What To Do If You Hate Your BFF's Partner

So your bestie is dating someone new. And they're just awful. Like truly, undeniably, god-awful. In fact, you can't think of a single larger, more prominent red flag in all of mankind. One of the greatest tests of friendship is this very moment. The moment when you so desperately want to tell your BFF how much you hate their partner, but you just...can't. At least not yet.

Before jumping into anything with too much haste, it's important to consider the why behind your disdain for their partner. You want to preserve your relationship with your BFF, so taking stalk of where you're at is a necessary first step before making any rash decisions. And while things can (and probably will) get tense, this isn't something you have to lose your friendship over. Trust us.

Here are our best tips on what to do if you hate your BFF’s partner, from reigning in your personal feelings to approaching your friend with IRL concerns.

1. Make sure it’s not about anything else.

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva / PEXELS

Before approaching your bestie, really examine if there’s any jealousy going on. Your past relationships and/or internal turmoil may be the reason for your disdain. Whatever the reason, it may have nothing to do with their partner at all.

2. First impressions are not fact.

Photo by MART PRODUCTION / PEXELS

We’ve all heard the adage “you have seven seconds to make an impression,” but some people need a little more time. We don't know about you, but we've certainly made a bad first impression or two in our lifetimes, and it wasn't because we hated the person we were meeting. People get hangry, stressed, overworked, and sometimes just aren’t at their best. Unless something truly egregious has already happened, try to give this person a few chances before you completely write them off.

3. Focus on your BFF.

Photo by Anna Tarazevich / PEXELS

Look — your bestie is still your bestie. Focus your attention on building them up, just as you would normally. Ultimately, all you can do is show them how much you love and appreciate them.

4. It's not the end of the world!

Photo by Monstera / PEXELS

Just because they’re dating someone you don't like doesn’t mean your BFF is uprooting her life and moving around the world! Just think of all the questionable people you’ve dated and ask yourself how many of those you’ve uprooted your life and moved around the world for. Chances are, it's not that many. If you're not the biggest fan of your BFF's new man, take a breath. There’s a good chance that if you wait it out, you’ll be the last person standing.

5. Don’t say anything you’ll regret, even if they break up.

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OK — obviously, if this person is abusive, that’s different. But if they’re just not your cup of tea, there’s no need to ruin a good thing, especially if your bestieis head over heels. Telling your friend how much you hate their partner gets old, fast.

Even after they break up, match their energy before digging deep. If your BFF was deeply in love and their partner broke it off, consider refraining from telling them how horrible their partner was. If your friend broke it off and is seething, feel free to match them and lay it all out.

No matter what, having a friend date a person you don't like is hard. But think of it as a cannon event of sorts — it will likely happen at some point, and you get to decide how it dictates your future. All that matters is that you show your BFF all the love in the world, despite their seemingly questionable choice in a partner. It'll be hard, but worth it.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

Find the best relationship advice wit Brit + Co.

Header image courtesy of CW.

Life comes at you fast when you're in love, while you're juggling career goals, pets, babies, friends, family, and whatever else folded in to your very, very filled cup. One minute you and your spouse can't enough of each other, but then time passes and you might start to feel like you're roommates. "Ugh, what is that about," is a question I used to ask when my own relationship's spark felt like tiny embers amongst our ever-growing responsibilities. Licensed psychotherapist Lucas Saiter, LMHC, owner and director of Manhattan Therapy NYC, says, "It's crucial for couples to acknowledge periods of disconnection without judgement."

According to him, you can start "by having an open conversation about feeling disconnected" which is a "positive step" in the desired direction. But, he wants this to happen during "a calm moment" instead of "during a conflict or when there are distractions."

The ultimate goal is for "each partner" to feel like they have "the opportunity to express their feelings openly and honestly, using 'I' statements to avoid blaming, while the other partner actively listens without interrupting or getting defensive," according to him.

8 ways to renew your marriage when you're busy checking off your to-do list

Your marriage isn't doomed because you feel like it's gotten off track. Saiter says, "Rekindling the spark in a marriage goes beyond physical intimacy; it's about creating emotional closeness and shared experiences. Couples can focus on deep, meaningful conversations that go beyond the day-to-day logistics."

1. If you don't cook often, surprise your spouse with their favorite dinner recipe.

cottonbro studio

Saiter says you or your spouse "can make time for small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness, like cooking" each other's "favorite meal." We don't know everything, but we're aware that home-cooked meals mean a lot to some people. Eating out is fun, but seeing someone put time and effort into a meal for you feels more personal.

