even just a few days after that. Just think about high school drama. “When we can leave the past behind and even know in the present moment that this feeling won’t last, it can help to remind us that time heals and life goes on,” explainsSharon Stokes, life-fulfillment coach.

3.Give back. Volunteering is an amazing way to change your entire perspective, saysLyssa Menard, a clinical health psychologist, founder of Strategies for Changeand assistant professor at Northwestern University’s medical school. “There are many organizations that don’t require an ongoing commitment, so sign up for an event that’s meaningful. Research shows that giving to others is one of the quickest routes toward happiness. While happiness and positivity are different, they’re correlated,” Lyssa says.

4. Role play to be more objective. Playing a little mind trick on yourself can work wonders, says Lori Scherwin of Strategize That, a career coaching service. “We’re often better at helping others than ourselves,” she notes. “Make the situation more objective and less personal to you. For example, consider if it were anyone else in the situation (like your best friend, partner or colleague). How would you see the same ‘problem?’ What advice might you give them to get out of it?” she asks. This will help you shift from being super hard on yourself to more objective, and most likely, more positive.

5. Make changes to things that are within your control. Spending time worrying about something that you can’t change isn’t really worth the effort. Instead, “Focus on areas where you have agency,” suggests Holly Burton, a career coach for women in male-dominated industries. “You may be stuck in a role you don’t love at work, but you could probably work a few extra hours a week and take on a project that interests you. You could also schedule some proactive meetings with your boss to make an action plan to develop the skills you need to make a lateral move,” she says. In most situations, whether they’re career-related or not, it’s possible to take actions to make things better for yourself.

6. Practice radical acceptance. Some professional coaches suggest trying out the idea of radical acceptance, which is basically accepting the things you cannot change, even if they’re not right or you don’t agree with them.

7.Try this gratitude challenge. First, journal about one event each day for seven days that made you feel happy and/or thankful and include the specifics of why it made you feel that way, going deep into the details. Second, send one random thank you email or text to someone each day, either personally or professionally. This message should include what they did and why it’s worthy of the shout out. Detailed gratitude journals are proven to improve your life satisfaction, so try to stick to a gratitude practice, even in the good times!

What do you do when you’re trying to stay optimistic? Have you tried any of these techniques? Tell us about it @BritandCo!

This article has been updated.

It's fun to learn more about ourselves and to feel understood — that's why we take personality tests so incessantly. And since we live in an age of increased self-awareness, we can apply those tests to so many things, like our Hogwarts house and makeup preferences. Clearly, knowing thyself has taken on a whole new meaning lately, and we love the things that these tests can tell us — but did you ever wonder how your personality might affect your dreams? In a new study, Best Mattress Brand set out to discover whether specific types of people had particular types of dreams. Read on for their fascinating results.

The test explored each component of the Myers-Briggs types, which can be broken down into eight characteristics:

Extraversion or Introversion: This is the way you focus your energy. Extroverts focus on the outside world, and Introverts focus on their inner world.

Sensing or Intuition: This is the way you process information. Sensing individuals focus on the facts, and Intuitive individuals interpret the facts.

Thinking or Feeling: This is the way you make decisions. Thinkers process decisions logically, and Feelers make decisions with context and emotion in mind.

Judging or Perceiving: This is the lens through which you interpret the world. Judgers prefer decisive action, while Perceivers like to keep their options open.

Together, your individual combination of these eight traits creates your personality type. Given these traits as variables, the study surveyed 1,000 people on their Myers Briggs traits and their sleep habits.

As you'd imagine, there were a lot of discrepancies between Introverts and Extroverts. Interestingly enough, Extroverts are 17.7 percent more satisfied with their levels of energy during waking hours than their introverted counterparts. Perhaps it's because of their dream habits: Extroverts also have 8.3 percent fewer nightmares than Introverts. Extroverts also dream about traveling 13.9 percent more often than Introverts do.

What about the content of these dreams? If you're Intuitive, you're 16.8 percent more likely to dream about being killed than Sensers are. ­Apparently, Intuitive individuals' dreams are more violent across the board: They also dream about getting attacked and “punching something with no effect" more often.

There's also a substantial difference between Thinkers and Feelers when it comes to dreams. The more emotional Feelers dream about getting pregnant more often than Thinkers do, and they dream about their friends more often too. Perhaps Thinkers are just thinking too hard; they talk in their sleep almost 10 percent more than Feelers do.

The Judgers and Perceivers have their differences as well; in fact, Perceivers have night terrors 10.2 percent more often than Judgers, probably due to the fact that they experience reality so deeply.

Does your personality type match up with these findings? Let us know @BritandCo.

(Photo via Brit + Co)

This post has been updated.

Gilmore Girls fans can all agree that, despite how much we love the show, Lane Kim (Keiko Agena) deserved WAY better. But Keiko admits that even though Lane's treatment on GG leaves a lot to be desired (starting with the fact that Lane is Korean American and Keiko is Japanese American), it was still a special role.

Keep reading to see which Gilmore Girls costars Keiko Agena talks to the most!

Keiko Agena has a complicated relationship with 'Gilmore Girls' character Lane Kim.

Saeed Adyani/Netflix

“I think what [the role] was for people was different than what it was for me,” she tells Juliet Litman on an episode of the Dear Felicity rewatch podcast (via People). “In a weird way, I feel like I want to honor the experience that people had from the show, and what it meant to them, especially young Asian people, because I get that comment a lot, about what it was like for them to see someone like that on screen.”

And it's no surprise that as much as Gilmore Girls viewers love Lane, Keiko "[loves] her too. I can tell, when I meet someone who knows Gilmore Girls or who loves Lane, it's like, I recognize that love. I see that you love that person."

But it's possible to hold two conflicting emotions at the same time, and although Lane Kim was an incredibly special role at the time, there are some things Keiko would do differently today. “The best thing is to have a Korean American writer [and a] Korean American actor,” she says. “I don't think that that role, cast that way, would happen today. But at that time, in 2000, it was such a different time that I definitely know I wouldn't have said no or pulled myself out of that situation at that time...Now it's just a mix of just having gratitude for having gone through that experience and having that experience.”

Watch Lauren Graham & Scott Patterson's Mini Gilmore Girls Reunion for more Stars Hollow love!