9 Ways to Be Less Busy All the Time

While we’re obviously not walking in your shoes, it’s a fair guess that you’re busy. Busy is everywhere in our world. We’re busy at work, busy with our families, busy making our homes look Pinterest perfect. Busy is almost inescapable.

While being busy can simply be a symptom of being a boss lady on the move, it can also promote unhealthy habits. According to a recent survey from online vitamin brand Care/of, the leading factor in preventing Americans from prioritizing their wellness in the last year was — you guessed it — being too busy. And don’t even get us started on the bigger-picture problems that come with a culture that places such a high value on busyness.

“The word busy has become problematic because we wear it like a badge of honor, as if the busier you are, the more successful or important you are,” writer and entrepreneur Liz Mally says of the busy epidemic. “But being busy isn’t the prize! We need to ban busy and work smarter, not harder. We also need to acknowledge that we’re all human and need to rest and recharge and make down time in order to be our best selves in work and life.”

Want to ban busy? Keep scrolling for nine expert tips on how to do it.

1. Study the calendar. Fight the Sunday scaries by making a habit of consistently reviewing your calendar as the weekend comes to a close. Doing this will allow you to prepare yourself for the moments or days that might feel especially busy so you can get ahead of the overwhelm. More importantly, you can find the gaps in the schedule where you can pencil in some non-negotiable time for yourself. Career counselor and coach Lynn Berger suggests a few minutes of “you time” daily, at a minimum. Ideally, she says, you should schedule an appointment for self-care two to three times per week.

2. Automate. You can cut back on the seemingly endless errands that take up hours of your days with automation. Take advantage of delivery and subscription services, switch all of your banking and bills over to online, and don’t be afraid to accept help from friends and neighbors who offer to take care of things for you as they go about their own business. “Automation is a modern woman’s best friend,” author Natalie Wise says. “It helps you keep fluid so you don’t get dizzy and need to get off the hamster wheel. You won’t get bogged down by lost energy, which is extremely draining, because all of your frenzied effort goes unrewarded and stresses you out more.”

3. Set a social budget. If a big chunk of your busyness comes from an overwhelming number of happy hours, birthday parties, and casual weekend hangs, you might consider implementing some specific boundaries on your social life. Time management consultant and author Rachelle Isip recommends a self-imposed limit on how many parties, dates, and other events you’ll attend over the course of a week or month. A budget will allow more time in your schedule for you and will make it easier for you to know when to politely decline an invitation.

4. Minimize phone notifications. The last thing you need when you’re already feeling stressed about your task list is a string of buzzes from your phone to make you feel even more overextended. Shut off those notifications. “We have trained ourselves to jump to the constant pinging of notifications on our phones,” certified life coach Karen Tindall tells us. “Many of them are unnecessary and, we spend time responding when it’s really not necessary to disturb what we are doing.” Silencing those pings will make it easier for you to get things done efficiently.

5. Place a high value on your time. All too often, we don’t value the precious hours of our lives as highly as we should. As a result, we randomly take on new commitments and find ourselves distracted, whether we’re sitting in a meeting, visiting with friends, or trying to have a meaningful conversation with our partners. Rank & Style CEO Jamie Chandlee urges you to only commit to the things that are *really* important to you and to be present in whatever you’re doing. “If you choose not to go to an event with friends, don’t spend a bunch of time trying to relive it by scrolling through Instagram,” she says. Sounds like a time suck to us.

6. Find peace in the hectic times. Regardless of how intentional you are about fighting the pressure to be busy, you’re bound to experience periods of life that are unavoidably chaotic. You have lots of deadlines at work, you’re managing a home renovation, you’re potty training your pup — you know the drill. Assuming you’ve managed the stress on most days, the best thing you can do in these moments is recognize that they’re bound to pass. Per licensed therapist Maria C. Inoa, you should also consider scheduling extra self-care time.

7. Stop being a perfectionist. “Adopt the mantra ‘done is better than perfect,'” certified master wellness coach Laura Albers suggests. “Being or trying to do everything perfectly is not only an impossible standard. It’s also one that will keep you feeling stuck and will limit your progress and your potential. Not to mention, it’s exhausting!” Resist the urge to strive for perfection all. the. time. You’ll be amazed by how much freer you feel to simply move through your schedule to get things done.