2. Allow your partner to sleep in while you handle bank runs, grocery shopping, and other chores.

Michael Burrows

One of the other ways to each other's heart is "...running errands to show love and appreciation," according to Saiter. This can look like letting your partner rest while you handle early morning visits to the bank or grocery store before traffic picks up on the weekend.

Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating. For instance, taking a class together, whether it’s cooking, dancing, or photography, can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories.

3. Sign up for a dance or photography class together.

cottonbro studio

If you've been thinking about taking a cooking, wine, dance, or photography class together, now's the time to do so! Saiter says, "Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating." Before you roll your eyes because you think you and your spouse don't have anything in common anymore, take a step back to remember what it was like when you were dating.

You probably went on different dates like going to the bowling alley, visiting a pumpkin patch, or even taking a candle class together for fun. Doing this again "can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories," according to Saiter.

4. Verbally share why you're grateful for each other.

Andrea Piacquadio

Yes, it's time for you and your spouse to remember why you chose to exchange vows. "...practicing gratitude by regularly expressing appreciation for each other's qualities and contributions can strengthen the emotional bond and bring back the warmth and closeness," Saiter says.

You can tell your partner you appreciate the times they've sensed something was wrong and knew just what to say to cheer you up. Also, you could simply thank them for remembering to take out the trash without you having to ask.

There's no rulebook that says expressing thanks for each other has to be elaborate and drawn out. It's just something to help you remember how much you see each other.

5. Set aside time to hold hands or cuddle everyday.

Pavel Danilyuk

If you or your spouse are experiencing a drop in your libido, physical intimacy be hard to navigate. Saiter says, "Overcoming a 'dry spell' requires open communication and a willingness to explore underlying issues." As difficult as it may be, don't be afraid to express concerns because "there are many feelings and unsaid wants underneath the 'dry spell,'" he adds.

Doing something as simple as "prioritizing physical, non-sexual touch" is one way way Saiter believes can help you and your spouse become close again. You do things like "holding hands, cuddling, or sharing a long hug," to add a little spark back to what you had.

6. Pencil in date nights.

Jep Gambardella

How many times have your or spouse asked, "Who has time for date night?" Wait, we don't want to know because chances are one of you have said it one too many times to count. Saiter says, "Planning regular date nights or weekends away can also help break the routine and create a sense of adventure in the relationship."

Communicating and being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions, can also reignite the spark and make things exciting again.

You can also try revisiting places or activities that were significant earlier in your relationship to evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection.

7. Let your adventurous side show in the bedroom.

Andrea Piacquadio

If one of you are comfortable initiating sex again, let your fun side call the shots. However, Saiter wants to make sure you're "communicating" before surprising your spouse. "...being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions" is one of the ways he thinks you can reconnect behind closed doors. It's all about finding safe ways to "reignite the spark and make things exciting again," he shares!

8. Revisit the place you fell in love with your spouse.

Taylor Thompson

If you remember the exact time and place you knew your spouse was the one, Saiter suggests revisiting it to "evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection." Whether it was at your local pizza parlor, the park, or even at a place like Disney World, find your why again.

My spouse and I are doing great after incorporating these tips, but how can we stay consistent?

Ba Tik

Saiter says, "Life gets busy, but it’s crucial to carve out time for each other. Treat it like any other important appointment—block off time in your schedule for date nights, family dinners, or just time relaxing together." Maybe you think it should sound so simple, but it is. Like Saiter says, you have to prioritize your marriage just like you do everything and everyone else.

Ways to help you do so are limiting "distractions by putting away phones and other devices" to "talk about your dreams, unwind together or simply enjoy each other's company," he adds. Still struggling?

"It might also be helpful to look over your daily responsibilities together to make sure the workload at home is shared fairly. Building a strong and fulfilling relationship takes effort and commitment. By prioritizing your partner, communicating openly, and making time for each other, you can strengthen your bond and reignite the spark," Saiter suggests.

All in all, Saiter believes "seeking couples counseling can be a great step toward getting the conversation flowing," if you and your spouse are still having trouble finding the spark in your marriage.

Visit more of our stories about relationships for dating, friendship, and family tips!

I truly feel like I’ve been living under a rock when it comes to what’s good at Whole Foods. Turns out, they’ve been hiding some really impressive deals on groceries in the shadows, but I’m here to shed some light on ‘em. Whole Foods offers savings every week, and I’m fully convinced that my local Whole Foods will be seeing a whole lot more of me from now on.

