This Is the Type of Humor That’s Really Important in a Relationship

Mar 10, 2017

Every relationship may be different, but the characteristics that our single lady pals say are most important in a potential partner are usually easy to predict. Standard qualities of an ideal S.O. include caring, smart, interesting, fun, thoughtful… you catch our drift. While each of us may dream of meeting someone who can also relate to our more unique interests and hobbies (adventure travel, anyone?), studies say there are fundamental traits that make a good partner and a (hopefully) lasting relationship. What’s one more trait we know you can’t live without, according to a new study? Humor! Who wants to spend their life with someone who can’t crack them up?

While a good sense of humor is almost universally attractive, it turns out that all jokes are not created equal. According to a recent study by University of Kansas communications professor Jeffrey Hall, it’s a specific type of humor that can really predict the success of a romantic relationship. In order to study the importance of laughter between lovers, Hall surveyed the results of 39 studies, which together included 15,000 participants. His findings will be published in the next issue of the academic journal Personal Relationships.

How can we put our dazzling senses of humor to work in order to land the perfect relationship? According to Hall, it’s not really about how easily you can make a joke, how funny you are, or even how funny other people perceive you to be. “People say they want a sense of humor in a mate, but that’s a broad concept,” Hall writes. What’s actually important is you and your S.O.’s collective ability to develop a shared sense of humor. “It’s not that any style or a sense of humor is any better or worse,” Hall says. “If you share a sense of what’s funny, it affirms you and affirms your relationship through laughter.”

The study’s findings go a step further to determine one of the keys to developing this type of humor: playfulness. If you’re finding that you and your S.O. struggle to share a laugh or have a shortage of fits of hilarity, you may want to consider lightening up. This will create the space you might be lacking for a joint sense of humor to grow. “Playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security,” Hall says.

If playfulness is what you should be pursuing to find true humor in your partnership, teasing is the thing to avoid. No one ever became more popular or attractive by being a bully — even if it was “all in good fun.” Your partner should never be the butt of your jokes, and if you find that you’re regularly at the receiving end of your bae’s nasty comments, it may be time to dig deep and think about whether it’s time to call it quits. According to Hall, aggressive joke-telling is a bad sign for relationships, and it certainly won’t allow you to develop the kind of shared humor that’ll make your bond stronger. After all, how can you be in on the joke if the joke is at your expense?

Here’s what we all can learn from this new study: You can be the funniest person in the world (and if you are, we’d love to meet you), but if you’re not willing to cultivate a special sense of humor within your romantic relationships, you’re likely to be unlucky in love.

“It’s not about being a great comedian, but finding what’s funny in the everyday and enjoying it together, whether that’s The Simpsons or repeating funny things your kids say or The New Yorker cartoons or relishing in the absurdity of life,” Hall says. “It is most important that you do it together.”

What kind of humor is most important to you in a relationship? Tweet us @BritandCo!

(Photos via Getty)

Not Close With Your Family? Here's How To Have a Joyous And Connected Holiday Season

Last year, some of us celebrated the holidays apart from our families for the first time. COVID has brought with it many changes, some of them arguably positive (like increased flexibility to work from home), some difficult (such as the realization of vastly different political and social views between family and friends), and some horrible (obviously, the health implications of a global pandemic). However, for some of us, celebrating the holidays without family members isn't exclusively due to COVID. In addition to so many of us living in different areas than our families of origin, some of us simply don't have close bonds with the people we grew up around. Sometimes, this can cause loneliness.

If you're not close with your family members, the holidays can be a difficult time. This is doubly true if you don't have a close circle of friends to call upon. But make no mistake, if this sounds like your situation, you're not alone — there are thousands of other people going through the same struggles you are. We sat down with Irad Eichler, founder of Circles, a website that connects people who are sharing similar struggles, like heartbreak, grief, or loneliness. Here are some of Eichler's tips for coping — and even thriving! — during the holiday season when you're not planning on spending it with your family, for one reason or another.

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

Laura Chouette

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

Joel Muniz

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

Priscilla Du Preez

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Thought Catalog

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

If you're struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Connect with our digital community of makers and creatives here at Brit+Co by following us on IG and signing up for our newsletter!

This post has been updated.

Why Timothée Chalamet Abandoned “Good Friend” Austin Butler’s ‘Elvis’ Method For Bob Dylan Role

Austin Butler as Elvis, Selena Gomez as Linda Rondstat, and now Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan — there will never be enough biopics for me! (The real question is when are we going to get a Taylor Swift movie?). When pictures from the set of the new Bob Dylan movie, A Complete Unknown, hit Twitter, I had to do a double take because Timothée Chalamet looks so much like the musician I couldn't believe my eyes! You can watch the A Complete Unknown trailer here.

Timothée is going to be joined by Met Gala queen Elle Fanning, as well as Top Gun superstar Monica Barbaro. Here's everything you need to know about the movie — and our favorite Bob Dylan songs to listen to while you wait for its release.

Keep reading to see the latest updates from Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown.

