How to Make Meaningful Small Talk

Jennifer Chen
Nov 12, 2017

Chatting with strangers is an everyday part of being an adult, whether you’re at a networking event, a friend’s birthday party, or your day job. If you’re an extrovert, the new convos might be just what you need. But if you hate the very idea of small talk, it’s important to find ways to manage social events with ease and recharge after a hectic holiday season to reduce your stress. We chatted with author Vanessa Van Edwards, who runs a human behavior lab called The Science of People, about how we can all learn to better navigate social situations. Her book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, delves even deeper into the idea of how to use science to better understand human behavior.

1. Record yourself. In a blog post on vocal power, Van Edwards shares research showing that people judge how trustworthy or dominant you are within seconds of hearing your voice. As Van Edwards points out, “We focus on the script of our conversations or pitches, but we forget the how. When you master your conversational voice, people want to hear what you have to say.” Her best suggestion is to record yourself in different settings — chatting with friends, giving a presentation, and speaking aloud on your own. Determine what types of settings spike your nerves, then try one of the calming techniques below to quell the nervousness that might cause your voice to waver.

2. Calm your nerves. Van Edwards suggests a few tried-and-true methods for keeping yourself relaxed. Deep breathing throughout the day will help you fall into a more calming natural breathing pattern. “So when it comes times to speak, you’ll have less trouble doing it when your nerves kick in,” she says. Stay hydrated a few hours before an event so your voice doesn’t dry out when you’re speaking. Lastly, stand or sit up straight. Van Edwards says, “Research has found that our physicality can affect the sound of our voice. Standing or sitting straight while speaking radiates maximum resonance and power.”

3. Perfect your handshake. “Your handshake is a key component of your first impression,” says Van Edwards. If your palms tend to get sweaty, try Van Edwards’s napkin trick. “Order a drink from the bar and wrap a napkin around the glass. Hold the glass with your handshaking hand so the napkin absorbs your sweat before you shake someone’s hand.” Another key point: Keep your hand vertical and your thumb pointed toward the sky. Use a firm shake that’s not too tight or too limp. These simple suggestions will give anyone who meets you a positive first impression.

4. Find conversational sparks. If you’re at an event and you want to chat to a particular VIP, Van Edwards says the best way to be memorable is to fuel dopamine in the speaker. “Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is released in the amygdala when we feel pleasure. Molecular biologist Dr. John Medina likens dopamine to a mental marker. When you produce dopamine during a conversation, you not only give your partner more enjoyment, but you are also assigned more significance, which increases your memorability,” says Van Edwards. Look for that person’s hot-button issues — a topic, hobby, or activity that lights them up — by asking questions about what they’re passionate about.

5. Look for engagement cues. Keep an eye out for verbal affirmations that indicate you’ve hit on a topic that excites the person you’re talking to: “Wow!” “Fascinating.” “Aaah!” Nonverbal gestures like leaning in, raising eyebrows, or smiling and using more animated gestures mean you’ve sparked some dopamine. “When you are interested, listen, and let people talk, they feel pleasure,” which is a great way to give a lasting impression, according to Van Edwards.

6. Give a unique spin on your job title. One of the first questions most people ask when they meet someone new is “What do you do?” Instead of giving a simple response, spice it up with a new take on your original job title. Says Van Edwards, “Quicken Loans has a ‘vice president of miscellaneous stuff’ who helps with a little bit of everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt calls its receptionists ‘directors of first impressions’ since they are typically the company’s greeters.” Be creative and you’ll be remembered.

7. Use body language to exit gracefully. When you’re at a social event and want to end a conversation with the person you’re talking to, try these suggestions to make a smooth exit. “Your last impression is just as important as your first impression,” says Van Edwards. “Point your toes in the direction where you want to go. The other person’s brain will pick up on this signal and copy you or speak more quickly.” Politely distance yourself by turning your head slightly toward the door or food table while still maintaining eye contact. Step back slightly or lean back in your chair to tee-up that you’ll be leaving soon.

What’s your best tip for rocking small talk with strangers? Tweet us @BritandCo to let us know.

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

(Featured photo via Getty)

The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Rising Sign For Better Relationships

Sometimes we're looking for love in all the wrong places — and sometimes we're just looking for love in all the wrong ways. That's where your rising sign can come in. In this week's Ask An Astrologer column with Lumi Pelinku, our reader feels like they just can't find their footing romantically. Luckily, Lumi has the best relationship advice — and it all starts with your rising sign! Here's how you can use your own rising sign to level up your romantic life!

