Koya Webb Teaches Brit + Anj About Harnessing Positive Energy

1. Choose your battles ahead of time.

You're not going to change everyone's opinion about all of the things over the course of a meal and a football game. You might want to show up ready for a duel of words with your Facebook-meme-king cousin, but that's just going to put your opinionated family member on the offensive from the moment you walk in. Decide ahead of time if there's one issue that you really cannot keep your mouth shut about if it comes up, and have two or three talking points ready that clarify your position on that topic. If your hot button does get pushed, your talking points will help you keep from making things personal.

2. Confer with the host.

If you feel comfortable with the person that's organizing or hosting Thanksgiving, speak to him or her in advance about how you can be on Team Keep the Peace. Most people aren't keen on a political brouhaha breaking out around their dinner table, so they'll probably be relieved to hear that you're on board and willing to help make the day go smoothly for everyone. Brainstorm some ideas about seating arrangements or wholesome activities to fill the idle family time that can lead to trading barbs.

3. Make it a game.

Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker and relationship expert for Three Day Rule, suggests a fun twist on the swear jar concept. “If your family is up for the challenge, you can even make it a game. Each time someone mentions something political, they have to put a dollar in a jar (or take a drink, depending on how your family celebrates the holiday). At the end of the night, that cash can be put aside for the next family get together!"

4. Have a moment of silence.

Sometimes the idea of a quiet table can be intimidating (all those chewing noises!), but encouraging a moment of reflection among your holiday guests can actually be transformative. Whether you observe several seconds of silence in honor of relatives you've lost, as a way to silently acknowledge your individual blessings, or as an act of prayer or meditation, you've hopefully brought the room back to focus on each other's company and the gift that it is to be together.

5. Be an active listener.

If your one doggedlypersistent aunt can't let go of her obsession with the latest political scandal, reconsider what she's actually trying to tell you. Chances are, it's not just about what she saw on the news. “Assume that your polarizing relative actually probably just wants to connect, feel respected, and reduce their own anxiety about holiday gatherings, and interpret even difficult behavior as such," advises Mary Fisher, a Salt Lake City psychotherapist who specializes in family relationships. “Express the desire to connect while redirecting the conversation," Fisher recommends. Emphasize the fact that you're interested in protecting the time your family spends together. That can help soften the blow when you ask to instead hear them share a family memory or talk about a hobby you both share.

6. Disengage.

Remember that if angry words or offensive language start flying at you across the sweet potato pie, you don't have to respond. Have a script in mind to use, something like, “While I hear where you're coming from, I don't share your opinion, and I'm done talking about it today." Convey the message that you're quite clear on the matter being discussed, and you're not going to take the bait. You may have to repeat yourself several times, or you may choose to remain silent until things cool down around you. Either one is okay.

7. Duck out early.

If you feel like you have to retreat from the situation entirely, do it. One of the best things about being an adult is leaving when you want to leave. You don't have to subject yourself, your spouse, or your family to any kind of dialogue that is insulting, bigoted, or aggressive. Fisher shares these words of advice: “While we might think that the holidays are the time to resolve differences, they are actually the time to affirm and nurture connection, which can be an uphill battle with politically polarizing relatives." If you don't feel like a connection is being nurtured and the environment is not good for you to be in, say goodbye and make a break for it.

But even Larson has days she feels off, saying she knows that feeling "very well," and whether it's seasonal blues or mental health days, she knows routine is where she thrives — and seasonal affective disorder lamps. "Light is a big game changer for me because I grew up in California," she says.

To engage her other senses, she relies on movement, breathing techniques, and temperature changes to keep in touch with her body. "A hot bath, a cold shower, both — anything that sort of wakes your brain up and kind of jolts it," she says. "I have a pretty demanding schedule and I truly don't have room to not feel like I'm present in my life. And so you come up with ways to figure out how to do that."

That includes everything from drinking plenty of water and prioritizing sleep to packing foam rollers and bands in her carry on. "It looks like a clown bag!" she says. "I always do [those exercises] every morning because even if I don't want to do it, which I always don't want to do it, I feel a lot better after I do it."

Admittedly, that's exactly how I feel some days about making breakfast — but a powerhouse like Larson knows how important fueling our bodies is. "Pretty consistently I'm having an egg, like a breakfast sandwich, egg on toast first thing in the morning," she says. "I can't think beyond that for breakfast because I wake up so early. It's like there's no creativity happening in the morning. I'm sorry. No."

And while her mornings are all about wellness, her evenings are all about getting cozy, and she tells me her dream night in includes playing a new video game, wearing Gelato Pique sweatpants, and ordering Thai food. But when she's in the kitchen? "I've been making pasta and sausage quite a bit and I make tacos quite a bit. I mean, I kind of just do like protein and veggies and a little bit of a carb," she says.

Cozy nights in wouldn't be the same without a movie, and there's a very good chance you've seen Larson on your screen recently, whether you're rewatching Captain Marvel, 13 Going on 30, or Lessons in Chemistry. But how does the actress consistently choose such beautiful, inspiring pieces to work on? She equates the feeling to having a crush.