Timothée Chalamet stars in A Complete Unknown, coming to theaters December 25, 2024.
He's joined by Elle Fanning and Monica Barbaro.
The movie follows Bob Dylan's career in the 1960s as he rises to fame and later shifts from folk to rock'n'roll.

Did Timothée Chalamet take inspiration from Austin Butler’s Elvis?

Timothée Chalamet recently revealed that while he originally wanted to approach A Complete Unknown by taking direct inspiration from Bob Dylan, he quickly changed his tone...so to speak. "Somebody once said to me, you can't make a movie about a painter because it's not interesting to watch paint dry," he says in People's exclusive video. "Bob has that element because he's not one of these forward-facing musicians."

While Timmy saw Natalie Portman a sequence in Jackie "step-for-step exactly what Jackie did," and paid attention to "all this stuff that I saw my good friend Austin Butler crush it with on Elvis," he quickly realized "I gotta do none of this because this is not my style."

"Bob did not have a vocal coach," he continues. "He had two bottles of red wine and four packs of cigarettes. There's no way to impersonate that." One of my favorite things about biopics is seeing how a well-known actor portrays a recognizable figure. And you can see Timothée Chalamet's interpretation of Bob Dylan in theaters December 25!

Monica Barbaro Sings Her Heart Out

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We got a look at Monica Barbaro as singer-songwriter Joan Baez, who was one of the first major artists in the 1960s to record Bob Dylan's music!

I was super impressed to learn Timothée showed up and sang live for the film. "It was important for me to play and sing on set because it was in the spirit of the movie to do it live," he says in a video from People. "Many of the artists through American pop culture that had the balls to turn their back on what was expected of them, that moment started with Bob. His words are relevant; 'Times They are A Changing' ' is relevant, 'Blowin' in the Wind' is relevant."

Elle Fanning and Timothée Chalamet In "A Complete Unknown"

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Elle Fanning totally embodies the late '60s vibe in this fall outfit. The bold maroon blazer, the long straight hair, and the striped turtleneck — I love it all! Elle is starring this Bob Dylan movie as Sylvie Russo, a university student and artist Bob falls for in the '60s.

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Thanks to some onset leaks, we also got a glimpse of the movie's version of The Freewheelin'! Elle Fanning and Timothée Chalamet look incredible as Sylvia Russo and Bob Dylan. I'm a sucker for any kind of recreation, so seeing this new version of the classic record cover is incredible!!

The First Pictures From Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan Movie

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Timothée Chalamet has totally transformed into Bob Dylan on the set of A Complete Unknown. And when I saw the pictures of Timothée carrying the guitar my jaw dropped!! He completely engrossed himself in Wonka and Dune 2 and I'm so excited to see him do the same for this Bob Dylan movie.

What is the movie about Bob Dylan called?

H. Thompson/Evening Standard/Hulton Archive/Amy Sussman/Getty Images

A Complete Unknown Plot

Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan movie is called A Complete Unknown. The movie filmed around New York City in the spring of 2024, and James Mangold is serving as director (you might recognize his name from Logan, Girl, Interrupted, and Walk the Line). The movie will cover the period during the 1960s when Bob Dylan shifted from folk to rock'n'roll, changing the face of pop culture (and culture in general, TBH), forever.

"When that movie finally comes out, people are going to be shocked because you're going to think you're hearing Bob Dylan sing," vocal coach Eric Vetro tells PEOPLE. "[Timothée Chalamet] just has this uncanny ability to not impersonate, but really breathe life into it. He's embodying Bob Dylan and what he was like at that age."

Who else is in A Complete Unknown with Timothée Chalamet?

Amy Sussman/Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images/Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Gotham Film & Media Institute

A Complete Unknown Cast

The A Complete Unknown cast is incredible! Alongside Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan, we'll see Top Gun: Maverick's Monica Barbaro as Joan Baez, Elle Fanning as Sylvie Russo, Edward Norton as Pete Seeger, Boyd Holbrook as Johnny Cash, and Nick Offerman as Alan Lomax.

When is the Bob Dylan movie coming out?

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A Complete Unknown Release Date

A Complete Unknown will hit theaters on December 25, 2024. And since Timothée Chalamet has been seen in turtlenecks, hats, and jackets on set, this sounds like the perfect cozy movie to me!

I always need some brand new music to listen to once the weather gets chilly, and I will for sure be listening to anything Timothée records.

What song did Bob Dylan write for a movie?

Christopher Polk/Getty Images for VH1

Bob Dylan wrote "Things Have Changed" for the 2000 movie Wonder Boys, which starred Michael Douglas, Tobey Maguire, and Katie Holmes. This Bob Dylan song ended up winning the Academy Award for Best Original Songand the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song!

"Knockin' On Heaven's Door," which is arguably the singer's most popular track, was released two months after the 1973 premiere of Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid as a part of the film's soundtrack.

What are some other Bob Dylan songs to listen to?

Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

I totally agree that one of the best Bob Dylan songs is "Knockin' On Heaven's Door," but "Blowin' In The Wind" and "The Times They Are A-Changin'" are also great songs to listen to if you're a new Bob Dylan fan. So far, "The Times They Are A-Changin'" is my personal favorite song.

