Why People Are Posting This New Kind of Selfie

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Is Taylor Swift friends with Blake Lively's kids?

Yes, Taylor Swift loves Blake Lively's kids! The family has shown up to the Eras Tour multiple times, and most recently supported the popstar at her concert in New Orleans, Louisiana. Blake and Ryan were joined by oldest daughter James (who looked amazing in a Reputation-inspired 'fit), and I can't believe how much James and Blake look alike! She's truly her mini-me! At the Philadelphia show of the Eras Tour, which Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively attended, Taylor said hello from the stage.

One funny detail about Ryan Reynolds' kids that I love is when he mentioned the girls finally realized Taylor Swift was a popstar. "I think what's most exciting for them is that for the longest time they just thought Taylor's just like an aunt, like a friend of Mommy and Daddy that's very, very close, almost family," he tellsThe Jess Cagle Show. "And then they went to a concert one day and were like, 'Ohhhhh, this isn't a hobby.'"

For Super Bowl Sunday in 2024, Blake Lively joined Taylor Swift to support beau (and KC Chiefs tight end) Travis Kelce. "Last week I left my kids for the first time ever," she says on Instagram. "I took pictures upside down and had no clue. I treated a friendship bracelet like a Flat Stanley for my husband like I didn’t realize it wasn’t ‘07. I borrowed more jewelry than the skeleton in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. And I went clubbing. Now I know what my episode of TheTwilight Zone would look like."

How do Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively prioritize their kids?

At the end of September, Ryan Reynolds revealed how different parenting seems to be now than when he was a kid. "Parents today are so different. We're so soft," he said at HubSpot’s INBOUND tech conference (via People). "I don't yell. I grew up with like — it was nuts, it was an improvised militia.”

“Now it's like, I can go look at all my resources for parenting and remind myself how to be perfectly compassionate,” he continued. "Something I love about [conflict resolution], and I know this is not very fancy, but what I love about it is that you can meet somebody where they are, and you don't have to be right or wrong...You can disagree and still connect."

Blake Lively recently joined an episode of her Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' costar Amber Tamblyn's Further Adoand revealed the one unbreakable rule she made with Ryan Reynolds.

“When Ryan and I got together, we made a rule not to work at the same time,” she says. “So that we could always prioritize our personal life...That takes working really hard when we're not. Just like financial planning and sustaining that; it takes balance.”

I love that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are serious about their family life, and that they have identified what works for them and are sticking with it.

What is the name of Blake Lively's 4th baby?

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' fourth baby is named Olin, which he revealed during the July 22 premiere of Deadpool & Wolverine!

Before Ryan chose to reveal the name, he appeared on the Today show and made a cheeky joke about it after the hosts urged him to spill the beans. He said, "We always wait for Taylor to tell us what the child's name will be. We'll say this: we're still waiting."

What are Blake Lively kids ages?

Blake Lively's kids are all under 10. James is 9 (turning 10 on December 16), Inez is 7 (turning 8 on September 30), Betty is 4 (turning 5 on October 4), and Olin turned 1 in February.

What gender is Ryan and Blake's fourth child?

On July 26, Ryan Reynolds confirmed that he and Blake Lively's fourth baby, born in February 2023, is a boy in an Instagram video supporting mental health charity Walking 4 Hope. Speaking with founder John Bell, who struggled with suicidal ideation after the 2020 loss of his son Jake, Reynolds says, “I want to share with you that I, too, have a son...Boy, John, if I love him one-tenth as much as you love Jake, I’ll feel like I’ve done a pretty d—mn good job.”

Considering how adorable James, Inez, and Betty are, I can only imagine how cute Blake Lively's son is!

How many children do Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have?

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have four kids. They welcomed their third daughter in 2019, making this new addition to the family their fourth child.

Did Blake Lively have a 4th baby?

Blake Lively posted a pic on Super Bowl Sunday in 2023 showing what appears to be a post-baby body with the caption "Been busy."

Lively confirmed her fourth pregnancy in September 2022 when she arrived at her Forbes event in NYC cradling a baby bump and by posting her own personal photos on Instagramhoping that "the 11 guys waiting outside [her] home for a 🦄 sighting will leave [her] alone."

How old was Blake Lively when she had her first child?

Blake Lively was 27 when she gave birth to her first daughter, James, in December of 2014.

Why did Blake Lively name her daughter James?

The couple decided to name their daughter James after Reynolds' late father. While the name connects both James and Reynolds to his father, it also gives Lively the chance to bond with her daughter over having historically male names. "I liked having a boy's name," Lively said on Good Morning Americain 2015. "I thought I'd pass it on."

Their third daughter Betty's name is a tribute to Lively's late father. We didn't know the name of the couple's third baby until Taylor Swift used all three names in her 2020 album folklore. Swift also used James' voice at the beginning of her 2017 track "Gorgeous"! Does that mean we'll hear one of Ryan Reynolds' children in Reputation (Taylor's Version)? I hope so!

What has Ryan Reynolds said about raising their kids?

In a conversation with Hugh Jackman ahead of Deadpool & Wolverine, Ryan Reynolds opened up about how his family has helped his anxiety. "I think it makes it better because your focus is less on yourself and more on your kids," he says (via People). "I love that I've had anxiety because when I see my kids experiencing some of that, which is probably genetic, I know how to address it in a way that is compassionate, that actually allows them to feel seen. I know that I can't just fix it. And I can communicate all that stuff to them and with them. I'm always grateful for it."

