8 Healthy Ways to Keep Your Self-Reflection Positive

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

Intentional Thoughts

I'm someone who has a hard time letting things go; I can agonize over one thought or situation for days! Because of this, I focus a lot on taking thoughts captive, which just means pinpointing anxious thoughts and replacing them with what I know is true.

When I have an anxious thought, I do a creative visualization exercise in which I imagine it's inside a bubble floating over my head. Then I slam an imaginary door over the memory and lock it. Then the bubble explodes and the thought doesn't exist anymore. It's not necessarily pretending like it never happened, but it does allow me to exercise some control over what I allow myself to spend time and energy thinking about.

—Choe Williams, Entertainment Editor

Breathing Techniques

My mom is a Pre-K teacher and suggested I try the breathing exercises she does with her kids who are just four years old (I'm 31 for context). The first is called Mountain Breathing, which entails holding up your hand and tracing the outline of your fingers. As you climb up the mountain (or your finger), inhale, and as you trace down into the valley between your fingers, exhale. Another breathing visualization she recommends is as you inhale, imagine yourself breathing in to smell the flowers, and exhale to blow out a candle. These little imaginative scenarios help me get out of my head and focus on my breathing when I need a little reset throughout the day.

Hammock Swinging

Whenever I'm feeling super stressed, I head for the hammock I setup in my front yard. Just as rocking can soothe babies, swinging in a hammock is a powerful soother for adults too! I feel super chilled afterwards and am usually getting some Vitamin D while I'm at it for a win-win.

Painting

During the pandemic, I revisited arts and crafts with soft pastels. I started mixing the colors and doing gradient shadings on card stock with my hands, and it proved to be a super meditative way to decompress. The end result is DIY art you can share or pin on your fridge or wall.

—Alison Ives, Head Of Content

Breathing Techniques

Nothing calms me down quite like alternate-nostril breathing. I first learned about this technique in my yoga classes, but the practice (called Nadi Shodhana in Sanskrit) dates back to the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, which was thought to be written sometime between 200 BC and 200 CE. Put simply, you sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and cover one nostril while you breathe in through the other. Then, you switch which nostril you're holding closed, and breathe out. In modern times, the connection between vagal nerve tone (which is correlated with anxiety and emotional regulation) and alternate-nostril breathing is becoming more and more mainstream, which may eventually help us better understand why this practice is so naturally calming.

Tarot Reading

Tarot can mean a lot of different things to different people. For me, I use tarot cards as a method to help me understand what lessons I'm learning at any given time. This has allowed me to view stressors in my life as learning experiences, which has helped me stay calm in numerous crises. I personally like to light some incense or a scented candle, sit quietly, and pull a card to see what resonates. That said, tarot and its associated images and meanings can be scary or triggering if you don't have a deep and gentle understanding of what the cards mean. I recommend Lindsay Mack's classes and podcasts for anyone who wants to learn about tarot in a non-judgemental, non-predictive, trauma-informed way.

—Maggie McCracken, Former Senior Editor

Sensory Accessories

My recent ways of coping/de-stressing have primarily been spiky sensory finger rings, which are a huge help when I need to get something done and can't stop my day to destress. I grab one of these guys which I have all over the place (most of my jacket pockets + purses), and it helps to calm me down and reset my focus.

Meditation On The Move

Another thing I do that I am trying to integrate into my daily routine is guided meditation walks. As someone who hasn't mastered sitting meditation I've found some on Headspace that I'm enjoying that are specifically for going on a walk through a city.

—Claire Shadomy, Former Graphic Designer

Baths...

In times of high stress, or after a long day, my go-to is always a candle-lit bath soak. I put a large scoop of Epsom salts in the tub with a few drops of my favorite essential oil and place tea lights all around the tub. It’s like my secret getaway from the rest of the world. I always make a point to leave my phone in the other room too so I utilize the time to just relax in silence. Water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body's “rest and digest” response. It always gets my heart rate and blood pressure down.

...And Sound Baths

Sound baths are a meditative experience where you’re “bathed” in sound waves. I love to watch them online but you can also create your own experience. I find meditating with a singing bowl so relaxing. It can take a little practice, but once you’ve nailed the hand movement, it’s an interactive way to ease stress and channel your focus elsewhere.

—Allison Cimo, Former Social Media Manager

Take A Hike

Pretty much every day in 2020 I walked the trails near my house and I started to pick up a small rock each time. I'd fidget with it while I cleared my mind and let nature calm my nerves. I would throw the rock back into nature after my hike and it felt like a release for all of my worries.

