11 Expert Tips to Help Put an End to Self-Judgments

Mar 13, 2018

The only thing worse than feeling crummy is feeling crummy about feeling crummy. We’ve all been there — angry with an S.O. after a fight that started over something admittedly silly (those dishes in the sink are so annoying, though), then saddled with an extra layer of frustration because we hate feeling like a nag. Or feeling sad because a bestie has less time to hang after starting a new romantic relationship, and then mad at ourselves for being needy. These kinds of self-judgments force us to double down on feelings that are straight up badto begin with.

If you’ve been the victim of your own judgments about your own emotions, you’re not imagining how terrible it feels. Clinical psychologist Michael Alcee explains that this is a real thing. “Censoring or judging ourselves for our feelings adds another heavier layer of emotions — usually guilt, shame, and anxiety — on top [of the existing feelings],” he says. “Picture how much heavier a pile of snow gets when it is weighted down with the slush of snowmelt. Put another way, it is like a heavier tangle and jumble of emotions that can make it even harder to get to know the original feelings themselves.”

With that in mind, we’ve looked to a group of experts for their advice on how to better cope with our own self-judgments so that we’re only feeling one bad thing at a time (baby steps). Keep scrolling for all their compassionate, loving advice — because that’s just the kind you need.

1. Get comfortable with your emotions. First thing’s first — you and your feelings don’t need to be sworn enemies. Before you can start to truly overcome that nasty second layer of self-judgment, you need to wrap your head around the inevitability of emotions. You’re only human. “Our emotions are a part of who we are,” leadership and executive coach Mark J. Reuter tells us. “Stop trying to judge, fight, or ignore them, and instead make friends with them… even the bad ones! Often, if we can just notice and accept our emotions, they can teach us about who we are and how to move forward in a positive way.”

2. Look at the situation as an outsider. If you find yourself in a constant state of self-judgment, we understand how the first tip might seem impossible to tackle. Life and wellness coach Megan Nicola suggests taking a broad view of what you’re feeling and trying to observe yourself from the third person. Ask yourself why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Taking this kind of investigative approach to your emotions might make it easier to reflect on your mental state without adding extra angst.

3. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is about more than just meditation (although we’re very pro-meditation). It can also be just the tool you need to have a healthier relationship with your own feelings. “Mindful living is awareness in the present moment without judgment, clinging to what the moment should be, or trying to change it,” says licensed clinical social worker and addictions specialist Lauren Moser Vilar. “This means that we begin to separate observations from judgments.” When you begin to feel an emotion, try to pinpoint what the emotion is immediately. You might not be able to change it, but you can learn to identify it and be less reactive.

4. Realize that your feelings exist for a reason. Cut yourself some slack! Your feelings exist because you actually need to feel something. “Eliciting feelings as a reaction to events is literally how the mind works, and it’s nothing to feel bad about!” author and natural lifestyle expert Jaya Jaya Myra says. “It means you are a human being that is functioning like a person should.” Working through negative feelings means you’ll be able to release them from your system so they don’t make you sick.

5. Be the friend you wish you had. Therapist Kristina Zufall says that she prompts her clients who are prone to judging their own emotions to ask themselves what they would say to a friend who was experiencing similar feelings. “When we give the kind words we would give to a friend to our own selves, we normalize having the emotional response!” Zufall tells us.

6. Take an inventory of the toxic people in your life. Being weighed down by toxic people isn’t super helpful under any circumstances, and if you find yourself consumed by an emotional inner critic, it may be time to take stock of whether or not the people around you are making it easier or more difficult for you to feel good about yourself and your feelings. Per integrative therapist Dr. Karin Luise, toxic people tend to perpetuate negative self-judgments and to give those pesky self-sabotaging narratives more life than they deserve. Maybe it’s time to kick those people to the curb!

7. Add a new thought to the mix. This one might sound simple — and is most definitely easier said than done — but don’t underestimate the power of simply distracting yourself from the negative emotions that are dragging you down with a new line of thinking. “When you find yourself getting upset with yourself for being human, simply disrupt the thought with a new [one], like ‘I’m just having a human moment’ or ‘I’m allowed to feel how I feel’ and move into compassion for yourself,” says life coach and meditation guru Brandyce Stephenson. “You can even layer on a positive affirmation and say, ‘Even though I had that negative thought, I am a good person and it’s okay.'”

