I Should Never Have Become a Mother, But I Did Anyway

My quarter-life crisis came at the turn of the 21st century, and with it came major doubts about becoming a parent. It seemed to be “The” thing to do, yet I’d had little experience with children, my career was relatively unstable, and based on what I was reading in the news about climate change forecasts, I did not feel hopeful about the future of humanity — at least, not on this planet. Something wasn’t adding up: Were my doubts misinformed or pessimistic? Or was I simply dysfunctionalfor having so internalized the idea of parenthood as a rite-of-passage to a happy adulthood, that I was willing to ignore my clear doubts and self-awareness?

Though the decision to parent was a long way off for me, I thought it best to begin researching the topic immediately by talking to every parent I knew. This only confused me more: I couldn’t understand why it was so easy for me to dismiss the merits of reproduction, while anyone I interviewed seemed convinced with what I have always found to be a vague sort of zealousness. I never agreed with their sentiments enough to feel comforted, but they were so common that I started to think maybe I was wrong to worry about my unborn child’s future and my inability to prepare for it in the way my parents had tried to do for me.

I had lifestyle concerns about parenthood too. I really like to be social and get lots of sleep. I like to make music and theatre, and to focus on how to help others and how to make the world better for everyone. The parents I spoke with reassured me that I’d still be able to do the things I loved; parenthood would simply make me more efficient with my time. “Your child will be part of the change that needs to happen,” I heard. “We need more good, fun parents like you!”

But besides these reasons, I didn’t even really know how to relate to children or how to care for them. People insisted that it would come naturally to me once I had one, that it’s innate. (It’s not! At least, it hasn’t been for me.)

I eventually bought into the idea that my doubts were not good enough reasons not to have children. I accepted the collective insistence that it would all work out in the end and be well worth any struggles. Besides, my partner and I would have lots of time together before we would have to deal with any of that. An older female friend who’d missed her chance said I should just do it, because I could.

In the end, I did have a child. I couldn’t have predicted what happened next: my relationship ending when my child was 18 months old, and my mental health crumbling post-partum due to many factors beyond my control. The sleep deprivation that most new parents experience was exceptionally bad for us, with our colicky child waking every two hours to feed. Some people might be better equipped to power through, but for me, the impact was severe, catalyzing a smattering of mental and physical illness that I am still wading through six years later.

On the whole, conceiving, birthing, and parenting a small child has been so debilitating to me that I’ve virtually abandoned my creative endeavors. It’s much harder for me to prioritize my health, there’s less of me to go around, and I’ve had to return to school so I can earn more to attempt to keep up with inflation. More than anything, my heart breaks to see my child’s potential suppressed by the limitations of our modern world.

I never thought I’d lack enough money or lose my mind. I thought I had planned well, and that my intelligence would serve me where I lacked experience and strength. But even with help from my mom and with my child’s father’s exceptional reliability and parenting skill, I find my role as a parent overwhelming and a daunting responsibility. My functioning and contribution as a member of society have dropped significantly post-baby. I have less to give to others and to myself.

Of course, I love my son more than I can understand, and I am doing the best I can for him. It’s not his fault that his mother succumbed to the invisible pressures of social conditioning in the decision to bring him into the world. And while the process of becoming a parent contributed to my undoing, my child is now the main factor keeping me going — because I made this commitment to him for life, not because I feel capable or rewarded.

I have learned firsthand that parenthood is not for everyone. The people I interview who thrive as parents are usually much more affluent than I am. They are either physically and emotionally more resilient, better employed, have more financial and labor support from other adults, or overall have a much stronger need and aptitude to be parents than I ever had. I honor the right and reasons for which people choose parenthood, even though I don’t believe the world needs more babies. Meanwhile, I have heard others describe those who opt out of parenthood as less-than, childish, and even selfish. Based on my experience, these generalizations are unfounded and unfair.

People like me who do not feel up to the challenge of parenthood, or attached to the idea, should not be pressured into it. While I am doing the best I can, and I have no doubt about loving my child, my uncertainties about making a person were more valid and important to me than anyone I spoke to was willing or able to acknowledge at the time. That’s not fair to any child or prospective parent. The biological event of pregnancy was quite fascinating to me, yet this is not a reason to make a new person. Seeing myself in my child and cultivating deeper empathy feels noble, yet this is not a reason to make a new person and can be achieved with existing people.

