Lazy Girls! Here’s How to Get Away With Dirty Hair All Week

Washing your hair every day can actually do more harm than good to your locks, but it can be difficult to master the art of *not* washing your hair as frequently as you’d like to. We have news for you skeptics: It can be done! Yep, you can make it through an entire work week without lathering up if you think about it strategically. Yes, there is a day-by-day breakdown to not washing your hair while still having it look, smell and feel fresh. And just in case you’re thinking “ew,” it might make you feel better to know that celebs like Kim Kardashian West are on board. Here’s exactly how you can get away with it:

Start the week with clean hair. Skip products like styling creams, gels + sprays that could add grit and grime to your ‘do. Try to be as natural as possible on Day One and opt for styles that don’t require products, like overnight Beyoncé waves or these easy wet hair styles. If you feel like your strands need a *little* product, use one of our faves, TIGI Bed Head Hair Stick, because a teensy-tiny amount of the lightweight wax goes a longgg way (think, taming your baby hairs or mending your ends).

Day 2: Go Half Up, Half Down

The roots of your hair shouldn’t be super greasy yet, so think of the half-up, half-down approach as a fun way to break up the week in terms of your style. What we especially love about this style is its versatility — you can take this look in a number of directions. Want something elegant yet effortless? Try this French girl-inspired half-up tutorial that uses back combing to give your Day Two roots some extra oomph. Looking for something even more laid-back? Go ahead and throw your hair up into half top knot.

Day 3: Throw It Up into a Pony

By Day Three, you might be in full-on “I NEED to wash my hair ASAP!” mode. Don’t panic. Before you go to bed on Day Two, get a little cray with dry shampoo (don’t forget that you have a bunch of DIY options for this stuff). When you use dry shampoo at night, you can be more liberal with your application because it’ll have time to really sink in + work its magic overnight. Brush it out and then pull it up in a *non-basic* five-minute ponytail or, if you’re running really short on time, these one-minute styles. Never underestimate the possibilities + power of an updo (and we don’t mean the prom type) on hair of all lengths.

Day 4: Slip into a Sleek, Next-Level Braid

What to do with all this texturized, kinda oily hair of yours? Take advantage of this added sleekness with a perfectly messy fishtail braid, or really, any other plaited ‘do that masks those unwashed locks, like a super pretty, 10-minute crown braid.

Day 5: Top Knot It Up

Day Five — you made it through the week, and by now, you’re probably wanting to annihilate your shower cap. But this final ‘poo-free day might be the easiest to style! Simply wrap it up into a top knot. If your hair is feeling a little too greasy for comfort, add on a thick hair accessory to take the attention off of your stringy strands. Or to create more volume, use this new method that will leave that top knot as thick and messy-in-a-good-way as possible.

See? Totally doable! Now we challenge you to try this five-day no wash challenge!

Share your tips, tricks and results with us in the comments below.

Alright, this was definitely an interesting Halloween makeup tutorial to do for y’all, but it had to be done! There seems to be a handful of pop culture-inspired opportunities to rep this look on Halloween. From Bey’s awesome sad streaks in her “Why Don’t You Love Me” music video to the repeated "Girls will cry and girls will lie" in Sabrina Carpenter's "Lie to Girls," you can pretty much turn anything into a sad version as long it’s done well. Whether you are going for a scary or gory look — BTW, you can totally switch out the black liner here for a red one to make this bloody eye makeup (Max Mayfield anyone?) — you’ll still look pretty. Sad, but pretty.

The Best Cry Makeup Ever

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See how good this looks?! Let's get into it.

Prep: Flawless Face + Smokey Eye

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Follow this tutorial to get your base makeup started. Add a pretty dramatic smokey eye. Layer up the eyeliner on both your upper and lower lash line — you’re going to need the extra pigment to help get those sad little makeup streaks to fall down your pretty little cheeks.

Step 1: Concealer

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Normally I say keep it light on the concealer so it does not get cakey or look too heavy. In this case, you are going to be adding water and messing with the under eye area more than normal, so you want to go a bit more dramatic in this department. Apply an upside-down triangle shape and then blend in with a brush.

Step 2: Visine

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Add a few drops of Visine to your lower lash line. Be sure to start off by focusing on one eye, because you want to take the next step immediately so you don’t lose the Visine drop.