8. Set a bedtime. If you commit to sticking to a strict bedtime, you’ll at least have one boundary in place to limit the hours in which you can force yourself to be busy. Author Caitlin Fisher recommends implementing a consistent, non-negotiable bedtime that will cut off your productivity at a certain hour of the night. An added perk? Once you’re in the habit of getting enough sleep, you’ll feel more ready to tackle your long list of must-dos.

9. Recognize the difference between “busy” and “productive.” If you can’t seem to eliminate tasks and projects from your to-do list and are pretty sure that you’ll be objectively busy until the end of time, your best bet might be simply changing your language around the issue. Change up your perspective and start thinking of and talking about yourself as “productive” rather than “busy.” This may also help you ensure that you’re actually getting things done instead of feeling burned out.

Are you trying to be less busy? Tweet us how @BritandCo.

(Photo via Getty)

Sprinkle the magic of Christmas into every seasonal activity by creating some festive Christmas nail designs! Whether you like to lean towards the traditional reds and greens or prefer to think colorfully outside the box, the polishes and Christmas nail designs below will set your mood and nail look right. Winter nails don't have to be drab – from star-studded nail art to bejeweled nail beds, we've got just the inspo for you.

Christmas Nail Colors

Amazon

essie 'Off Tropic'

You can't get your dream Christmas nail designs done without some stellar nail polishes! If your look involves a deep green, this shiny pick will help you pull it off easily. Use it to coat the entire nail for a sultry seasonal mani.

Amazon

OPI Opaque Light White & Gray Shimmer Nail Polish

With Christmas comes cold, and this nail polish screams icy. Wear it alone or apply it over a traditional Christmas color like red or green!

Amazon

OPI Infinite Shine 'Bubble Bath'

This baby pink will look gorgeous as a solid coat for Christmas-y dates and dinner parties.

Amazon

ILNP 'Ruby'

It's red. It's glittery. It's perfect for the holidays!

Amazon

Essie 'Winter Trend'

Spending Christmas with your besties or roommates? It's time for you to have your first 'Pinkmas' with the sparkly magenta nails to match!

Amazon

Sally Hansen Insta-Dri 'White on Time'

A super solid white nail polish, alongside a thin nail art brush, can be used to paint snowmen, gift wrap, or snowflakes like some of our featured Christmas nail designs depict.

Amazon

RARJSM Holographic Gel Polish

For the lazy gal manicurists, this holographic polish will make any light reflect off your nails which is the point during Christmas!

Amazon

essie 'U Wish'

Embrace the holidays with this fiery red that defies expectations of what a Christmas color should be.

Amazon

Butter London Patent Shine Nail Polish

This one color will work excellently for minimalist Christmas nail designs – use it to dot, stripe, or wear it on its own.

Amazon

Revlon 'Iced Mauve'

Sparkles are a must for Christmas, which is why we're heavily eyeing this potent pink.

Christmas Nails Inspo

Nataszija / July Ninety Six

Nifty-Gifty Gems

Use small nail gems of any color to infuse your Christmas nail designs with festive energy. We're loving red in particular because it just feels luxurious!

Brydie/Instagram

Deep Red Elegance

The bold red French tips, in combination with some art deco-inspired golden stars, can really bring your seasonal mani to the next level.

Charlotte Herberts/Instagram

Colorful Christmas Stars

Use a stencil or freehand these tiny stars in different chrome nail colors for a more jolly vibe this year.

Bryony Howell/Instagram

(Gift) Wrap It Up

A nail art brush can be used to paint on cutie little Christmas bows like this silvery one!

(via )

Oliwia Krauz/Instagram

Classic Colors

Multicolor nails are not dead – take the trend further for the holidays by crafting your look with a mix of whites, golds, greens, and reds.

Melou's Nails/Instagram

Let It Shine

For an understated (yet still spirited) Christmas manicure, glitter will be your go-to. We love the gradient effect that this hand has on!

Peachi Nails/Instagram

Merry & Bright

Tiny star details are sure to turn heads this Christmas! You could use any hue, but a standout gold like this one really makes your nails pop!

