How to Deal When Your Partner Is the “Messy One”

Alli Hoff Kosik
Mar 10, 2019

When you move in with your significant other, there’s bound to be an adjustment period in terms of housework and completing chores. You’re feeling each other out, trying to get a sense of how each of you prefers to live. You may even find yourselves testing each other’s boundaries, pushing your partner to their cleanliness and neatness limits. After all, everyone’s standards of comfortable living are different. While you demand floors you could serve dinner on and pristine countertops, your bae may be perfectly content with slightly dusty surfaces and a cluttered bedroom.

If that’s the dynamic in your relationship, you may have resigned yourself to the fact that, since you’re always going to be the one who cares more, you’re also always going to be the one actually does the cleaning. Chicago-based counselor Lauren Freier knows this tension all too well from her work with couples. More often than not, she tells us, discrepancies like this tend to be indicative of other issues below the surface.

“Let’s take the dishes, for example,” she says. “Why might that be important to you? Perhaps arriving home to a clean kitchen helps ease your stress after a long day of work, or maybe you’ve been feeling chaos and uncertainty in other areas of your life and your home is the one place you have control over, so you need that to be neat. It might feel like every time your partner leaves their plate sitting in the sink, they are valuing their time over yours, because now you’re the one that has to clean it.”

The key to establishing a more comfortable balance of housework in your shared home — even if you are the one who cares more about how your house or apartment looks — is, you guessed it, communication. As the neat freak in the relationship, you may want to spend some time thinking about what’s really behind your need for cleanliness and your frustration with your S.O. Are you craving control? Do you want your partner to share your values? Are you looking for acknowledgment for the work that you do? Reflect, then share your conclusions with your sweetie.

“Once couples gain deeper insight into their own and their partner’s inner worlds, they are often more open to meeting one another’s needs and requests because they’re able to see the meaning they carry,” Freier says. “Mutual understanding and respect is a really helpful place to start.”

Basically, your partner may be a lot more willing to step up their clean-up game if they realize that your need for order in the home is about your mental state and not just a desire to keep up with appearances. Identifying specific ways in which your significant other can help you feel supported and respected in your home will go a lot further than complaining about all of the things they’re not doing to maintain your space. And practicing these strategies will pay off in other areas of your relationship.

“Tension about household chores can absolutely creep into other aspects, particularly because this is often connected to someone not feeling heard, valued, or respected as an equal,” Freier tells us. “The opportunities are rampant for this to show up just about anywhere.”

Stop those tensions in their tracks with Freier’s specific tips:

1. Talk about expectations directly. Remember that you and your partner come from different backgrounds, which means that you’ve seen different models for the balance of household responsibilities. Open up to your partner about how your family of origin handled these matters and ask them to do the same. From there, you can talk about your individual expectations for your own home and relationship.

2. Be flexible. “Just because your partner doesn’t do the chore exactly the way you want it doesn’t make it wrong,” Freier notes. “Reinforce the positive behavior of them taking action, offer some suggestions if possible, and accept that you may need to recalibrate as well.”

3. Express gratitude. A simple “thank you” goes a long way! Don’t forget to tell your partner that you appreciate their efforts to keep your home sparkling. Recognize any small gesture that shows they’re absorbing your standards and expectations for cleanliness.

4. Define “clean.” You and your partner may very well be speaking different languages with respect to how you keep your space. Take the time to understand your partner’s definition of “clean” and help them to understand yours. Discuss the differences between “messy” and “dirty” too. Honing in on what’s tolerable to each of you may clear up a lot of discrepancies and save you from complaining about the state of your bathroom or kitchen later on.

RELATED: 7 Ways to Reconnect With Your S.O.

(Photo via Getty)

Not Close With Your Family? Here's How To Have a Joyous And Connected Holiday Season

Last year, some of us celebrated the holidays apart from our families for the first time. COVID has brought with it many changes, some of them arguably positive (like increased flexibility to work from home), some difficult (such as the realization of vastly different political and social views between family and friends), and some horrible (obviously, the health implications of a global pandemic). However, for some of us, celebrating the holidays without family members isn't exclusively due to COVID. In addition to so many of us living in different areas than our families of origin, some of us simply don't have close bonds with the people we grew up around. Sometimes, this can cause loneliness.