Step 3: Smear

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Use a thin makeup brush to gently encourage your eyeliner to bleed in the same pattern that the Visine drops are falling down your face.

Step 4: Highlight

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Add a pop of deep silver metallic shadow to the inside corners of your eyes. This is going to give the highlight and dimension we want, but it'll maintain more of a moody vibe.

Step 5: Repeat

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Go through these same four steps on the other eye! Easy peasy.

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Get your acting skills on and have fun with this pretty cry baby look! Play your go-to sad tunes to really get into the mood.

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So. Sad. (But so pretty!)

Check out more Halloween ideas on Pinterest and our Halloween page.

This post has been updated.

If you've been struggling to get enough sleep, new TikTok viral wellness trend — 'sleepmaxxing' — wants to help. We'd give anything to stop dealing with insomnia, middle-of-the-night wakeup calls, and overall sleep anxiety. But does this trend work? And more importantly, are all these social media tips safe for you to try?

Dr. Ankur Bindal, MD, MPH, FAPA, FAASM can tell you better than we can given his board certification in psychiatry, from American Board of Psychiatry & neurology. In addition to being the founder of the KAB Medical Group Inc. in San Diego, he's also a board certified sleep medicine practitioner who's seen firsthand how a lack of rest can affect our overall wellbeing.

TL;DR

  • Sleepmaxxing is a TikTok trend that's focused on setting yourself up for the best night of sleep possible.
  • While sleep masks and other tangible efforts to get comfortable in bed are great, you mainly want to make sure you're making healthy choices before bed like avoiding your phone.
  • Adults should aim for seven to nine hours of sleep each night.
  • Eliminate too much light in your bedroom, avoid screen time, and establish consistent sleeping and waking times.

What is sleepmaxxing?

KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA

If you're confused about sleepmaxxing, you're not alone — it's really not a straightforward term. It reminds us of what Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory: "No one knows what it means but it's provocative...gets the people going." However, it actually has a meaning, and Dr. Bindal succinctly breaks it down. "Sleepmaxxing is the art and science of optimizing one's sleep and achieving the best possible quality & quantity of sleep by addressing every factor that can disrupt sleep," he says. This can look like using ear plugs, sleep masks, establishing specific sleep rituals, or anything else that is soothing and helpful.

Mainly, if you actually want to maximize your sleep, then you need to focus on what you do before you go to bed. Unbeknownst to us at times, our bedtime habits can affect the kind of rest we get (or not) at night. Dr. Bindal says, "Optimal Sleep hygiene methodologies including limiting light and sound exposure to using the latest sleep gadgets so sleepmaxxing aims to enhance sleep quality to the fullest." Unfortunately this means our habit of binge watching shows or scrolling mindlessly on TikTok at night aren't helping us.

I mean, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 35% of those surveyed have their sleep interrupted by lights inside of their homes. That's just lights, sans repetitious social media sounds and compelling television plots. When you add those on top of it all...let's just say we really are not doing ourselves any favors.

How does getting the proper amount of rest aid in our overall wellbeing?

Ahmed ツ

Now that you have a better idea of what sleepmaxxing is, we have to talk about why it matters. Dr. Bindal says getting the "proper amount of sleep" helps support" the following "various bodily functions" including, but not limited to:

  • Brain health — Enhanced cognition in domains of learning, concentration and consolidating memory by promoting phenomenon of hippocampal plasticity
  • Immune system function — A production of essential immune cells, better equipped to fighting off infections
  • Hormone regulation — A regulation of mood and reduced stress and physical repair that promotes muscle recovery, tissue repair, and overall physical development

He further explains that hormone regulation eventually leads to "improved mood, concentration, energy levels, and reduced risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes."

Basically, the health benefits of slowing down and going to sleep outweigh what society often pushes — staying up later, longer and hustling at all hours of the day and night.

On average, how many hours of sleep are recommended?

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How much rest are you truly getting at night? If you ask America's Health Rankings, 35% of adults are getting less than seven hours of sleep. Dr. Bindal says that while adults should sleep between seven and nine hours every night, and there are health risks for those who don't. "Research corroborates that adults who sleep less than seven hours a night may have more health issues than those who do," he explains. Johns Hopkins Medicinefound that sleep deprivation can lead to a "36% increased risk for colorectal cancer," propensity for developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and an overall lower immune system.