Scroll on for details on Whole Foods’ top deals to shop starting today!

Kaboompics / PEXELS

1. BOGO 50% off packaged soups (Tuesdays)

Tuesdays and Fridays are the main days of the week that Whole Foods offers savings on their groceries. The first amazing deal for Tuesdays is BOGO 50% off packaged soups – perfect for this time of year!

They’ve got every kind of flavor from minestrone and chicken noodle to Italian wedding and broccoli cheddar. Their packaged soups average out at about $9 per 24-ounce tub, so saving 50% on one when you buy one is pretty good, especially for meal prep purposes.

Lukas / PEXELS

2. $2 off classic and organic rotisserie chickens (Tuesdays)

You can take $2 off two kinds of Whole Foods’ rotisserie chickens every Tuesday. Their classic rotisserie chicken goes for $9 while the organic version sells for $13. I love using rotisserie chicken for soups, sandwiches, wraps, and pastas, so getting a whole chicken to use for recipes all week long for just $7 is so nice!

Nadin Sh / PEXELS

3. $8 large cheese pizzas (Friday)

Sometimes you just do not feel like cooking on a Friday evening after work – that’s where this Whole Foods savings hack comes in! Every Friday, you can get a large cheese pizza for $8. While there’s nothing wrong with a plain cheese pizza (nostalgia galore!), I’d take advantage of this deal then bulk up my slices with various toppings like peppers, pepperoni, and olives.

Nadin Sh / PEXELS

4. 12 for $12 wild caught oysters (Friday)

Ooh, fancy! Every Friday, Whole Foods’ wild caught oysters go for $1 a pop. Buy a dozen for just $12, and you’re golden. This deal would be perfect for a bougie at-home date night.

Pixabay / PEXELS

5. BOGO 50% off packaged sushi rolls (Friday)

This is another great date night pick! Buy one packaged sushi roll, and get another 50% off on Fridays only. From rainbow rolls to California rolls, this Whole Foods savings hack has my cravings going crazy.

Minchephoto Photography / PEXELS

6. $10 family-sized tiramisu (Friday)

Got a hankering for a sweet treat? Don’t fret – you can shop a whole family-sized serving of tiramisu at Whole Foods for just $10 every Friday.

Kseniia Lopyreva / PEXELS

7. $12 bottles of prosecco (Friday)

The death of the work week and start of the weekend is obviously a cause for celebration, and Whole Foods has you covered with $12 bottles of Presto prosecco every Friday. Cheers!

Subscribe to our newsletter to discover more deals!

Having toxic friends, family members, or romantic partners in your life can feel like standing in the rain for hours on end. You usually feel drained of energy on top of being drenched in bad energy. Though it's clear you probably need to set boundaries, it's not always easy to decipher what you should say during a conversation where a narcissist is doing what they do best.

Clinical social worker, and Clinical Director of Villa Oasis San Diego, Michelle Beaupre, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW has helped clients navigate this very topic at different points in their lives and has 6 phrases you can say to either shut down a narcissist or let them know you're uninterested in their behavior.

6 things to say when a narcissist thinks they're getting the last word

1. What to say if your romantic partner makes you question whether you saw inappropriate texts on their phone

Alex Green

If I had things my way, gaslighting would be outlawed. Unfortunately, some people just can't seem to take responsibility for their actions, and they really love to make it everyone else's problem. Even more infuriatingly, it can appear in romantic relationships when one person is caught doing something that breaches the trust between them and their partner.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend spins a tale that makes you question what you’re sure you saw, try not to panic. Instead, take a page from Beaupre’s book. She suggests saying, “I’ll stand by what I know is true. If we need to agree to disagree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to let this change what I know or how I feel.”

She says doing this “shows them you’re not going to be swayed or pulled into their ‘game.’” It also helps “keep you grounded and firm, making it clear that their gaslighting isn’t going to work.” The more you stand your ground, the more someone is “less likely to continue trying to manipulate/control you,” according to her.

2. What to say when a friend keeps lying about their accomplishments

Pavel Danilyuk

This is a tricky one because you probably know one of your friends likes to embellish the truth a bit. It’s one of the things that used to be funny because they could always come up with a story on the spot. But, it can be confusing if you notice your friend tends to lie about something they’ve accomplished. Just don’t think you have to go out of your way to expose them though.