If you're not close with your family members, the holidays can be a difficult time. This is doubly true if you don't have a close circle of friends to call upon. But make no mistake, if this sounds like your situation, you're not alone — there are thousands of other people going through the same struggles you are. We sat down with Irad Eichler, founder of Circles, a website that connects people who are sharing similar struggles, like heartbreak, grief, or loneliness. Here are some of Eichler's tips for coping — and even thriving! — during the holiday season when you're not planning on spending it with your family, for one reason or another.

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

Laura Chouette

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

Joel Muniz

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

Priscilla Du Preez

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Thought Catalog

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

If you're struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Connect with our digital community of makers and creatives here at Brit+Co by following us on IG and signing up for our newsletter!

This post has been updated.

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Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Simply Can't Keep Their Hands Off Each Other

I can totally understand falling for a costar. One scene gazing into each other's eyes, and (as the kids say), I'd be asking, "What are we?" Zendaya & Tom Holland and Ashley Park & Paul Forman both met on the sets of their most famous projects (Spider-Man and Emily in Paris, in case you were wondering), and this year's biggest movie event also features a brand new celebrity couple: Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater.

The co-stars made headlines when they ended their respective marriages and started dating each other, and Ethan Slater finally spoke out on the response to their relationship. Here's what he had to say, and the latest news on this couple.

Keep Reading For The Latest News On Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater

  • Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater met on the set of Wicked, in theaters November 22.
  • The couple made headlines when they started dating the same month they separated from their respective spouses.
  • In a recent interview, Ethan Slater reveals the reaction to their relationship was "really hard."

Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater's Full Relationship Timeline

Jerod Harris/Getty Images for CinemaCon

Late 2022 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Meet While Filming Wicked

After Ariana and Ethan were both cast in Jon M. Chu's Wicked, the movie began filming in early December. Ariana Grande was cast as Glinda, while Ethan Slater got the role of Boq, one of Glinda's Shiz University classmates.

March 27, 2023 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Were "All Over Each Other"

Ariana and Ethan reportedly could get enough of each other at Michelle Yeoh's Oscars party. A source told The Daily Mail later that summer that "They were seen making out at a pub in Hampstead, and they were all over each other at Michelle Yeoh's Oscar party."

Aliah Anderson/Getty Images

July 2023 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Split From Their Partners And Start Dating

News of Ariana's split from her then-husband Dalton Gomez broke on July 17, while TMZ also reported Ethan filed for divorce from his wife at the time, Lilly Jay, on July 26. (Ariana and Dalton ended up filing for divorce in September).

After People reported Ariana and Ethan were now in a relationship of their own, Lilly told Page Six that “[Ariana’s] the story, really. Not a girl’s girl. My family is just collateral damage.” However, other sources claim Lilly and Ethan had been separated for a couple months before his relationship with Ariana started.

August 2, 2023 — Ethan Slater & Ariana Grande Are Moving Fast

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater reportedly fell head over heels so quickly, their friends were telling them to pump the breaks. “Ariana’s been told it’s too soon to go public with him and to take things slower,” said an Us Weekly insider at the time. “She’s very aware of how she’s perceived by her fans, and she’s trying to be mature. [But] if it were up to her, she’d be seen with him tomorrow.”

Elsa/Getty Images

September 4, 2023 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Are Learning How To Balance Their Relationship

Sources told People at the beginning of September that the costars and couple are trying to figure out how to balance their relationship with their celebrity.

“While this entire situation has been blown out of proportion, it’s much different than what has been portrayed in public,” a friend of the couple says. “They are just trying to navigate their new relationship in private."

Another reemphasizes that Ariana and Ethan only started dating after they were separated from their spouses, while a third adds, “They are doing their best to balance the fact that they are in the public eye with the desire to be respectful to all parties involved.”

September 2023 — Ethan Slater & Ariana Grande Go To Disney World

Surrounded by their friends and family, the Wicked movie stars headed for a day at the happiest place on earth. "They went with a big group of friends as well her mom and brother," a source told People. The source also said they're "really happy and really good for each other. All of her friends love him."

Cindy Ord/Getty Images

October 31, 2023 — Ariana Grande Supports Ethan Slater's Spamalot

Ariana Grande showed up to support her boyfriend for Spamalot's opening night at Broadway's St. James Theater.

December 23, 2023 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Grab Dinner In New York City

To celebrate the holidays, Ariana and Ethan headed out to a nice Italian dinner, reportedly with Ari's dad Ed Butera. "They love to support each other in their work," a source told People. "When she’s done with work, Ariana loves going to the theater when she can."