8. Don’t let thoughts turn into action. Negative feelings take on additional power when you let them turn into action, so play damage control by doing your best to contain them. If, for example, you’re angry, licensed clinical social worker Katie Bogacki recommends that you “sit with the anger and then journal or meditate on it” instead of jumping into action mode with a nasty text message, which will only perpetuate the problem at hand and lead to additional self-judgment that you don’t need or deserve.

9. Drop the word “should” from your vocabulary. “Should” is a dirty, dirty word — especially when you start using it to set specific expectations about how you should be responding or reacting to situations and feelings. “If you find yourself saying that you should be something other than what you are, notice where you are emotionally and where you feel like you are supposed to be,” PleaseNotes founder and positive affirmations guru Cheryl Sutherland says. “By taking the time to acknowledge and respect the way you feel, you will be able to move through the upset with greater ease.”

10. Figure out how to channel your emotions differently. Stop that self-judgment in its tracks by finding a better, more productive way to manage those feelings as you start to experience them. Life coach Sue Hawkes recommends physical exercise, which is a great way to channel negative emotions into something that’s actually healthy for you.

11. Pay attention to the physical sensations that come with your emotions. The earlier on in the emotional process you can catch on to your negative feels, the easier it will be to redirect your thoughts or use any of the other aforementioned strategies to minimize your own judgment about them. Tune in with yourself by learning to identify rising emotions according to physical cues. “Pay attention to the physical sensations that accompany the emotion you’re feeling,” licensed psychotherapist Eliza Boquin says. “What’s happening in your body? Is your heart racing? Breath shallow? Just notice it.” Picking up on these patterns will help you check in with yourself more quickly in the future so you can more effectively stop judgments before they take over.

How do you get yourself to stop judging your own emotions? Tweet us @BritandCo.

(Photo via Getty)

11 Obvious Signs You’re Actually An Empath, According To A Therapist

You and your friends have likely spent countless hours together, decoding everything from imaginationships to the best comfort shows to watch when you're sad. You've probably even settled into a designated role within the group. Maybe you're the super adventurous one, always suggesting friend date ideas for the group to try, while someone else always knows how to comfort everyone when life gets rough. But, have you ever wondered if you're the most empathetic friend in the group? That's easy, just ask Brianna Paruolo, LCMCH. She's the founder and clinical director of On Par Therapyso she knows how to recognize signs you're an empath, plus how to take care of yourself!

How To Know If You're An Empath

Empathy is when "you feel what others are feeling."
There are physical, emotional, social, and mental signs that you're an empath.
You may be an empath if you get physically exhausted after being in crowds, feel anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments, feel responsible for other people's happiness, or you find it hard to distinguish your own feelings from someone else's.

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Gary Barnes

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

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There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

Yaroslav Shuraev

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

Feeling responsible for others' happiness
Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
Being highly attuned to body language and tone
Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

Mikhail Nilov

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

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But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

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You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

Vitaly Gariev

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

We have even more self-care stories for you to dive into if you need a mental and emotional boost!

5 Money Mistakes That Can Destroy Your Friendships, According To Experts

Loud budgeting may be popular on TikTok, but conversations about money can still be awkward. I've been in romantic relationship for a little over a decade and we're just at a point where we've become aligned on finances. So imagine having random conversations with your family or friends that begin with, "I know I've never really asked before, but is it okay if I can borrow [insert x amount of $] until I can pay you back?" The nature of your platonic and familial relationships will totally determine whether you receive positive or negative responses.

As helpful as money can be, it can fracture even the closest relationships. Why? Well, psychologist Veronica West of My Thriving Mind, head of advice for Wells Fargo Emily Irwin; and Founder of Her First $100K money expert Tori Dunlap have a few ideas!

Keep reading for a few sneaky ways money can ruin your friendships:

1. Talking About Money Can Expose Hidden Feelings

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It's impossible to know how someone feels every second of the day, but we probably all think we have a good understanding of the people we're close to. But people are capable of hiding how they feel about something or burying their discomfort until certain situations 'expose' them. Why does it seem like money has a way of doing this?