Beaupre says, “If it’s not harming anyone, sometimes it’s okay to leave it alone because, eventually, the truth will catch up to them anyway, and they will learn their lesson on their own.” But she says if you notice “their lies are causing major problems or hurting others,” speak up “gently.”

“You can ask them why they feel the need to lie, and if there’s something they’re struggling with that they might want to talk about,” she continues. Her suggestion is to say, “I’ve noticed that sometimes, you say things that don’t really add up, and I’m just wondering if there’s a reason. Is everything okay?”

3. What to say when someone complains about you setting boundaries

Pavel Danilyuk

If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s boundaries. If you know someone who has a tendency to overreact when you set them, Beaupre knows what you can say to them. “I’m not okay with how you’re reacting. If you can’t respect my limit, then I’m going to have to take a step back and distance myself,” she suggests.

She feels “this makes it clear that you’re serious about your boundaries.” Also, it signals that you “won’t let their reaction change what you need to feel respected, safe and secure.”

4. What to say if someone utters "I love you" after a few weeks of dating

Katerina Holmes

If only some of us would’ve asked this question during some of our prior relationships, we may have avoided unnecessary heartbreak. Should you find yourself faced with someone’s eager declarations of love early on, Beaupre wants you to “to be honest about how you feel and not feel pressured to say it back if you’re not ready.”

What you can say is, “Thank you. That means a lot, but I’m not there yet. Maybe one day, but not now.” By doing this, you’re not discrediting their emotions. Instead, you’re letting them “know you appreciate them and their feelings” while setting “the pace that works for you,” according to Beaupre. Please don't force yourself to feel something if you don't.

5. What to say when someone makes light of something or someone you're grieving

RDNE Stock project

This reminds us of one of the relationship red flags we recently dug into. We know why people say passive-aggressive things, but it's still painful no matter what the situation is. In the case of grieving, it's a hard no for us. Beaupre says, “In times like this, when you’re going through a lot of heavy emotions, it’s important to set a boundary for your peace.”

If you feel yourself questioning whether your feelings are valid, Beaupre says not to do that. "Don't let others downplay/dismiss what you’re feeling or going through, especially if it's something that's really taking a toll on you." What she urges you to say is, "I know you may not fully understand, but this is really important to me, and I need you to respect that.” In her opinion, it's a way of letting that person "know you're serious about protecting your emotional space without being confrontational."

And if they're still being a grade-A jerk about it? It may be time to limit the time you spend with them.

6. What to say if someone uses 'jokes' to constantly critique your appearance

SHVETS production

We think laughter is good for the soul, but not at the expense of hurting other people's feelings. This means no one should have the luxury of repeatedly commenting about the way you present yourself. Beaupre says, "If the way you look, what you’re wearing or how you speak isn’t hurting anyone, they really shouldn’t be commenting on it." Should you notice this unfortunate pattern in someone close to you, it's time to address it.

Beaupre wants you to try saying, "I’m fine with how I look and speak. You can let me know if there's a problem, but please don’t make me feel bad about it." That way, you can "set a clear limit about what you won't tolerate," according to her. She believes it's also a "chance to share any concerns without crossing into criticism or bullying."

Still, someone who refuses to stop disguising their obvious issues with you as harmless 'jokes' isn't someone who deserves a long-term spot in your life.

Scroll through more relationships stories to see how you should navigate everything from tense friendships to conversations about money.

As much as I love celebrity couples, I love celebrity sibling relationships even more. And Elle and Dakota Fanning are two sisters I've grown up watching since I first saw Dreamer in 2005. Considering Elle Fanning is only five months older than me, and I have a sister of my own, this is one relationship that feels particularly familiar. And while Elle has also watched Dakota Fanning act since we were kids, Dakota just revealed seeing Elle onscreen is just as special for her.

Here's why Dakota & Elle Fanning get emotional seeing each other onscreen.

Elle remembers "sobbing" during one particularly emotional Dakota Fanning movie.

“When Elle’s in anything, it makes me feel it deeper,” Dakota Fanning said at TheWrap’s Power Women Summit on December 3. “She never can fully disappear into a character totally for me as her sister. She obviously does an amazing job, but I’m always gonna see my little sister a little bit.”

And Elle is just as touched by Dakota's roles, and remembers "uncontrollably sobbing" after seeing Now Is Good, a movie where Dakota's character was dying of cancer. “Because it was my sister, I had a real traumatic reaction after that premiere and the screening,” Elle says. “Obviously the acting, but it was something felt on a deeper level.”

