How to Get Your Resume Past Screening Software and in Front of Human Eyes

Technology is pretty much taking over our lives — whether that’s a good or bad thing is still TBD. Need help finding the perfect foundation? No problem; there’s an app that will custom-blend a hue for you. Can’t seem to stay adequately hydrated? The slew of smart water bottles on the market has you covered. Over your chores? Amazon gadgets can help get the job done. Even hiring managers are using tech to make their work easier and more efficient, and automated vetting processes are becoming an increasingly common means of evaluating job applicants. Fortunately, there are ways to outsmart this computer software and score yourself an in-person interview. Allie Kelly, vice president of marketing at recruiting software industry leader JazzHR, gives us the secrets to success.

What exactly are job applicants up against? “Resume parsing is an HR technology used to streamline the resume review process,” Kelly explains. And it’s highly individualized by company and position: Hiring managers dictate which criteria are necessary — think education requirements, professional certifications, and even specific soft skills. They can also incorporate “knockout” questions or assessments into the application to narrow down the talent pool, with typical questions pertaining to things like availability or second language skills. The application then scans through applications in search of the desired qualifications and characteristics, and anyone missing the specified requirements will be rejected before a human eyeball ever approaches their resume. It might seem a little harsh, but it can save hours of time for hiring managers, who even at small or mid-size companies often receive 65 or more applications per position.

This software is what Kelly calls “industry agnostic,” meaning all sorts of organizations have begun implementing this methodology. Although the high-tech industry is one of its main users, automated vetting processes aren’t reserved exclusively for technical positions like coders and computer engineers. Kelly says the manufacturing, construction, life sciences, and health care industries are adopting this technology too, and it’s likely other industries will follow. Whatever your profession, you could come into contact with this technology — and sooner rather than later.

To maximize your chances of passing the checks, Kelly recommends modifying your resume for each application. It’s a pain, but the payoff is worth it. “Not every job description is written the same across industries, and not every organization is looking for a cookie-cutter set of skills,” she says. “It’s important to do your research on the role you’re applying to so you know what skills you should be well-versed in and what’s important to be successful in the future.” By tailoring your resume to each particular position, you increase your chances of including the keywords the organization is looking for on your application.

Besides the content of what you submit, how it’s presented can be equally important for getting yourself in the door. Kelly suggests always using a standard file format for your resume and application, such as a Word document or, even better, a PDF. She also says the more straightforward your layout, the better. “Formatting should always be simple,” Kelly advises. “Having too many elements or a fully designed resume could easily disqualify you.” And avoid using acronyms in isolation. Even if an acronym is standard in an industry, you’ll want to spell out any necessary shorthand — you never know what the hiring manager listed as a keyword.

Lastly, ensure your LinkedIn account is kept up to date. The “Apply on LinkedIn” option is becoming more popular, which means that in many cases your profile acts as a stand-in resume. “This could be the only overview of your professional background your potential employer may receive,” Kelly cautions. To make the best possible impression, ensure your profile is detailed, accurate and, most importantly, current. The more you sell yourself, the more likely it is that your next stop will be the in-person interview you deserve.

How are you optimizing your applications to pass automated vetting processes? Let us know @BritandCo.

(Photos via Getty)

Landing your dream job after crying over bowls of ice cream and a few cocktails feels like hitting the fulfillment lottery. Suddenly, those many nights spent wondering if your career goals would ever materialize seem like a thing of the past. I sympathize with you because I've been there and know what how it feels to wonder if your dreams will ever come true.

I'm also the first to let you know it's possible to give too much to your dream job because you're excited and think, "Doing what I love will never feel like work." Easy misconception aside, you'll hit a home run that leads right into a burnout hole.

How do you avoid getting burnt out from your dream job? Just refer to life and career coach Sally Anne Carroll, PCC of Whole Life Strategies!

What makes landing a dream job so exciting?

