Why Watching Reality Dating Shows Is Hurting Your Love Life

Alli Hoff Kosik
Mar 09, 2019

There’s nothing wrong with loving reality TV. Call it a guilty pleasure, a vice, or the best thing to ever happen to you — it’s a cultural phenomenon, and you’re far from alone if you love the experience of putting on your coziest joggers, ordering some takeout, mixing up a keto-friendly cocktail, inviting a few pals over, and cueing up a marathon of unscripted television.

There’s no judgment here about your reality TV fandom, but you may want to take a minute to consider how love-focused shows, in particular, are affecting your thoughts on dating and relationships. “Reality dating shows have given millennials an unrealistic view of relationships that is completely surface-based and temporary,” relationship expert and co-founder of matchmaking service Platinum Poire Rori Sassoon tells us.

If you’re a fan of shows like The Bachelor, Dating Around, and other similar reality TV, this probably doesn’t come as a surprise. When the dating process is portrayed as one that takes place in a short time frame with limited interaction and lots of glitz, it’s easy to fall victim to the assumption that finding a partner is more superficial than not. Unfortunately, though, the problem with reality dating TV may go even deeper than that. According to Sassoon — who has some reality television experience of her own, having made a cameo appearance on Real Housewives of New York in 2018 — this kind of programming has also catalyzed a shift in how we understand even deeper subjects: true love, love at first sight, and soulmates.

“Reality TV encourages an unrealistic view of finding your dream relationship,” she says. “Most people are [now] shopping fast and moving on, instead of getting to know people.” Sassoon names The Bachelor as the primary culprit of these counterproductive narratives (sorry, fans!). She notes that Bachelor “winners” can be lucky if they’ve spent more than a handful of consecutive hours with their suitor, which — as we’ve seen in the aftermath of many of these relationships — is potentially disastrous for the marriage-minded.

Even beyond reality television that’s specifically geared toward matchmaking, unscripted shows are sending less than ideal messages. Reality TV stars across the board are often portrayed as swiping through their phones in order to meet their next date, and while dating apps can be effective for some, when viewers begin to understand them as the only way to go, things can get murky.

“Everyone wants to emulate TV,” Sassoon says. “If they see reality stars finding their soulmate in a week, they think they can too. There’s no romance at all. The apps and shows reinforce each other. Millennials may see dating as instant gratification, then on to the next.”

The good news is that you don’t have to give up your favorite reality shows in order to give your romance mindset back on track. Now that you’re aware of the toll that TV may be taking on your search for true love, you can begin to compartmentalize. “Recognize that it is reality TV, and it’s really very unrealistic,” Sassoon advises. “Meet a person in-person, give people an opportunity to show you who they really are, and spend time with someone for at least a full year before committing. Dating is supposed to be fun and an adventure. Enjoy the ride!”

Let go of the idea that a love connection has to be immediate, or that swiping indefinitely is the ideal path to a great relationship. Try putting yourself out there in new ways and practice patience. And hey — when you find that right person, you’ll have the perfect cuddle buddy for the nights you want to stay home and watch reality TV.

RELATED: Netflix’s New Reality Show ‘Dating Around’ Captures the Best and Worst Parts of Blind Dates

(Photo via Getty)

8 Ways To Support A Friend Dealing With Family Drama During The Holidays

With the holidays now approaching almost eerily quickly, you might already be feeling slightly uneasy about the family stresses that are bound to be on your plate (along with delicious Christmas cookies, of course). Spending a lot of time face-to-face with family can dig up old arguments or squabbles that everyone may have forgotten during the rest of the year.

Learn the 8 best ways to support your friend while they're in the middle of family drama

You’re not the only one dealing with the drama, though, and while your own family issues might feel somewhat out of your control, there might be more you can do to take the edge off the stress that your friends are feeling in anticipation of holiday gatherings. Keep scrolling for eight expert tips for how to best offer support to your most stress-ridden BFFs.

