The Adult Way of Breaking Up With a Toxic Friend

I keep hearing about the winter arc challenge, but what is it?

According to TODAY, influencer Carly Bergesshared a viral video talking about the trend at the end of September. Her TikTok platform is all about taking steps to improve yourself, hence why she emphasized the winter arc's goal of inspiring people to not slack off their goals just because the year is ending. It's meant to cover the time between October 1 and January 1 — approximately 90 days, or the length of time it takes to form a habit.

Dr. Lane says the winter arc "encourages people to 'lock in' on self-improvement goals for the last few months of the year." That sounds like setting new years resolutions right? I thought so too, but she says this challenge or trend aims to help people "be their best selves." It feels more specific, which makes all the more it intriguing.

"In terms of the winter arc, an example of this may be someone reflecting on their year thus far and thinking how they 'didn't accomplish anything' because they didn't lose the 20 pounds they had hoped to lose, and thus they may completely lose sight of the things that they DID accomplish over the year," she adds. The examples she gives are:

• Successfully starting an exercise routine
• Cooking more meals at home
• Opting to order out less
• Accomplishing things unrelated to goals

5 Ways You Can Embrace The Winter Arc In 2025!

1. Get An Adequate Amount Of Rest

We've already dug into sleepmaxxing and it's benefits, so we think this is definitely one of the ways you can optimize your winter arc. Not only does it involve getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night, but there's an emphasis on making sure your bedtime routine and sleep environment are also promoting something positive. This means everything from limiting your screen time before bed to keeping your room cool at night.

Dr. Lane says, "Try to view rest as a choice that's aligned with your values rather than as a sign of laziness. Use this time of year as an opportunity to reconnect with whatever matters most to you, whether that's family, time for self-reflection, etc."

2. Eat A Balanced Breakfast

If this sounds simple, it's because it is. How many times have you skipped breakfast this year only to find yourself with a raging migraine around lunch time? PIedmont Healthcaresuggests that foregoing meals can lead to "low blood sugar," causing us to eat more things that aren't healthy. Even if you're in a hurry, try to at least eat breakfast that includes fruit and fiber.

3. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude journaling is one of the things we love talking about at Brit + Co. It's something we've been relying on when things get rough and it's a good thing because Dr. Lane suggests living in a state of gratitude. "Research shows that taking a few moments to reflect on specific things you are grateful for can have a profound impact on your overall mental health and well-being," she says.

When everyone's talking about everything they've achieved in 2024, she believes "it's easy to have FOMO and/or feel like we aren't doing 'enough,'" but "a daily gratitude practice can shift the focus to what IS going well in your life and help you to be more present with that." How does she suggest you practice gratitude?

• "Write down 3 good things that happened at the end of the day everyday, as well as why those things happened (the WHY is important as it often allows you to give yourself credit for the meaningful/impactful things you've done). You can even extend this more broadly and reflect on good things that happened over the past year and why those things happened."

4. Find Something To Enjoy Everyday

It doesn't take much to find something to be upset about everyday. It actually feels like our brains look for it. But, Dr. Lane wants you to try to retrain your mind so you're not focusing on everything that went went wrong in any given day. "Be mindful of savoring enjoyable parts of your day-to-day-routine. This could include things like savoring a warm cup of tea, walking in nature, or journaling at the start or end of the day." Even if someone cut you off in traffic, your favorite Starbucks order will likely make you forget about the small infraction

5. Set Small, Meaningful Goals

Even though you may be looking to have your shot at having a winter arc, you don't have to set huge goals just because someone else is. "Instead of aiming for big year-end milestones, focus on small, purposeful actions that are aligned with your values, like 'spend 10 minutes in silence' or 'call someone who brings me joy,'" Dr. Lane encourages. As far as we see it, achieving goals that matter to you means you've probably already been having a winter arc without naming it.

The official winter arc challenge timeline is almost over, and I have FOMO!

Okay, take a deep breath. You're not behind because you've never heard of this trend and feel like you're missing out on something. "As a psychologist who specializes in burnout, I have often seen firsthand the negative impacts that our self-improvement culture can have on people's overall well-being," states Dr. Lane.