Alexander Suhorucov/Pexels

The moment you go from thinking about your dream job to actually landing it feels euphoric. You feel a mixture of "I FINALLY did it" and "I can't wait to get started" because you've wanted it for so long. Carroll offers a better explanation though.

"A dream job is often one that marries our strengths, values, and interests — so it feels meaningful and purposeful as well as presenting opportunities to grow and develop in ways that feel exciting," she says.

This doesn't mean all dream jobs are created equal. Carroll says, "Everyone’s definition of a dream job is a little different, but the idea of showing up every day to do work that feels personally impactful, challenging and fulfilling is really motivating for many of us."

What are some harmful ways people approach daily tasks within their dream role?

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I'm ambitious which isn't bad, but I've been known to be so laser-focused that I forget to take care of my basic needs. It's my way of trying to convince myself that I have to accomplish 2-3 things on my to-do list before giving something else my attention.

"It’s natural to want to succeed in a dream role, but there can be a number of pitfalls to watch out for as you try to prove yourself in the role and work at a demanding pace. It’s just as important to manage your energy and your workload as it is to manage your time," Carroll reminds.

Here's some of the harmful things she says you can do without realizing:

  • Piling too much on your plate each day without a coherent plan to focus and prioritize on priorities
  • Always saying yes to additional workload or meetings without assessing your other commitments
  • Working too many hours, especially without breaks or adequate downtime to recharge, or feeling a need to be “on” 24-7
  • Placing your work to-do list ahead of your self care, sleep or other needs
  • Not communicating clearly about expectations, demands, feedback and needs with managers and co-workers

How can people recognize when they're overexerting themselves at work?

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I'm beginning to think a lot of us are more introspective than we let on, but we may need help figuring out how to redirect ourselves. Carroll says, "Most clients I have worked with know on some level that they’re overdoing it. They feel the stress, and they may know that they need help in coping with it in healthier ways. But they often haven’t figured out how to unwind the situation that’s been created."

She suggests practicing self-reflection, priority and boundary setting, and often, self compassion and grace for yourself. I probably sound like a broken record, but I wholeheartedly believe we could be kinder to ourselves. Sometimes we place so much expectations on ourselves based on what society, family, or even our friends think.

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Carroll says, "Burnout isn’t always a situation of overexertion, however. Sometimes it’s a mismatch between the role and our values, ethics or needs, or toxic workplace situations that can feed burnout as well. And in those cases, you might not recognize it at first."

Unfortunately, toxic workplaces are far more common than any of us like and can add to the stress we place on ourselves to perform our duties well. This can cause us to lose sight of what's truly important to us at our core. Carroll says, "It’s important to identify your core stressors so that you can address those. Burnout is not always about being busy."

What are signs someone is experience burnout?

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Knowing that doesn't mean you're still able to understand if you're experiencing burnout or not though. "Burnout can look many ways — you might find yourself feeling stressed more often or less able to deal with your stressors," Carroll says. "There may be tiredness leading to exhaustion, brain fog, not thinking clearly, or a feeling of running on fumes."

That's always my first sign that I'm feeling burned out. I prioritize sleep because it helps me function the way I'm supposed to, but being sleepy is different from feeling tired on a soul level. There have been times where my alarm has gone off in the morning before work and it feels like I have to drag myself out of bed.

Another indicator that could be experiencing burnout is by losing enthusiasm at your dream job. "You might also be losing interest in the work, feeling like you can’t keep up or that the effort is futile. Often I hear 'I just don’t feel like myself. I’m not usually like this,'" Carroll says.

What happens when burnout completely overwhelms someone even if they love their job?

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This is the part that makes working at your dream job so difficult IMO. I've talked to people who love what they do, but can't find the motivation to keep performing at the high level everyone expects them to.

"Being in full burnout is a physical and mental crisis point. You may feel depressed, lost, numb, exhausted. Your physical and mental health suffers, as well as your joy and often this has an impact on your wider relationships," Carroll indicates.