Saying "I'll sleep when I'm dead," may sound like a joke, but there's nothing funny about not letting your body get the rest it needs to function.

Should people with sleep difficulties try sleepmaxxing?

Marcus Aurelius

There are several reasons why your sleep could be negatively impacted right now. You may be dealing with insomnia due to stress, depression, or being a new parent. According to the American Psychological Association, 43% of people believe being stressed contributes to their lack of sleep. Furthermore, these same people have noticed their mood has shifted. The same reports shows that 45% of people who are getting less than the recommended hours of sleep have shared they feel on edge more than others while 52% have noticed they've been taking their frustrations out on those in their household.

Dr. Bindal agrees that sleepmaxxing can greatly benefit you if you're struggling because it can "enhance sleep quality to the fullest and emphasizes the importance of optimal sleep health."

How does sleepmaxxing benefit us?

Pavel Danilyuk

Clearly, you need a certain amount of sleep to function properly and achieve all those goals you've so intentionally set recently (hello, October Theory!). That's where sleepmaxxing can come in. Dr. Bindal says, "Improved sleep quality can lead to enhanced mental clarity and emotional stability, making it easier to navigate daily challenges."

If you're planning to change a few habits, you're going to need all the strength and focus you can access because change isn't always easy — even if you welcome it! So when you're implementing these new nighttime routines, be sure to stick to them. Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb, avoid the itch to scroll socials, and make sure you're able to properly relax. It can make all the difference in the world!

How can we incorporate sleepmaxxing in our bedtime routines?

KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA

If you don't know how to make sleepmaxxing work for you, Dr. Bindal has great suggestions! "Key techniques include optimizing your sleep environment, establishing a consistent sleep schedule, and managing stress and anxiety," he suggests.

One of the key ways you can make sure your room will promote a good night's sleep is by "adjusting the temperature" or "practicing a relaxation exercises before bed," he says. While meditation and mindfulness may be relaxation exercises that take practice over time, choosing the correct temperature is an easy way to set yourself up for success. Everyone's different, but he truly believes your room should be between 65 and 69 degrees Fahrenheit, too.

As Dr. Bindal mentioned before, eliminating sources of light can also aid in the rest you get. Personally, I can't sleep with the TV or lights on anymore because I just know it interrupts my sleep. My room is usually pitch black when it's time to go to sleep — to the point my three-year-old knows what it means when I turn everything off.

Besides these things, Dr. Bindal encourages you to maintain "consistent sleep and wake times" along with a "balanced diet and regular physical activity." Whether that means you start making your own Cava bowls inspired by the blue zone diet or doing workouts at home, they can aid in helping your body repair itself which then promotes the sleep you need.

Can we become too hyper-focused on our quality of sleep?

Kevin Malik

As with anything, too much of something can have adverse affects which rules out any benefits. Though sleepmaxxing can be a good thing for you, becoming fixated on it is likely going to make you even more stressed. "One of the primary concerns with sleepmaxxing is the development of orthosomnia, a condition caused by an obsession with tracking sleep metrics, with devices or apps, which increases anxiety and can further disrupt sleep, called paradoxical insomnia," Dr. Bindal warns.

If you become too obsessed with tracking every little thing, he says all this will do is "disrupt sleep cycles and limit the efficacy of insomnia treatments." But, he has an idea of what you can do to lessen the chance that'll happen. "Instead of over-analyzing how much sleep you’re getting, it’s important to understand that insomnia is a common and treatable condition, by incorporating healthy sleep hygiene routines organically and focusing on addressing the root causes of insomnia symptoms," he shares.

How can we optimize our sleep without getting sucked into wellness trends?

Niels from Slaapwijsheid.nl

Whether you want to call it sleepmaxxing or not, all you have to do is normalize the tips Dr. Bindal mentioned above. "Some of the ways can include established a consistent sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, managing light exposure, and limiting screen time before you want to go to sleep," he reiterates. Social media isn't going anywhere so don't let your FOMO convince you that potential scandals or tutorials are more important than getting seven to nine hours of sleep.