Considering she's a musical girlie, and has been on Broadway herself, I totally believe Ariana heads to the theatre whenever she gets a chance!

December 28, 2023 — Ariana Grande Says She Feels "Deeply Misunderstood"

“I’ve never felt more at the mercy of and in acceptance of what life was screaming to teach me,” Ariana Grande said in an Instagram story. “I have never felt more pride or joy or love while simultaneously feeling so deeply misunderstood by people who don’t know me, who piece whispers together and make what they want out of me and their assumptions of my life.”

A source also told People that the popstar is “serious with Ethan. She loves being with him."

Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

January 12, 2024 — Ariana Grande Releases "Yes, And?"

In a line heard 'round the world, Ariana Grande's "Yes, And?" (the lead single from her Eternal Sunshine album) begs the question, "Why do you care so much whose d—k I ride?" The song doesn't mention Ethan by name, but there's a lot of room to infer.Although, when the album releases in March, Ariana also talks about a new "interaction" on “Intro (End of the World)," and wonders "if he’s judgin’ me like I am right now."

September 30, 2024 — Ariana Grande Defends Ethan Slater

In a Vanity Fair cover story, Ariana opened up about the reaction to her relationship with Ethan Slater, revealing that “the most disappointing part was to see so many people believe the worst version of [the story]."

“There couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him,” she says. “No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about. There is no one on this earth with a better heart...I’m 31 years old and I’m not a perfect person, but I am definitely deeply good, and I’m proud of who I’m becoming. I will never let disreputable evil tabloids ruin my life or my perception of what is real and good.”

Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Lucille Lortel Theatre

October 30, 2024 — Ethan Slater Finally Speaks Out About His Relationship With Ariana Grande

Almost two years after meeting Ariana Grande, Ethan Slater finally opened up about their relationship in a new interview with GQ. “Obviously, it was a really super big year and I think there was something that was really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public," he says. "There were a lot of big changes in private lives that were really happening, so it’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it and speculating, and then getting things wrong about the people you love. So just to address that part of it, that feels really hard."

But the clouds also came with silver linings. “Of course, it was an amazing year and a really beautiful thing, and I’m just really excited," he continues. "I’m just really, really proud of Ari and the work she’s done on this. She’s poured herself into it. I’m really proud that I got to be there for that part of it, and I’m really excited to be there for this next step of it when the world gets to see the amazing thing that she did.”

Instagram/arianagrande

November 3, 2024 — Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater Go Instagram Official

These two took their relationship to the next level in the modern dating age — they put it on the grid. Well, not exactly. In Instagram posts celebrating the Australian premiere of Wicked, Ariana and Ethan both shared a picture of themselves. Is it blurry? Sure. Are their faces in it? No. But does this still count as an Instagram hard launch? Absolutely.

November 5, 2024 — Ethan Slater & Ariana Grande Pack On the PDA During Wicked

And after taking photos for the new Wicked movie in Sydney, Australia, Ethan and Ariana were more than happy, walking with their arms around each other and big smiles on their faces! And during the LA premiere of the film, Ariana was seen fixing Ethan Slater's bow tie.

November 11, 2024 — Ethan Slater Praises Ariana Grande's Comedy Acting Chops

In an exclusive interview with Brit + Co, Ethan Slater couldn't stop hyping up Ari's humor. And if you saw her hosting SNL, then you definitely understand. "I cannot wait for like the roll out of everything that Bowen said that isn't in the movie, or Ari, honestly, said that isn't in the movie. Just take after take," he says. "The moments where somebody broke, it was always great. There's one that's seared into my memory of, in Doctor Dillamond's classroom, I don't remember what Ari said but she got Cynthia [Erivo] and it's just the two of them across the way and they're staring at each other and she got her so good. There's something really wonderful about breaking. It's delightful."

He also praised Ariana and Cynthia for how they welcomed the rest of the cast their first days on set. "[They] would hug everyone who came in," he continues. "This huge movie is something that we've been waiting for for 20 years on a big scale with the biggest stars in the world, it could have felt really intimidating and it felt really familial immediately."

Check back here for the latest news on this Ariana Grande & Ethan Slater's relationship! Read up on Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce while you're at it ;).

This post has been updated.