There's nothing worse than snapping at the people you love because you're stressed and don't know how to communicate that it's because of your dream job. It can take a lot to admit things are tough because you may not want to feel like you're complaining about something you've always wanted.

How can someone have a healthy relationship with work while prioritizing their mental health?

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Burnout is real, it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. One of The Sims 4 characters I was playing developed the 'workaholic' trait and it got to the point where even she came home with the burnout moodlet.

She only had 24 hours to change it before it started affecting the quality of her work so I had to find ways to help her relax. The only thing that truly helped was taking PTO and allowing her to unwind at a spa, spend time with her loved ones, and indulge in hobbies that had nothing to do with work. Eventually, I helped her get rid of the workaholic trait because it was causing more harm than good.

Though that's a simulation game, I can imagine this happens to people. We have to decide we're willing to change how we approach our dream jobs so we're able to still function in our daily lives.

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Carroll says, "Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries — with ourselves and with others — is a key point. Even when it’s your dream job, even when it’s demanding, your work is still one part of the larger picture of your life. Start with what is firmly in your control and make changes there first — there may be workplace changes to consider, but that comes second."

She says this can look like:

  • Placing limits on working after hours
  • Setting technology boundaries
  • Being transparent about workload and priorities
  • Learning to say no
  • Reorganizing or blocking out parts of your schedule and potentially initiating new conversations with your leaders and colleagues where needed

What emotions might someone feel if they realize their dream job isn't what they expected?

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It's disappointing when certain things we thought we wanted aren't what we need or even like. It doesn't matter whether we're learning how to get over a crush or feel like our dream job has become a nightmare.

"When our dream job turns out to be less a dream than expected, it’s natural to feel disappointed, sad, disillusioned or even grief. Depending on the situation, there may be resentment and anger as well if the job was misrepresented, or self doubt and questioning yourself and your decisions," Carroll says.

It doesn't always feel good, but letting yourself feel whatever emotion or thought comes up will help you get through the breakdown of having a dream job that's not what you expected it to be. Carroll says, "It’s important that you allow yourself time and space to understand what you’re feeling and to process that before deciding what to do next. There may be ways to job craft a more fulfilling experience, or you might decide to look at alternatives."

How can someone pivot towards something different if they want to leave their dream job?

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Thinking about stepping away from your dream job in favor of telling burnout to take a hike? This is a judgement-free zone so just know you're able to do that if it makes sense to pivot in a different direction. However, Carroll does advise you to be mindful before making a potentially life-changing decision.

"The first step I always advise clients who want to step away from their role — dream job or not — is to assess the situation from a bigger picture before acting," she says.

  • Take the time to understand what you’ve appreciated most about the role, what you didn’t and what you’re complete with/longing for at this stage of your career. Take stock of what’s most important to you and what is fueling your desire for change.
  • Assess your strengths, skillsets, interests, and career values. A career coach can be a valuable ally to understand how you might you lean into these more as you decide where to pivot.
  • Activate your future by exploring new career roles that build on the foundation you have, but stretch you in the ways you desire and meet your larger life goals. Then do your homework. Go out and explore potential roles through research, networking, job shadowing and interviewing. Testing out your ideas helps you move forward with clarity and confidence before investing in a job search or retraining.

Your dream job doesn't have to end in detriment, but it's still important to know that burnout can happen no matter how much you love what you do. You're not incapable of doing your job just because you get tired and aren't able to do the job of 5 people every single day.

What matters is how well you're able to take care of yourself so you can show up in different areas of your life. And if you still want to give that dream job a chance or step away after you've taken time to catch your breath? That's okay.

Looking for more career advice? Be sure to follow us on Facebook so you never miss a thing!

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When it comes to New Year's Eve celebrations, the first thought that probably springs to mind is boozing it up with an NYE cocktail. And while there's nothing wrong with sipping some bubbly (if that's your inclination), those of us who prefer to keep thingsnon-alc may feel like there are no New Year's-appropriate activities for our preferences. We say that nothing could be further from the truth! Whether you're pregnant, abstaining, or just taking a break from the booze, here are 10 fun ideas for ringing in 2025, the sober way.

