What To Do If You Hate Your BFF's Partner

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

Gilmore Girls: The Official Advent Calendar

This Rory- and Lorelai-approved advent calendar is packed to the brim with 25 Stars Hollow-themed trinkets, from keychains, and buttons to magnets and stickers so you can flaunt your Gilmore Girls fandom all year long.

Alo Advent Calendar

This pick by Alo is packed to the brim with 24 days of beauty, wellness, movement, and style must-haves which will give you or anyone you gift it to the ultimate health reset.

Advent Shower Steamer Set

This advent calendar features 24 different shower steamers for a wholesome 'treat yourself' moment as the holidays draw near.

Glamnetic Nail Lover's Gift Set

This advent calendar is filled with a week's worth of press-on nails, one of which is a limited-edition, never-seen-before design! This is the ideal gift for the beauty lover in your life.

Godiva 2024 Holiday Classic Chocolate Advent Calendar

Because chocolate always makes the best gift! This Godiva advent calendar comes complete with 24 assorted chocolates that range from milk, dark, and white. Kick off the most delicious time of year by gifting this indulgent set to your local chocolate lover, or yourself – just try not to sneak all the chocolates in one sitting!

Sephora Collection Advent Calendar

We'd gladly take a Sephora-themed advent calendar year-round, but this beauty-centric one makes the holidays feel a bit more special. Never say "no" to a treat-yourself moment! With this set, you'll unveil 24 different makeup, skincare, and bath goodies, accessories, plus an advent-exclusive inclusion.

Kylie Cosmetics Holiday Advent Calendar

This 12-day advent calendar from none other than Kylie Jenner herself features all her favorite makeup and skincare products that can help you (or your giftee) create versatile looks, from day to night.

MAC Cosmetics 24K Holiday Advent Calendar

Unwrap your glowiest glow with this luxurious MAC advent calendar! For 24 whole days (ideally leading up to Christmas, but we understand where you're coming from, early openers), you'll find only the best lip, base, eyes, and skin picks from the beloved brand. Sitting at an original value of $480, you can snag this baby for more than half-off for the holidays!

Typology Advent Calendar

Typology's 2023 advent calendar sold out in less than 48 hours last year, and it's already waitlisted for 2024 – but it's not to be missed, especially if you're gifting the design- and sustainability-forward beauty-lover in your life. This cal contains 15 full-size and 9 mini-size skincare products for the face, eyes, lips, and hands. It's super sleek yet unique, plus, it's constructed from FSC-certified paper to not only optimize space, but reduce its carbon footprint during transport. Get your name on the waitlist with the link here!

Sugarfina 24 Tastes Of Christmas Candy Advent Calendar

The holidays are the time to assume the character of Buddy the Elf and go all in on all the Christmas candies. This 24-day advent calendar features everything from creamy chocolates to fruity gummies to satisfy that sweet tooth and bring some very sugary Christmas cheer to the season. P.S. Sharing is caring!

Craftspring Linen Ornaments Advent Calendar

Your Christmas tree will be left looking utterly lush once you've made it through this adorable advent calendar. It's loaded with a mini ornament for every day, each one made from sustainably-harvested merino-blended wool. The hand-embroidered calendar base will truly last a lifetime, so you can use it every year, loading it with candies, teas, and beauty goodies – whatever you please!

L'Occitane 24 Days of Beauty Advent Calendar

This treasure chest of goodies for your skin, body, hair, and hands is well-worth the investment (a $115 value for just $84) considering you can get some good year-round use out of it. The contents will come in particularly handy for all your dry skin woes once winter is, well, wintering. The best part about this cal is you can keep what you want, then gift more minis to the skincare-obsessed in your life!

Compartés Winter Foxes Chocolate Advent Calendar

By far the coolest, most intricate chocolates we've tried, Compartés' offerings make the best holiday gifts. Opt for this 24 day-long advent calendar inspired by a mystical fox named Samson. Like Samson, you'll be able to cleverly venture out on a world of bite-sized chocolate treasures from the likes of Creme Brûlée, Campfire S'mores, and Blackberry Crumble. How yummy.

Lush Advent Calendar

Holiday prep can be stressful. Wind down and relax a bit each day with each of Lush's advent calendar surprises! From colorful bath bombs and home fragrances to beloved beauty picks from years past, this 24-day box is a total banger. Plus, if you don't see yourself using up each day's offering, you'll have some absolutely delightful gifts on-hand to give to your friends and fam.