Juan Pablo Serrano

Dear Lumi: Will I ever be worthy of being loved romantically? I have never been in a relationship, and I’m scared I will never be. I have so much love to give, but I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to show it.

Bean, Illinois

  • Sun sign: Virgo
  • Rising sign: Cancer
  • Moon sign: Gemini

Yuri Manei

Dear Virgo: I understand where you're coming from, as many people feel this way these days. Here’s a little personal story from my journey: In my early 20s, I was pretty inexperienced in love and pressured by societal expectations to settle down by 30. Sigh...

I went to great lengths to attract a partner, even dabbling in spells and misleading manifestation techniques. Please tread carefully if you're trying this. Instead of finding true love, I drew a series of “ghosts” and situationships. I felt I had so much love to offer, but it all led to emptiness and eventually a toxic relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate, but turned out to be my karmic partner. There’s more to this story, but let’s save it for another time.

The end of that relationship led me to discover the essence of self-love and self-acceptance, eventually stepping into my own worth. Astrology has become a guiding light for me in that regard — and can be for you, too.

​Let’s Talk About Your Rising Sign & How It Defines Your Relationship Standards

Luke Miller

In astrology, examining your rising sign can offer profound insights. With Cancer rising, your soul yearns for deep, emotional connections. Creating a biological or soul family may bring you joy and fulfillment. Opposite Cancer is Capricorn, which governs the 7th house of your birth chart — the area that reveals the type of partners you need and what you should embody to feel complete, whether you’re with someone or not. A Capricorn-ruled 7th house suggests that a structured, secure, and straightforward partner will align with your needs. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels stagnant or uncertain from the start, it’s a sign that you’re not embodying Capricorn’s qualities, and it might be time to move on.

Arina Krasnikova

Your natural tendency to give and care deeply for others stems from a place of genuine concern and desire to ensure everyone’s well-being. However, it’s crucial for you to seek security from within. Feeling at home in your skin and living in the moment are great starting points.

Avoid individuals who offer unrequited love or broken promises. You may have an intuitive sense that you might overlook — trust it. By becoming more aware of your physical and emotional responses to others, you can discern between genuine connections and energy-draining situations. Establishing a practice of quiet reflection and observation can facilitate understanding the root of your heightened emotions.

Cliff Booth

The core message here is to build security within yourself and extend grace and understanding to yourself throughout your journey. It’s perfectly okay to be single right now; you're worthy of attracting a partner who will cherish all of you. To find the love of your life, you must first love yourself — not in a self-centered way, but by honoring your own needs and boundaries. Saying no to situations and people not aligning with your sensitive soul will make you stronger than you realize. The Universe will respond with an endearing relationship by practicing this because you’ve learned to honor yourself.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

​How Your Rising Sign Cultivates Self-Acceptance and Attracts the Love You Need

Alexander Mass

Like an outfit, your rising sign showcases your personality, identity, and perception of the world. What if I tell you that the rising sign can also attract the love you need in your journey? Think of your rising sign as your energy and how you embody it. It's the mirror we carry, and by our energy, we can keep it clean and pristine or murky and distorted. Sometimes, we cannot stand what we see in ourselves, and that channeled energy emanates outward, creating distortion-filled experiences. When this happens, you lose your 'main character' energy, which results in you leaving your life to chance rather than writing your chapters. When you embody complete self-acceptance and happiness within yourself, these are the key ingredients in powering up your rising sign and your 7th house.

As you begin to feel at peace, love, and harmony to the best of your ability, this will attract what you desire in your life and in love. The world will respond and reflect back all that we project. It’s that simple. Our rising sign is responsible for this active energy, and learning how to master it, will be the key to help you understand the nature of your personality while also attracting your dreams. The ascendant is the portal of your experiences, good and bad. Now that we understand the gist of the rising sign, let's explore your rising sign and how you can tap into your main character energy.

​Love Alchemy: How Your Rising Sign Shapes Relationships

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Aries Rising

Aries Rising radiates a bold, adventurous energy, often attracting equally spirited partners. To attract the love of their life, they should embrace their assertiveness and passion. By channeling the competitive energy of their 7th house (Libra), they can cultivate harmony in relationships without sacrificing their individuality. Self-acceptance means recognizing their fierce independence while being open to collaboration and compromise. The dynamic energy of Mars empowers them to attract a partner who admires their fiery spirit yet values partnership.