Attend A Silent Disco

A few years ago, just as the sober-curious movement was gaining steam, companies like Daybreaker brought 6 a.m. sober dance parties to the masses. In a similar vein are remote silent discos – events where you put your headphones on and dance it out to the music of world-class DJs right in the comfort of your own home (or in person, if you feel like venturing out).

A quick Google search will reveal that there are tons of options to shake it off on New Year's Eve, whether remotely or in-person in your city. Because silent discos have an alternative vibe, they're much more sober-friendly than traditional clubs and dance parties.

Make A Tea Bar

Photo by Jill Wellington / PEXELS

If you've ever been to a party where they had aProsecco bar or something similar, you know how fun themed bars can be. Why not make a NA equivalent with a tea bar? We're not just talking about hot water and tea bags... include exciting staples like bubble tea, kombucha, Southern-style sweet iced tea, and more!

Do A Goal-Setting Ritual

Brit + Co

Not in the mood to party this year? Celebrate the New Year with some introspection by doing a goal-setting ritual. You can design the ritual in whatever manner you like, but we recommend something along the lines of:

  • Light a candle and sit quietly for a few minutes.
  • Whip out your journal and take inventory of the last year: What were your best memories? What are you grateful for? Where do you think you could've improved?
  • In your journal (we have some killer prompts to start you off), mindfully list out your goals for 2025. They don't have to be New Year's resolutions, exactly, but include small steps you can take in the new year to help you achieve your goals!

Make A 2025 Scrapbook

Brit + Co

Before New Year's Eve, head to your local craft store and pick up some supplies for making an old-fashioned scrapbook. Print out some photos from your most treasured memories of the year (we like printing with Walgreens), and gather any magazines you purchased or journal entries you wrote.

You can also look up some news headlines that made an impact on you, and print out the article as well as photos of any notable celebs or politicians who made the news. On New Year's eve, put together a scrapbook of what made 2024, 2024.

Good, bad, or otherwise, the year was one to remember — so create a momento that will help you re-live the past year in the years to come.

Plan A Costume Party

Brit + Co

Believe it or not, masquerade balls, dressing up in costumes, and concealing one's identity have a long history in the historical celebrations of Christmastime. So we think a New Year's costume party is a fully appropriate idea for a sober New Year's Eve.

Who needs booze to have fun when you can dress up as whoever you want for a night of merriment and mystery?

Karaoke It Up

Photo by Mikhail Nilov / PEXELS

Another fun party pastime that's fun with or without booze? Singing! Grab some friends for a sober karaoke night either at your house or a private karaoke room. The singing's bound to be better than it would be if you were imbibing... who knows, maybe you'll steal the show with your rendition of "I'm Just Ken."

Cook A Fancy Meal

Whether you're spending the evening with your S/O or your BFF, cook a fancydinner for two. New Year's Eve is the perfect time to get fancy with food, so use this opportunity to ring in 2025 with only the finest cuisine. Don't forget to make a mocktail to go with!

Host A Game Night

Brit + Co

Bring all your besties over and host a board game night that's sure to be one for the books. Have everyone bring their favorite game – from Cards Against Humanity to Codenames – for a riotous evening that will remind you that you absolutely don't need booze to have a rowdy night of laughter!

Play 2024 Trivia

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Before New Year's Eve, compile a long list of trivia questions about 2024. Alternatively, have a friend do it for you, or do a quick Google search... there are a lot of trivia quizzes out there. On the big night, gather your squad together to see how much you remember about 2024. The results may surprise you!

Host A Murder-Mystery Dinner

Image via Amazon

Murder-mystery dinners are still one of the best ways to facilitate a heart-racing and mind-boggling party. Pick up one of the many murder mystery dinner kits out there and have your besties over for a night of thinking on your toes — to be fair, it's probably best to skip the booze for this idea anyway, for the sake of your mental acuity.