Check out our weekly newsletter for more seasonal inspiration!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated

I’ve triedtons of different food trends in my day. From dumping chili oil on ice cream to concocting my very own Sleepy Girl Mocktail, nothing I’ve eaten measures up to the sheer weirdness we saw go viral on social media this year (major side eye to Dua Lipa’s pickle Diet Coke).

These are the top 5 most ridiculous TikTok-viral food trends of 2024 that left us questioning whether they really should’ve gone viral in the first place.

@claudiaeatsgood chamoy pickles are so good😋😩❤️ @Bussin Snacks #chamoypickle#chamoy#chamoypicklekit#bussinsnacks#takis#fruitrollup#mukbang#asmr#asmrmukbang#chamoypicklemukbang#juicy#pickle#mexicancandy♬ original sound - Claudia💕

1. Chamoy Pickles

People couldn't quit it with the chamoy pickles (AKA chickles) this year. I never would've guessed that chamoy, a condiment made from dried fruits, chilies, sugar, and lime juice, would be slathered atop the sourest pickles money can buy.

But the food trend didn't stop at just chamoy – many snackers stuffed their pickles with everything from the likes of Hot Cheetos, Takis, and Fruit Roll-Ups. What?!

This insanely sour, tangy treat kickstarted what the internet's coined as the 'Red 40 Diet', which certainly cannot be medically advised.

If you care for your GI tract, this food trend is 100% worth skipping and leaving behind in 2024.

@dualipaofficial

What do we call her?

♬ original sound - Dua Lipa

2. Pickle + Jalapeño-Infused Diet Coke

Diet Coke, pickle juice, and jalapeño juice = all the ingredients needed to concoct Dua Lipa's controversial 2024 drink. She loves it, but I on the other hand, do not.

Now, don't get me wrong: I love a good unexpected flavor combo, but gulping down a simultaneous dose of both pickle juice and jalapeño juice was not tasty to me whatsoever.

This trend even sparked a slew of Sonic diners to start ordering their soft drinks with pickles – but as divisive as this trend can be ("Don’t knock it till you try it," TikToker Mississippi Memaw told Food and Wine), it's just flat out weird.

@logagm

New cucumber recipe 🚨

♬ original sound - Logan

3. Cucumber Salad

If you bought a mandolin slicer recently, you might as well admit you're a victim of the TikTok-viral cucumber salad trend that made its rounds this year.

"Sometimes you need to eat an entire cucumber," TikTok user @logagmsounds off in the intro of every single one of his cucumber salad videos. And thus, the food trend was born.

It felt like I couldn't go a day on TikTok without seeing at least 5 recipes for a damn cucumber salad. When it comes down to it, I can appreciate the novelty (and taste) of this trend, but not the oversaturation. I'm gonna eat an entire cucumber one day, and get so tired of it the next. New innovations in 2025, please!

@kylekruegerr Would you try these?😂 #foodreview#seagrapes#food#review#tastetest#weirdfood♬ original sound - Kyle Krueger

4. Sea Grapes

It was like people wanted to eat the weirdest, grossest things in 2024. I can't blame 'em, especially if it's for clicks and views. But this food trend in particular literally made me want to gag – and I was only watching people eat through a screen (any fellow ASMR fans out there?).

They don't look like they're supposed to be crunchy, but they are. Sea grapes grow from aquatic plants and are filled with essentially what is a "salty liquid." They burst in the mouth when you eat them (one TikToker called them 'edible Orbeez'). Yuck.

@julieta.asmr I figured it out!! Blooper at the end 🥴 #asmr#asmrcommunity#asmrtiktoks#asmrvideo#asmrsounds#asmreating#asmrfood#asmrfyp#asmrmukbang#mukbang#asmreatingsounds♬ original sound - Julieta ASMR 🍒

5. Exploding Candies

The final (and especially weird) food trend I propose we leave behind in 2024 is these dang exploding jelly candies. They also made their rounds on ASMR TikTok, and I truly cannot stand to watch a single video featuring them.

First off, they look so annoying to consume. The fruit-shaped jellies are contained in a thin layer of plastic that's meant to burst open when you sink your teeth into it, prompting you to slurp out the sweetness inside. But what irks me the most is the fact that many people trying them can't even break the seal.

I'd rather watch someone make a simple PB&J than go to town on these microplastic-infused candies.