1. Listen without judging if your friend reveals an ongoing argument about a family will

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Being a good listener is one of the most basic — and yet most important — things you can do as a friend 365 days of the year, but when tensions run high near the holidays, those listening skills become all the more crucial. You might even consider resisting the urge to speak, like, at all. “Be a good listener and don’t give advice,” licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says. “Supporting someone doesn’t mean that you have to fix their problem. Instead, truly being supportive means giving a hug when someone is crying and being a caring friend.”

2. Prep your pal to expect drama if your uncle's invited his new girlfriend and ex to dinner

Rather than reassuring your friend that things at family celebrations may not be as bad as they fear, trust what they know about the situation and help them wrap their head around what’s to come. This should minimize the stress for them in the long run. “If you expect it and it happens, situation normal,” certified life coach Susan Golicic tells us. “If you expect it and it doesn’t, well, then, a bonus!”

3. Help your bestie make a plan in case their fight-or-flight mode gets triggered

Going into any situation with a plan almost always feels better than going in unprepared. Per writer, speaker, and healing expert Alisa Zipursky, a helpful plan might include specific check-in times, a code word that indicates your friend needs extra support, and ideas for creating healthy boundaries with family members who make them feel especially triggered. “The idea is to make asking for help as easy as possible,” Zipursky says. “Making sure a proactive plan is in place well before someone enters the stressful situation can help relieve some of the anticipatory anxiety.”

4. Check in often by sending your friend periodic texts 

Licensed counselor Maria Inoa recommends that you prioritize regular touch-base texts over the course of whatever event is causing your friend the most stress. It’s not about solving the conflicts or taking away their pain. Instead, you can focus on offering gentle reminders that you are thinking of them and are available if they need you.

5. Create a new tradition that revolves around you and and your bestie's favorite Christmas movies

If your friend’s family holiday celebrations don’t exactly inspire positive feelings about the occasion, why not help them establish some better associations? Licensed clinical professional counselor Anna Poss suggests planning a “low-stress, fun way to celebrate with each other before or after the actual holiday.” Get a seasonal movie night or cookie swap on the calendar before everyone leaves town to hang with family. Those cozy vibes may help dull the negative, anxious feelings.

6. Write down words of affirmations for them to look at

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

Grab some pretty stationery and put your love and support on paper for your BFF. “In the note, remind her how strong, courageous, and capable she is,” licensed psychotherapist and life coach Diane Petrella says. “Let her know how much you love and admire her and how grateful you are for her friendship. Write whatever you think your friend needs to hear to feel supported, grounded, and loved.” Remind her to hide the note in her pocket or bag so she can read it whenever she needs a little extra TLC over the course of the holidays. You can even go one step further and send them home with a care package, per therapistShannon Thomas.

7. Invite your friend to your family celebration

If things have gotten so bad with your bestie’s family that she wants to steer clear of their celebrations entirely, you may want to invite her to join you and your crew instead. Even if she opts to decline your invitation, it will mean a lot to her to know that she has choices. If your friend does take you up on the offer, Mountainside Treatment Center‘s family wellness manager Tina Muller recommends that you try to incorporate some of her favorite traditions into your holiday schedule.

8. Keep your phone nearby if your friend needs to talk about everything that happened

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

“Before an event with possible family issues even happens, schedule a time not long after to see the friend,” marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein suggests. “Now you’ve become the light at the end of the tunnel for them.” Be prepared to be a listening ear over dinner or a workout session so your pal can vent about everything that’s gone on and (hopefully) be ready to move on from there.

How do you and your pals support each other through the not-so-fun parts of the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo.

(Photo via Getty)

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Dax Shepard Asked Oscar Nominee Cynthia Erivo About Going To The Bathroom...For Some Reason

The Wicked moviepress tour has been a truly beautiful thing to witness. Ariana Grande & Cynthia Erivo have cried in almost every interview because of how much they love their characters and each other, and it seems like working on this project really did heal something in them. So, after the sincerity of their interviews, I was really taken aback when I learned Dax Shepard had Cynthia Erivo on his Armchair Expert podcast...and chose to ask her about going to the bathroom?