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Taurus Rising

Grounded and sensual, Taurus Rising can attract lasting love through their nurturing nature. Their 7th house energy in Scorpio encourages depth and intensity in relationships. To manifest their ideal partner, Taurus Rising must embrace their inner beauty and the pleasure of self-care. By embodying their desire for stability and security, they can project an aura of comfort and reliability, making them irresistible to those seeking genuine connections. Venus, their ruling planet, enhances their allure, helping them draw the right kind of love.

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Gemini Rising

With a quick wit and charm, Gemini Rising attracts partners through intellectual stimulation. Their 7th house in Sagittarius encourages exploration and adventure. To attract their soulmate, they should openly embrace their duality and communicate their needs and desires. Their self-acceptance journey involves acknowledging their inquisitiveness while finding ways to ground themselves in relationships. Mercury, their ruling planet, sharpens their communication skills, enabling them to draw in a partner who shares their passion for life and learning.

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Cancer Rising

Cancer Rising embodies warmth and nurturing energy, making them deeply appealing to potential partners. Their 7th house in Capricorn requires a balance between emotional depth and practical commitment. To attract a lasting love, Cancer Rising should accept their need for security while being open to vulnerability. Utilizing their emotional intelligence to discern their connections creates a safe space for love to flourish. The Moon, their ruling planet, enhances their intuition and empathy, helping them attract a partner who values their nurturing nature and ambition.

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Leo Rising

Confident and charismatic, Leo Rising draws people in with their radiant energy. Their 7th house in Aquarius encourages them to seek uniqueness in relationships. To draw in the love they need, Leo Rising must embody self-love while giving space for individuality. By embracing their creativity and leading with generosity, the Sun, their ruling planet, inspires them to attract a partner who appreciates their vibrant spirit and shares their vision for a progressive, loving partnership.

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Virgo Rising

Practical and detail-oriented, Virgo Rising has a unique charm that attracts partners seeking stability and support. Their 7th house in Pisces invites them to explore relationships' emotional and spiritual aspects. Virgo Rising should love their imperfections and the beauty of vulnerability to attract an epic partnership. By cultivating self-acceptance and finding joy in the little things, Mercury, their ruling planet, helps them draw in a partner who appreciates their grounded nature while encouraging emotional exploration.

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Libra Rising

Charming and harmonious, Libra Rising attracts partners through their innate ability to create beauty and balance. Their 7th house in Aries prompts them to be more assertive in love. Libra Rising must embrace the desire for partnership to attract their ideal partner while also recognizing the importance of self-identity. Being bold in expressing their needs will ignite their main character energy, as Venus, their ruling planet, empowers them to draw in a partner who values connection and independence.

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Scorpio Rising

Intense and magnetic, Scorpio Rising naturally attracts people with their enigmatic presence. Their 7th house in Taurus urges them to seek relationship stability and loyalty. Scorpio Rising should tap into their emotional depth and learn to communicate openly to attract the love they desire. Valuing their worth is vital to mastering their life path. By engaging in self-love and finding a balance between their passionate nature and a desire for security, Pluto and Mars, their ruling planets, will manifest in attracting a partner who appreciates their intensity and commitment.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius Rising

Adventurous and free-spirited, Sagittarius Rising attracts partners through their love of exploration and philosophy. Their 7th house in Gemini encourages communication and curiosity in relationships. To attract their ideal love, Sagittarius Rising has to tap into their quest for knowledge while remaining open to commitment. By cultivating self-worth and expressing their authentic self, Jupiter, their ruling planet, guides them in drawing in a partner who shares their passion for adventure and intellectual pursuits.

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Capricorn Rising

Disciplined and ambitious, Capricorn Rising manifests partnerships through their drive and determination. Their 7th house in Cancer encourages them to explore emotional depth in relationships. To attract lasting love, Capricorn Rising should tap into their nurturing side and allow themselves to be vulnerable. By practicing self-love while balancing their ambitions with emotional availability, Saturn, their ruling planet, aids them in attracting a partner who admires their strength while valuing emotional connection.

Brit + Co

Aquarius Rising

Innovative and independent, Aquarius Rising draws in partners with their unique perspectives and humanitarian spirit. Their 7th house in Leo invites them to ignite creativity and passion in relationships. Aquarius Rising must acknowledge their desire for freedom while recognizing the value of connection to attract the love they desire. By embodying their authentic and unique self, Uranus, their ruling planet, inspires them to draw in a partner who appreciates their individuality and shares their vision for a better world.

