Learning how to get over a crush can be equal parts soul-crushing and infuriating because you've likely spent months daydreaming about someone. You probably graduated from thinking about the first unofficial meet cute you had with your crush to planning the day you introduce them to your parents. Maybe you even threw in a few — clears throat — moments that rival some of those Bridgerton scenes that you've memorized.
No matter where how unfiltered your romantic thoughts about a former crush were, getting over them hurts and can be really hard. But, there's hope for the love torn person who's struggling to move on!
Trauma informed psychotherapist Star Rose Bond, LCSW has extensive knowledge about how to navigate tough moments in life without any snarky comments. Specializing in PTSD, she's a PEARL clinical supervisor and Co-Founder and CEO of Life Camp who has more than 15 years of experience. Here's what she suggests for getting over a crush.
What are the giveaway signs that someone has a crush on another person?
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We've all been with our friends when someone's words seems to get caught in their throat when an attractive person walks by. It could be someone everyone knows, or the bartender at the buzzy new spot that just opened up near you. Crushes could be anyone, and though you may know your friend like the back of your hand, it's not always easy to pinpoint if they have a crush on someone if they haven't verbally said anything. But Bond says there's a few ways you can tell.
"People pay more attention to the person they have a crush on, often seeking opportunities to be around them. They may feel nervous or anxious in the presence of their crush, sometimes resulting in awkward behavior." she says. This can look like babbling in a conversation or making a self-depreciating joke that confuses their crush.
She also says, "A person will frequently compliment their crush and try to make them feel good about themselves." This can look like paying attention to that person's life, hobbies, and opinions. "They often initiate conversations, text messages, or social media interactions," Bond says.
One behavior that's completely obvious is seeing someone exhibit "signs of jealousy if they see their crush with someone else," adds Bond.
Can it be distracting to have a crush?
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If you happen to have a crush on someone, you may find it odd that your friends have pointed out how often you talk about your crush. A small part of you could even ask yourself, "Is having a crush on this person becoming a distraction?"
Bond says, "Yes, having a crush can be very distracting. It can preoccupy a person’s thoughts, making it hard to focus on tasks at hand, whether it’s work, school, or other responsibilities."
Whether you can't get that person off your mind because you're imagining scenarios with your crush or wondering if they feel the same way you do, you could run the risk of temporarily forgetting reality.
"Managing these distractions is important to maintain productivity and well-being," Bond suggests.
Is it possible to have a crush on multiple people?
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I know we talk about twin flames and the invisible string theory, but Bond says it's possible to have a crush on multiple people at once.
"Crushes are often based on admiration, attraction, or emotional connection, and it’s normal for someone to experience these feelings towards more than one person at a time. However, the intensity and nature of each crush can vary," she shares.
The best example I have is someone who has a list of celebrity crushes. They can think everyone from Chris Evans to Timothée Chalamet is hot, but that doesn't mean they necessarily value one over the other.
Do you think people are supposed to date their crushes?
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This question is subjective because no one can really tell you that you shouldn't try to pursue a relationship with your crush. "Whether someone should date their crush depends on various factors, including mutual interest, compatibility, and timing," says Bond.
I know I'm incredibly glad that a lot of my crushes didn't lead anywhere because I later found out they weren't someone I truly wanted to be in a long-term relationship with.
Bond says, "While dating a crush can lead to a fulfilling relationship, it’s important to assess if both parties share similar values and goals. It’s also crucial to ensure that the feelings are reciprocated and that both individuals are ready for a relationship."
How can a person navigate being rejected by their crush?
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Being rejected by a crush can feel like a gut punch if you've been thinking about them on a daily basis. I'd be lying if I said that I've never experienced rejection — it can feel humiliating — so I understand if things feel shattered because your crush isn't interested in pursuing something romantic.
Bond says, "Navigating rejection can be challenging, but it’s important for emotional well-being." She wants you to keep the following in mind:
- Allow yourself to feel and process the emotions that come with rejection.
- Focus on activities that make you happy and help you relax.
- Maintain a positive outlook and remind yourself that rejection is a part of life and not a reflection of your worth.
It's not the end of the world if your crush doesn't like you. It usually won't matter years from now!
If a person realizes their crush isn't the person they thought they were, how can they start getting over them?
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I briefly mentioned this early, but sometimes it's you who ends up rejecting your feelings about a crush. They could do several things that are on your 'ick' list, reminding you that crushes don't have to become more than that. But, how do you even get over the fact you romantically liked someone?
Bond says there are several steps you can take. They look like:
- Accept that the person may not meet your expectations or ideals.
- Limit contact and interactions with the person to reduce emotional attachment.
- Engage in hobbies, activities, and self-improvement to shift focus away from the crush.
- Talk to friends or a therapist about your feelings and get support.
- Reflect on what you truly want in a relationship and how this person may not align with those values.
What would you say to someone who feels it's impossible to fully get over an ex?
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And if your ex happened to be the crush that you successfully entered into a relationship with? Well, the rules still apply. You have to give yourself time and understand that you can't rush the healing process.
Bond says, "Healing from a breakup takes time, and it’s okay to feel like it’s a long process. Allow yourself to feel and process all emotions related to the breakup without judgment."
She still wants you to find new activities and experiences to focus on because you'll like create positive memories that have nothing to do with your ex or former crush.
By focusing on personal growth and seeking support, it is possible to move forward and find happiness beyond a past relationship.
While you're learning how to get over a crush, here's over 10 self improvement books that'll help you focus on growing as a person.
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