Bedtime Music

My daughter and I listen to Doze sleep music on Headspace before we go to bed. It calms her late-night zoomies (and mine) and gets her to sleep in minutes!

—Theresa Gonzalez, Branded Content Editor

Journaling

What I use for my anxiety is the Intelligent Change Five Minute Journal. I have a safe word in place for when I feel myself spiraling or I'm not able to control my thoughts and breathing.

—Brittney Davis, Account Manager

A Timeline Of Nina Dobrev And Shaun White's Relationship

End Of 2019 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Are Introduced

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White officially met when they both spoke at a Tony Robbins workshop in Florida. Even though Shaun didn't know about anything about Nina at the time, he told People he realized she was a big deal when a bunch of people asked for pictures with her!

February 2020 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Spend Time In South Africa

In 2020, when Nina Dobrev was filming Redeeming Love, fans started noticing that her Instagram photos and Shaun White's were taken in the same locations, even though they were making separate posts. Turns out, Nina had gotten Shaun to come visit her!

April 18, 2020 — Nina Dobrev And Shaun White Make Their Relationship Instagram Official

In true 21st century dating fashion, Nina Dobrev and Shaun White took their relationship to the next level when they made it Instagram official. It's a pretty big step for any couple, but especially celebrities. If it's nerve-wracking telling your friends and acquaintances, imagine telling millions of fans! Instead of a regular photo, Nina posted a video that features a glimpse of Shaun's tattoo.

May 29, 2020 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Quarantine Together

Like so many of us, Nina Dobrev and Shaun White had to take haircuts into their own hands during quarantine. "Adding to resume: hairdresser ✂️," Nina captioned an Instagram post of her giving Shaun an at-home haircut.

September 3, 2020 — Shaun White Turns 34

To celebrate Shaun White's 34th birthday, Nina Dobrev made a hilarious Instagram tribute to honor the snowboarder. "To the most untalented, humorless, least athletic, least coordinated, least gifted and my least favorite person.... happy birthday @shaunwhite," she says in the caption. "Hang in there. one day you will accomplish something. #dontgiveup"

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White's age difference is two years — Shaun was born in 1986 and Nina was born in 1989!

Late 2020 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Celebrate The Holidays For The First Time As A Couple

The holidays looked different for Nina Dobrev and Shaun White at the end of 2020, but they didn't let that stop them from celebrating. "I’m so thankful to be surrounded by so much love!!" Shaun says in his Thanksgiving Instagram post. "Getting older and watching my family continue to grow has been incredible. Hope everyone out there had an amazing thanksgiving!" The couple also celebrated Christmas together, with plenty of Santa hats and gifts to go around!

January 9, 2021 — Nina Dobrev Turns 32

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White chose wacky '80s getup to celebrate the actress' 32nd birthday. "Too bad we never have any fun together," Shaun says in his birthday Instagram post. "Happy birthday baby!"

February 8, 2021 — Nina Dobrev And Shaun White Hang Out With Her Vampire Diaries Costar

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White took to the slopes alongside Paul Wesley (who starred opposite Nina in The Vampire Diaries) and his wife Ines de Ramon. "Sometimes you gotta double up to double down," Nina captioned her post of the quartet at Wyoming's Jackson Hole Mountain Resort.

February 14, 2021 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Share Their First Valentine's Day

Both Nina Dobrev and Shaun White made tributes to each other on the 'gram in honor of their first V-Day as a couple. "My favorite snow cone flavor is White," Nina says in her Instagram post. "Happy we got “stuck together” last year and stuck it out ;) happy valentine’s day to my quarantini in crime..."

"Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️," Shaun says in his caption. "I never knew I was so lickable till we met 😂... Thank you for keeping a smile on my face and being the beautiful person you are!"

October 31, 2021 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Wear An Iconic Couple's Halloween Costume

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White knocked Halloween out of the park with a hilarious, gender-swapped couple's costume inspired by The Queen's Gambit. Nina dressed as Thomas Brodie Sangster's Benny and Shaun went with Anya Taylor Joy's Beth. "Your move @anyataylorjoy ♟👑," Shaun says on Instagram.

February 2022 — Shaun White Competes In The Bejing Winter Olympics

In October of 2021, ahead of his involvement in the Beijing Olympics, Shaun White told People just how supportive Nina Dobrev had been for him. "Nina's incredible," he says in the interview. "What an influence on my life. Not only does she run her own show, her own world, companies she's involved in, things she's producing, all this stuff going on. She holds me to this same high standard which is so wonderful to have in a partner."

