Quietauthor Susan Cain talks about the power of introverts and how the difference between extroverts and introverts is not shyness, but how we all respond to stimulation. As an ambivert who’s closer to the introvert-end of the spectrum, I admired Cain's ability to describe introversion in a way that highlights its positive traits and how we can leverage them in a world that tends to value extroverts. Here are 10 clear signs that you’re an introvert. Welcome to the club and feel free to join in or not.
You're An Observer
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In a group setting, you tend to observe what's going on before participating. This doesn't mean that you never participate, but that you need time to listen, observe, and find your place in a new social setting. A former boss once told me about a colleague he respected. While everyone was quick to throw out their ideas during meetings, this colleague would sit and listen and absorb, and then after the meeting, email his thoughts, which were always insightful. If you're more like that colleague, then you're likely an introvert.
You Prefer Deep Conversation Over Small Talk
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For those with introverted tendencies, small talk feels draining while deep, meaningful conversations feel invigorating. This can sometimes come off as unfriendly in social settings. When my sister, a major introvert, walked into her bridal shower, she was overwhelmed and didn't socialize with her now husband's side of the family, upsetting her now MIL. Thankfully, they understand each other a little better, but that early interaction came off as rude rather than really understanding this personality trait (which, btw, was first classified in the 1920s by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung).
You Have A Small Group Of Close Friends
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You value deep, meaningful relationships over having a broad social network. This doesn't mean extroverts don't value deep friendships, but introverts are less likely to have a large network of acquaintances. You prefer quality over quantity, investing time and energy into a few close relationships that give you emotional support and genuine connection.
You Prefer To Write Out Your Thoughts Than Talk It Out
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You feel more comfortable expressing your thoughts on paper (or digitally), so you can organize and articulate your ideas clearly, without the pressure of immediate conversation.
You Do Your Best Thinking Alone
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Your inner monologue is chatty! You often need time to think things through before making decisions or sharing your thoughts. It goes back to that observer role. In IRL brainstorming, extroverts tend to command the room but introverts tend to absorb everything and then think it through alone.
You're Energized By Solitude
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There's a moment when social interactions start to leave you feeling exhausted. Alone time helps you recharge and build up your energy for more chit-chat.
You're A Great Listener
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You make a great friend because you are a great listener. You give your friends your full attention, try to understand their perspectives, and respond with thoughtful advice.
You Love To Get Lost In A Good Book
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Solo activities like reading, writing, gardening, or solo sports are more your jam. Team sports as a kid would always stress me out. As an adult, I found the solitude of running perfect for my introverted side.
You Take The Time To Think Before You Speak
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Being in the spotlight is not your cup of tea. You carefully consider your words before speaking, which can help you communicate more thoughtfully and respectfully.
You Prefer To Work Remotely
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Cain notes that research shows introverts can be great leaders, yet they often get overlooked for (or shy away from) higher positions due to their discomfort in social situations. But good news: many successful people, such as Rosa Parks, Barack Obama, and Eleanor Roosevelt, were/are introverts. Your introspection and crazy ability to focus (making WFH ideal) can be powerful assets, boosting your productivity. Introverts can also be excellent communicators, though they may shine more in one-on-one interactions than in big, all-hands-on-deck meetings.
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