How You’re Subconsciously Sabotaging Your Relationships, According to a Hypnotherapist

Dear Lumi: Here is my challenge: I have been with a man for ten years — someone I have deeply loved and to whom I tied all my hopes and dreams. Yet, he has shown me that my hopes and dreams will never come true with him. He proposed and then changed his mind. I wanted to start a family, but he had a nervous breakdown instead. While he wants to stay together, we are only great companions, which has been a real challenge for the past three years. The fear of never having what I want if I leave overwhelms me. So, the question is: should I stay or should I go?

-Nicole, Brooklyn, NY

• Sun sign: Scorpio
• Rising sign: Pisces
• Moon sign: Leo

Dear Nicole: A woman who knows what she wants from the start, but doesn't see those promises fulfilled often falls into a repeating pattern. Love evolves, but the mind and body can play tricks if you're not aligned with your soul's desires. Observe how much energy you have left after waiting for him to change. How much effort are you putting into making him happy? As a holistic synergy coach, I see that you have given him your mind, body, and soul, yet he hasn’t delivered on his promises of family or commitment. If you’re ready to break ties, you must believe another person can grant your wishes. The Universe reflects what we embody and experience. Patterns of disappointment and false security will persist if your partner remains stuck in his reality. This situation might work for him, but is it working for you?

Your Scorpio Sun signifies a path of regeneration and self-empowerment. Your role is to rise above outdated patterns and align with your true vision. Scorpios are on a quest to confront and transform the sources of their struggles. We all create our destinies, but when we cling to wishing for someone or something to change, it won’t unless we take action. Having strong Scorpio energy in your chart, I’ve been where you are. I faced similar fears in my marriage. I realized over time that my partner wouldn’t change, and staying made me feel depleted and cut off from abundance. I feared the grief of ending the relationship, which felt like facing death. Yet, from the other side of that grief, I can tell you that you’ll emerge restored and vibrant, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. As a Pisces Sun, I can attest that leaving was incredibly hard, but I’m grateful for it.

With your Pisces rising, you have the tools to adapt to life's changes. You’re spiritually gifted and connected, and you will become stronger as you align with your intuition. Your Leo Moon gives you the fire to attract incredible opportunities or, conversely, fall into recurring patterns. Embrace your worth, and know you deserve a love story that nurtures your well-being.

Your chart’s blend of water and fire shows powerful manifestation abilities. Believe you can attract an amazing partner, but focus on clearing your energy and moving forward. Looking back should only help you avoid repeating past mistakes. If you decide to leave, commit to moving forward without second-guessing. Breaking free will allow you to attract the life and love you truly desire. For you, as a Scorpio Sun, this is an essential rite of passage. Once you move through it, you’ll be amazed at the magic that awaits you.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

How To Cord-Cut In Relationships

1. Prepare: Close your eyes and enter a meditative state. Ground yourself by feeling connected to the Earth and center your energy by focusing on your breath.

2. Identify Cords: With your energy senses active, scan your aura to find toxic cords of attachment. Gently trace each cord to see what it's connected to — people, places, objects, beliefs, or past experiences.

3. Cut the Cords: Visualize your dominant hand as an energetic knife. Spread your fingers and move your hand through each cord to sever it. As you do this, say silently or aloud, "I completely release you from my life." Breathe deeply between cuts to stay centered.

4. Send Thanks: After cutting all the cords, sit quietly for a few minutes. Send gratitude and love to what you've released, acknowledging their role in your growth.

5. Finalize: Conclude the meditation and take a shower to cleanse and ground your energy.

Join Lumi live on September 15th for an insightful astrology event held remotely! She will dive into the Lunar Eclipse's impact on each zodiac sign and experience a live sound bowl healing session to help you realign and recharge. Don't miss this chance to connect with the cosmos and yourself. Click this link to learn more!

1. Putting On A Front

Just like no one likes when someone is rude or passive-aggressive, people also don't like when it seems like you're being overly nice or fake to win them over. Goldberg says, "When meeting a romantic partner's family for the first time, first it's important to be genuine. Putting on a front sets unrealistic expectations moving forward." No matter what you do, your true personality and characteristics are going to shine through eventually.

You may not want to hear this, but she also says it might not be a good idea to introduce your family to someone who should come with a "shock factor" warning. "If someone has a tendency toward crudeness or is passionate about controversial topics, they should keep that at bay for the time being."