Are you planning a sober New Year's Eve party this year? Tweet us @BritandCo to share your plans, and don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more booze-free hacks and party ideas!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations. This post has been updated.

Over the past few decades, Carrie Bradshaw became famous for her sense of style and her illustrious dating life, but her career? Not so much. Carrie's career never got the love and recognition it deserved, despite the fact that when most Gen X and millennial women think of New York writers, an image of Carrie at her laptop comes to mind.

Gone are the days where college grads would get their first job, rise the corporate ranks, and stay for half a decade (or more) — only to pivot to an adjacent company and continue their safe, yet predictable career paths. For better or worse, the job market has changed, and the trajectory of our collective careers have changed along with it.

As a fellow blonde New Yorker with an unconventional career path, I've always admired Carrie's professional pursuits. Watching (and rewatching) Sex and the City gives me so many sage pieces of advice that remain invaluable as I pave my own way, whether that was the writers' intention or not. Keep reading for the job and career advice from Carrie Bradshaw that every recent grad and corporate girly should read.

Careers are not linear, and that's OK!

Max

Rather than feeling like a failure for not living up to our parents’ outdated idea of success, I’ve taken some wisdom from Carrie, who had this all figured out back in the '90s. She started as a columnist for a newspaper, then authored several successful books, before becoming a podcast host. In between, she also wrote for Vogue and headlined a speaker series on dating in New York City.

The moral of the story? It’s OK to change directions and to switch up your path if what you’ve been doing no longer brings you joy (or, if the industry shifts and you need to pay rent). You don’t need to cling to a decision just because you spent a long time making it.

You can make the freelance & gig economy work for you.

HBO

Carrie was a freelance writer before it was cool, but she was also an early adapter to the gig economy (see: all those Learning Annex lessons). Manhattan is expensive, and when I was laid off at the start of the pandemic, I turned to freelance work to make ends meet. I had to get really scrappy and learn some new skills on the fly, but like Carrie, it all worked out in the end (and I had some cash left over for shoes, too!)

Fake it 'til you make it!

Max

Sure, Carrie is a member of the press, but she’s a sex columnist at a D-list publication. No shade to a fellow writer, but I love how Carrie didn’t let this stand in her way. She attended fashion week and befriended Vogue editors and talked up her accomplishments enough to get into any door she wanted (except for that LA premiere, but we'll forgive it). One thing I’ve learned is that you’re your own best advocate, and no one else is going to do the work for you — it’s up to you to make things happen for yourself.

Know your worth, and don't settle for less.

HBO

When Carrie decided to buy her condo, but she didn't have enough cash saved (a different story for a different day), she proclaimed that she was offered "$4 a word at Vogue — most people get $2." Now, even in the '90s/early millennium this was seriously delulu, but Carrie believed in herself, went after what she wanted, and earned what she was worth. In-universe, this is double what the average Vogue writer was earning, which is a major win.

Don't let the fear of making a mistake stop you from thinking big and taking calculated risks!

HBO

When Carrie is approached to write a book based on her column, she's in shock and even considers turning down the opportunity. She decides to take a meeting, but it doesn't go well and she questions whether she should be writing a book at all. Luckily, Carrie pushes through these moments of self-doubt and completes her book, which becomes a huge success and the first of many. The lesson here is that self-doubt is normal, but letting those thoughts take over will hold you back from your full potential.

Remember to trust the process, because good things won't happen overnight!

Max

One of my favorite things about Carrie is that she's a flawed character and forever a work-in-progress, from her love life to her career path. When we first meet Carrie, she's writing a weekly column for a local newspaper. We see her writing the column every day (for six seasons!), which may seem insignificant, but she's laying the groundwork and putting in the hours for her next career move, whatever that may be. Little by little, we see Carrie start to take on bigger projects, and she ends the series as a Vogue writer, a best-selling author, and a highly respected figure in NYC society. TV and movies can present success as an overnight sensation, but in real life — and in Carrie's case — it's more often a marathon than a sprint. Remember to give yourself grace and trust the process.