“We’ll be anxiously watching [Shaun compete] from home and cheering him on,” Nina Dobrev tells Us Weekly in early 2022. “I’m very, very excited for him. I can’t wait.”

March 5, 2022 — Nina Dobrev Throws Shaun White An On-Brand Retirement Party

Shaun White might have cut off his iconic red hair, but that didn't stop Nina Dobrev from using it as inspo for his retirement party! The get together was complete with red wigs, family reunions, and lots of selfies. "Celebrating the 🐐 and bringing back the 👩🦰 one last time…#RetirementPartyAt35," Nina captioned her Instagram post. Then they followed the party up with a tropical getaway!

May 19, 2022 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Make Their Red Carpet Debut

Nina Dobrev and Shaun White attended the London premiere of Top Gun: Maverick in the summer of 2022. It marked their first red carpet appearance since becoming a couple *and* gave them the chance to support their friend Miles Teller!

June 2022 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Take A Vacation

Nina and Shaun went on another vacation in the summer of 2022, complete with lots of beach time and plenty of beverages. Some of Nina's Instagram captions include "When it’s so blue outside it’s impossible to feel blue on the inside" and "Coconut or cocktail? There are two types of people in the world" and the photos are so cute I could cry.

October 1, 2022 — Shaun White Makes An SNL Appearance

During Miles Teller's run as SNL host, Shaun White joined his friend onstage. "Live from New York it’s Saturday Night!
Congrats to my buddy #MilesTeller on hosting @nbcsnl," Shaun wrote on Instagram. "Not surprised that you killed it. But I was very surprised when I arrived to support you…and they pulled me on stage to be part of a sketch 😂 Stoked to be a part of your big moment!!

"I loved being an emotional support animal 🐆 @nbcsnl," Nina captioned her post.

October 31, 2022 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Dress Up As Stranger Things 4 Characters For Halloween

In another iconic Halloween couple's costume, Nina and Shaun dressed up as Max and Vecna from the acclaimed fourth episode of Stranger Things 4 — with Nina as Vecna and Shaun as Max, of course. "Stranger things have happened," Nina said in her post, while Shaun admitted in his post, "not gonna lie I’ve miss the long hair."

January 9, 2020 — Nina Dobrev Turns 34

"What planet are you from and will you take me with you?!" Shaun asks in his birthday photo featuring Nina Dobrev in a pink wig. "Thanks for making life incredible! Happy birthday my love."

June 26, 2023 — Shaun White Joins Nina Dobrev At The Out-Laws Premiere

December 31, 2023 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Spend New Year's Eve In St. Barth's

If you ask me, Nina Dobrev and Shaun White have one of the most iconic friend groups ever. Miles and Keleigh Teller, as well as Chace Crawford, joined the couple in St. Barth's for New Year's. Can I come next time?!

January 9, 2024 — Shaun White Surprises Nina Dobrev With A Trip To Disneyland

I love a good surprise, especially when the surprise goes off without a hitch. For Nina's 35th birthday, Shaun (as well as a bunch of their friends like Julianne Hough) surprised Nina with a Disney trip and judging by Nina's reaction, it was just about the best present she could have asked for. The day consisted of a custom Mickey jacket, taking a party bus, roller coasters, and more!

"Happiest surprise on the happiest day at the happiest place on earth," Nina says in her Instagram post. "I have to say I am HARD to SURPRISE. I always know what’s up. But they got me good. I’m still in shock to be honest. Feeling incredibly lucky, celebrated, loved, grateful and appreciative of all the wonderful souls I am fortunate to surround myself with."

February 1, 2024 — Shaun White Calls Nina Dobrev His "Perfect Score"

At the beginning of February, Shaun White posted a TikTok of him and Nina Dobrev snowboarding together. Rather than snowboarding side by side, they're almost on top of one another as Shaun literally lifts Nina off the ground to spin them around. It's literally the cutest moment, and it makes *me* want to go snowboarding — if I have someone to snowboard with ;).

February 11, 2024 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Attend The Super Bowl

Shaun and Nina shared a few flicks from their adventures before, during, and after Super Bowl LVIII on Instagram. The couple watched the game, flew over Las Vegas, together, and even sipped some Don Julio tequila to celebrate after the fact.

My favorite moments that the duo documented on social were definitely Nina chowing down on a hot dog in the stands (that's so me), Shaun dancing along to Usher's halftime show, and them sharing a kiss after the big Chiefs win!

The two just look *so* happy together, and that makes me happy.