If you’re thinking parenthood isn’t for you, but feel pressured by the people around you, a few things to keep in mind:

  • Reproduction is not essential to the human or female experience. If it were, homosexuality and other non-reproductive sex acts wouldn’t occur as commonly as they do.
  • Making a new human is not the only or best way to have deeply fulfilling interpersonal relationships.  
  • Alloparenting/mothering (non-maternal infant care, such as nursing and raising) is necessary and common among primates except modern humans, yet many parents and their children would benefit from having more honorary aunties and uncles. In other words, you can totally have a close relationship with a child without being a parent, and it’s a benefit to everyone involved.

Before conceiving a child, I hope people think about communities beyond the typical nuclear family model and consider whether your goals might be achieved without having children of your own. Family-making is certainly a worthy long-term investment if we can remember that making genetic heirs is just one of many valid, rewarding ways to foster healthy interdependence and loving connection. Overall, it’s better for both parents and non-parents to be less prescriptive about the way we form families.

Indira Cortez is an artist, writer, and theatre-maker.

(Illustration by Sarah Tate / Brit + Co. Photo via Getty)

After only two episodes of Only Murders in the Building season 4, Hulu renewed the series for season 5! I'm so excited that the show breaks a recent pattern of cancelling shows after the third or fourth season, giving us more time with our favorite characters, and I'm not the only one.

"Here we go again… my favorite set family. I’m coming home!" Selena Gomez says in an Instagram post, while the official Only Murders account made their own post, saying, "We had our lawyers call business affairs. Turned the 4 into a 5. #OnlyMurdersInTheBuilding is coming back for Season 5!!"

In addition to the show entering production, the one and only Renée Zellweger (Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy) just joined the cast. Iconic!

Here's everything you need to know about Only Murders in the Building season 5, coming to Hulu soon.

Who's in the Only Murders in the Building season 5 cast?

Eric McCandless/Disney

The Only Murders in the Building season 5 cast features all our favorites, and some new faces! According to Dan Fogelman, “we can expect more big guest stars that’ll probably be announced sooner rather than later,” he tells The Wrap.

"I am so grateful that I have been surrounded by human beings that make me better, challenge me, remind me day after day that every moment is a gift," Selena Gomez says about working with Steve Martin and Martin Short. "That’s my pure joy. I thank god for the era I’m in. It’s been the best yet."

The Only Murders season 5 cast includes:

  • Selena Gomez as Mabel Mora: a true crime lover who begins her own podcast after getting sucked into a murder mystery.
  • Martin Short as Oliver Putnam: a theatre director and founder of the Only Murders in the Building podcast.
  • Steve Martin as Charles Hayden Savage: an actor and true crime lover who begins the Only Murders podcast with Oliver and Mabel.
  • Téa Leoni as Sofia Caccimelio: a woman who approaches the podcast trio after her husband Nicky goes missing.
  • Renée Zellweger
  • Christoph Waltz
  • Keegan-Michael Key

What is Only Murders in the Building season 5 about?

Patrick Harbron/Disney

We finally got our first details about Only Murders season 5 — and we're going in a direction I totally didn't expect. When Sofia visits Mabel and Charles in the season 4 ending, and asks them to find her missing husband, she's disappointed when they turn her down. And since Téa Leoni just joined the season 5 cast, it looks like she's not taking no for an answer.

“I think she’s the great tease at the end of the finale and a little bit of an intriguing bump forward,” co-creator John Hoffman says in an interview with Deadline. “She’s an extension of the little news report in Episode 9 that Mabel makes note of at the hospital. [Sofia] is the wife of the Dry Cleaning King of Brooklyn, and maybe a couple of dry cleaning outlets in Manhattan, as well, we may come to know...It’s a world opened up potentially that we haven’t talked about too much yet in New York, so she holds a lot of intrigue.”

Patrick Harbron/Hulu

New York's underground is a wild space that we haven't really seen on Only Murders yet so I know we're in for one very interesting season — because if this show is going to go there, they're going to go there.

Executive producer Dan Fogelman told The Wrapwe can look forward to “another big fun mystery the writers have been cooking up," while Hoffman has gone on the record saying the new episodes will “hit on some very current things going on within New York, specifically very relevant things that are happening in the city right now.”

When is Only Murders in the Building season 5 coming out?

Patrick Harbron/Hulu

There's no Only Murders in the Building season 5 release date quite yet, but the show is in production! Considering we've had a new season over the last four years (with season 1 in 2021, season 2 in 2022, season 3 in 2023, and season 4 in 2024), we're expecting to see season 5 in 2025. Stay tuned for the official Only Murders season 5 release date.

How many episodes are there in Only Murders in the Building season 5?

Patrick Harbron/Hulu

Only Murders in the Building season 5 will have 10 episodes total on Hulu.

Check back here for the latest Only Murders in the Building season 5 news and check out the other new TV shows coming in 2025.

This post has been updated.