Both Irwin and Dunlap agree that "money is taboo," leading people to avoid conversations about it. "Data tells us that we are more likely to talk about any other taboo topic—sex, politics, religion, even death—before we’ll talk about money," says Dunlap. West agrees and says, "Money is like that one friend who’s incredibly helpful but totally untrustworthy—everyone likes what they bring to the table, but no one wants to talk about them directly." Did you think of someone specific? It's okay because I did too!

The problem is that money can make "hidden insecurities come out, old sibling rivalries rear their heads," and more, according to West. "Even something like 'who paid for what' can suddenly become a life-or death conversation," she says. It's strange because Irwin says a Wells Fargo study shows that "many Americans across all ages are worried about money," proving we're all thinking about it, despite our avoidance issues.

2. And Money Can Also Create Unease In Conversations

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"When we don’t have open conversations about money, we’re left to navigate it on our own, which can keep us feeling underpaid, overworked, or unsure about our financial situation," Dunlap points out. She feels "discussing money requires a huge amount of vulnerability" which "isn't easy for everyone." You may have seen how other topics are swept under the rug by family members or friends based on reasons they're not ready to talk about.

Though Irwin believes saying something like saying, "'Here's what's keeping me up at night' or 'here's what my goals are' could strengthen connections," Dunlap knows that "shame, comparison, or fear of judgement" can cause people to remain tight-lipped about their finances.

If you've experienced a weird moment because of money or had to be the unfortunate witness of an awkward conversation, my apologies. It's not fun no matter who's involved because, unfortunately, "money carries layers of emotions, like pride and insecurity, that turn simple conversations into potential minefields," says West.

Dunlap says there's a silver lining if people are willing to be open, however. "The key is respecting each person’s comfort level, and encouraging openness if they're willing to meet you there. It’s not going to be perfect at first, but by starting to share more about your own financial experiences, you can start to break the cycle of shame and fear around money. You might be surprised at how quickly others are willing to open up too."

3. Making Assumptions About Other’s Money Status And Financial Situation Can Lead To Disrespecting Boundaries

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No one's saying you should never lend friends money, but being mindful about the decision is worth noting. West feels "it's complicated" while Dunlap believes the issue "can be tricky." There's a chance a low-key loan becomes an expectation that you should dish out money every time someone needs help, even if you're trying to maintain your own bills. "Lending money to a friend is like sharing your Netflix password—simple in theory, but one wrong move, and things get weird," West forewarns.

Dunlap also says, "When you lend money to someone close to you, there's always the chance that you won’t get it back. You want to be mentally prepared for that! Otherwise, it can strain your finances and your relationship. The emotional toll can be just as heavy, as unpaid loans can lead to resentment or awkwardness." It's not unusual to hear about certain friends being unreliable in more ways than one after you've let them borrow something. Unfortunately, Irwin indicates this happens because some people "don't expect to give something back that they've borrowed."

Because of this, Dunlap thinks "it's best to avoid loans if possible." Should you decide to move forward with helping out a friend who's in a bind, make sure you're both in agreement about repayment and what to expect moving forward. West says "having clear terms" or "gifting a small amount if you can afford it" is like "buying their friendship insurance." The latter is something Dunlap agrees with because it "helps prevent resentment if they can't pay you back as planned." Plus, she feels it also "keeps the loan within an amount you're okay with potentially losing."

4. Lending Money Is A Slippery Slope That Can Lead To Distrust And Resentment

RDNE Stock project

It's amazing how money can lead to a friendship breakup if boundaries aren't created or respected. "Money is a sneaky little devil who can push everyone’s buttons. It can cause resentment if one person feels taken advantage of or someone’s 'casual loan' becomes an epic saga of unpaid IOUs," West says. Not only that, but Dunlap knows "money can strain relationships between friends and family by highlighting differences in how we value it, expect to use it, or feel about sharing it."

Friends and family members shouldn't take each other's kindness for granted, but human nature is fickle at times. That's not an indicator that someone you love is a "bad" person, but they may feel like you owe them your time and money. However, Irwin says this isn't "de facto that that person is entitled." Still, Dunlap is more than aware how this can play out. "For example, it can lead to resentment if one person is always the one picking up the tab, while another might feel uncomfortable or indebted because they’ve been helped financially," she says.

On the other hand, it can show up a little differently in families. She adds, "Issues like unequal inheritance or constant requests for financial help can lead to deep emotional tension. Money can also become a tool for power imbalances, where one person feels in control and the other feels dependent, and that can mess with trust and respect."

