How to Ask for a Raise During Your Next Performance Review

What makes landing a dream job so exciting?

The moment you go from thinking about your dream job to actually landing it feels euphoric. You feel a mixture of "I FINALLY did it" and "I can't wait to get started" because you've wanted it for so long. Carroll offers a better explanation though.

"A dream job is often one that marries our strengths, values, and interests — so it feels meaningful and purposeful as well as presenting opportunities to grow and develop in ways that feel exciting," she says.

This doesn't mean all dream jobs are created equal. Carroll says, "Everyone’s definition of a dream job is a little different, but the idea of showing up every day to do work that feels personally impactful, challenging and fulfilling is really motivating for many of us."

What are some harmful ways people approach daily tasks within their dream role?

I'm ambitious which isn't bad, but I've been known to be so laser-focused that I forget to take care of my basic needs. It's my way of trying to convince myself that I have to accomplish 2-3 things on my to-do list before giving something else my attention.

"It’s natural to want to succeed in a dream role, but there can be a number of pitfalls to watch out for as you try to prove yourself in the role and work at a demanding pace. It’s just as important to manage your energy and your workload as it is to manage your time," Carroll reminds.

Here's some of the harmful things she says you can do without realizing:

• Piling too much on your plate each day without a coherent plan to focus and prioritize on priorities
• Always saying yes to additional workload or meetings without assessing your other commitments
• Working too many hours, especially without breaks or adequate downtime to recharge, or feeling a need to be “on” 24-7
• Placing your work to-do list ahead of your self care, sleep or other needs
• Not communicating clearly about expectations, demands, feedback and needs with managers and co-workers

How can people recognize when they're overexerting themselves at work?

I'm beginning to think a lot of us are more introspective than we let on, but we may need help figuring out how to redirect ourselves. Carroll says, "Most clients I have worked with know on some level that they’re overdoing it. They feel the stress, and they may know that they need help in coping with it in healthier ways. But they often haven’t figured out how to unwind the situation that’s been created."

She suggests practicing self-reflection, priority and boundary setting, and often, self compassion and grace for yourself. I probably sound like a broken record, but I wholeheartedly believe we could be kinder to ourselves. Sometimes we place so much expectations on ourselves based on what society, family, or even our friends think.

Carroll says, "Burnout isn’t always a situation of overexertion, however. Sometimes it’s a mismatch between the role and our values, ethics or needs, or toxic workplace situations that can feed burnout as well. And in those cases, you might not recognize it at first."

Unfortunately, toxic workplaces are far more common than any of us like and can add to the stress we place on ourselves to perform our duties well. This can cause us to lose sight of what's truly important to us at our core. Carroll says, "It’s important to identify your core stressors so that you can address those. Burnout is not always about being busy."

What are signs someone is experience burnout?

Knowing that doesn't mean you're still able to understand if you're experiencing burnout or not though. "Burnout can look many ways — you might find yourself feeling stressed more often or less able to deal with your stressors," Carroll says. "There may be tiredness leading to exhaustion, brain fog, not thinking clearly, or a feeling of running on fumes."

That's always my first sign that I'm feeling burned out. I prioritize sleep because it helps me function the way I'm supposed to, but being sleepy is different from feeling tired on a soul level. There have been times where my alarm has gone off in the morning before work and it feels like I have to drag myself out of bed.

Another indicator that could be experiencing burnout is by losing enthusiasm at your dream job. "You might also be losing interest in the work, feeling like you can’t keep up or that the effort is futile. Often I hear 'I just don’t feel like myself. I’m not usually like this,'" Carroll says.

What happens when burnout completely overwhelms someone even if they love their job?

This is the part that makes working at your dream job so difficult IMO. I've talked to people who love what they do, but can't find the motivation to keep performing at the high level everyone expects them to.

"Being in full burnout is a physical and mental crisis point. You may feel depressed, lost, numb, exhausted. Your physical and mental health suffers, as well as your joy and often this has an impact on your wider relationships," Carroll indicates.

There's nothing worse than snapping at the people you love because you're stressed and don't know how to communicate that it's because of your dream job. It can take a lot to admit things are tough because you may not want to feel like you're complaining about something you've always wanted.

How can someone have a healthy relationship with work while prioritizing their mental health?

Burnout is real, it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. One of The Sims 4 characters I was playing developed the 'workaholic' trait and it got to the point where even she came home with the burnout moodlet.

She only had 24 hours to change it before it started affecting the quality of her work so I had to find ways to help her relax. The only thing that truly helped was taking PTO and allowing her to unwind at a spa, spend time with her loved ones, and indulge in hobbies that had nothing to do with work. Eventually, I helped her get rid of the workaholic trait because it was causing more harm than good.

Though that's a simulation game, I can imagine this happens to people. We have to decide we're willing to change how we approach our dream jobs so we're able to still function in our daily lives.

