Have you ever felt like you needed to earn your rest? We know we have. And according to Erica Lasan, founder of JOYrney To Purpose, that idea is nothing new. “The way I see it, the idea of ‘earned rest’ is ingrained in women because it was subconsciously ingrained into all of the generations before,” Lasan says. “From childhood, girls are subconsciously being taught that their entire being and identity is to serve and be in service to others – that this is essentially our life’s purpose as women…And that’s not true – we are ALL here to help and support one another.”
Finding Balance In All Areas Of Life
Just like every area of life, the relationship between give and take, between serving others and self-care, is all about balance. That’s especially important when feeling burnt out hurts our wellness, our joy, and ultimately the rest of our lives. But even when you acknowledge your burnout, it’s difficult to give yourself grace in the moments you think you could be doing more.
The idea that women have to do it all is “an unspoken expectation – but an expectation nonetheless,” Lasan says. “So much of it stems from not wanting to be judged by others, [or wanting to be] perceived as ‘valuable’ or worthy of being loved.”
If you feel yourself bowing under the weight of that expectation on a regular basis, it might be helpful to journal to get to the heart of it. Are you afraid of letting someone in your life down? Are you afraid of letting yourself down? Are you afraid that if you give something up in order to rest, your life won’t be as rich?
“I believe that women feel the pressure to be ‘superhuman’ or ‘supermoms’ because over time, we’ve been forced to adapt,” Lasan says. “How else are women supposed to ‘have it all’?”
We can feel a pressure to have the perfect home, the perfect job, and the perfect family — and to juggle them all without messing a single detail up. “In my experience, this pressure to be ‘super’ often comes from wanting to avoid judgment, wanting to be seen as a ‘competent’ or desirable woman – and it comes at the expense of feeling a lot of internal guilt.”
Whether that guilt stems from the belief that we’re not working as much as we should or we haven’t “earned” the ability to take a break, there are moments where we could all change our relationship with that guilt. Lasan believes that the only way to change the way that we see rest is to embrace it as a normal part of life — instead of as a reward.
How To Recover From Burnout — And Prevent It In The Future
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When you have the space to rest and recharge, it allows your creativity to blossom, and it frees up the space in your brain and your soul to really feel joy. “Rest absolutely DOES fuel joy because it gives the individual space and time to choose joy, and evaluate what that means for them on a personal level,” Lasan says.
If you’re feeling burnt out, or you just want to reconstruct how you approach rest, Lasan has a few applicable steps to help you:
- “Take a moment to pause and decide what joy means for YOU.”
- “Share what that joy is with others to hold yourself accountable and establish boundaries with others.”
- “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking through our thoughts and feelings in regard to our joy and purpose, and reflect with others so that joy and well-being becomes the ‘norm.’”
- “Establish clear boundaries so you can be intentional about your joy and what it takes to create it, which can help set aside intentional space for our joy. It’s only though conversations with others that we are able to normalize self-care and also not feel so isolated in our thoughts, because our mental health impacts so much of our joy, how we care for others, and how we give ourselves permission to rest.”
When we feel more joyful, our art feels more free-flowing, our physical health gets better, and our relationships — both with other people and with ourselves — are healthier.
“This requires making a conscious effort and intentional decision to prioritize joyful well-being for ourselves,” she continues. “The moment we are able to redefine how we see rest – not as something that’s ‘lazy’ or for burnt out people, but something that helps us access the best version of ourselves — that’s when we’ll be able to naturally and intuitively embrace rest.”
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