"Can you propose to this women yet? Beautiful couple!!!😍🔥," one commenter wrote on Instagram... and I'm wondering the exact same thing!

March 10, 2024 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Do Date Night At Oscars Afterparty

The stars always show out for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, and Shaun and Nina were no exception to that rule! Our fave fiery couple looked amazing on the red carpet, but their best look? These two were smitten and all smiles on Nina's Instagram! Major heart eyes moment to say the least!

April 3, 2024 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Go Snowboarding (Again)

Snowboarding might not be a new thing for this "it" couple, but they still find a way to make it more fun every time they go. "Nina dropped her snowboard, so we had to go rescue it," Shaun says in a recent TikTok. In the video, he's carrying Nina while they snowboard and I am more than impressed! "Not all heroes wear capes," the caption reads.

April 6, 2024 — Shaun White And Nina Dobrev Celebrate Spring

Shaun White recently posted a recap of the sweetest spring date with Nina Dobrev and it's got me dreaming of warm afternoons and sunshine! "Lil’ bit of life lately 🍑," he says on Instagram. In addition to a video of the couple singing along to the radio, my favorite photo is Shaun and Nina in their bright orange jackets with the city in the background. I cannot wait for spring!

July 2024 — Shaun White and Nina Dobrev Head To The Olympics

Shaun White and Nina Dobrev are currently in Paris, France for the 2024 Olympics...along with Zac Efron apparently. The couple partied it up, but when they got back to their hotel and realized the elevator was out, Shaun climbed more than three flights of stairs with Nina on his back!

The Vampire Diaries actress is still recovering from a dirt bike accident in May, and has recently moved from crutches to a cane. We're wishing Nina a speedy recovery!

August 28, 2024 — Shaun White & Nina Dobrev Attend A Gossip Girl Star's Wedding, And Look Good Doing It

Shaun White and Nina Dobrev turned up in style to Jessica Szohr's (who you'll recognize as Vanessa from GG) wedding to Brad Richardson. Nina served as Jessica's Maid of Honor, and their Instagram posts have me emotional!!

"Almost two decades of friendship, there’s almost nothing we haven’t been through together," Nina says in her caption. "It makes me so happy to see you glowing with such a huge smile on your face. It’s an indescribable feeling to see your best friend marry the man of her dreams and create a beautiful (arguably the most beautiful) family together. It’s just the beginning, your life starts now. Congratulations you two lovebirds 🤍🤍🤍 i love you both so much!!!"

"You have been there with me through thick and thin for almost 2 decades… so thank you… thank you Nina for all you’ve done throughout our friendship- but especially for all the wedding events;)," Jessica's post says. "You outdid yourself … going through a surgery, had a movie coming out, redoing a house, and being such an amazing friend through everything. For real- love you more than you will ever know!"

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October 30, 2024 — Nina Dobrev And Shaun White Announce Their Engagement

Nina and Shaun announced that they're engaged at the end of October, and in Julianne Hough's words, "made all our dreams come true!" The couple posted separate Instagram posts celebrating the news, and Nina's definitely made me laugh: "RIP boyfriend, hello fiancé."

Shaun popped the question in front of a beautiful arch decorated in white roses (with a 5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond ring, no biggie), and literally swept Nina off her feet. "I went into shock. I just froze and stared at him,” Nina tells Vogue. And even though she says she blacked out and doesn't remember the actual proposal, she does know "he said all the right things.” I could cry!

The proposal came after Shaun had had to reschedule a few times (once after her dirt bike accident and once after she suspected it on their Cape Town vacation) — and to make sure Nina wasn't suspicious, he sent her a fake invitation to a dinner with Anna Wintour! "He made the invite look so legitimate,” Nina says.

Their upcoming nuptials will be quite the event, and one source tells People their wedding will be a "blowout party." I'm not even the slightest bit surprised. “They are the perfect fit together — fun and adventurous, but also very grounding for each other,” the source says. “After the proposal, they were calling and texting friends saying, 'It can't get better than this' and were just glowing.”

@nina GRWM for a Vogue Dinner hosted by Anna Wintour… or so I thought 🤭💍 @Shaunwhite ♬ original sound - Nina Dobrev

And in a Get Ready With Me video on November 14, Nina Dobrev revealed the one part of the proposal that left her "shocked": Shaun's ability to keep it a secret for so long!

"I don't think I've ever been more shocked or surprised or happier in my entire life," she says in the video. You can just hear the excitement in her voice! "I'm the planner in our relationship so I was shocked that Shaun pulled this off without me knowing. Every detail was absolute perfection." Cheers to the happy couple!