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Pisces Rising

Dreamy and compassionate, Pisces Rising attracts partners through their empathetic and intuitive nature. Their 7th house in Virgo encourages them to seek practicality and service in relationships. To attract true love, it's vital for Pisces Rising to embrace their sensitivity while grounding themselves in reality. By practicing self-love and setting healthy boundaries, Neptune and Jupiter, their ruling planets, will manifest a partner who appreciates their depth and aligns with their desire for meaningful connections.

Katerina Holmes

Understanding your rising sign can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Exploring your ascendant's unique traits and energies will help you get to know yourself and all its shades and how you navigate love and relationships. This awareness empowers you to embrace your authentic self and enables you to identify patterns that may hold you back. As you align with your rising sign's essence and ruling planet, you can cultivate more happiness and confidence, opening pathways to attract meaningful connections and experiences that resonate with your true essence. Embracing your rising sign invites you to step into your main character energy, allowing you to write your story with intention and authenticity.

Want to find out how astrology can be the guiding tool to self-acceptance and fulfillment? Click here and claim your copy of Lumi's Beginner's Astrology Book.

For more astrology advice, be sure to Ask Lumi for advice, and follow the conversation on Facebook!

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A Powerful New Moon Is Coming — Here's What It Means For Your Weekly Horoscope!

We're officially one week into Scorpio season — are you feeling it? Is your intuition heightened? Are you super sensitive and a bit more introverted? It’s a good time to slow down, feel your feelings, and tap into the inner wisdom of your soul. Scorpio is often misinterpreted, perhaps because this season coincides with Halloween, the decreasing daylight in the northern hemisphere, or simply Scorpio’s intensity and power. A key word for Scorpio is transformation, which is never easy.

Think of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis — its time in the cramped and dark cocoon. That primordial, gooey existence is anything but comfortable. Transformation requires time, a willingness to experience discomfort, and patience before emerging as a beautiful butterfly.

Ajaila Walker

Scorpio is one of the healing signs in the zodiac, and while the Sun is in Scorpio, we can make great strides toward healing ourselves and helping others. There’s nothing superficial about Scorpio — it demands depth, wanting to uncover layers and expose what’s hiding. That’s why it’s a great time to focus on your inner world and subconscious mind. All forms of therapy are beneficial during Scorpio season, but psychotherapy is especially powerful if that's an option for you.

Eager to know what this transformational energy has to offer? Read on for your weekly horoscope to understand how this can impact your sun and rising sign!

​Astrological Overview For Your Weekly Horoscope

Eugene Lisyuk

The New Moon in Scorpio occurs on November 1 at 9 degrees of Scorpio. You'll want to check your birth chart to see where 9 degrees of Scorpio falls — this is the area of your life where you can experience transformation and growth. New Moons are powerful times to plant seeds for future growth, to dream and plan for the coming month. Take time to reflect on what truly matters during this period of darkness and inward focus.

Yuliia Tretynychenko

Mars, the planet of action and determination, has been opposite Pluto, the planet of transformation, for months. Both Mars and Pluto co-rule Scorpio, creating an intense and volatile energy. This opposition becomes exact again on November 3 and 4. Use this energy to propel yourself in a new direction and honor your true self. Strength and focus can harness this intensity for personal breakthroughs, but be cautious in making impulsive decisions during this time — on the global stage, tensions may rise, and there could be heightened aggression.

Sam Lion

Adding to this turbulent energy, Mercury, the planet of communication and learning, leaves Scorpio and enters Sagittarius on November 2. As Mercury exits Scorpio, it forms a beneficial trine to Mars and a sextile to Pluto. This is a powerful opportunity for words to contribute to healing, so take care in how you communicate. Be mindful of the power your words hold, especially as Sagittarius can be blunt and outspoken. While Mercury is in Sagittarius until January 9, focus on expanding your consciousness, learning new skills, and broadening your horizons.

Key Dates For Your Weekly Horoscope

Ashley Singerling

  • November 1 — New Moon in Scorpio
  • November 2 — Mercury enters Sagittarius
  • November 3-4 — Mars and Pluto opposition becomes exact

Read Your Horoscope Based on Your Sun and Rising Signs

Brit + Co

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

You’re being asked to dig deep into your subconscious this week. Keep your eyes and ears open for messages from dreams or moments of creativity. Meditation or solitude may reveal powerful realizations. If you feel the need to make a major life change, be sure your decisions come from the heart. You’re on the cusp of a creative breakthrough, but make sure your actions are driven by authenticity.