Keep reading for what Dax Shepard had to say and, like me, wonder why he asked it in the first place.

On an episode of his Armchair Expert podcast, Dax Shepard asked Oscar nominee Cynthia Erivo if her famously long nails make it difficult to wipe when she goes to the bathroom. “I knew you would ask that,” Cynthia responds, saying “no one’s afraid” to ask such an intimate question.

“My answer is that nobody uses just their fingers to wipe their backside,” she says. “You use tissue, correct? And you wipe!”

When he asked if she was annoyed or offended by the question, Cynthia admits she's "annoyed by it."

“I'm, like, 'Come on, guys,' ” she says. “But I get it, but it's also, like, ‘I'm a functioning adult, and I've never walked around smelling like, you know…'"

Theo Wargo/Getty Images

The actress has proved she's nothing if not honest this fall, going viral for saying "thank goodness" the actresses who auditioned with her for Glinda didn't land the role and for vocalizinghow much a fan edit of the Wicked movie poster offended her (she later admitted she should have texted her friends instead of posting on social media).

Now, this question was very weird to me for a few reasons. Not only does it have nothing to do with the film, but Dax asking Cynthia about her bathroom habits gives me a similar feeling to the one I got watching that male interviewer ask Scarlett Johansson about her underwear during Avengers: Age of Ultron press. Just...what is the reason? Plus, the fact Cynthia has also been vocal about how much she values her nails as a part of Black culture only makes the question (and the fact the nails feel like, no pun intended, the butt of the joke) weirder.

"Here’s the thing," Cynthia tells Dax before switching topics. "There are people who do not have nails who need to check how they’re wiping." Get 'em girl!

What did you think about this Armchair Expert interview with Dax Shepard and Cynthia Erivo? Let us know in the comments and read up on The Latest Wicked: Part Two News!

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Not Close With Your Family? Here's How To Have a Joyous And Connected Holiday Season

Last year, some of us celebrated the holidays apart from our families for the first time. COVID has brought with it many changes, some of them arguably positive (like increased flexibility to work from home), some difficult (such as the realization of vastly different political and social views between family and friends), and some horrible (obviously, the health implications of a global pandemic). However, for some of us, celebrating the holidays without family members isn't exclusively due to COVID. In addition to so many of us living in different areas than our families of origin, some of us simply don't have close bonds with the people we grew up around. Sometimes, this can cause loneliness.

If you're not close with your family members, the holidays can be a difficult time. This is doubly true if you don't have a close circle of friends to call upon. But make no mistake, if this sounds like your situation, you're not alone — there are thousands of other people going through the same struggles you are. We sat down with Irad Eichler, founder of Circles, a website that connects people who are sharing similar struggles, like heartbreak, grief, or loneliness. Here are some of Eichler's tips for coping — and even thriving! — during the holiday season when you're not planning on spending it with your family, for one reason or another.

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

Laura Chouette

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

Joel Muniz

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

Priscilla Du Preez

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Thought Catalog

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

If you're struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Connect with our digital community of makers and creatives here at Brit+Co by following us on IG and signing up for our newsletter!

This post has been updated.

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11 New Movies Coming In December To Add To Your Calendar ASAP

I literally can't believe I'm writing this, but after a year of keeping up with all the biggest and best 2024 movies, I'm here with a final installment: December movies! This year has had some truly remarkable flicks (Challengers! Wicked! The Fall Guy!) and we're truly going out with a bang. While you're keeping up with all the best December TV shows coming out, here are the best December movies coming next month.

Keep reading for all the new December movies to add to your watchlist in 2024.

Y2K — In Theaters December 6, 2024

A24

Remember that Y2K crisis at the turn of the millennium? This December movie, which follows two high school juniors who crash a New Year's Eve party, reimagines it as a full-blown disaster — blood, guts, and all.