Per People, Ryan Reynolds has also made it clear he and Blake are wholly invested in the kids' daily lives. The doting husband and father enjoys the moments of "walking them to school and walking them back" as it deepens their bond. More than anything, Ryan and Blake's main goal is to make sure they teach their kids how to be introspective with Ryan saying "the thing we sort of hang our hat on the most is self-awareness with our kids."

However, that doesn't mean Blake and Ryan don't absolutely love being parents. "We're very excited [and] we wouldn't do this four times if we didn't love it," he says in an interview with CNBC's Power Lunch. "Everybody's doing great. Everybody's actually doing fantastic. I think if we hadn't figured it out by now, I think we'd be in deep, deep trouble."

"It's a zoo over here," he jokes. "This is my office here, this is where I'll probably — to be honest, I'll probably spend the rest of my life in here."

We love how much energy Ryan and Blake are pouring into their kids. It's always beautiful when parents are able to be present with their kids and teach them how to be present with themselves. Ryan Reynolds has also mentioned how having daughters "has been such a ride." Since he comes from a family of all boys, having daughters is something that was beyond his wildest dreams! “I love being a girl dad,” Ryan tells Access in 2020. “I have three daughters, which I never in a million years would imagine.”

He mentioned his newest child in June of 2023, when he announced his new series Bedtime Stories. "The idea for a show made to help everyone fall asleep was born the same day as my fourth child," he says on Instagram.

The Deadpool actor also offered some parenting advice on Amanda Hirsch’s hit podcastNot Skinny But Not Fat. "Embrace the chaos,” he tells Hirsch. "[Blake] always says, ‘They're all under our roof right now. The whole family's under our roof right now. We have them all.’ And that is a fleeting thing. Not an infinite resource, you know?”

While Reynolds understands firsthand how overwhelming parenting can feel, he also doesn't wish away this time with four young kids: “Just say, ‘Think about what you would give in 40 years or 30 years to come back and enjoy this one moment.’"

Besides this, Ryan knows their kids' childhoods don't mirror his or Blake's. However, he's not trying to place a huge emphasis on that because he wants them to have "as normal a life as possible" (via Page Six).

"I try not to impose upon them the difference in their childhood to my childhood or my wife’s childhood," he said (via The Hollywood Reporter). "We both grew up very working class, and I remember when they were very young, I used to say or think, like, ‘Oh God, I would never have had a gift like this when I was a kid,’ or, ‘I never would’ve had this luxury of getting takeout,’ or whatever."

In his eyes, he doesn't feel like it's the kids' responsibility or "bag of rocks to carry" because they're full of "gratitude" and "have a strong sense of empathy." That's how he knows he and Blake are "doing an OK job" as parents.

How has motherhood affected Blake Lively?

Blake Lively opened up about how Ryan Reynolds and she monitor screen safety for their kids, which is definitely something top-of-mind in 2024. “This is not an ad. I get nothing out of this. I just love @tappityapp,” she said of the STEM-focused educational app. “It’s engaging, informative, fun and they care about safety."

She also jokes that she's learning new things right along with her kids! But, no matter how educational or fun an app is, Blake Lively also emphasizes the importance of engaging with her kids' devices: "I’m always triple checking any kids app constantly for safety because that’s my responsibility not an app’s, but I do LOVE this one.”

Despite its fun and funny moments, the actress has admitted being a mom is hard, but she did it with her signature dry sense of humor. “BettyBooze at your service," she wrote in an Instagram Story announcing the new brand. "These are recipes I’ve been making for loved ones for years. But I have 4 kids now. And I’m tired. So here they are. In a can."

However, Blake Lively absolutely loves motherhood, and says in a 2022 interview with Forbes that having children has made her feel more comfortable in her own skin. "Once I had children, that just became even more profound because my time was even more precious, but also I think having children for me made me feel so much more in my skin," she says. "I never felt more myself or at ease in my own body or more confident — not to say that there aren't a bevy of insecurities coming at me a million times a day, but I just feel incredibly settled."

Speaking with People in 2021, Lively also explains how important it is that her children see her accomplish things outside the home. "I want to be as present of a mother as humanly possible and I want them to feel my presence, but I also think the best way to be the best mother is to show them that you can have a life and have a passion and have an identity outside of just being a mother," Lively says.

While she acknowledges that motherhood is all-encompassing, and it looks different for everyone, she knows that having your own identity is very important. "Teaching them that they can maintain themselves and that everything is possible [is crucial]," she adds.

When did Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have their daughters?

Blake Lively's children were all born in the last 10 years. Blake Lively's daughters are James, Inez, Betty, and her fourth child is named Olin! Their fourth baby's name was announced during the premiere of Deadpool & Wolverine. Blake gave birth to James in 2014, while Inez was born in 2016. Lively gave birth to Betty in 2019 and Olin in February of 2023.

Do Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's kids have nannies?

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' children don't have a nanny. "I feel like I could sometimes have a bit of a short fuse, but there's just been this weirdly endless supply of patience," Ryan told GQ in 2015. "I have no problem waking up five times in the middle of the night and changing diapers, and as exhausted as you get, I have this stupid grin on my face all the time."