Looking for more career advice? Sex and the City? Whatever you need, be sure to follow us Facebook!

Header image via HBO

As fun as Trader Joe’s snacks and desserts are, there’s one aisle you definitely should not skip – and that’s their plant section. Trader Joe’s is constantly stocking up on blooms like orchids and monsteras, all of which are easy to take care of once they make it home from the store.

Any houseplant lover knows the easiest of all easy houseplants is the famed pothos. I can water mine (I have about 5 pothos plants) once every two weeks, and they will. not. die. Right now, Trader Joe’s is selling pothos for cheap – but not just any pothos. They currently come along with a stunning hanging pot that you’ll instantly want to put up in your home.

Scroll on to discover more about this unique Trader Joe’s plant find!

@traderjoesobsessed

That’s right – Trader Joe’s shelves now include disco ball hanging planters. I repeat: disco ball hanging planters! The sphere-shaped pot is covered in reflective disco tiles that’ll certainly make your living room feel like a dance club. The best part is that pothos plants naturally look amazing when they’re grown hanging, so you can watch this baby flourish all year long.

@traderjoesobsessed

TJ’s fan account @traderjoesobsessed recently spotted the disco ball hanging planters at their local Trader Joe’s and shared the new find with their Instagram followers. Tons of them chimed in about their excitement for the product in the comments!

“I need this now😍,” one person commented.

“The way I gasped when I saw this 😍🪩,” another said.

“I bought one today and totally love it👍,” someone else commented.

“I suddenly need to buy more plants,” one more person wrote.

Several shoppers in the comment section noted that they were able to track down the disco ball hanging planters pretty easily, while others reported that they haven’t seen them in their stores quite yet. This is your sign to keep an eye out on your next TJ’s trip!

Reddit

@traderjoesobsessed reports that the disco ball hanging planters go for $12.99 in stores. Their affordable price makes them such a great gift for yourself or a loved one, plus the sparkles on the disco ball are perfect for livening up your space for a New Year’s refresh.

Run to TJ’s soon – I know I will!

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By now, you may be able to recognize signs of gaslighting or other toxicbehaviors, but do you know how to take everything you've learned and become a super compatible couple? According to experts, there are a few key things super compatible couples rarely argue about — even with whatever faults each person brings to the relationship table. While the topics these couples avoid may not surprise you, the reason why they're able to avoid them might. But first, let's talk about what makes couples more compatible than others.

Dr. Brooke Keels, Ph.D., LPC-MHSP, LPC-Supervisor, Chief Clinical Officer at Lighthouse Recovery, has this to say: "Couples are compatible when they share similar values, goals, and know the best way to communicate with each other." Notice she didn't say these couples are just alike.

More so, she explains that "it's about how well they handle differences, whether they can support each other through tough times, and how they connect emotionally." Dr. Keels adds, "when there’s respect, trust, and a good balance of give-and-take between them?" Dr. Keels believes this gives couples a better chance "to be in sync."

Scroll down to see the topics you'll rarely hear compatible couples arguing about!

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1. Long-term goals like marriage aren't often a cause for concern.

Have you ever dated someone that made you wonder what you saw in them once you pay attention to certain red flags? You may have found yourself arguing with them about everything from religion to reproductive health, leaving you feeling dizzy afterwards. But Dr. Keels says compatible couples are more likely to be aligned on "whether they want the same things out of life."

Her examples include:

  • Relocating for careers
  • Family planning
  • Finding somewhere to settle down in general (i.e. apartment, condo, different state, close to family, etc.,)

"This common ground lessens the chance of fighting over these big topics," Dr. Keels reiterates.

Vlada Karpovich

2. There's a lesser chance arguments about weekend activities occur.

We're no strangers to indecisive moments where we couldn't agree about what to do on the weekends with our partners, but Dr. Keels says compatible couples don't always run into this issue. "When you enjoy similar activities or have overlapping hobbies, you're more like to find ways to unwind together, rather than feeling disconnected or frustrated by each other's choices," she adds.