2. Dressing Inappropriately 

"Dressing appropriately for the occasion, while staying true to their personal style, is important," says Goldberg. I'm one of the most open-minded people you'll ever meet, but I'm telling you now that you're going to get a ton of side eyes if you show up to a family dinner wearing something that would make someone clutch their imaginary pearls. Stay away from the deep v-necks, short skirts, and sheer materials — you'll thank me later!

3. Calling Your Partner A Suggestive Nickname

Sigh. There's plenty of discourse about whether or not you should call your partner 'Daddy' in the first place, but please don't call your partner this — or any other suggestive nickname — in front of their family. Some people may offer a knowing smirk, or think it's funny, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing. There are plenty of nicknames and cute pet names you can use, but when in doubt: be very mindful and demure.

4. Being Critical Of The Cooking

If you're going to a barbecue or holiday gathering at your partner's family's home, it's possible the menu may not be your favorite. The food may even be served potluck style, so should you come across a dish that doesn't look appetizing...don't let your intrusive thoughts win by asking who made it.

Everyone knows what it means if a person asks that, and it won't make the cook in question feel very good. For all you know, your partner's mom may have been trying something new and was already nervous about it. No matter who actually prepared what, it's easier to politely decline something instead of being rude about it. "Criticism of the environment or their partner should be kept in check," says Goldberg.

Instead, she says you can offer to "help with tasks like setting up the table or cleaning up." This will leave a much better impression!

5. Purposely Bringing Up Controversial Topics

Every family is different, from their religion to their political beliefs to how they play Monopoly. While you may dig into those differences further down the line in your relationship, it's probably best to keep it light the first time you meet them.

Goldbeg says, "Maintaining a positive attitude is another key component. They should avoid making underhanded comments about their partner or bringing up issues they are unhappy with. Controversial topics, especially politics or culturally sensitive matters, should be avoided till the relationships are better established or in some cases should never be brought up."

IF someone else brings up a controversial topic that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can excuse yourself from the table so you can collect your thoughts. However, don't be the one to start an awkward conversation about religion, politics, or otherwise — it'll save you from a lot of potential awkwardness later.

5. Drinking Too Much

If you want to enjoy a drink or two, that's fine! Chances are someone will be doing the same, so that's not embarrassing. Getting drunk until you're slurring your speech or stumbling all over the place is a completely different story, though. All it'll do is signal that you're unable to know when you've had enough, and this could make your partner's family think you're irresponsible. You can have a good time, but just be sure to be mindful and pace yourself!

7. Refusing To Talk To Anyone Unless Your Partner Is In The Room 

I get it. Your nerves may be bad or you might hate small talk. But, you can't get to know your partner's family and vice versa unless you talk to them. People will notice if you and your partner or only comfortable talking to each other.

And if your partner does decide to join in on the conversation, make sure you don't make jokes that poke fun at them too much — it may fall flat. "They should be mindful of making jokes at their partner's expense, such as "oh now I see where they get that from." These can be fun and light, but it's always best to be more of an observer at that first meeting than taking the lead and potentially leaving a bad impression," Goldberg advises.

Want to truly make a good impression? She encourages you to talk to "as many family members as possible" instead of zoning in on one person, or no one at all.

8. Saying You Hate Kids — Especially If They're Present

I respect anyone who chooses to be child-free, but making it a part of your personality every chance you get means you're bound to say something that rubs your partner's family the wrong way.

It's one thing to be sure you don't want to have kids, but talking about how much you hate children — especially if they're around and very much a part of the family — is beyond cringe. You're bound to not only shock your partner's family, but you'll also piss someone off. If you don't want someone to judge you for choosing not to have kids, don't judge them for choosing the opposite.

9. Looking At Your Phone The Entire Time

The family is definitely gonna want to chat with you or your partner, but it'll be hard if you're too focused on your phone. Goldberg says, "It's important to stay off their phone and be fully present during this first meeting."

Your partner's family will either think you're rude or too nervous to try to get to know them. Either way, it's pretty embarrassing! Instead, I'd put my phone on 'Do Not Disturb' and try to be more in the moment!

October: Society of Lies

Society of Lies by Lauren Ling Brown

Maya's back in town for her reunion at Princetown and she's excited to celebrate with familiar faces. It also coincides with her sister Naomi's graduation. As she gets ready for the best weekend ever, she receives the tragic news of Naomi's death and it leaves her shaken to her core. Though everyone says it was an accident, Maya's gut is telling her otherwise.

The more Maya digs into the past, the more she realizes her sister wasn't telling her. Sadly, Naomi was a part of the Sterling Club and it crushes her because she never wanted her sister to join it. Maya's no stranger to the inner workings of the Serling Club because she used to be a member so she knows everything that went on behind the scenes.