Y2K stars Jaeden Martell, Rachel Zegler, Julian Dennison, The Kid Laroi, and Fred Durst.

Mary — On Netflix December 6, 2024

Netflix

Get a new look at one of the most famous women in the world when Mary drops on Netflix next month. This movie will give you a whole new look at the titular heroine's life — from being forced into hiding to running for her life, all to protect her baby son from a murderous king.

Mary stars Noa Cohen, Ido Tako, Stephanie Nur, Susan Brown, Ori Pfeffer, Eamon Farren, Hilla Vidor, Mili Avital, Gudmundur Thorvaldsson, Dudley O’Shaughnessy, Keren Tzur, Mehmet Kurtulus, Mila Harris, and Anthony Hopkins.

Nightb—ch — In Theaters December 6, 2024

Searchlight Pictures

Another December movie that will have you looking at motherhood differently is Nightb—ch, which follows Amy Adams character's life as she becomes a mother...and becomes convinced she's also turning into a dog.

Nightb—ch stars Amy Adams, Scoot McNairy, Arleigh Patrick Snowden, Emmett James Snowden, Zoë Chao, Mary Holland, Archana Rajan, Jessica Harper.

F Marry Kill — On Digital December 6, 2024

Lionsgate

We all know dating apps can be a really horrifying experience, but when true-crime lover Eva starts to believe one of her three dates could be the “Swipe Right Killer," she finds herself in a life-or-death situation.

F Marry Kill stars Lucy Hale, Samer Salem, Virginia Gardner, Jedidiah Goodacre, Brendan Morgan, Brooke Nevin, and Bethany Brown.

A Nonsense Christmas With Sabrina Carpenter — On Netflix December 6

Mike Coppola/Getty Images for iHeartRadio

If you're still singing "Nonsense" by Sabrina Carpenter, then this December movie (er, holiday special) is for you. Not only will the popstar perform tunes from her fruitcake EP, but she'll be joined by special guests as well!

A Nonsense Christmas With Sabrina Carpenter stars, you guessed it, Sabrina Carpenter.

Maria — On Netflix December 11, 2024

Pablo Larraín/Netflix

Angelina Jolie's newest film follows iconic performer Maria Callas. After a glamorous, albeit difficult, public life, Maria moves to Paris for some quiet — and must confront her identity, her past, and her future in the process.

Maria stars Angelina Jolie, Pierfrancesco Favino, Alba Rohrwacher, Valeria Golino, Kodi Smit-McPhee, and Haluk Bilginer.

Kraven The Hunter — In Theaters December 13

Jay Maidment/Sony

Despite the fact it's coming out around the holidays, Aaron Taylor Johnson's new December movie is not for kids. The flick follows the titular Kraven as he morphs from the son of a gangster to the brutal and fearsome villain comic fans know so well.

Kraven the Hunter stars Aaron Taylor Johnson, Ariana DeBose, Fred Hechinger, and Russell Crowe.

Carry On — On Netflix December 13

Netflix

One TSA agent is in for a less-than-jolly holiday when he's blackmailed by a traveler hoping to bring a very dangerous package into the airport on Christmas Eve.

Carry On stars Taron Egerton, Jason Bateman, and Sofia Carson.

Mufasa: The Lion King — In Theaters December 20

Walt Disney Pictures

Not only is this Lion King sequel giving us a brand new look at a classic story, but it also marks Blue Ivy Carter's acting debut! The movie tells the story of how Mufasa began his journey as an orphaned cub and how a run-in with royal heir Taka changed everything.

Mufasa: The Lion King stars Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Aaron Pierre, John Kani, Seth Rogen, Billy Eichner, Donald Glover, and Blue Ivy Carter.

Babygirl — In Theaters December 25

A24

Nicole Kidman's new December movie will add some spice to your holiday, thanks to an affair with her character's much-younger employee. Is it getting hot in here?

Babygirl stars Nicole Kidman, Harris Dickinson, Sophie Wilde, and Antonio Banderas.