Brit + Co

Taurus (April 22 – May 21)

Relationships are in focus for you. This is a great week for couples therapy or deep, transformative conversations with your partner. Be willing to make changes that benefit your relationships, home, and career. Your sensitivity may be heightened, so incorporate self-care and self-love into any changes you make. Don’t shy away from this potential for growth — there’s tremendous opportunity for profound shifts.

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Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Good fortune and harmony are possible, but luck won’t just fall into your lap — you need to be proactive. This could show up in your relationships with others or in your relationship with yourself. Kindness, equality, and fairness are key to success. Be cautious around people exhibiting aggressive behavior. You’ll receive back what you give out, so practice kindness and ensure you’re approaching things with fairness and balance.

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Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

You prefer to avoid conflict, but this week you’ll have the chance to step out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to be confrontational, but a bit of assertiveness will help you move toward your goals. The seeds you plant during this New Moon will grow stronger if you add passion and creativity. Follow your intuition, especially when making important decisions. Your dreams need a touch of energy and action.

Brit + Co

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The Mars-Pluto opposition has likely stirred up some drama in your life. Have you mustered the courage to start something new? If not, this week offers an opportunity to fully step into your authentic self and begin a new chapter. Don’t hold back, but be prepared for uncharted territory. Your relationships, particularly with yourself, may need a refresh. Self-love and self-care are essential as you embark on these transformations. You might even consider sprucing up your home or making a move.

Brit + Co

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Career growth is in focus this week, but you’ll need to find a balance between your home life and work life. You may feel the urge to do more in both areas, but it’s crucial to stay grounded. Pay attention to details and avoid overindulgence. A balance between home and work will lead to the best results — be sure to tend to both areas without letting one consume the other.

Brit + Co

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your finances and values are the focus this week. Now is the perfect time to ensure your financial life is in order. Meet with a financial planner or make sure your will is up to date. This planning will give you peace of mind and reduce future stress. Once Mercury moves into Sagittarius on November 2, you’ll feel freer to have fun and pursue adventure, knowing that your financial security is taken care of.

Brit + Co

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your power and determination will only grow as the week progresses. Use this time to tap into your inner authority and work toward concrete goals. There’s likely to be movement in your career, but it won’t happen overnight. Patience and sustained effort are required. Cultivate joy and focus on long-term goals — there’s no rush, but steady progress will lead to great results.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Mercury entering your sign on November 2 invites expansion and learning. If you’ve been waiting to start a new project, learn a new skill, or expand your understanding of the universe, now is the time. Subjects like spirituality and philosophy will be easier to grasp during this time. Be mindful, though — your blunt communication style could come off as caustic, so take a breath before you speak.

Brit + Co

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mental well-being should be a priority. Use this time to focus on learning and honing your skills. Your approach to life and work is inspiring to others. If you’ve been dealing with self-doubt, discard any negative self-talk and practice self-compassion. You have a natural ability to teach others, so don’t hesitate to share your knowledge with those who might be facing something similar to your experiences.

Brit + Co

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

This week focuses on your community and your relationship with like-minded people. Group learning and activities will be more impactful than solo efforts. Mercury in Sagittarius from November 2 will encourage you to learn through travel and adventure. Something exciting and transformative is on the horizon — seize the opportunity for growth through connection with others.

Brit + Co

Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

It’s time to focus on your physical health. The energy of this week will make it easier to start a health regimen and stick to it. While you may become more serious about your health, don’t push yourself too hard. Take small, steady steps to make lasting changes. As the week progresses, you’ll feel more confident and enthusiastic about these positive changes to your well-being.

Looking for a more thorough reading? Reach out to Tina at SevenSistersAstrology.com!

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My Boyfriend Won’t Post Me On Instagram — Should I Be Mad?

We live in a "post your relationship so we know it's real" landscape, and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made me wonder if there's a larger conversation to be had about it. Some people don't feel the need to post their romantic partner while others share their relationships in a way that rivals the best celebrity couples.

Everyone's different, but it's not not unheard of to question your partner's devotion if they're not posting you on Instagram. You may feel justified in your anger because "so and so" are always in cute pictures and videos together on social media — but are your feelings valid? The best person to answer this is licensed therapist Suzette Bray, LMFT. She has over 25 years of specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and she's seen this topic come up plenty of times during sessions with clients, so grab a pen and paper to take notes!