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6 Signs It’s Time to Invite Your S.O. Home for Thanksgiving

You and your new-ish flame have been enjoying all of the best parts of fall. You’ve indulged in pumpkin carving, sipped apple cider in a corn maze, wore the perfect DIY couples costumes, and cozied up for an early peek at some of your favorite holiday movies. Things really couldn’t be going better. With just a few weeks left before Thanksgiving, though, you’re about to be faced with a big decision: Is it time to invite said S.O. to join you and the fam for Turkey Day festivities?

How serious is serious enough? Will an invitation like this freak bae out? And when do you really know that a partner is ready to handle all the family chaos that the holidays can shake up? Deciding whether or not to bring your partner home for a major end-of-year holiday can feel like a big deal, and we want to help you dial down the intensity so you can focus on what’s really important: food and quality time with your loved ones. We’ve consulted with relationship experts about how you know the time is right to bring a date to family Thanksgiving — read on for their six signposts.

Andrea Piacquadio

1. You’re Having In-Depth Conversations About Family Traditions And Dynamics

You and your sweetie have been seeing each other for a few months, and with the holiday season just around the corner, you’re starting to open up to each other about the parts of the festivities that are most meaningful to you. You’re swapping stories about favorite recipes and customs, and you’re comfortable enough to share the nitty-gritty details about icky family dramas that can make the season awkward. If these conversations are coming up naturally and you want to share your holiday with your S.O. IRL, licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says it might be time to extend the invite.

Nicole Michalou

2. Your S.O. Has Already Met Some Of Your Family

Therapist Irene Schreiner recommends that you consider bringing your partner to Thanksgiving if they’ve already met some of your loved ones. “If they haven’t met anyone in your family yet,” on the other hand, “it can feel too overwhelming to have them meet everyone at once during the craziness of the holiday,” she says. Know your S.O.’s boundaries so you can push or protect them accordingly.

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3. Your Family Wants To Meet Your Significant Other

Mom’s been picking up hints from your phone conversations that something pretty amazing is going on between you and your new special someone, and she’s anxious to put a face to the name you keep mentioning. Your siblings are equally excited to interrogate — er, meet — your boo. It’s rare for your family to come together outside of the holiday season, so if you’re serious about your S.O. this might be the perfect time to invite them to make the rounds.

“If your family is constantly begging to meet [them], it is time to bring them home for Thanksgiving,” encourages Grapevine Gossip relationship expert Caitlyn Paltsios. “It shows your family is interested… and you can also see if your S.O. is excited to meet your family.”

cottonbro studio

4. You’ve Both Traded "I Love You's"

Maybe you said “I love you” first, or maybe bae made the initial move. Either way, you’re both swapping that all-important word pretty comfortably now; you might want to consider swapping it over a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes. “‘I love you’ is such a powerful statement for any relationship,” notes counselor and Tech Talk Therapy owner Connie Omari. “Once this line has been crossed, you naturally become more open with one another. This closeness should be solidified by allowing your S.O. to interact with the other people that you love.”

fauxels

5. Your S.O.'s Family Has Already Invited You To Gatherings

If you’ve already had a chance to attend family dinners and maybe a birthday party or two with your S.O., it’s your turn to extend an invitation (assuming, of course, that you share their serious feelings and there aren’t other concerns as to why it might be unsafe or unhealthy to reciprocate the invitation). “If they are including you in small family events, they are looking to integrate you into their larger lives and are likely ready to have you do the same,” Schreiner explains. This doesn’t mean that you should make the invitation purely out of obligation — only that you should seriously consider it when they’ve already made the first move.

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

6. You Can't Imagine Spending Thanksgiving Apart

“Thanksgiving has historically been known for being around people with whom we care very much about,” reminds Omari. “If your S.O. means a lot to you — maybe even the world — it’s likely you will feel very uncomfortable at the thought of being separated for Thanksgiving.” Tune in to your feelings and visualize experiencing this very special occasion as a couple. If this seems like the only way you would want to celebrate, then you have nothing to lose by asking! If, however, visualizing this makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable, psychotherapist and co-founder ofA Good First Date Rachel Perlstein suggests that it’s probably best to rain check until next year.

Do you get nervous about inviting a partner home for the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo!

This post has been updated.