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When certain negative patterns show up in relationships, it can make people decide to take a step back from being available. "And once distrust settles in, it’s hard to shake; nobody wants to be 'that friend' who’s forever dodging a Venmo request or getting side-eye from relatives at every family BBQ," West points out. How many times have you built up a wall with the people you love because of repeated unreliability or the expectation that you're supposed to help them whenever they ask? If you didn't hesitate to think of a moment, you're living proof that distrust can affect even the closest relationships.

Dunlap says, "When money becomes a main factor in a relationship, it can overshadow the connection, making it difficult to maintain genuine trust and understanding. You can avoid this by having open conversations with friends and family about your financial situation. Clear communication can help keep the focus on the relationship, not the money."

5. You Can Worry You're Not A Good Friend Or Family Member For Setting Money Boundaries

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Worrying about how other people feel can keep us from setting boundaries. There's a difference between being an empath and a people pleaser, but it's easy to blur the lines. You can absolutely empathize with someone's hardship while knowing you're not in the position to lend the amount they may be looking for. I'm a huge fan of saying that two things can be true at once — because they can.

Irwin says you need to "address the conversation head on" if a friend does ask you for a loan. Your response may depend on if their ask was "emotionally-charged or "in an uncomfortable environment," but Irwin doesn't recommend ignoring it. If you're not in the space to respond, here's what she suggests saying in a "timely" fashion:

"Hey, I need time to think about this. Let me get back to you."
"We can help you, but here are our boundaries."
"We see and understand you, but we're unable to help because we're trying to pay off debt or save for _______."

Yes, Financial Boundaries Are Essential

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Don't think you need to create financial boundaries for yourself and your friends? Think again. West says, "Establishing some ground rules is a lifesaver—think of it adding airbags to the friendship. Setting boundaries early on, like when you’re still in the happy, non-monetary part of the relationship, can protect both sides if things get sticky."

Here's how she advises you proceed with creating boundaries:

Keep it light and be honest; you’re not making a prenuptial agreement here, just letting them know you’d like to avoid “financial fireworks” later.
Say, “I’m your friend, not your ATM.” It’s funny but helps set the tone that your wallet isn’t a free-for-all.
Set a gift cap, such as, "I'm happy to chip in for brunch or a birthday, but let’s not get into home-loan territory.”
If you do lend, draw up a repayment plan. Think of it as adulting with a side of accountability to avoid “accidentally” becoming their financial fairy godmother.
Limit talk of big financial choices unless you’re genuinely invested together. After all, nobody needs to know how much their friend spends on avocado toast or scented candles, let alone home renos.
A little humor and some boundaries go a long way. You’ll save yourself a lot of awkwardness and keep the friendships intact, one “non-loaned” dollar at a time!

Alexander Grey/Unsplash

Tori says, "It's so important to have transparent conversations about money, set clear boundaries, and ensure that relationships are prioritized in any money exchange." Here are a few things you can try:

Communicate about your budget with a “gratitude sandwich.” Say you’re invited to an outing—a dinner, or a sports game—that isn’t within your budget right now. You can respond with the “gratitude sandwich.” The “pieces of bread” are positive, and the “meat” is the money thing you’re scared to say. Thank that person for the invite, let them know it’s not within budget right now, and then offer a cheaper alternative, reassuring them that you’d really love to see them. Offering an alternative reminds that person that declining their invitation isn’t about them, and you still care about them. In doing so, you prioritize your budget AND your relationship in the process.When in doubt, remember that no is a complete sentence. You don’t need to overcomplicate things, and sometimes a simple “no” is all you need.
Set expectations early. When planning trips with friends, discuss the budget and how costs will be split upfront. Having these conversations ensures that everyone is on the same page and helps avoid any misunderstandings. It creates a supportive, stress-free environment where everyone can enjoy the experience together without any added worries!

The Final Verdict:

Emil Kalibradov/Unsplash

Once you've weighed your options and considered what you need, you can decide to loan your friend money. However, Irwin wants you to consider being formal about it. "You can absolutely draft a promissory note or loan agreement so that your friend knows how serious you are about your boundaries. If you want, you can also put an interest rate on it," she says.