From her POV, ignoring the winter arc trend may be better for you because it's a way of "protecting your energy." The call to move away from hustle culture is real with Dr. Lane saying the winter arc "can pressure people into unnecessary busyness, draining energy that could be better spent resting or connecting with loved ones."

Also, it's possible that you're not 100% on board with the winter arc trend. "What works for others may not align with your personal priorities or values — and that's okay," she adds. In this day and age, she feels "it can be empowering to decide what truly serves you versus going along with a popular trend."

If you don't feel energized right now, you don't have to pretend you're in the mood to improve yourself weeks before the new year arrives. According to Dr. Lane, "Winter is a natural time for reflection, restoration, and stillness." While you shouldn't be telling yourself that you'll rest when you're dead, she's adamant about you getting as much rest as you need."Rest isn't just an option — it's essential for overall well-being and entering the new year with clarity."

Should you feel anxious about missing the majority of the winter arc's timeline, here's what Dr. Lane says you can do:

• Try Breathwork: Simple techniques like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) can calm the nervous system in just a few minutes.
• Engage the Senses: Use grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste). These can bring you back to the present moment.
• Prioritize Restorative Routines: Focus on activities that recharge your system, like consistent sleep, gentle movement, time outdoors, or unplugging from screens in the evening.
• Set Boundaries: There are so many demands and expectations on our time, attention, and energy this time of year - both from the outside world and from ourselves. I recommend being intentional around your boundaries for this time of year and even writing them down. This could include things like the amount of time you'll stay at certain social events, events/requests that you will plan to say "no" to, etc. Planning these things in advance can help you feel more empowered to stick to the plan if/when these things come up
• Reflect Without Judgment: Instead of dwelling on what didn’t go as planned this year, acknowledge the lessons learned and focus on what you did achieve or overcome.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize the small joys or successes from the year—whether it’s navigating a tough season, prioritizing self-care, or simply making it through.

1. What to say if your romantic partner makes you question whether you saw inappropriate texts on their phone

If I had things my way, gaslighting would be outlawed. Unfortunately, some people just can't seem to take responsibility for their actions, and they really love to make it everyone else's problem. Even more infuriatingly, it can appear in romantic relationships when one person is caught doing something that breaches the trust between them and their partner.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend spins a tale that makes you question what you’re sure you saw, try not to panic. Instead, take a page from Beaupre’s book. She suggests saying, “I’ll stand by what I know is true. If we need to agree to disagree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to let this change what I know or how I feel.”

She says doing this “shows them you’re not going to be swayed or pulled into their ‘game.’” It also helps “keep you grounded and firm, making it clear that their gaslighting isn’t going to work.” The more you stand your ground, the more someone is “less likely to continue trying to manipulate/control you,” according to her.

2. What to say when a friend keeps lying about their accomplishments

This is a tricky one because you probably know one of your friends likes to embellish the truth a bit. It’s one of the things that used to be funny because they could always come up with a story on the spot. But, it can be confusing if you notice your friend tends to lie about something they’ve accomplished. Just don’t think you have to go out of your way to expose them though.

Beaupre says, “If it’s not harming anyone, sometimes it’s okay to leave it alone because, eventually, the truth will catch up to them anyway, and they will learn their lesson on their own.” But she says if you notice “their lies are causing major problems or hurting others,” speak up “gently.”

“You can ask them why they feel the need to lie, and if there’s something they’re struggling with that they might want to talk about,” she continues. Her suggestion is to say, “I’ve noticed that sometimes, you say things that don’t really add up, and I’m just wondering if there’s a reason. Is everything okay?”

3. What to say when someone complains about you setting boundaries

If there’s one thing a narcissist can’t stand, it’s boundaries. If you know someone who has a tendency to overreact when you set them, Beaupre knows what you can say to them. “I’m not okay with how you’re reacting. If you can’t respect my limit, then I’m going to have to take a step back and distance myself,” she suggests.

She feels “this makes it clear that you’re serious about your boundaries.” Also, it signals that you “won’t let their reaction change what you need to feel respected, safe and secure.”

4. What to say if someone utters "I love you" after a few weeks of dating

If only some of us would’ve asked this question during some of our prior relationships, we may have avoided unnecessary heartbreak. Should you find yourself faced with someone’s eager declarations of love early on, Beaupre wants you to “to be honest about how you feel and not feel pressured to say it back if you’re not ready.”