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Benny Blanco Loves To "Go All Out" For Selena Gomez Date Nights

Things are heating up betweenSelena Gomez and Benny Blanco since late last year to the surprise of some, but it seems like the couple's romance is just getting started. They're not shy about PDA and posting each other on social media and pretty much telling anyone who doesn't like it to get lost. We love how fiercely supportive they are of each other, giving us so many good green flags! Here's everything we know about the lovely new couple so far.

Keep reading For The Latest News On Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco's Relationship

Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco's Relationship Timeline:

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

March 2019

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco first collaborated on the song "I Can't Get Enough" along with Tainy and J. Balvin in 2019. Though they were featured in a cute scene together, there weren't any rumors about them being romantically linked then.

August 2023

They didn't work together again until late summer 2023 when he produced Selena's single "Single Soon" with Cashmere Cat.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

December 2023

Before 2023 ended, Selena started leaving comments on Instagram that suggested she and Benny Blanco were in fact together. One of the comments she left appear on this Instagram fan page and it reads, "He is my absolute everything in my heart."

Some fans weren't so thrilled to see the two together though and they weren't afraid to express their opinions. But, this only prompted Selena to leave more comments that defended her relationship with Benny.

People grabbed a screenshot of one of the comments Selena responded that revealed the couple had been together for a while. "Not mad. It’s been 6 months bb. I will always defend my friends, family and fans till the day I die," she wrote. They even shared another screenshot from Selena's Instagram Story that showed her wearing a "B" ring on one of her fingers.

Craig Barritt/Getty Images for TIME

December 15, 2023

Soon after that, Selena shared a photo carousel on Instagram that included some of her favorite moments in New York and Benny Blanco can be seen in BTS moments. The last picture of the carousel features them sharing a kiss in a black and white photo that basically confirms the responses the singer had for fans.

December 28, 2023

Before the new year began, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco spent some time at a cute art exhibit during a date. From the looks of things, it seemed like they discovered their love language of physical touch early on.

Presley Ann/Getty Images for GQ

January 2, 2024

Feeling the love of being with Selena, Benny Blanco took to Instagram Stories to officially signal that the two are dating. People grabbed a few more screenshots that Benny shared and all we can see is the happy glint that was in Selena's eyes.

Sarah Stier/Getty Images

January 3, 2024

The next day the couple were seen court side at one of the Los Angeles Lakers' game. Once again, their love language was on full display in the most intimate way. A source revealed to People that they understood why people had so many opinions about Selena's relationship with Benny. "Everyone was a fan of hers before Only Murders [in the Building], and now everyone is protective of her."

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

January 15, 2024

Later that month, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco showed up to the Emmy Awards together. They were sitting side-by-side and weren't afraid to show affection with each other.

Jesse Grant/Getty Images for AFI

March 2024

When Benny Blanco's birthday rolled around, Selena Gomez shared a sweet message to him on Instagram. She wrote, "Happy birthday baby! Your emotional endurance, positive disposition, unbelievable talent (that blows me away), undeniable humor and loving, kind heart absolutely kill me. I love you @itsbennyblanco 🎂🥹."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

April 2024

Although we're only four months into the new year, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship is still going strong! The Only Murders in the Building star has been seen smiling in every pic she posts which indicates she's genuinely happy in her relationship. A source hinted to People that the two are doing well. "It’s a very serious relationship, and they’re making long distance work while she’s in New York for work commitments," they said.

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Spotify

April 25, 2024

In an interview with WSJ, Benny Blanco gave his POV of how his relationship with Selena Gomez began and it was the cutest revelation. "It’s crazy how your partner could just be sitting there the whole time, right in front of your eyes...And then you have a Clueless moment where you're like, Wait, I'm in love," he says.

A man who compares his relationship to that moment in Clueless where Cher and Josh admit their feelings for each other gets brownie points from us!

May 15, 2024

It looks like Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship may be ready for the next step — that's if you ask Mr. Blanco. He appeared on The Howard Stern Show yesterday to chat about everything, including his relationship with Selena. When Howard Stern asked, "You want to have kids with Selena? Have you told her you want to have kids yet," Benny replied, "That’s my next goal, to check the box. I have a ton of godkids. I've got a ton of nephews. I love being around kids."

However, he's not in a rush and wants everything to happen naturally. All that matters is that the two of them are in each other's life. He said, "I just know that when I look at her, I just say, ‘I don’t know a world where it could be better than this.’ That’s what I always say to her.”