Trader Joe’s always knows exactly how to get us excited for new products – and this time, it’s rumored that the grocer is bringing back their viral Mini Canvas Tote Bags in four brand-new colors that are all perfect for spring! Speculated to hit stores around April 8, you’re not going to want to miss this TJ’s drop.

Here’s everything you need to know about the return of Trader Joe’s Mini Canvas Tote Bags for spring 2025.

@traderjoesobsessed

Trader Joe’s fan account @traderjoesobsessed first circulated the rumor that the Mini Canvas Tote Bags are set to return to Trader Joe’s this spring.

“Rumor has it that the pastel mini canvas bags will be here in April. Usually, they do release these on a Wednesday. How excited are you for these colors? I can’t wait to customize them!” the caption reads.

Another source, @zuncola, hinted that the totes could hit stores as early as April 8 or 9.

@traderjoesobsessed

It appears there will be four different colorways in this season’s Mini Canvas Tote Bag drop: pink, blue, green, and purple. But they’re not your ordinary pinks, blues, greens, and purples – per the rumors, they’ll come in pastel hues that all look stunning. From carrying your quick grocery hauls to toting each and every picnic essential you’ll need this spring, these bags get it all done in sheer style.

Trader Joe’s

In the past, the Trader Joe’s Mini Canvas Tote Bags have been a limited-time item that garnered plenty of attention from shoppers, even sparking a massivefrenzy inside stores with customers racing to snag their own tote. Some TJ’s locations have also placed a buying limit for bags like these, typically 1 per customer. Based on the reception of the rumors for this year, you’ll likely want to plan when and how you’re going to get your hands on one.

Instagram

Tons of Trader Joe’s fanatics sounded off in the comments of @traderjoesobsessed’s post about the rumors of the Mini Canvas Tote Bags’ return:

“Stoppppp no way!! 😱😱” one person wrote.

‘Yes! These will make great bags for Easter gifts,” another said.

“Looks like I need to buy camping gear cause I'll be in that line before sunrise 🤩,” one more fan commented.

Reddit

In previous years, the Mini Canvas Tote Bags went for $2.99 too $3.99, and we expect this pastel-filled drop to cost about the same.

Reddit

Though there’s no official release date for the mini totes, they’re speculated to hit shelves sometime in April 2025, possibly the 8th or 9th. Stay tuned here for more updates!

Subscribe to our newsletter to stay on top of all the best Trader Joe's news!

This post has been updated.

You've likely spent your whole life promising yourself that you'd never turn into your parents, cringing at their music taste, fashion choices, and insistence that you'll "understand one day when you're older."

Well, unfortunately, science says otherwise. The quirks, habits, and even opinions you swore you'd never adopt are part of your biology and just waiting for the right time to surface.

In fact, research suggests there are seven scientific reasons you'll end up more like your parents than you'd probably care to admit. Let's dive in.

Scroll to find out the reasons you'll actually turn out just like your parents, based on science...

1. New Music Will No Longer Bring Joy

Tima Miroshnichenko

Whether you grew up in the age of records, CDs, or iPods, discovering new music is always a thrill when you're young. At the same time, the "old" tunes your parents blast in the car seem stale, and they probably scoff at whatever music you choose to listen to.

Yet, as time goes by, something strange happens. The latest chart-toppers will begin to sound like noise, and you'll find yourself defending the music you grew up listening to, claiming it's way better than what younger generations are enjoying now.

Science has an explanation for this shift. As we get older, our brains process dopamine, or the chemical that makes music exciting, less efficiently. That means the songs you once obsessed over still hit you hard, but new ones just don't spark the same joy.

2. Rebellion Won't Be Appealing Anymore

Polina Tankilevitch

When you're a teenager, it's practically a rite of passage to be rebellious. Rules seem like they're made to be broken, and anything from sneaking out to defying authority figures at school feels like fair game.

However, you won't always be so bold. That's because, as your brain matures, the rebellious streak that once fueled the late nights and questionable decisions of your teenage years and twenties will fade. The same neurological shifts that make teens impulsive begin to mellow out with age, resulting in an increased sense of empathy and responsibility.

So, when you see some newly licensed teens racing down the road in their first car or egging houses on Halloween, you'll eventually start to shake your head at the recklessness, just like your parents.

3. Previously Boring Things Will Bring You Satisfaction

cottonbro studio

The idea of cleaning out the garage or tending to the garden on a Saturday probably sounds like a boring nightmare to most teenagers. At that point in our lives, our activities were driven by excitement and chasing instant gratification or an "adrenaline" rush.