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When you're often the life of the party and happen to be partnered up and in your 30s, you'll instantly turn heads when you say no to booze. I can personally attest to the difficulty of this. As someone who loves happy hour and has a particular affinity for lemon drop shotsin totally inappropriate settings, there was no way I could get away with *not* drinking without inviting questioning looks.

Before I give you the guide to fake drinking when you're secretly pregnant, let me take this moment to make a PSA. If you see that a female friend of yours isn't drinking and she usually does, try not to ask her if she's expecting in front of everyone. She might be secretly pregnant, taking fertility drugs that can't be combined with alcohol, just trying to lower her dosage of alcohol with the hope that it helps her get pregnant. There's also the chance she might just be…not drinking. Be as it may, no one wants to be bombarded with pregnancy questions.

Of course, not everyone is going to take my PSA seriously, so I've got some tips and tricks for all you pre-reveal preggos. These same tips apply to gals who are not drinking because they are trying to conceive. I was personally in this non-drinking camp for about five months before getting pregnant.

And how's this for proof? I organized and attended a bachelorette party for two of my very best friends with about eight of my other besties present — and no one had ANY idea I was pregnant. So, trust me — I'm a bona fide pro at fake drinking.


Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Keep reading for the best tips to happily sip drinks in a way that won't make your besties raise an eyebrow

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Opt for canned beer

This was one of my earliest discoveries in the world of fake drinking. No one can see your drink when it's in a can. You might read that and think, yeah so? Well, take that can with you to the other can, and dump it out in the sink. Fill it up with water and no one will be the wiser. In fact, they'll think — wow, she's really blasting through those Coors Lights. Pro tip: Be sure to wipe any water drips off the can before you leave the bathroom, and rinse the sink so there's no errant beer foam floating around.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

If you have to order a real drink, choose a clear cocktail. This is the classic move. You creep over to the bar when no one else is around, and order a club soda with lime. Think of it as a mocktail. Be sure to ask the bartender to serve it to you in a cocktail glass — a giant water glass or plastic cup is a dead giveaway.

If it's impossible to get alone time at the bar, order a vodka soda (or gin and tonic). Then take it to the bathroom, dump out the liquid (use a straw to keep the ice and any garnishes in the cup), then fill it with water instead. Complain about the soda or tonic being flat if anyone questions your drink's lack of tiny bubbles.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Make friends with bartenders. At first, bartenders give you a bit of side-eye when you ask for a club soda in a cocktail glass. They won't ask you what the deal is, but you can let them assume what they like — especially when you order that second or third club soda in a cocktailglass.

If you're feeling cavalier, and you and the bartender have really hit your stride, you can even say, “I'll take anything non-alcoholic that looks like a cocktail." I actually made SUCH good friends with a bartender at a wedding where I was fake drinking that every time I came over to the bar, he immediately winked at me and gave me “my regular." My friends guffawed at the fact that I was already friends with the bartender. Pro.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Allude to a possible tannin allergy. Wine is the toughest thing to fake, so don't even try. Tell your friends about how, out of nowhere, you've started to get headaches immediately after drinking a glass of wine. When they're like, “Is it just when you drink red?" reply with a frustrated sigh, “No, both red and white make me feel crappy — maybe it's a tannin thing?" Then get your faux canned beer or clear mocktail, and call it a day.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Ginger ale is a GREAT substitute for Champagne. Ginger ale looks like Champagne, it smells kind of like Champagne, and if your friends are tipsy enough and take a sip, they'll actually believe that it IS Champagne. Don't overdo this one though — too much sugary soda is not a good thing for you and your secret babe!

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Pretend to be getting over a cold (so no one asks for a sip). After all, it's sick season! [Insert fake coughs here]

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Always be the one to order or serve a round of shots. Shots are one of the toughest things to fake. Like, really difficult. And you might be thinking, who still takes shots anyway? Well, the answer is: I do. Or rather, I did. It would have been impossible to be at my two besties' bachelorette party without at least one round of shots. So what's a preggo to do? Serve 'em up, of course.