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

May 29, 2024

Selena Gomez tells TIME just how much Benny Blanco means to her — no matter what anyone else says. "My own fans, who I adore and feel like have shaped who I am, will say the most hurtful things to me about how I live my life," she says. "But he has the strength in him that none of that noise fazes him. It’s really impressive, and I just cherish every moment with him. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that he’s not going anywhere any time soon.”

Selena Gomez/Instagram

October 27, 2024

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco looked amazing in their Alice in Wonderland couple's Halloween costume. "Curiouser and curiouser," Selena wrote on the post, which is totally reminding us of Taylor Swift's 1989 (hello "Wonderland"!!!).

Selena wore a corset dress in what looks like slate blue with cap puffed sleeves and a tulle skirt, along with a blonde wig, black bow, and slingback shoes. Benny went all out as the Mad Hatter with face paint, a wig, a top hat, and a waistcoat. We'd follow them down the rabbit hole!

November 11, 2024

Benny Blanco's been featured in People's'Sexiest Man Alive' issue and we're kind of feeling it! What started off as an unlikely choice for Selena has turned into a deep understanding of why she loves him so much. The man is an excellent host, cook, and gentleman which makes him an off-the-charts lover. And when it comes to date night, he believes in making sure every time is special. "I [still] go all out for every date. It doesn't mean spending your entire bank account. It means being attentive and listening," he said.

His most memorable dates with Selena involve the times she "rented out a whole botanical garden" and he "got her Taco Bell" before proceeding to make her "movie-theater nachos" and deep-frying her "favorite pickles from Texas" for Valentine's Day.

He also gushed about his favorite time of the day. "I'm a real morning person. It's my favorite time to spend with Sel, because we both wake up really early. It's like our moment before the rest of the world wakes up." Not only that, but the music producer is thrilled he has "a true best friend" he gets to spend his life with.

What do you think about Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship?Follow us on Facebook for more celebrity news!

This post has been updated.

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'Outer Banks' Fans Are Really Not Happy With THAT Death

Major Outer Banks season 4 spoilers ahead!

ICYMI, Outer Banks season 4 dropped its second half on November 7, and fans have a lot of very strong feelings about it. Despite the fact JJ's entire character arc is about defiance, hope, and being the ultimate Pogue, Outer Banks season 4 ended with his biological dad, a kook named Chandler Groff, killing him in cold blood.

It's an absolutely devastating ending for everyone's favorite character, and fans are having a hard time coping with the loss. The fact we only got 10 episodes of JJ and Kiara together (a relationship written into the show after viewers picked up on the chemistry between Rudy Pankow and Madison Bailey) makes it even worse — and a lot of fans are saying they won't watch the show again.

"I can’t even watch the previous seasons anymore knowing how it all ends," viewer Jordyn Bruder says in an email. "JJ was the literal heart of OBX and he was the glue that held the Pogues together. There is no OBX without JJ."

Outer Banks Fan Reactions To JJ's Death

​In which episode does JJ die?

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

JJ dies at the end of Outer Banks season 4 episode 10, "The Blue Crown" after rescuing Kiara from his father Chandler Groff. "I feel mad, betrayed, disappointed and heartbroken to say the least," Bruder adds. "JJ went through a lot of crap through the show and he was the one character who deserved his happy ending the most. When the series first came out, people fell in love with JJ and [Kiara]."

While the cast obviously found out about the ending while filming, fans are frustrated with how they chose to promote the show. "Obviously the cast can’t spoil a character death, but to blatantly lie and mislead fans by saying that Jiara was 'evergrowing' and fans would be happy with how the season plays out?" Bruder says. "Jiara fans deserved so much better than what we got, ESPECIALLY when they knew they were killing JJ off."

Why are Outer Banks fans so upset?

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

The show is the kind of phenomenon that made instant stars out of its cast, but it also made waves because of how the first season portrayed issues like classism, substance abuse, and domestic abuse. "As someone who has been around domestic abuse, I think the handling of the character JJ was detrimental culturally," another fan (who would like to remain anonymous) says. "The character suffered abuse at the hands of a man who was not even his biological father, and the writers almost framed it as if that was okay because in the beginning, his father loved him. Instead of telling a story to victims of abuse about hope and making it through trials, the writers went the opposite way. I also find it interesting that they stated this was a planned death. I think writing a character who is suffering from anxiety and clear mental health issues as well as abuse who is very young like JJ only to let him fall in love and kill him right when he starts to feel happiness doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense narratively."