As she works to understand what happened to her sister, Maya will come face to face with the memories and secrets that haunt her.

September: The Comfort of Crows

The Comfort of Crows: A Backyard Year by Margaret Renkl

Over the course of 52 chapters, Margaret Renkl invites readers into the wonders of her backyard. For a year, she watched various animals and plants bloom during varying seasons that speak to the cycles of life. From the way our emotions ebb and flow to the periods where we're active or need rest, The Comfort of Crows: A Backyard Year is a beautiful read that will help us fall in love with every moment of life.

August 2024: Slow Dance

Slow Danceby Rainbow Rowell

July 2024: The Cliffs

The Cliffs by J. Courtney Sullivan

Would you be willing to journey back to a place you once sought refuge as a teen? What if it looked and felt different than you remembered? What if you discovered secrets and buried ghosts that no longer want to remain hidden?

These are questions that Jane Flanagan finds herself answering as she journeys back to Maine after being away for some time. The house she used to seek refuge in has been renovated by a woman named Genevieve, but she feels that all of her hard work has gone to waste because things don't feel right.

She enlists the help of Jane to see if there are ghosts that wander the halls of the house and that's when the discoveries begin to happen. Jane realizes that some parts of history is impossible to erase no matter how much you try to paint over them.

June 2024: The Unwedding

The Unwedding by Ally Condie

Ellery Wainwright is left reeling after it's clear she and her husband won't be celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary together in Big Sur, California. Never mind the fact she's dreaming about how it would be the perfect way to applaud themselves for building such a wonderful life together.

But, life comes at you fast and she's left ambling around the resort while people are prepping for a wedding. Talk about a slap in the face. Still, she begins observing all the newness that comes with people planning to spend the rest of their lives together. As beautiful as it is, she can't help but to feel unsettled the longer she's at the resort.

Sadly, her suspicions are confirmed when she finds the groom's dead body. This all but chokes the beauty of the resort from her heart and when someone else dies, it's clear that the unfortunate party is just getting started.

May 2024: How to End a Love Story

How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang

April 2024: The Most Fun We Ever Had

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

When Marilyn Connolly and David Sorenson fell in love, all they knew is that nothing could shake their foundation. Despite their unwavering hope in the past, their current reality looks differently than they imagined. Their four daughters — Wendy, Violet, Liza, and Grace — each have a unique set of problems that creates of chaos for the family. From the loss of one's husband to the secrets the youngest daughter keeps, the Sorensons are never quite sure what to expect.

In a shocking turn of events, a young man — Jonah Bendt — shows up and reveals that one of the daughters is his mom. He was placed up for adoption some time ago, but he's ready to come home to learn more about his biological family. There may be drama in The Most Fun We Ever Had, but there's still a family who finds a way back to the love that Marilyn and David have always believed in.

Art student Raquel only comes Anita de Monte's story after she starts feeling like she's starting to make a name for herself among College Hill's socialites. The more she learns about how Anita's life was horrifically cut short, she starts drawing parallels between their lives. It's almost like history is repeating itself and it's hitting too close to home.

As Gonzalez alternates between both of their perspectives, Raquel and Anita's lives begin to intersect in a way that makes Anita de Monte Laughs Last the kind of novel that'll have you thinking about it longer after you finish the last page.

Redwood Court reads like a historical love letter to Black families and contains relationships that remind me of my own family. When Mika Tabor starts asking questions about her family's history, she receives much more than her class assignment asked for. The more she listens to her grandparents and observes her parents, she realizes they've been telling her meaningful stories all along. From tales of racism to the sweet grasp of a world that began moving past obvious racial tension, this novel offers a glimpse into the homes of many Black families.

While I often say I'd like to pass down books to my kids, Redwood Court has become something that I feel is mandatory to read.

January 2024: "First Lie Wins" by Ashley Elston

Reese's Book Club is coming in hot with their first pick of the year! This thriller of a reader is all about "Evie Porter" and her separate identities. One paints the picture of who she truly is, but her job places her in the position of assuming a new name in order to complete the mission given to her by Mr. Smith. She's never met Mr. Smith, her boss, but she has the inkling that her latest mission hits a little too close to home.

Does he know more about her than she realizes and can she successfully fulfill the goal he has for? Buy your copy of First Lie Wins today to find out!