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

Afif Ramdhasuma

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

Katrin Bolovtsova

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

RDNE Stock project

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

Budgeron Bach

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Fábio Carvalho

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

Timur Weber

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

Vlada Karpovich

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

If you feel that your partner doesn't post you enough on social media, talk to them before launching into an angsty rant because your assumptions might not always be right. I wish someone would've shared this advice 10 years ago, but all that matters is knowing you don't have to let being upset about your partner's lack of relationship posts be the reason your day is ruined.

The problem arises when your partner doesn't seem receptive to talking about your concerns because dismissive or evasive attitudes are a no-no!

We have more relationship advice if you're looking for more romantic tips and tricks!

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20 Home Decor Accounts To Follow Right Now For Major Fall Inspiration

I turn to Instagram for mainly two things: hilariously adorable pet videos to share with my daughter before bedtime — a nightly ritual we started a year back — and a steady stream of home decor inspiration. Having studied interior design and spent years writing about stunning spaces, my love for beautiful interiors runs deep. The home decor bloggers I follow offer a mix of styles and experiences, from cozy vintage vibes to refined and sophisticated homes and rooms. Whether you’re looking to refresh your space for the season or simply find joy in nesting at home, there’s a little something from everyone here to inspire you. Happy decorating!

PrettyOnFridays

PrettyOnFridays

Writer Deema Tabbara Lopez's Friday newsletter, Merci Ktir, offers a glimpse into all the pretty things bringing her joy each week. Her home is so cozy, filled with vintage charm and lovely DIYs and how-tos (and stunning paint colors!). You'll want to dive into her feed for all the inspiration this fall.

ThisHouse5000

ThisHouse5000

Home decor enthusiast Elena Lohse and her handyman husband have been renovating their 1935 home in Toronto’s west end, the Junction, for the past 4+ years. Her style is clean, fresh, and never boring. I love her DIY videos, and her blog follows their travels too through a unique design lens.

Erin Conway Kismet House

Kismet House

For a masters in warm, cozy traditional spaces, follow Erin and Matthew of Kismet House who share tips and tricks for creating homes that feel unique and full of character.

Michael P.H. Clifford

a1000xBetter

Designer Kirsten Blazek creates rooms that are authentic, stylish, and so comfortable. She really thinks about spaces you want to live in. I'm still swooning over this kitchen of hers that we featured. Her first book A1000xBetter: A Rebel By Designshowcases her eclectic interiors and love of vintage treasures along with her design inspirations and tips.

Banda Property

𝗦𝗮 𝗚𝗿𝗮̂𝗰𝗲

Principal designer Ithabeleng Mothabeng has such a talent for creating stunning interiors. She blends a timeless elegance with modern touches and the result is always gorgeous and sophisticated.

Sam Arneson

Sam Arneson Home

Sam Arneson, an LA-based realtor, brings a thoughtful approach to design with a focus on sustainability and slow living. Her soulful feed is full of inspiration, from mid-century modern gems to cozy woodsy cabins.

OEZLEM OEZSOY

OEZLEM OEZSOY

This Hamburg, Germany-based photographer and home decor enthusiast is known for her sophisticated eye for vintage and mid-century decor, creating beautifully curated neutral spaces.

LEMIEUX ET CIE

The Organic Bubble Vase, Théophile Candle Holder, and Cadoret Bowl

Christiane Lemieux

NYC-based Christiane Lemieux is an author, designer, entrepreneur and the founder of LEMIEUX ET CIE, a luxury home furnishings brand. If you're looking for elevated interiors with a smidge of fantasy and the unexpected, her feed is the place to be. She was also the co-host and a judge on Ellen’s Design Challenge on HGTV and is a regular guest on MSNBC.

Some other favorites to look out for:

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

home decor inspirationhome decor tipshome decor trendsinterior designhome decor

Everything You Need To Know About The Silk Press, Fall's Biggest Hairstyle

From Kamala Harris-inspired bobs to silky Lindsay Lohan-esque tresses, the season of the silk press (or straighter hairstyles) is officially here! It's been fun watching watching TikTok videos of women going to the salon to get their hair straightened, but it made me ask myself if people truly know how to maintain this style at home. It's one thing to watch a licensed hairstylist work their magic, but the upkeep may not be as straightforward for some people!

Luckily, celebrity hairstylists, Takisha Sturdivant-Drew and Natalie Lamorena, are here to answer all my burning questions. Sturdivant-Drew has over 20 years of experience working in the film and commercial industry, styling clients such as Kerry Washington, Lucy Liu, and Ashley Graham. She also worked on TV series like Suits and the Oscar-nominated film Ray. Lamorena owns Polished Pub Hair & Nail Bar— not to mention she invented the viral "Headicure" service for clients who love the idea of getting a manicure while receiving the best blowout of their lives. And with all that experience, the two of them have plenty to say about silk presses.