It's not to hurt your friend's feelings, but it is a boundary you can put in place so they think to themselves, "This is truly a loan because I'm borrowing money with the intent to pay it back," Irwin says. It could change the dynamics of your friendship, but it's more about being "purposeful about the language being used" so you and your friend can both move in the "right direction," according to Irwin.

If the idea of creating a 'loan agreement' sounds icky to you, Dunlap wants you to seriously consider it as "an extra bit of protection." She says all you need to do, again, is "try setting up a simple contract to outline repayment terms" because it "can help both of you stay on the same page and avoid misunderstandings down the road."

Her ultimate piece of advice? "Only lend what you're comfortable giving and potentially losing, and keep open communication to maintain trust and respect in the relationship."

If you set clear financial boundaries and still find that your platonic relationships are weird, we have tips to help you navigate a potential friendship breakup.

money advice money tips friendship advice relationships money

13 Quick & Easy Ways To Calm Down When You’re Stressed Out

Lately, we've been faced with anxiety everywhere we turn. It's okay if (like us), you don't always know how to deal with the toughest of times, especially when the tough times never seem to end. If you are feeling that way, we're right there with you! Our team has always shared the ways we cope with our personal stressors over the years, and we wanna share these quick and easy tips for how to calm down with you! Keep reading for our recommendations — hopefully they can help the next time you're feeling anxious.

Thirdman

Intentional Thoughts

I'm someone who has a hard time letting things go; I can agonize over one thought or situation for days! Because of this, I focus a lot on taking thoughts captive, which just means pinpointing anxious thoughts and replacing them with what I know is true.

When I have an anxious thought, I do a creative visualization exercise in which I imagine it's inside a bubble floating over my head. Then I slam an imaginary door over the memory and lock it. Then the bubble explodes and the thought doesn't exist anymore. It's not necessarily pretending like it never happened, but it does allow me to exercise some control over what I allow myself to spend time and energy thinking about.

—Choe Williams, Entertainment Editor

Mikhail Nilov

Breathing Techniques

My mom is a Pre-K teacher and suggested I try the breathing exercises she does with her kids who are just four years old (I'm 31 for context). The first is called Mountain Breathing, which entails holding up your hand and tracing the outline of your fingers. As you climb up the mountain (or your finger), inhale, and as you trace down into the valley between your fingers, exhale. Another breathing visualization she recommends is as you inhale, imagine yourself breathing in to smell the flowers, and exhale to blow out a candle. These little imaginative scenarios help me get out of my head and focus on my breathing when I need a little reset throughout the day.

Hammock Swinging

Whenever I'm feeling super stressed, I head for the hammock I setup in my front yard. Just as rocking can soothe babies, swinging in a hammock is a powerful soother for adults too! I feel super chilled afterwards and am usually getting some Vitamin D while I'm at it for a win-win.

Painting

During the pandemic, I revisited arts and crafts with soft pastels. I started mixing the colors and doing gradient shadings on card stock with my hands, and it proved to be a super meditative way to decompress. The end result is DIY art you can share or pin on your fridge or wall.

—Alison Ives, Head Of Content

KoolShooters

Breathing Techniques

Nothing calms me down quite like alternate-nostril breathing. I first learned about this technique in my yoga classes, but the practice (called Nadi Shodhana in Sanskrit) dates back to the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, which was thought to be written sometime between 200 BC and 200 CE. Put simply, you sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and cover one nostril while you breathe in through the other. Then, you switch which nostril you're holding closed, and breathe out. In modern times, the connection between vagal nerve tone (which is correlated with anxiety and emotional regulation) and alternate-nostril breathing is becoming more and more mainstream, which may eventually help us better understand why this practice is so naturally calming.

Tarot Reading

Tarot can mean a lot of different things to different people. For me, I use tarot cards as a method to help me understand what lessons I'm learning at any given time. This has allowed me to view stressors in my life as learning experiences, which has helped me stay calm in numerous crises. I personally like to light some incense or a scented candle, sit quietly, and pull a card to see what resonates. That said, tarot and its associated images and meanings can be scary or triggering if you don't have a deep and gentle understanding of what the cards mean. I recommend Lindsay Mack's classes and podcasts for anyone who wants to learn about tarot in a non-judgemental, non-predictive, trauma-informed way.