5. What to say when someone makes light of something or someone you're grieving

This reminds us of one of the relationship red flags we recently dug into. We know why people say passive-aggressive things, but it's still painful no matter what the situation is. In the case of grieving, it's a hard no for us. Beaupre says, “In times like this, when you’re going through a lot of heavy emotions, it’s important to set a boundary for your peace.”

If you feel yourself questioning whether your feelings are valid, Beaupre says not to do that. "Don't let others downplay/dismiss what you’re feeling or going through, especially if it's something that's really taking a toll on you." What she urges you to say is, "I know you may not fully understand, but this is really important to me, and I need you to respect that.” In her opinion, it's a way of letting that person "know you're serious about protecting your emotional space without being confrontational."

And if they're still being a grade-A jerk about it? It may be time to limit the time you spend with them.

6. What to say if someone uses 'jokes' to constantly critique your appearance

We think laughter is good for the soul, but not at the expense of hurting other people's feelings. This means no one should have the luxury of repeatedly commenting about the way you present yourself. Beaupre says, "If the way you look, what you’re wearing or how you speak isn’t hurting anyone, they really shouldn’t be commenting on it." Should you notice this unfortunate pattern in someone close to you, it's time to address it.

Beaupre wants you to try saying, "I’m fine with how I look and speak. You can let me know if there's a problem, but please don’t make me feel bad about it." That way, you can "set a clear limit about what you won't tolerate," according to her. She believes it's also a "chance to share any concerns without crossing into criticism or bullying."

Still, someone who refuses to stop disguising their obvious issues with you as harmless 'jokes' isn't someone who deserves a long-term spot in your life.

Iris life changes forever when she meets Arthur in Los Angeles.

The premise of The Holiday movie is pretty simple: Iris and Amanda swap homes for two weeks over Christmas to avoid their disastrous love lives, unknowingly agreeing to an adventure that ultimately changes them — and their love lives — forever. (Oh what I wouldn't give to hop on a plane to Europe to avoid boys. What a dream). When she lands in Los Angeles, Iris is totally overwhelmed by Amanda's gorgeous home, the DVD setup, and gigantic bed, but the aspect of her holiday that really shines is her ability to connect with people.

We see Iris learn all of the gardeners' names (as well as the mailman's) barely a week after arriving, and when she notices Amanda's elderly neighbor Arthur walking alone, she immediately pulls over to help him find his house. (Also, sidebar: this scene always terrifies me because why is Arthur in the middle of the street?! Why aren't you on a side walk, A?!).

Iris helps Arthur home and takes a look around his living room (which boasts at least one Emmy and Academy Award each) before inviting him to have dinner with her and boom! The greatest relationship in the movie is born.

Arthur empowers Iris to be "the leading lady in her own life."

These two become fast friends, as Iris confides in him about her disastrous love life that very same night, and he offers her a beautiful piece of advice about acting like "the leading lady in your own life" (remember folks, this was decades before main character energy). Iris also reminds him just how much of a role he played in Hollywood by helping him prep for his Writers Guild of America gala with strength training so he can climb the stairs without his walker.

So though it's not romantic, Iris and Arthur's relationship is the true love story of The Holiday because of how much love and confidence they offer each other. Neither of them expect anything in return — they just enjoy being together.

And Iris gives Arthur his confidence back too!

Soon, it's time to head off to the WGA gala, and Arthur gives Iris a corsage, apologizing if it's corny or doesn't match her outfit. Iris declares she's "looking for corny," and it's such a small moment that really illustrates that the way they've empowered each other has changed their lives forever.

Iris helps Arthur feel sure of himself again, while Arthur's encouragement helps Iris find her power...and kick her ex Jasper out of her life forever! (Plus Arthur definitely picks up on the vibes between Iris and Miles during their Hanukkah dinner party. The ultimate wingman!).

When Iris and Arthur arrive at the WGA gala, and a sold-out crowd gives Arthur a standing ovation, it's clear he wasn't expecting so many people to care about his work. And in his overwhelming shock, he has Iris to lean on. Iris and Arthur don't only care about each other, they depend on each other, and their trust, love, and understanding is just the cherry on top. And sorry Jude Law, but I'll take that over romance any day.