Yet, as we mature, those previously "boring" hobbies start to feel, well, satisfying. While teenagers crave high-reward and low-effort activities, older adult brains begin to prioritize long-term fulfillment over fleeting joy or excitement.

That's why, out of nowhere, you may suddenly appreciate slower weekend mornings, organizing the bathroom on your day off, and spending hours picking out home decor.

4. You Won't Be Able To Sleep In

cottonbro studio

Sleeping until noon feels like a basic human right (and quite easy) during your teens or twenties. And back then, when you rolled out of bed in your pajamas halfway through the day, your parents might've called you lazy.

Contrary to popular belief, the shift toward earlier wake-up times in adulthood isn't about discipline; it's biology. Teenagers' bodies naturally produce melatonin later, making it harder for them to wake up early.

Then, as you age, your internal clock gradually changes, making it much tougher to sleep in, regardless of how tired you feel. Someday soon, you might find yourself brewing coffee at the crack of dawn and wondering how you ever wasted so much time lying in bed.

5. Bad News, Men: Your Motivation To Change Will Fade

Yaroslav Shuraev

After you graduated from high school or college, you might've sworn that you'd never "let yourself go." So, you may have hit the gym like it was your second job and chased after promotions like they were candy to further your career.

If you fast forward a couple of decades, though, that drive starts to fade, and testosterone is actually the culprit.

This hormone, which is responsible for muscle mass, motivation, and energy, peaks around age 40 before gradually declining. As it drops, the urgency to push yourself goes with it. You'll no longer be jumping at the chance to stay late at work or stick to your old, grueling six-day workout regimen.

6. Bland Food Won't Seem So Terrible

Pavel Danilyuk

If you're a self-proclaimed "foodie," you love visiting fancy restaurants, trying new cuisines, and think your palate is only getting more refined as you age.

But if you've ever wondered why older adults seem perfectly fine with eating the same old bland meals every week, science has the answer. You may not know that, as you age, your mouth produces less saliva, which is crucial for breaking down food and bringing flavors to your taste buds.

On top of that, appetite naturally shrinks, meaning dinners are more of a necessity than an experience. Suddenly, some plain crackers and apple juice won't seem so bad after all.

7. You'll Reminisce, Just Like Your Parents

Kampus Production

Nowadays, you might roll your eyes when you hear your parents tell the same childhood story (or rant about how things were "so much better" back in the day) for the hundredth time. You may even have a pact with yourself, promising to stay more current and open-minded.

Well, when you get older, your brain actually relies on nostalgia as a sort of built-in natural antidepressant. In other words, reminiscing helps older people counteract the stress and responsibilities of adult life.

This is why long-winded stories about the "good old days" become even more frequent with age, and someday, you'll likely find yourself falling into the same pattern.

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White Lotus season 3 is coming to a close, and the internet has a lot of questions — led, of course, by Who is The White Lotus killer? Well, I can't answer that one for you just yet, but we'll all get the answer this Sunday, April 6, when the White Lotusseason finale airs. Here's everything you need to know about how to stream the White Lotus finale episode (and how to rewatch all the episodes leading up to it).

Here's everything you need to know about season 3 The White Lotus season finale episode, airing on HBO and Max April 6, 2025.

Where can I watch the White Lotus season finale?

Fabio Lovino/HBO

The White Lotus season 3 finale will air on HBO and Max April 6, 2025 at 9 PM EST.

How many episodes of The White Lotus season 3 are there?

Max

The White Lotus season 3 will have 8 episodes total, and episode 8, "Amor Fati," is premiering this week! Here's the full schedule:

  • Season 3, Episode 1 "Same Spirits, New Forms" premiered on February 16, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 2 "Special Treatments" premiered on February 23, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 3 "The Meaning of Dreams" premiered on March 2, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 4 "Hide or Seek" premiered on March 9, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 5 "Full-Moon Party" premiered on March 16, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 6 "Denials" premiered on March 23, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 7 "Killer Instincts" premiered on March 30, 2025
  • Season 3, Episode 8 "Amor Fati" premieres on April 6, 2025

Who's in The White Lotus season 3 cast?