Because shots are best served as a surprise to inspire a second wind in any given party, you can creep into the kitchen to set things up. Pour all but one, and fill that one with a substitute. Ideally, it looks like what you're serving, and if that's not possible, make 3-5 of them vodka shots including yours, which is actually… water! If ordering shots at a bar, you're probably already friends with the bartender, so just ask him to make yours a fake one and to put a napkin or coaster under it on the tray that comes out.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Keep a drink in your hand at all times. This is an obvious one, but it's worth mentioning. If you don't have a drink on hand, someone will either hand you one or give you a hard time for not drinking. DO NOT give them that opportunity ;)

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Never leave your drink unattended. Hopefully, you already have this rule in your wheelhouse from your college days. In this case, the key here is avoiding two things: friendly refills and someone accidentally picking up your drink and finding out it's phony.

Rosee Canfield for Brit + Co

Avoid being the first one to hit the hay. If you've already been squirreling around on the beverage front, the next clear sign that you might be secretly pregnant is when you're the first one to go to bed. So don't do that. Don't go to bed. Ever! Okay, at some point you'll need to go to bed because you need a TON of sleep in your first trimester, but avoid being the first party pooper at all costs.

And don't use getting up early “for a run" or “to do some work" as an excuse for going to bed — friends that know you will see right through that.

And there you have it, all you need to know about being a fake party animal when you're in the very early stages of expecting. Cheers! (But fake cheers, obvs.)

What are your best fake drinking tips? Share them with us @BritandCo!

First loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.

Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.

Here's why some of us ignored how awful our first love might've been

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

Savannah Dematteo

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

Keira Burton

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Luis Zambrano

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

Adely

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Pavel Danilyuk

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Ketut Subiyanto

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

Andrea Piacquadio

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

  • Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
  • Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

Anastasia Nagibina

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

  • Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
  • Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
  • Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.

Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.

That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.

No matter how many times I rewatch The Vampire Diaries, there's nothing like seeing a cast reunion — and the weekend of December 6, we finally got to see our three favorite Mystic Falls gals together again! Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King were just some of The Vampire Diaries cast members who reunited for Epic Con to chat all things Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline...but things took a turn in the middle of the interview when one of the backdrops almost fell on Nina!

Keep reading to see what happened during The Vampire Diaries cast reunion with Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King.

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Even after all these years, Bonnie and Caroline are still saving Elena #tvd #thevampirediaries #ninadobrev #candiceking #katgraham #elanagilbert #carolineforbes #bonniebennett #epiccons

As someone who's done plenty of interviews myself, I know how fast a situation can spiral — and this interview accident is crazy. While talking on stage about the show, one of the backdrops begins to lean forward, and right before it falls on top of Nina, Candice and Kat quickly move to push it in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to see any 'Bonnie saves the day' memes," Kat jokes, referencing the fandom's love for Bonnie consistently helping the group throughout the show's eight-season run. "I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it!" You can also see a relieved Nina hug Candice before revealing she thought it was a spider!

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In addition to this "Bonnie saves the day" moment (sorry, Kat, I couldn't help it!), the internet went crazy when Nina posted a video of her, Candice, and Kat recreating a photo they took during season 1 — especially after rumors have circulated for years that Kat Graham was mistreated on The Vampire Diaries set.

While these rumors have never been outright confirmed, fans have paid very special attention to what Kat has said...especially when she confirmedshe was the lowest-paid cast member and cried over her natural hair after revealing she wasn't really allowed to have an afro while filming.

"Love you girls so much!!!!!! 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️" Kat commented on Nina's post, while a fan added, "And now the rumors can definitely be ended 🫶🏼❤️." These women are so powerful and clearly love each other so much, and I will take any and every cast reunion we can get!

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When Brit + Co caught up with Ian Somerhalder, he also expressed how much he loved filming The Vampire Diaries. "Every single day it was a laugh," he says. "I mean we had to be serious, you're running from ghosts and vampires and stuff, and you know, someone makes a fart joke and a 130 people erupt in laughter, there's only so much you can run for your life."

And thank goodness, Ian confirms just how much fun the cast had! "We laughed, that's how we kept each other sane," he says. "I spent 8 years on the show and now it's [been] 15 years. It's my longest relationship."

"I cannot believe it's been 15 years," he continues. "And so everyone who's seen the show, watched the show, supported us — and me — in any way, shape, and form regarding the show, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

What would your dream The Vampire Diaries reunion look like? Let us know on Facebook!