A Complete Unknown — In Theaters December 25

Macall Polay/Searchlight Pictures

If you're still laughing about the Timothée Chalamet lookalike contest, then you'll definitely want to show up to see this flick, which stars our favorite Timmy as Bob Dylan during his historical move from folk to rock'n'roll.

A Complete Unknown stars Timothée Chalamet Monica Barbaro, Elle Fanning, Edward Norton, Boyd Holbrook, and Nick Offerman.

Let us know which December movie you're most excited for on Instagram!

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The New 'Babygirl' Trailer Is Out & I Can't Believe I Watched It During Work Hours

Nicole Kidman is, as the kids say, mothering. She's giving fans plenty of movies and TV shows to pick from while we wait for the next seasons of Big Little Lies and Nine Perfect Strangers — A Family Affair, Expats, The Perfect Couple (and the AMC intro, of course). Her newest movie Babygirl comes from A24, and the steamy drama is mixing work and pleasure. Pour yourself a glass of wine for this one, folks.

Scroll down to learn more about Babygirl — and to watch the HOT new trailer!

What is the plot of Babygirl?

A24

Babygirl Plot

In Babygirl, Nicole Kidman plays Romy, a powerful CEO struggling to hold her perfect persona together. Her marriage to Jacob has never provided with much pleasure, despite the fact he's caring and artistic. But when Romy meets a young intern named Samuel, and feels immediately drawn to him, the two begin a torrid affair.

And filming scenes with Harry Dickinson got so intense, Kidman said she literally had to take breaks. “There were times when we were shooting where I was like, ‘I don’t want to orgasm any more,'” she told the Sun. “Don’t come near me. I hate doing this. I don’t care if I am never touched again in my life!”

But the fact the movie was made by women empowered Kidman — and gave her a sense of freedom. "Doing this subject matter in the hands of the woman that wrote the script, that's directing it and is a really great actress herself — we became one in a weird way, which I'd never had with a director before," Kidman says in a statement. "When you're working with a woman on this subject matter, you can share everything with each other.”

"I really decided in the beginning, I want to make a sexual film, just as sexual as all these films that I've always admired so much," adds writer-director-producer Halina Reijn, "but now I'm going to do it completely through female eyes. What does that mean and what does that look like?”

When is the Babygirl release date?

A24

Babygirl Release Date

Babygirl made its premiere at the Venice Film Festival, but you can watch the movie in theaters December 25, 2024.

Who's in the Babygirl cast?

A24

Babygirl Cast

The cast of Babygirl includes Nicole Kidman, Harris Dickinson, Sophie Wilde, and Antonio Banderas.

What has Nicole Kidman said about making Babygirl?

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Nicole Kidman revealed Babygirl is the most "exposing" film she's done because she's “made some films that are pretty exposing, but not like this.”

“It left me raggedm" Kidman says. "At some point I was like, I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want to do this anymore, but at the same time I was compelled to do it...This is something you do and hide in your home videos. It is not a thing that normally is going to be seen by the world.”

“I felt very exposed as an actor, as a woman, as a human being,” she continues. “I had to go in and go out like, I need to put my protection back on. What have I just done? Where did I go? What did I do?”

What does babygirl energy mean?

A24

"Babygirl" is a term of endearment that's usually applied to a man (you've probably heard it describe Pedro Pascal or Paul Mescal). When someone is giving babygirl energy, they're kind, cute, and disarming. And considering Babygirl plays with power dynamics, we could be guessing who the "babygirl" in question is up until the very end.

Watch The 'Babygirl' Trailer Here!

www.youtube.com

- YouTube

There were SO many moments that made our jaws drop here:

  • The thumb in the mouth
  • The pink skirt moment
  • NICOLE CRAWLING ON ALL FOURS?!
Yeah, this is one you won't wanna watch with your parents, friends. 🥵

Are you looking forward to seeing Nicole Kidman onscreen again? We might have to wait until December to see Babygirl, but there are plenty of incredible Fall Movies coming our way.

This post has been updated.

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