What would you do if you knew a terrible secret that involved the death of one of your best friends? In Before We Were Innocent, Bess and Joni find themselves trying to escape answering this. However, some things are hard to bury — especially when the past comes knocking in the form of Joni. Will the two former best friends be able to maintain their innocence or will they have to accept the truth about themselves?

If the past few years have felt like you've been stuck in a weird time loop, you'll love this page turner by Cesca Major. Maybe Next Time follows Emma as she navigates being a busy literary agent, wife and mother - except she only seems to have time for her career. When her husband is involved in a tragic car accident, Emma finds herself distraught only to wake up and see him alive again.

As the scenario continues to repeat, Emma will have to dig deep inside herself to correct patterns she's been a part of her to save not only her husband but life as she knows it.

Starling House is a daring tale of what happens when dreams meet determination, grit and evil. All Opal wants to do is create a haven for herself and her brother Jasper but she'll have to fight for it once she finds herself in the mysterious mansion of author E. Starling. In the depths of the shadows, she'll come face to face with things that'll test her resilience.

The women of the Rubicon family have a lot to tangle with in Mother-Daughter Murder Night. When powerful matriarch Lana's granddaughter Jack becomes the prime suspect in an unsolved murder, Lana becomes determined to find a killer instead of waiting for her disease to have it's last say. Find out what Nina Simon has in store for the town the Rubicons find themselves living in.

Tom Lake weaves a beautiful tale of remembered love and viewing the humanity of one's parent. When Lara begins to regale her three daughters of a former romance she shared with actor Peter Duke at Tome Lake, they begin to take stock of what they know about their mom as well as their own love lives.

Heartbreak has the potential to make you swear off love, which is something that late night writer Sally Milz knows all too well. She's also a firm believer in the "Danny Horst Rule," the phenomenon where average looking men exclusively date women more attractive than them — until pop star Noah Brewster shows up to host the late night show. Join her for an intoxicating love ride that makes her change her perspective.

If you love a good romance-murder mystery, you'll fall in love with Kya's story. After the town's golden boy winds up dead, everyone in town begins blaming Kya for his murder. With heartbreak and triumph woven throughout, Where The Crawdads Sing will become the summer read you can't put down.

Even when forbidden, love seems to find a way in The House of Eve. 15-year-old Ruby is set to be her family's first college attendee, until it appears a scandalous affair will bring her back into poverty. Meanwhile, Eleanor's in love with William, a member of an elite Black family in D.C. that doesn't let just anyone in. The lives of both women will collide in an unexpected way as they forge their own paths.

Maya witnessed her friend's sudden death in the woods seven years ago. Now, with nothing except a few hazy memories, she's determined to figure out what she saw, and who's behind it. The House In The Pines is proof that sometimes our past — and their secrets — don't stay dead.

Life can feel like a dumpster fire sometimes which is why Tiny Beautiful Things feels like a soothing hug. If you love advice columns, you'll love the beautiful compilation of questions "Dear Sugar" answers within the pages as Clare sets out to offer advice while her own life falls apart. After you read the book, check out our interview with Sarah Pidgeon, who stars in the Hulu series!

New friends Mia and Elena are pitted against each other when everyone in town splits over a custody battle. Adapted into a mini-series on Hulu at the beginning of the pandemic, Little Fires Everywhere is a tale that shows everything isn't always what it seems, and there are always secrets to be discovered.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time is a novel that explores the lengths a mother is willing to take to prevent her son from doing something unspeakable. Will she be able to piece together clues in time or will all hope remain lost?

This titular novel turned Emmy award-nominated Amazon Prime series Daisy Jones & The Six explores the rise — and fall — of a legendary (and fictional) band.

This heartwarming book about life at the River Valley School for the Deaf, and all of its students with completely different backgrounds, will make you laugh and cry with its beautiful depiction of human connection.

If you've never liked hearing "How can you hate from outside the club? You can't even get in," you'll be glad you're not a part of this members-only society. The club has been pushed to its limit and everyone has something to hide.

Nan infiltrates Agatha Christie's home in 1925, intent on luring her husband away. There's something about love, affairs, and dark secrets that make for a good read, and you won't be able to get enough of this tale where things aren't always what they seem.

"She's so lucky" ...or is she? Lucky redefines what it means to be honest when the titular character completes a million-dollar heist, and is left stranded by the very people who taught her how to scam.

When Anna learns the father she never knew is still alive, she travels to West Africa in search of answers. The tale of self-discovery through one's history, as well as the themes of home and belonging, is something we all long to understand at some point.