While it varies from couple to couple, you and your partner may enjoy the following:

  • Buying tickets to watch the latest college basketball or football game
  • Going to a 'Paint and Sip' class for fun
  • Having a mini outdoor picnic
  • Visiting a national park if it's on your couple's bucket list
  • Spending a day at a local arcade

The possibilities are endless, but all that matters is that "this mutual understanding makes spending time together feel natural and fun," according to Dr. Keels.

Mikhail Nilov

3. Communication styles aren't causing a daily disruption.

Some people have a more direct way of communicating while others may be passive or even passive-aggressive. Less arguments aren't happening because compatible couples communicate the same however. "When they both understand each other's communication style — whether it's direct or more subtle — it helps avoid misunderstandings and frustration."

Here's a couple of examples:

  • If you're having a bad day that has nothing to do with your partner, they don't take it personal when you prefer some alone time.
  • If your partner says something they perceived to be a joke, but you didn't, you're less likely to immediately accuse them of being insensitive. Instead, there's a higher chance of asking what they mean by something and expressing why you didn't like it instead of arguing.

Compatible couples "know how to express their feelings and needs in a way that the other person can easily understand" which makes "it easier to resolve issues calmly," according to Dr. Keels.

Alex Green

Are couples better (or more compatible) because they don't have a lot of arguments?

Well, no. That's actually a stretch because everyone has arguments. "Even compatible couples can argue about everyday things like chores or schedules. No matter how well they get along or how "in sync" they are, little annoyances can still pop up here and there, and cause some tension between them," Dr. Keels shares. "The difference," she points out, "is that they're usually better at handling these moments and keeping them from turning into bigger problems."

The other thing she's seen couples argue about is money. "It's such a common stress point because everyone has different habits and priorities when it comes to spending or saving," she says. But, guess what? "Compatible couples tend to approach the conversation with more understanding and a willingness to find a compromise," she continues.

If you feel like you and your partner aren't on the same page, it may not be time to break up just yet. We've learned that that it can take time to effectively communicate with a romantic partner or understand them. Compatibility is great, but it's not an indicator that a relationship will be smooth sailing!

Keira Burton

How can I have healthier disagreements with my partner?

Like we said, getting to a point where you and your partner aren't consistently hurting each other's feelings during disagreements takes time as well as skill. No one's born knowing all the answers so don't think your relationship is over because you're still figuring things out.

Dr. Keels says one way you and your partner can work on the kind of disagreements you're having is by "knowing how to communicate/compromise." Look, we heard your sigh and know it's probably the antithesis of how you feel. We struggled with compromising, but you don't get far in life thinking that everyone else has to bend to your will all the time.

"Even if they don’t see eye to eye all the time, healthy couples listen to each other's perspectives, and look for solutions that work for both of them. It’s not about 'winning' the argument and getting to say who's right, but finding common ground so they can move forward together," adds Dr. Keels.

SHVETS production

Also, "staying respectful event when things get heated or when you're upset" is a way to have a productive arguments, according to Dr. Keels. What happens is that "healthy couples avoid yelling or saying hurting things during disagreements," she says. This means no cursing or raising voices to the point your next door neighbors feel they have to call the police to do a wellness check on you.

"Instead, they just focus on the real problem and stay calm, which helps them work through the issue without hurting each other and the relationship," Dr. Keels says. And in the event you and your partner can't find common ground in a given moment? She highly suggests you "take breaks or pause when things get too heated."

Couples who do this "know when to step away and cool off before continuing the conversation," she adds. There are times where it's difficult to have a proper conversation when you're anxious or angry, so it's always better to revisit the topic.

Dr. Keels agrees and says, "This gives them a chance to cool down first so they can properly think things through, and think of a solution that works for both of them without saying anything they might regret."

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