—Maggie McCracken, Former Senior Editor

Gustavo Fring

Sensory Accessories

My recent ways of coping/de-stressing have primarily been spiky sensory finger rings, which are a huge help when I need to get something done and can't stop my day to destress. I grab one of these guys which I have all over the place (most of my jacket pockets + purses), and it helps to calm me down and reset my focus.

Meditation On The Move

Another thing I do that I am trying to integrate into my daily routine is guided meditation walks. As someone who hasn't mastered sitting meditation I've found some on Headspace that I'm enjoying that are specifically for going on a walk through a city.

—Claire Shadomy, Former Graphic Designer

Kate Branch

Baths...

In times of high stress, or after a long day, my go-to is always a candle-lit bath soak. I put a large scoop of Epsom salts in the tub with a few drops of my favorite essential oil and place tea lights all around the tub. It’s like my secret getaway from the rest of the world. I always make a point to leave my phone in the other room too so I utilize the time to just relax in silence. Water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body's “rest and digest” response. It always gets my heart rate and blood pressure down.

...And Sound Baths

Sound baths are a meditative experience where you’re “bathed” in sound waves. I love to watch them online but you can also create your own experience. I find meditating with a singing bowl so relaxing. It can take a little practice, but once you’ve nailed the hand movement, it’s an interactive way to ease stress and channel your focus elsewhere.

—Allison Cimo, Former Social Media Manager

Brady Knoll

Take A Hike

Pretty much every day in 2020 I walked the trails near my house and I started to pick up a small rock each time. I'd fidget with it while I cleared my mind and let nature calm my nerves. I would throw the rock back into nature after my hike and it felt like a release for all of my worries.

Bedtime Music

My daughter and I listen to Doze sleep music on Headspace before we go to bed. It calms her late-night zoomies (and mine) and gets her to sleep in minutes!

—Theresa Gonzalez, Branded Content Editor

Anastasia Shuraeva

Journaling

What I use for my anxiety is the Intelligent Change Five Minute Journal. I have a safe word in place for when I feel myself spiraling or I'm not able to control my thoughts and breathing.

—Brittney Davis, Account Manager

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This post has been updated.

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25 Anthropologie Gifts That Are Perfect For The Cool Girl In Your Life

If you’re one of those people that prides themselves on delivering the perfect present and finds joy in seeing the giftee's face light up, Anthropologie is going to be your BFF for finding gifts this holiday season! From home decor to apparel and everything in between, Anthropologie delivers unique and eclectic finds that are fun and fashion-forward. It can be challenging sifting through the endless online racks of their treasures, though, so I’ve broken down the best gifts from Anthropologie so all you have to do is press *add to cart*!

Our 25 favorite Anthropologie gifts for 2024 gifting:

Let's jump into the best gifts from Anthropologie for the season! These are perfect for teen girls, Gen-Z-ers, fashion lovers, and those who can't help but hop on the latest trends.

Anthropologie

For the one that plans like it's a full-time job: 2025 17-Month Monogram Planner

Is there ever a better gift than something that'll help them keep their life in order? 2025, we're coming for you.

Anthropologie

For the cozy-chic gal: UGG Classic Mini Boots

These mini UGG boots are so on-trend right now, any cool fashion gal will adore them as a gift.

Anthropologie

Bring street style to their closet: The Oversized Brigitte Satchel by Melie Bianco

This bag fits everything your giftee could possibly need in the day-to-day – and then some.

Anthropologie

For the skincare-obsessed: NuFACE Mini+ Gift Set

This slightly-bougie skincare device tones and lifts your face while targeting signs of aging, like fine lines and wrinkles. It'll be such a luxe upgrade to your giftee's current routine!

Anthropologie

For the girl on the go: New Balance 530 Sneakers

These fashion-forward sneakers work well across a variety of outfits and occasions, like hitting the gym, going on a hot girl walk, or running weekend errands. The cool girl in your life will love pairing them with her favorite matching workout set and a sleek trench coat when it's cold out.

Anthropologie

Being trendy is too easy: Cherry Lips Bag Charm

Bag charms are all the rage right now, so help them hop on the trend with this adorably eye-catching keychain.

Anthropologie

To wear with her cowgirl boots: Worn/West Let's Go For a Walk Trucker Hat

Trucker hats are the perfect head gear for a casual-get up. Styles that make a statement like this one are perfect for the Western fashion lover!