"When I feel like [a story] hits something that lives so truthfully in me that I just want to know if it's true to other people," she says. "I just know that we all have more that's the same than different...Film and television, it lives in a way that is beyond me physically. So I'm here talking to you, but anybody can be watching whatever they want. And so I try my best to think through what the pieces are saying so that they go out in the world and I don't get to be at the end of it and explain it or tell people what to feel or what to take from it. It lives a life outside of me. So I try and make sure that it has a complete message in it that I feel like I'll be able to live with for the rest of my life."

Just like Carol Danvers and Elizabeth Zott empower so many viewers, Brie Larson says she feels empowered by her own Hollywood heroes. "Earlier in my career, like when I was trying to visualize what kind of career I wanted, it was Toni Colette and she's still a hero of mine, but she was truly the one that I was like, 'I want to disappear into characters the way she does.'"

"There's so many incredible [actors]," she continues. "Some of them are people that are more my age and some are older than me. But that's the fun part of my job is that there's so many good people and so many things that are getting made. And so it just feels like we're constantly kind of maneuvering, and when they take on certain roles and represent certain things, it frees up for other people to do other things. And so we kind of all work as a unit."

One movie on the horizon that I'm excited for is Mattel's new American Girl movie. Like many 80s and 90s kids, Brie Larson loved American Girl dolls — and borrowed her stage name from pioneer Kirsten Larson! And just like the rest of us AG kids, she tells me she can't wait for the movie. "I've also seen that there's going to be adult Halloween costumes, which I'm also very excited about," she says. Will she be grabbing a Kirsten one for herself? "I just might!"

Q+A With Brie Larson

What's the first thing you did after you won your Oscar?

I probably drank champagne...I drank champagne and I put sneakers on, and then I went to the airport.

What's the best piece of advice you've received?

"When I think I know, I miss so much." We all get stuck in these things — I think an easy one to think about is like, you're in a fight with your sibling or your partner, and you are just so right in how angry you are. And then maybe the next day you wake up and you're like, "Maybe there was another side to that." And so we miss things when we're in a space where we believe that we know. Having an openness to what something can be or that things can be different than what you think makes things easier.

What's on your holiday bucket list?

I love the holidays. Because I'm in California, I really am looking forward to this year having a chilly winter. I love a cold winter, cozy winter. I love Christmas markets, so I'll definitely hit things like that. All the little holiday markets pop up around, yeah, it's just like a rare time when everybody is resting at the same time.

What are you watching, reading and listening to right now?

Okay. I am reading a book called Patricia Wants To Cuddle. I am watching Love is Blind season 7 because I am not silly. And listening to Chappell Roan, obviously.

Blake Lively's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Co-Stars

Most upsetting is the unabashed exploitation of domestic violence survivors' stories to silence a woman who asked for safety. The hypocrisy is astounding.

We are struck by the reality that even if a woman is as strong, celebrated, and resourced as our friend Blake, she can still face forceful retaliation for daring to ask for a safe work environment. We are inspired by our sister's courage to stand up for herself and others.

For anyone seeking more information or engaging in this important conversation online, please read the full legal complaint in the investigative reporting by Megan Twohey, Mike McIntire, and Julie Tate for the New York Times.

Colleen Hoover, Author of It Ends With Us

Paul Feig, Director of A Simple Favor

Director Paul Feig also shared his thoughts about what it's like to work with Blake on X. He said, "I’ve now made two movies with Blake and all I can say is she’s one of the most professional, creative, collaborative, talented and kind people I’ve ever worked with. She truly did not deserve any of this smear campaign against her. I think it’s awful she was put through this."

Robyn Lively, Blake Lively's Sister

The sisterly energy is real and we're so glad Blake is surrounded by it. Robyn, Blake's big sister, shared her full thoughts in a lengthy Instagram caption just 10 hours!

While encouraging people to do research for themselves by reading The New York Times article that details the devious plot to publicly destroy Blake, she had other things to say. "We live in an age where we have access to people’s personal lives like never before — especially actors. It makes us feel like we know them. We see them on social media, watch clips of them, and make snap decisions about their character," she wrote. This reminds me of the parasocial relationships author Amanda Montell detailed in The Age of Magical Overthinking — definitely something for us all to keep in mind.

She also called out how easy it is for the media to warp the public's perception of the truth. "The 'truth' in the tabloids is hardly ever what you think," she added before eventually expressing how "proud" she is that her sister "didn't allow herself to be silenced in the face of adversity and lies."

Bart Johnson, Blake Lively's Brother-in-law

According to Page Six, Blake's brother-in-law Bart Johnson didn't hesitate to share his thoughts about the behavior of Baldoni and his team. He reportedly wrote, "Her complaints were filed during the filming. On record. Long before the public conflict. The cast unfollowed him [Baldoni] for a reason." in the comment section of the NYT Instagram post about the lengthy deep dive into what happened.

He continued by writing, "His PR team was stellar. Gross and disgusting but highly effective. Read the article, their text message exchanges and his PR campaign strategy to bury her by any means necessary. No one is with out [sic] faults. But the public got played."