Families can be complicated, and the Alvarados are no different. If you're looking for a little break from your own family dynamics, you'll get a kick out of reading along as they navigate evacuations, relationship problems, and their father's obsession with the Weather Channel.

What happens when desire spills over and threatens to unravel everything two friends have built? The Paper Palace answers that as Elle must choose between continuing the life she has dedicated herself to and the life she never got to live.

When former lovers Eva and Shane reunite in the midst of their successful literary careers, they find that their chemistry is still as strong as it used to be. But, will the flame fizzle before their lingering questions are answered or will Eva choose vulnerability before Shane disappears again?

What would you do if your significant other disappeared without a trace, only leaving a cryptic note behind? In Hannah's case, she sets out on an unpredictable mission for answers — regardless of what lies ahead. After you read the book, check out our interview with Angourie Rice, who stars in the Apple TV+ series!

Le Sommet is a sanatorium-turned-luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. Detective Elin arrives to celebrate her estranged brother Isaac's engagement to Laure, and her discomfort turns to all-out horror when Laure goes missing.

DNA tests can reveal new information about our ancestry, but when Abby learns that she has an older sister — and that her older sister is an Instagram star — the women decide to meet up and get to the bottom of why their parents split them up in the first place.

Nothing brings families together like food and age-old rivalries, something that sisters Amanda and Mae learn firsthand when they end up on opposite sides of a cooking competition. If you love hit TV series The Bear, you'll love The Chicken Sisters.

Other Stories On Reese Witherspoon's Book Club List

• "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang
• "Cassandra in Reverse" by Holly Smale
• "Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?" by Crystal Smith Paul
• "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah
• "The Marriage Portrait" by Maggie O'Farrell
• "Our Missing Hearts" by Celeste Ng
• "On The Rooftop" by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton
• "Honey & Spice" by Bolu Babalola
• "Counterfeit" by Kirstin Chen
• "The Dictionary of Lost Words" by Pip Williams
• "Anatomy" by Dana Schwartz
• "Honor" by Thrity Umrigar
• "The Island of Missing Trees" by Elif Shafak
• "Within These Wicked Walls" by Lauren Blackwood
• "We Were Never Here" by Andrea Bartz
• "The Downstairs Girl" by Stacey Lee
• "Tokyo Ever After" by Emiko Jean
• "Northern Spy" by Flynn Berry
• "Firekeeper's Daughter" by Angeline Boulley
• "Infinite Country" by Patricia Engel
• "Outlawed" by Anna North
• "The Light in Hidden Places" by Sharon Cameron
• "A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow" by Laura Taylor Namey
• "Group" by Christie Tate
• "Fable" by Adrienne Young
• "His Only Wife" by Peace Medie Adzo
• "Furia" by Yamile Saied Mendez
• "The Last Story of Mina Lee" by Nancy Jooyoun Kim
• "You Should See Me in a Crown" by Leah Johnson
• "Everything Inside" by Edwidge Danticat
• "I'm Still Here" by Austin Channing Brown
• "The Guest List" by Lisa Foley
• "The Henna Artist" by Alka Joshi
• "UNTAMED" by Glennon Doyle
• "The Jetsetters" by Amanda Eyre Ward
• "The Scent Keeper" by Erica Bauermeister
• "Such a Fun Age" by Kiley Reid
• "Conviction" by Denise Mina
• "The Giver of Stars" by Jojo Moye
• "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky
• "The Secrets We Kept" by Lara Prescott
• "The Last House Guest" by Megan Miranda
• "Whisper Network" by Chandler Baker
• "The Cactus" by Sarah Haywood
• "From Scratch" by Tembi Locke
• "The Night Tiger" by Yangsze Choo
• "The Proposal" by Jasmine Guillory
• "The Library Book" by Susan Orlean
• "One Day in December" by Josie Silver
• "The Other Woman" by Sandie Jones
• "This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel
• "Still Lives" by Maria Hummel
• "Next Year in Havana" by Chanel Cleeton
• "Something in the Water" by Catherine Steadman
• "You Think It, I'll Say It" by Curtis Sittenfeld
• "Happiness" by Heather Harpham
• "Erotic Stories For Punjabi Widows" by Balli Kaur Jaswal
• "The Light We Lost" by Jill Santopolo
• "Braving the Wilderness" by Brené Brown
• "The Last Mrs. Parrish" by Liv Constantine
• "The Is the Story of a Happy Marriage" by Ann Patchett
• “The Rules of Magic” by Alice Hoffman
• "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware
• "The Alice Network" by Kate Quinn
• "Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine" by Gail Honeyman