Also, don't forget to "maintain a comfortable sleep environment" while being aware of your "caffeine and alcohol intake throughout the day," Dr. Bindal points out. Something tells us that we're going to have to be intentional about breaking up with our daily coffee runs and desires to unwind with a nice glass of wine. But if it means we'll sleep better, we'll add that to our list of habits to change!

Need an extra dose of positivity in your life? We have even more lifestyle tips to share to help you end the year on a healthy and wholesome note!

Summer brings a level of heat and humidity that can make our beautiful tresses very sad girls, but we've found 13 top-rated Sephora hair products to combat all that. Since you're going to be busy narrowing down friend date ideas to drop in your group chat and traveling to your next summer vacation destination, you likely don't have time to pinpoint what your hair is begging you for. Whether you're struggling with buildup on our scalps and frizziness that wants to ruin our Instagram pics, there's something here for you.


Top-Rated Shampoos At Sephora

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Shaz & Kiks Back To Your Roots Scalp + Hair Prewash

Some hair textures — like curly hair — require a little more love before shampooing and conditioning occurs. A good prewash not only helps minimize damage, but it can also tackle dryness.

You'll find over 35 nutrients in this prewash that helps nourish your curls while giving your scalp extra TLC.

Sephora

K18 Biomimetic Hairscience Damage Shield PH Protective Shampoo

There's a reason why this protective shampoo has over 30,000 likes on Sephora. It's a certified clean product that's good for controlling frizz, treating hair that's been dyed, and it helps bring back your hairs beautiful luster. It's also optimized to restore your hair's natural pH balance — nice!

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Living Proof Perfect Hair Day Advanced Clean Dry Shampoo

Busy schedules don't always make room for elaborate wash day routines, but there are a ton of dry shampoos that'll fill in the gaps until you have more time on your hands.

One of the best products you can keep in your bag is Living Proof's Advanced Clean Dry Shampoo! It helps combat your oily scalp, and it's made without silicones and sulfates SLS & SLES.

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BREAD Beauty Supply Clear-Wash Clarifying Detox Shampoo

We've all experienced oil, sweat, and product buildup on our scalps which have probably made for some irritating itchiness... That's why BREAD Beauty Supply's Clear-Wash Clarifying Detox Shampoo will become your new line of defense against them! One of the things we love is that it's fragrance-free for anyone who doesn't want to smell roses or coconut when washing their hair.

P.S. It's made for all hair types!

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OUAI Fine Hair Shampoo

If you have fine hair, it's easy to feel like there aren't many products you can use. But, things are way different now!

Ouai is already know for having some of the top-rated Sephora hair products out there so we just had to include this shampoo. It's great for volumizing your hair while combatting damage. It's also cruelty-free, so you can trust that you're using a product that was made specifically for humans.

Top-Rated Conditioners At Sephora

Sephora

dae Mirage Mist Leave-In Conditioner

Depending on your hair's needs, you may not need a heavy conditioner. Thankfully, dae's Mirage Mist Leave-In Conditioner is weightless and protects against heat. Also, we're pretty sure it can be used as a mild detangler while you're at it!

Sephora

CROWN The Ritual Conditioner

What's vegan and made without sulfates? CROWN's The Ritual Conditioner! It's going to give your hair all the moisture it needs, creating soft hair that's super hydrated and a lot healthier looking.

Sephora

Briogeo Don't Despair, Repair Super Moisture Conditioner

Do like this conditioner suggests and don't despair if your hair is a little dry or damaged. It happens to the best of us!

There's no harsh sulfates, silicones, or parabens in it — just beneficial ingredients that'll gently coax your hair back to life.

Top-Rated Hair Masks At Sephora

Sephora

Amika Soulfood Nourishing Mask

No one's hair routine is complete without a hydrating hair mask. This nourishing mask will not only deep condition your hair, but it'll repair any damaged hair because of ingredients like jojoba seed oil and sea buckthorn.

Sephora

Gisou Honey Infused Hair Mask

Split ends and breakage can't compete with this honey infused hair mask. With ingredients like Mirasalehi Honey, Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein, and Provitamin B, this is one of the Sephora hair products that's oh-so-hydrating, strengthening and restoring.

More Top-Rated Sephora Hair Products

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Olaplex No. 7 Bonding Hair Oil

Hair oils don't have to weigh your hair down, and Olaplex's No. 7 Bonding Hair Oil knows that. It gives you optimal shine while minimizing the breakage you're experiencing, and even keeps those pesky, frizzy flyaways in place.