TL;DR

  • You should rely on professionals for the majority of your silk presses, but you can maintain them at home with "the right tools and products."
  • Different hair types require different temperatures and products — be sure to research and check with your hair dresser to make sure your treating your hair the right way.
  • Don't get a silk press if you've recently straightened your hair.
  • Heat protectant is key for any silk press or hair straightening.
  • Naturally curly or textured hair should limit silk presses to once or twice a month; other hair types should keep it to no more than once a week.
  • Be sure to wrap your hair correctly and use a bonnet to maintain your style.

How do you know when to straighten your hair at home or go to the salon?

Sephora

Desperate times call for desperate measures when you're due for a hair appointment and can't book one. I'm sure all of us have turned into an armchair hairstylist by giving ourselves a trim, quick haircut, or dye job. You've probably even watched a few tutorials about how to give yourself a homemade silk press or blowout. I know I've recently purchased a few things to help me maintain my hair at home, but should we be straightening our hair at home?

Lamorena says, "While it’s possible to straighten hair at home, I’d recommend going to a professional for the best results. Stylists know how to work with different hair types, adjust heat settings accordingly, and use high-quality products that protect your hair." If we decide to forego a stylist's expertise, she says we can "accidentally cause damage with uneven heat or over-processing."

Sturdivant-Drew agrees that it's best to see a stylist "for the first few silk presses," but it's not impossible to safely straighten your own hair. "If you have the right tools and products, along with research, you can achieve this hairstyle at home," she says.

How should different hair types approach a silk press?

Sephora

Just like everyone doesn't have the same skin complexion or undertones, hair types can differ too. This means someone with a fine hair isn't always going to have the same routine as someone with thicker strands — which is why all silk presses aren't the same. "There's definitely no one-size-fits-all approach. The technique used depends on the client’s hair type and texture," Lamorena confirms. This isn't to scare you, however!

Sturdivant-Drew says, "The process of getting a silk press is pretty standard — prepping the hair with shampoo, conditioner, and heat protectant, followed by straightening with a blow dryer and flat iron, and finishing with a lightweight oil or serum."

She and Lamorena do agree that some hair textures require a little more than others though. Lamorena says you could only need "a simple blowout and flat iron" while someone may need "more intensive treatments like keratin or a Brazilian blowout for longer-lasting results." If your hair is very curly or textured — and you're ultimately not seeing the results you want — she says chemically straightening your hair is another option. However, Sturdivant-Drew reminds me, "Stylists usually adjust heat settings based on their client's hair health and texture."

Either way, we always recommend you check with your stylist before making any permanent or lasting decisions!

What should you avoid doing before getting a silk press?

Mike Jones

Getting a silk press doesn't always involve chemicals, but there are still things you need to avoid before your appointment. Unlike the steps you may follow at home, Lamorena wants you to "avoid loading your hair with a bunch of heavy products " because this can "make the straightening process less effective and lead to more heat being used" than you need. Also, she doesn't want you to wash your hair because "natural oils protect your hair from the heat."

It probably goes without saying, but you also shouldn't book a silk press appointment if you've already straightened your hair. "...that can make it harder for the stylist to work with and could increase the risk of damage," says Lamorena. Besides that, Sturdivant-Drew advises against "using color or relaxers should be avoided before getting a silk press" because "this could lead to a lot of breakage."

What increases a risk of heat damage with this style?

Amazon

As gorgeous as silk presses are, it's possible to use "too much heat," according to Lamorena. She says, "People tend to crank up the heat on their flat irons and blow dryers, but that can seriously damage the hair cuticle, especially if your hair is fine or already fragile." Something I've learned over time is that a licensed and experienced hair stylist has better knowledge of what's really going on with our hair. They're able to have a clearer view of your scalp, roots, split ends, and more.

The other thing that contribute to damage is not protecting your hair. Lamorena implores that heat protectant products are "are crucial for minimizing damage." Even if you use the right products, you could be straightening your hair way too often. It's normal to want to have straighter hairstyles for a little while, but you should keep in mind that you don't want to overdo it.

"Not prepping or using a heat protectant on your hair will cause a lot of damage. Silk presses require a lot of heat, so it's best to use good heat protectant," adds Sturdivant-Drew. She personally prefers to use Smooth Moisture's Thermal Hair Strengthener because "their system is built for silk presses specifically." She loves that it truly upholds against heat and "adds a nice shine to the hair" once you apply it.