Another viewer adds that ending JJ's story that way felt "disrespectful...especially when in an interview following the episode, one of the creators literally referred to his death as pointless." She even says "it feels almost like the show died along with him."

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

Actress Madelyn Cline (Sarah Cameron) called JJ the "heart of Outer Banks"and for a lot of fans, JJ also became a beacon of hope, a reminder that you can endure, persevere, and come out stronger on the other side. Since the first season of the show dropped during April 2020, it's been one consistent, fun thing for TV fans since the COVID-19 pandemic began, which makes the loss feel even greater.

"Seeing him die at the hands of another abusive father was honestly kind of sickening," the viewer adds. "It’s also unfortunate that his death didn’t seem to mean anything. A character death like this would be one thing if it meant something. If he had died protecting his friends or actively protecting Kiara, rather than having already saved her and then getting killed afterward, it might’ve be easier to get past."

"It’s like a connection to something good and steady was just broken," X user @onlykiep4l says. "Killing a character that has literally gone trough so much trauma and was finally happy just doesn’t make sense. It’s not just the character that’s gone — it feels like a part of the show has ended too."

Why does JJ get killed off?

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

Rumors have been circulating for years about behind-the-scenes drama between actors Rudy Pankow and Madison Bailey, which has fans believing Rudy asked to be written off the show(for the record, Outer Banks creators Josh & Jonas Pate and Shannon Burke have said it was the plan from the beginning). With Rudy's exit, the writers had a difficult choice in front of them. JJ isn't the kind of guy to abandon his friends, meaning the writers obviously felt like killing him was the only option. But according to an additional viewer, "Outer Banks hasn't been that type of show."

"To attempt to turn this fun, summer, boat show into some dark, depressing story where the heart of the show is gone destroys everything that the show started out as," she says.

Another anonymous fan calls the choice "a character assassination," adding other moments from the season that feel like a different character than the one fans have come to love: barely reacting to John B. and Sarah's pregnancy announcement, or to the fact Rafe had come to talk to Kiara — especially after his reaction to Rafe catcalling Kie in the first season is a moment that led fans to ship them in the first place.

The fan continues by calling JJ's treatment a "lack of respect" toward the character. "The fact that the writers tried to make us dislike him, to soften the blow of him dying. It didn’t work. It has everyone distraught because many people’s favorite character ended up dying after 'finding happiness' for about 10 minutes in Episode 10."

​Does Sarah get pregnant in Outer Banks season 4?

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

But JJ's death isn't the only moment that has fans reeling. In addition to the fact viewers are saying the Pogues barely reacted to the death of their lifelong best friend, Pope is now a murderer and Kiara makes an absolutely chilling vow to get revenge on Groff — a far cry from the characters we fell in love with in season 1.

"Outside of the JJ of it all, a lot of plot lines/dynamics in part 2 felt off," one of our anonymous fans continues. "Sarah’s pregnancy plot line, especially when coupled with the quote from a creator about ‘giving her a baby specifically because she wasn’t ready’ feels incredibly tone deaf given the current state of things here in the US. The fact that there wasn’t even a conversation of if she wanted to continue with the pregnancy felt very icky. Overall, episodes 1-4 of this season did feel like Outer Banks, but everything after that felt like it was from an entirely different piece of media."

Jackson Lee Davis/NetflixYep, 'Outer Banks' Season 4 Just Killed Off THAT Character

However, some fans are excited to see where the show goes from here. "JJ was such a strong character and his presence will obviously be missed, [but] I am excited to see how the Pogues react and what they do to get revenge on Groff," Virginia McGrew says in an email. "I also think that the scene of JJ dying with Kiara was extremely well done and emotional, making his passing even sadder. I ultimately believe that JJ’s passing serves as a reminder of the themes the show."

"JJ made the group even more aware of friendship, the importance of chosen family, and loyalty, which was seen throughout the season and especially in the finale," she continues. "Now that he is gone, the other Pogues will have to step up even more, creating a shift in their dynamic. While many believe that Outer Banks might not be worth watching after this finale, I truly think that it is only going to get even deeper and more interesting."

Let us know your thoughts on the Outer Banks season 4 ending on TikTok. And check out why This Heartbreaking Outer Banks 5 Theory Makes THAT Death Even More Emotional.

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