Anthropologie

Seasonal scent for their space: Icon Woody Fresh Balsam & Cedarwood Glass Candle

Anthropologie's candle selection is bomb – you're bound to find a scent your giftee will approve of. We recommend this seasonal woody scent encased in a festive, tree-dotted glass!

Anthropologie

Unique lighter that looks like decor: Nomatiq Flume Electric Lighter

Pick up this electric lighter to coordinate with any candle gift. We promise they've never owned a lighter like this!

Anthropologie

Okay, she's a bookworm: I-SEA Aviator Readers

Whether she's working through her current TBR list or starting off the workweek, these chic readers will help her see clearly. You can snag 'em in a handful of colors and different strengths based on her vision.

Anthropologie

Straight to the point for the shoe lover: Maeve Pointed-Toe Moto Mary Jane Flats

All the cool girls are rocking pointed flats for winter. Bonus points for this pair being metallic!

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.

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Cheeky Gift Ideas That Suit Anyone and Everyone

Surprise your loved ones with these cheeky gift ideas that are perfect for anyone and everyone! From quirky gadgets to fun, useful finds and playful accessories, these picks are designed to bring a smile to anyone's face. Whether you're shopping for a close friend or that hard-to-please relative, these unique finds add a dash of humor and charm to your holiday gifting. Explore these playful gifts and make this season memorable with presents that everyone will enjoy.

Thanks for reading about our favorite finds from across the internet! FYI: We participate in affiliate programs and may get a share of the revenue from your purchase.

This calming toy to Help Reduce Anxiety

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25 Anthropologie Gifts That Are Perfect For The Cool Girl In Your Life

Let's jump into the best gifts from Anthropologie for the season! These are perfect for teen girls, Gen-Z-ers, fashion lovers, and those who can't help but hop on the latest trends.

For the one that plans like it's a full-time job: 2025 17-Month Monogram Planner

For the cozy-chic gal: UGG Classic Mini Boots

Bring street style to their closet: The Oversized Brigitte Satchel by Melie Bianco

For the skincare-obsessed: NuFACE Mini+ Gift Set

For the girl on the go: New Balance 530 Sneakers

Being trendy is too easy: Cherry Lips Bag Charm

To wear with her cowgirl boots: Worn/West Let's Go For a Walk Trucker Hat

Seasonal scent for their space: Icon Woody Fresh Balsam & Cedarwood Glass Candle

Unique lighter that looks like decor: Nomatiq Flume Electric Lighter

Okay, she's a bookworm: I-SEA Aviator Readers

Straight to the point for the shoe lover: Maeve Pointed-Toe Moto Mary Jane Flats

Cheeky Gift Ideas That Suit Anyone and Everyone

This calming toy to Help Reduce Anxiety

This Puffer Bomber Is So Chic

Blow Off Some Steam With A Dammit Doll

A Form of Shart

Fidget Putty Is Perfect For Concentration

Advent Calendar But Make It Makeup

Mini Karaoke Machine

These Slippers Are Perfect for Cold Weather

Remove Sebum and Blackheads With This Tool

The Not-So Piggy Bank

Put Your Phone on DND and Enjoy Some Quiet Time

The Top Selling Pillows On Amazon

Shoe Spray to Spray the Stink Away

This Organizer Bin With a Genius Design

A Portable Photo Printer To Make Prints Anywhere

This Desk Lamp For Lighting But in the Cutest Way

Cowboy Hat-Wearing Duck Lamp

This Comfortable Bath Pillow Takes Relaxation to Bliss

The Stanley Stainless Steel Tumbler Is a Fan Favorite

Go Solo

Wrap Up In Warm in These Essentials

Comfy Couch Blanket

Nostalgic Glow From This Tetris Lamp

They'll Feel Pampered With This Laneige Holiday Gift Set

Astronaut Galaxy Night Light

Handprint Kit

This Heated Neck Stretcher For the Whole Body

This Camera Bundle for Pro-Level Shots

Give Their Plants a Personality with these Magnets

This Book Nook for DIY Enthusiasts

Relieve Tension With an Infrared Heat Mat

A Coloring Book with a Sense of Humor

Legacy Journal

Christmas Snow Globe for Magic Glittery Moments