When would it be recommended that a client avoid getting a silk press?

Kaboompics.com

Here comes the not so fun part. As much as you don't want to hear this, your hair may not be able to handle getting a silk press right now. "If your hair is already damaged, it's best to hold off on straightening. Hair that's brittle, dry, or over-processed can be further damaged by heat styling," says Lamorena. What you can do in the meantime is help strengthen your hair by giving yourself "deep conditioning treatments," according to Lamorena.

This is completely up to you and your stylish, but Lamorena suggests staying away from having your hair straightened "during really humid months...if you're prone to frizz" because "the style may not last as long."

Is there a limit to how often clients should receive a silk press?

Tomaz Barcellos

I'm not an expert, but even I know too much of something can become a bad thing. In the case of using excess heat, I can imagine the implications of that over time. Lamorena says, "There's definitely a limit. You don't want to be straightening your hair too often," and shares her rule of thumb for textures:

  • Naturally Curly or Textured Hair — Limit silk presses to once or twice a month to avoid weakening the hair or losing your curl pattern.
  • Other Hair Types — Keep it to no more than once a week.

All hair types are capable of experiencing "long-term damage," but giving "your hair a break between sessions helps maintain its health," Lamorena says.

Sturdivant-Drew stresses, "Taking a break between silk presses is important in allowing your hair to recover and maintain the health of your hair. I recommend limiting your silk presses to every 6-8 weeks."

How can clients maintain this style at home during the fall?

Sephora

Even though cooler temperatures means you won't have to fight against possible frizz, you still have to take care of your silk press. "Maintaining a straight style during the fall can be tricky with cooler weather, wind, and dryness in the air, but it’s doable," says Lamorena. She suggests that you use:

  • Use a flat iron with adjustable heat settings to avoid unnecessary damage. Tools like the Dyson Corrale or GHD Platinum+ are solid options
  • A wide-tooth comb is great for detangling without pulling or breaking the hair

"Keeping up with a regular routine and using the right tools and products can really help your style last, even through the challenges that fall weather brings," she says.

No matter what your hair type is, Sturdivant-Drew suggests "wrapping your hair correctly and using a bonnet" as they're "key to maintaining" a silk press. Similar to what Lamorena said earlier, Sturdivant-Drew believes "humidity is your worst enemy...so try to avoid humid environments as best as possible!"

Shop Other Expert Silk Press Recommendations

Amazon

Bumble and Bumble Invisible Oil Primer

"Always apply a heat protectant before using any hot tools. Some favorites include Oribe Royal Blowout and Bumble and Bumble Invisible Oil Primer," she says.

Amazon

Moroccanoil Treatment

"For taming frizz, try an anti-frizz serum like Moroccanoil Treatment," suggests Lamorena. or John Frieda Frizz Ease.

Amazon

John Frieda Frizz Ease

Another option you can use to beat the frizz is John Frieda's Frizz Ease. It's another one of Lamorena's recommendations that will "help seal in moisture and keep your style sleek even in windy fall weather."

Amazon

Kérastase Discipline Fluidissime

Lamorena says, "A good leave-in conditioner is key to keeping hair smooth and hydrated; Kérastase Discipline Fluidissime works wonders."

Amazon

Living Proof Perfect Hair Day

"To extend your style without washing, use dry shampoo. This is a great option to absorb oil without having to restyle with heat," she says.

Our Silk Press Recommendations

Amazon

Giovanni Frizz Be Gone Serum

This anti-frizz serum will not only keep humidity from messing up your silk press, but it'll help improve your hair's elasticity over time and will even add an extra boost of shine to it.

Amazon

Wavytalk Professional Hair Dryer with Diffuser

If you decide to straighten your hair at home, you need a good blow dryer that'll work with your texture. Wavytalk has an inexpensive option that comes with a comb attachment, diffuser, and nozzle to help you dry your hair no matter what style you're wearing. It also has the right amount of heat settings that'll lessen the chance you cause any damage.

Amazon

CHI 44 Iron Guard Heat Protectant

Not only do I personally love this heat protectant, so does our Affiliate Writer Meredith Holser! It's been our go-to product whenever we straighten our hair because it truly does a great job of protecting our hair from heat and has a slightly fragrant smell we can't get enough of. In my experience, a little goes a long way so you'll get plenty of uses out of it.

Follow our Amazon storefront to see which hair products we'll always keep in our bathrooms.

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

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