Fabio Lovino/HBO

The White Lotus season 3 cast is one of the best on TV right now! The list includes:

  • Jason Isaacs as Timothy Ratliff: a financier vacationing in Thailand with his family, and with some secrets.
  • Parker Posey as Victoria Ratliff: Timothy's wife.
  • Patrick Schwarzengger as Saxon Ratliff: Timothy and Victoria's eldest son who works Timothy.
  • Sarah Catherine Hook as Piper Ratliff: Timothy and Victoria's daughter, a college senior who's studying religion.
  • Sam Nivola as Lochlan Ratliff: Timothy and Victoria's youngest, a high school senior.
  • Michelle Monaghan as Jaclyn Lemon: a TV actress on a girls' trip.
  • Leslie Bibb as Kate Bohr: one of three friends on a Thailand girls' trip.
  • Carrie Coon as Laurie Duffy: a lawyer escaping the real world with a girls' trip.
  • Walton Goggins as Rick Hatchett: a guest at The White Lotus traveling with his younger girlfriend Chelsea.
  • Aimee Lou Wood as Chelsea: a young English woman staying at the resort with her much-older boyfriend.
  • Lalisa Manobal as Thidapon "Mook" Sornsin: the White Lotus' health mentor.
  • Lek Patravadi as Sritala Hollinger: an owner of the White Lotus.
  • Natasha Rothwell as Belinda Lindsey: spa manager visiting from the White Lotus Hawaii vacation.

Where did The White Lotus season 3 film?

Max

The White Lotus season 3 filmed from February 2024 until August 2024, and filmed in various locations around Thailand, like Bangkok, Phuket, and Ko Samui.

Is White Lotus season 3 finished?

Fabio Lovino/HBO

The final episode of White Lotus season 3 airs this week, April 6, 2025. But filming for the show finished in August of 2024.

Are you excited for The White Lotus season finale? Tag us with all your insane theories on Instagram!

I've been waiting to see Wicked: Part 2 (officially titles Wicked: For Good) since long before the credits rolled on Elphaba's "Defying Gravity" in November of 2024. I was born for this! And not only have we gotten a brief glimpse at Cynthia Erivo's iconic Wicked Witch of the West look, we also just got a look at the new Wicked: For Good poster thanks to some folks at CinemaCon — and it shows off Elphaba and Glinda's (Ariana Grande) incredible costumes in the new movie.

Here's a breakdown of that Wicked: For Good poster from CinemaCon — and Cynthia Erivo & Ariana Grande's new Wicked costumes.

What's up with the Wicked 2 poster?

The first Wicked: For Good poster debuted in Las Vegas during CinemaCon, and attendees immediately clocked the new images upon arriving. After Wicked ended with Elphaba escaping the Wizard (Jeff Goldblum), Madame Morrible (Michelle Yeoh), and the Emerald City, and Glinda staying behind, it's no surprise that the first look at both these ladies features a huge chasm between them. Another X user also points out the two cliffs and the Wizard's castle between them form a W!

But my favorite detail about the Wicked 2 poster is Glinda and Elphaba's costumes. With her broom, her hat, and her coat, Elphaba looks more like the Wicked Witch of the West than ever before, while Glinda has swapped her all-pink wardrobe for a periwinkle gown.

I immediately clocked the color shift — especially since Glinda is working so closely with Madame Morrible now, and it totally feels like the clothing reflects just how much influence Glinda's allowing Madame Morrible to have over her. After all, the Emerald City might be green, but Shiz University is all blue (as are Madame Morrible's most iconic outfits).

What does "for good" mean in Wicked?

"For Good" is a song in Act 2 of Wicked (that we'll also hear in Wicked: For Good) about how Elphaba and Glinda have changed each other's lives forever — and, even though they say "who can say if I've been changed for the better?", I'd say that they way they affected each other's empathy, confidence, and kindness proves they really did change each other for the better.

What is Wicked: For Good going to be about?

Wicked: Part Two is going to pick up after the events of Part One: Elphaba is on the run (and being blamed for everything going wrong), Glinda has stayed behind and become the spokesperson for the Wizard, and the animals continue to lose their ability to speak. Meanwhile, Fiyero (Jonathan Bailey) is determined to find Elphaba, and Nessarose (Marissa Bode) is increasingly infatuated with Boq (Ethan Slater).

When does Wicked: For Good come out?

Wicked: For Good is flying into theaters November 21, 2025.

Who's in the cast of Wicked: For Good?

The Wicked: For Good cast features all your favorite stars from the first movie:

  • Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba: an emerald-green young woman possessing remarkable magic.
  • Ariana Grande as Glinda: Elphaba's best friend who's morphed from popular girl to political spokesperson.
  • Jonathan Bailey as Fiyero: a dashing prince who refuses to believe the rumors about Elphaba.
  • Ethan Slater as Boq: a munchkin who's in love with Glinda.
  • Marissa Bode as Nessarose: Elphaba's little sister.
  • Jeff Goldblum as The Wizard of Oz: a man from our world who found himself in Oz.
  • Michelle Yeoh as Madame Morrible: Shiz University's sorcery professor.

We Totally Missed This Bridgerton Cameo In The Wicked Movie. Did you?