Carroll says, "Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries — with ourselves and with others — is a key point. Even when it’s your dream job, even when it’s demanding, your work is still one part of the larger picture of your life. Start with what is firmly in your control and make changes there first — there may be workplace changes to consider, but that comes second."

She says this can look like:

• Placing limits on working after hours
• Setting technology boundaries
• Being transparent about workload and priorities
• Learning to say no
• Reorganizing or blocking out parts of your schedule and potentially initiating new conversations with your leaders and colleagues where needed

What emotions might someone feel if they realize their dream job isn't what they expected?

It's disappointing when certain things we thought we wanted aren't what we need or even like. It doesn't matter whether we're learning how to get over a crush or feel like our dream job has become a nightmare.

"When our dream job turns out to be less a dream than expected, it’s natural to feel disappointed, sad, disillusioned or even grief. Depending on the situation, there may be resentment and anger as well if the job was misrepresented, or self doubt and questioning yourself and your decisions," Carroll says.

It doesn't always feel good, but letting yourself feel whatever emotion or thought comes up will help you get through the breakdown of having a dream job that's not what you expected it to be. Carroll says, "It’s important that you allow yourself time and space to understand what you’re feeling and to process that before deciding what to do next. There may be ways to job craft a more fulfilling experience, or you might decide to look at alternatives."

How can someone pivot towards something different if they want to leave their dream job?

Thinking about stepping away from your dream job in favor of telling burnout to take a hike? This is a judgement-free zone so just know you're able to do that if it makes sense to pivot in a different direction. However, Carroll does advise you to be mindful before making a potentially life-changing decision.

"The first step I always advise clients who want to step away from their role — dream job or not — is to assess the situation from a bigger picture before acting," she says.

• Take the time to understand what you’ve appreciated most about the role, what you didn’t and what you’re complete with/longing for at this stage of your career. Take stock of what’s most important to you and what is fueling your desire for change.
• Assess your strengths, skillsets, interests, and career values. A career coach can be a valuable ally to understand how you might you lean into these more as you decide where to pivot.
• Activate your future by exploring new career roles that build on the foundation you have, but stretch you in the ways you desire and meet your larger life goals. Then do your homework. Go out and explore potential roles through research, networking, job shadowing and interviewing. Testing out your ideas helps you move forward with clarity and confidence before investing in a job search or retraining.

Careers are not linear, and that's OK!

Rather than feeling like a failure for not living up to our parents’ outdated idea of success, I’ve taken some wisdom from Carrie, who had this all figured out back in the '90s. She started as a columnist for a newspaper, then authored several successful books, before becoming a podcast host. In between, she also wrote for Vogue and headlined a speaker series on dating in New York City.

The moral of the story? It’s OK to change directions and to switch up your path if what you’ve been doing no longer brings you joy (or, if the industry shifts and you need to pay rent). You don’t need to cling to a decision just because you spent a long time making it.

You can make the freelance & gig economy work for you.

Carrie was a freelance writer before it was cool, but she was also an early adapter to the gig economy (see: all those Learning Annex lessons). Manhattan is expensive, and when I was laid off at the start of the pandemic, I turned to freelance work to make ends meet. I had to get really scrappy and learn some new skills on the fly, but like Carrie, it all worked out in the end (and I had some cash left over for shoes, too!)

Fake it 'til you make it!

Sure, Carrie is a member of the press, but she’s a sex columnist at a D-list publication. No shade to a fellow writer, but I love how Carrie didn’t let this stand in her way. She attended fashion week and befriended Vogue editors and talked up her accomplishments enough to get into any door she wanted (except for that LA premiere, but we'll forgive it). One thing I’ve learned is that you’re your own best advocate, and no one else is going to do the work for you — it’s up to you to make things happen for yourself.

Know your worth, and don't settle for less.

When Carrie decided to buy her condo, but she didn't have enough cash saved (a different story for a different day), she proclaimed that she was offered "$4 a word at Vogue — most people get $2." Now, even in the '90s/early millennium this was seriously delulu, but Carrie believed in herself, went after what she wanted, and earned what she was worth. In-universe, this is double what the average Vogue writer was earning, which is a major win.

Don't let the fear of making a mistake stop you from thinking big and taking calculated risks!

When Carrie is approached to write a book based on her column, she's in shock and even considers turning down the opportunity. She decides to take a meeting, but it doesn't go well and she questions whether she should be writing a book at all. Luckily, Carrie pushes through these moments of self-doubt and completes her book, which becomes a huge success and the first of many. The lesson here is that self-doubt is normal, but letting those thoughts take over will hold you back from your full potential.

Remember to trust the process, because good things won't happen overnight!