His style is the perfect blend of rock and folk that reminds me of summer picnics and walks in the woods. His sound also reportedly inspired Taylor Swift's Folklore!

What are you most excited to see in Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan movie A Complete Unknown? Check out our Facebook for more movie news!

This post has been updated.

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6 Signs It’s Time to Invite Your S.O. Home for Thanksgiving

You and your new-ish flame have been enjoying all of the best parts of fall. You’ve indulged in pumpkin carving, sipped apple cider in a corn maze, wore the perfect DIY couples costumes, and cozied up for an early peek at some of your favorite holiday movies. Things really couldn’t be going better. With just a few weeks left before Thanksgiving, though, you’re about to be faced with a big decision: Is it time to invite said S.O. to join you and the fam for Turkey Day festivities?

How serious is serious enough? Will an invitation like this freak bae out? And when do you really know that a partner is ready to handle all the family chaos that the holidays can shake up? Deciding whether or not to bring your partner home for a major end-of-year holiday can feel like a big deal, and we want to help you dial down the intensity so you can focus on what’s really important: food and quality time with your loved ones. We’ve consulted with relationship experts about how you know the time is right to bring a date to family Thanksgiving — read on for their six signposts.

Andrea Piacquadio

1. You’re Having In-Depth Conversations About Family Traditions And Dynamics

You and your sweetie have been seeing each other for a few months, and with the holiday season just around the corner, you’re starting to open up to each other about the parts of the festivities that are most meaningful to you. You’re swapping stories about favorite recipes and customs, and you’re comfortable enough to share the nitty-gritty details about icky family dramas that can make the season awkward. If these conversations are coming up naturally and you want to share your holiday with your S.O. IRL, licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says it might be time to extend the invite.

Nicole Michalou

2. Your S.O. Has Already Met Some Of Your Family

Therapist Irene Schreiner recommends that you consider bringing your partner to Thanksgiving if they’ve already met some of your loved ones. “If they haven’t met anyone in your family yet,” on the other hand, “it can feel too overwhelming to have them meet everyone at once during the craziness of the holiday,” she says. Know your S.O.’s boundaries so you can push or protect them accordingly.

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3. Your Family Wants To Meet Your Significant Other

Mom’s been picking up hints from your phone conversations that something pretty amazing is going on between you and your new special someone, and she’s anxious to put a face to the name you keep mentioning. Your siblings are equally excited to interrogate — er, meet — your boo. It’s rare for your family to come together outside of the holiday season, so if you’re serious about your S.O. this might be the perfect time to invite them to make the rounds.

“If your family is constantly begging to meet [them], it is time to bring them home for Thanksgiving,” encourages Grapevine Gossip relationship expert Caitlyn Paltsios. “It shows your family is interested… and you can also see if your S.O. is excited to meet your family.”

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4. You’ve Both Traded "I Love You's"

Maybe you said “I love you” first, or maybe bae made the initial move. Either way, you’re both swapping that all-important word pretty comfortably now; you might want to consider swapping it over a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes. “‘I love you’ is such a powerful statement for any relationship,” notes counselor and Tech Talk Therapy owner Connie Omari. “Once this line has been crossed, you naturally become more open with one another. This closeness should be solidified by allowing your S.O. to interact with the other people that you love.”

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5. Your S.O.'s Family Has Already Invited You To Gatherings

If you’ve already had a chance to attend family dinners and maybe a birthday party or two with your S.O., it’s your turn to extend an invitation (assuming, of course, that you share their serious feelings and there aren’t other concerns as to why it might be unsafe or unhealthy to reciprocate the invitation). “If they are including you in small family events, they are looking to integrate you into their larger lives and are likely ready to have you do the same,” Schreiner explains. This doesn’t mean that you should make the invitation purely out of obligation — only that you should seriously consider it when they’ve already made the first move.

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6. You Can't Imagine Spending Thanksgiving Apart

“Thanksgiving has historically been known for being around people with whom we care very much about,” reminds Omari. “If your S.O. means a lot to you — maybe even the world — it’s likely you will feel very uncomfortable at the thought of being separated for Thanksgiving.” Tune in to your feelings and visualize experiencing this very special occasion as a couple. If this seems like the only way you would want to celebrate, then you have nothing to lose by asking! If, however, visualizing this makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable, psychotherapist and co-founder ofA Good First Date Rachel Perlstein suggests that it’s probably best to rain check until next year.

Do you get nervous about inviting a partner home for the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo!

This post has been updated.

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Renée Zellwegger & Leo Woodall Prove Age Gaps Are Sexy In 'Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy' Trailer

If you're a rom-com fan who also can't get enough of Jane Austen's books, you've probably seen the Bridget Jones movies. The story (which is loosely based on Pride & Prejudice) follows the titular Bridget Jones, a 30-something who sets out on a mission to improve herself over the course of a year while she looks for a partner. And, in true romantic movie form, she keeps a diary the whole time. Not only can we rewatch the original trilogy as many times as we want, but we're also getting a fourth movie! Here's everything we know about Bridget Jones 4.