Sephora

PATTERN Palo Santo Curl Mousse for Curls & Coils

Want pillow soft hair that's full of volume and defines your gorgeous curls? Get your hands on PATTERN'S Palo Santo Curl Mousse! It's full of Marshmallow Root and Castor Oil that adds all the softness as well as shine back into your hair, making it easy to style.

Sephora

CurlSmith Flawless Finish Curl-Enhancing Hairspray

We never knew a top-rated curl-enhancing hairspray exists until we came across CurlSmith's Flawless Finish spray. It does everything that finishing hairsprays normally do, but it provides a hold like no other and makes curls POP (hi, Polymer Blend).

You won't have to worry about your curls getting stiff or sticky either.

Looking for more beauty recs? Be sure to check out our storefront!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Lead image via Shaz & Kiks

In The Holiday, there's Cameron Diaz’s sleek, modern LA home, while Kate Winslet’s character offers up her quaint, cozy English cottage. If you lean more into Kate’s cozy vibe, especially in the fall & winter, here are some simple tips to transform your home into a rustic and cozy cottage this season. From fresh flowers to vintage art, these easy upgrades will help you capture that English charm in your home so you can sit back, relax, and admire.

Tip 1: Use A Soft, Neutral Color Palette

@sophia.at.home via Farrow & Ball

Choose soft whites, creams, pastels with touches of blue, sage green, and blush pinks in your decor. Paint a cozy reading nook with a soothing color like Farrow & Ball's Schoolhouse White, and look for vintage-style furniture made in natural fibers like linen or cotton. Bonus if you have a fireplace, but if not a candle will do!

Shop The Nook

IKEA

IKEA ROCKSJÖN Armchair

Tip 2: Layer Natural Linens

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Get cozy with plenty of pillows, quilts, and knitted throws to add layers of warmth and comfort (kitty optional;). Natural fiber rugs like jute, sisal, or wool rugs bring natural texture to the space, and light and airy curtains like linen or lace can help filter sunlight and create a romantic, cozy atmosphere.

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Magnolia

Magnolia Flora Pillow

Tip 3: Bring In Floral Elements

JJ's Flower Shop

Treat yourself to a subscription of fresh flowers, like this pastel bouquet from JJ's Flower Shop, perfectly neutral and natural for your cottage aesthetic. Display them in mason jars or vintage vases for a natural touch. Bring in small plants like succulents, herbs, or wildflowers, and add botanical prints and wallpapers with floral patterns to enhance the look.

SHOP COTTAGE FLORALS

Chasing Paper

Chasing Paper x Jenni Yolo Cosmo Block Print

Tip 4: Add A Warm Touch

Vlada Karpovich

Go for soft, warm lighting instead of bright overhead lights and light your favorite fall candleto create a cozy ambience, especially in candleholders made from metal, wood, or glass. Warm fairy lights create a magical glow and are perfect for mantels. Enjoy the season with a pot of soup, coffee, hot chocolate, or mulled wine and get hygge in the kitchen too!

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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Navigating adulthood as an eldest daughter can be tough. While you’re not a child in your parents’ home anymore, the dynamics you grew up with can still follow. Think about it: how often do you find yourself trying to solve everyone else’s problems while continuously trying to shoulder your own alone? If this resonates with you at all, you may be dealing with Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

To understand what this actually looks like beyond the TikTok therapy speak of it all, I talked to a licensed therapist, Briana Paruolo, LCMHC. As the founder of On Par Therapy — a practice that specializes in “burnout, disordered eating, and self-worth” that seeks to “empower high achieving women” — she comes across a lot of clients dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Here’s what Paruolo has to say!


TL;DR

  • Eldest daughter syndrome isn't in the DSM-5, but that doesn't make the experiences of eldest daughters any less real.
  • Eldest daughter syndrome can look like intense perfectionism, unrealistic high standards, an inability to delegate, and an innate need to prioritize the needs of others first.
  • Eldest daughters can heal by validating their experiences, understanding their self-worth, and setting clear boundaries with themselves and others — especially by just saying "no" sometimes.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

cottonbro studio

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Pavel Danilyuk

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

Netflix

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Any Lane

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

jasmin chew

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

Elina Fairytale

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

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