“I’m doing this job, I’m an actor because my sister started before me and I watched her,” Elle continues. “I wanted to do exactly what my big sister wanted to do.”

And their movies have also made an impact on everyone who watches them.

When Brit + Co caught up with Dakota Fanning at the world premiere of The Watchers, I had to ask about one of her most iconic movies: Uptown Girls. "I love it," she says of TikTok memes and edits giving the movie new life. "It's nostalgic for people who are kind of around my age, who grew up watching that movie, I think it's like a comfort movie for people. And so I love that people are still revisiting it and loving it. And maybe now that everyone's older [they're] understanding different things about it."

Dakota starred opposite Brittany Murphy, who also had roles in movies like Clueless, 8 Mile, and Girl, Interrupted. Brittany passed away in 2009 when Dakota was 15. "I loved Brittany so much and I still miss her," she says. "So anytime that she has, you know, a moment where people think about her is also nice."

You can see Elle Fanning in A Complete Unknown, in theaters December 25, and you can also stream Dakota Fanning's new show The Perfect Couple on Netflix now.

Heaping plates of Christmas cookies are synonymous with the holidays. It seems that nearly every country around the globe has their own variation on the holiday classic. In fact, some of these regions have been making their version of Christmas cookies for literal hundreds of years.

If you’re looking for a way to reconnect with your heritage, or maybe just want a little baking inspiration, check out our picks for the yummiest Christmas cookies from around the world.

The Noshery

Mantecaditos con Guayaba

These may look like ordinary thumbprint cookies, but these almond shortbreads from Puerto Rico are filled with a special guava marmalade. (via The Noshery)

Broma Bakery

Meringues

French meringues are a classic crumbly egg white cookie with a chewy interior. These get an extra European twist with the addition of Nutella. (via Broma Bakery)

Pretty. Simple. Sweet.

Alfajores

Deeply flavored dulce de leche, a caramel made from whole milk commonly found in Spain and many Latin American countries, is the key ingredient in these super pretty sandwiched Christmas cookies. (via Pretty. Simple. Sweet.)

Fancy Peasant

Melomakarona

These Christmas cookies that hail from Greece get their sweetness from a generous soaking of fresh honey! (via Fancy Peasant)

Very Eatalian

Baci di Dama

The name of this Italian treat translates to “lady’s kisses” — how adorable is that? These bite-sized cuties are made with ground hazelnuts and filled with a dollop of dark chocolate. (via Very Eatalian)

Cooking Classy

Linzer Cookies

These Austrian Christmas cookies are typically made with raspberry jam, but feel free to get crazy with a filling of your choice. Plus, the gorgeous windowpane look will make them a prize takeaway at your next cookie exchange. (via Cooking Classy)

Olivia’s Cuisine

Basler Brunsli

If you’re hanging out in Switzerland around Christmas time, you’ll definitely see these chocolate treats around. They’re often described as Swiss brownies due to their deliciously chewy texture. Perfect with a cup of eggnog or coffee! (via Olivia’s Cuisine)

Cilantro Parsley

Buñuelos

These tender miniature fritters from Mexico are a mix between a donut and cookie. Whatever you want to call them, they’re delicious. (via Cilantro Parsley)

Chef Lindsey Farr

Apricot Kolachys

The Hungarians definitely know what’s up when tart apricot jam gets wrapped in a blanket of flaky pastry. They’re a bright spot on a cold Christmas day. (via Chef Lindsey Farr)

Life, Love and Sugar

Cutout Sugar Cookies

In the United States, a plate of these festively decorated sugar cookies is just what Santa ordered. (via Life, Love and Sugar)

Saveur

Polvorones

You’ll find these simple pecan shortbread cookies all over Mexico around this time of year. The coating of powdered sugar and canela, a type of Mexican cinnamon, really bring the flavor to the next level. (via Saveur)

A Healthy Life for Me

Pignoli

These Italian Christmas cookies are made of a chewy almond base and topped with pine nuts. (via A Healthy Life for Me)

Fancy Peasant

Kourabiedes

These Greek Christmas cookies feature a buttery biscuit topped with mass amounts of powdered sugar. (via Fancy Peasant)

Does your family have a traditional cookie recipe for the holidays? Tag us @BritandBo in your Instagram photos and let us know!

This post has been updated with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.

Lead image via Pretty. Simple. Sweet.