One of my favorite things about Carrie is that she's a flawed character and forever a work-in-progress, from her love life to her career path. When we first meet Carrie, she's writing a weekly column for a local newspaper. We see her writing the column every day (for six seasons!), which may seem insignificant, but she's laying the groundwork and putting in the hours for her next career move, whatever that may be. Little by little, we see Carrie start to take on bigger projects, and she ends the series as a Vogue writer, a best-selling author, and a highly respected figure in NYC society. TV and movies can present success as an overnight sensation, but in real life — and in Carrie's case — it's more often a marathon than a sprint. Remember to give yourself grace and trust the process.

What is Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink used for?

Anyone can say that their lipstick is THE BEST, but that's not always true. So, what's the tea on the Super Stay Matte Ink formula? According to the brand's notes on Amazon, here's what you can expect to this lipstick to do:

• Glide on easily because of the "unique arrow application"
• Provide a "perfectly matte" finish
• Remain "smudge-free" for up to "16 hours"

It sounds like a lot of fluff if you've never tried the formula before, so I scrolled through the comment section to see what other customers think.

What are other customers saying about it?

Most of the customer reviews I read through on Amazon are extremely thorough so here are the ones that stood out the most:

• "I am really hooked on this lipstick! It's very long wearing and it's super gentle on my lips...Let me address some common complaints among other reviewers and why I think they're wrong...Oil takes this stuff off quite easily, so do some makeup wipes...Secondly, I do agree that this product is very sticky. I have found that I can put my Mac lipgloss on over top and now it's not sticky anymore!"
• "I’ve purchased this longevity wand type lipstick a few times and I like the texture and staying power. Sometimes I put another glossy lipstick over if it seems drying however it stays very nicely for the day."
• "This is my first time purchasing this brand. When I say it last all day, it doesn't come off until you take it off! Some might see this as bothersome, but having it stay on until I need it off is the greatest thing."
• My Favorite Review: "I put it on at around 3:30 pm and fell asleep with it on cause it was a busy night, it was still on the next morning. I had to use multiple makeup remover wipes and wash my face with a good makeup remover to get it off."

My Review For Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink Lipstick

I used to be terrified of wearing 'nude' lip colors because I thought they would be too much of a contrast against my complexion, but watching a few YouTube tutorials nipped my fear in the bud. I make the 'Seductress' shade work for me by lining my lips with a dark brown liner. Once I did that, I immediately fell for the way it looks on me. It's to the point where I actually can't stop wearing lip combo — it's so easy to apply and takes less than two minutes to set!

How long does Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink Lipstick last?

Before I started applying gloss over my nude lip combo, I wanted to test two very important things:

1. If this matte lipstick could pass the smudge-proof test. I've tried other brands, and they haven't always stayed in place — especially when eating or drinking something — so I was skeptical.
2. How long it actually lasts, smudge-proof or not. I mean, who among us hasn't gotten home after an evening out to find their lipstick basically nonexistent?

Like one of the customer reviews suggests, this lipstick has come off a little while eating things like pasta or pizza, so it's not 100% "smudge-free." Given that, I only had to reapply this lipstick once throughout an 8-hour day — which isn't a huge deal to me because it takes less than 30 seconds to reapply it. The best way I get it to stay put is by applying lip gloss and a teeny amount of setting spray over it.

Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink Lipstick

Lately, I've even been adding the Maybelline Lifter Gloss in the shade 'Stone' as a way to truly lock in the color. It highlights the 'Seductress' shade of the Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink Lipstick which is a huge plus for me.

For less than $12, I think it's absolutely worth buying multiple times!

More Best Drugstore Lipsticks

The Lip Bar Vegan Matte Liquid Lipstick

When I'm in the mood for a universal red lipstick that has the best color payoff, I always turn to The Lip Bar's 'Bawse Lady.' She's a gorgeous blue-red that highlights all undertones without making anyone looked washed out.

Revlon Colorstay Limitless Matte Lipstick

I discovered Revlon's Colorstay formula while browsing for a deeper lipstick for fall and it does not disappoint! It's another vegan product that has triple hyaluronic acid and upcycled cranberry extract in it so it literally feels like you're not wearing anything on your lips!

Milani Color Fetish Matte Lipstick

The word 'Fetish' may be off-putting, but don't write this lipstick off because of the name — ha! I typically wear this when I don't want to wait for a liquid lipstick to dry. It's super velvety and also contains hyaluronic acid in it to help keep lips moisturized.

Nyx Professional Makeup Smooth Whip Matte Lip Cream

Last but not least, Nyx has never let me down in the lip department before. If I'm truly shopping on a budget, I'll reach for the Smooth Whip Matte Lip Cream because it glides on my lips like butter. That's not to say I know what it feels like to rub butter all over my lips, but you get what I mean! It's soft and has a gorgeous color payoff that makes me feel like it's comparable to the best lipstick I swear by.