Life of Kylie Premiere Recap: Real Kylie Goes to Prom

Life Lessons From "The O.C."

1. A homemade breakfast can cure anything that ails you — and is pretty much guaranteed to make you more popular in any situation

A major tension in the first few episodes is the conflict between Sandy and Kirsten Cohen about whether or not Ryan should be allowed to stay in that beautiful pool house on a more permanent basis. True to form, Sandy the “Crusader for Justice” wants to give the kid from Chino a shot, while Kirsten thinks he’d be better off in foster care. While Ryan’s homemade breakfast doesn’t mark the final conclusion to this conflict, it definitely eases tensions between him and Kirsten. It just goes to show — there are few things that perfectly scrambled eggs can’t fix!

2. Hiding from a problem is typically not the best solution

As any group of high schoolers — or, at least, any group of high schoolers with easy access to empty mansions — would do, Seth and Marissa decide that the best way to avoid having Ryan sent to foster care is to hide him in one of Kirsten and Caleb’s model homes. Great idea, right? Wrong! I’ll spare you the dramatic details of the fight, the fire, and the awkward revelations about the history between Marissa’s dad and Kirsten, but suffice to say that hiding from potential consequences is rarely the answer...even if you are planning to do it in a mansion.

3. Share your dreams with the people you love

While Seth is open with Ryan early in the season about his dream to sail alone to Tahiti, it’s unclear whether or not he’s been as clear with his parents about it. This comes back to bite him in the you-know-where later in the season (and into The O.C. season 2), when he decides to flee Newport in pursuit of his lone journey. Don’t you think it would’ve been handy for people to know his dreams so they could support him in a more meaningful way?

4. Be open about your exes

Oh, where do I begin with this one? There are countless instances in this series where untold secrets about a previous relationship rear their ugly head at very inopportune times for the people involved, but let’s call Ryan, Marissa, and Theresa Exhibit A. If Ryan had been honest with new flame Marissa about his romantic past in Chino from the get-go, he would have avoided an extremely uncomfortable Thanksgiving encounter...and who knows what else? If you’ve had a tendency to be cagey about your exes with a current bae, watching Ryan’s example should make you want to be more honest.

5. People are rarely as intimidating as you think they are

For years, Seth was so enamored with Summer that all he could do was pine for her and secretly bestow her name on his boat, but when they finally met and start flirting, he learns that he’s not the only student at The Harbor School who sleeps with a toy horse next to their bed. (Princess Sparkle and Captain Oats are still so meant to be.) Think of how much less time our boy Cohen would have spent feeling sorry for himself if he’d thought for even one second that Summer was potentially his own kind of dork.

6. It’s important to know when to bring in an expert

Marissa got in way over her head in The O.C. when she tried to tackle Oliver’s health issues on her own, and while she probably needed a real grown up, even adults can learn from the cautionary tale that played out in the penthouse of that fancy hotel. It’s important to learn what you can handle and what’s above your pay grade. There’s no shame in admitting that you can’t get through something on your own. Rather, there’s only shame in knowing that a problem exists and that you didn’t seek the help that’s really needed.

7. Making a choice is almost always necessary, even if it seems like you can have it all

Teenagers everywhere swooned at the thought of being in Seth’s shoes (Chuck Taylors, obviously) and having twoseemingly perfect suitors vying for their attention. Remember those awesome Chrismukkah gifts Seth got from both Summer and Anna? Well, it seemed too good to be true at the time…and it was, because in the end, Seth had to make a choice, and his inability to do so in the first place really damaged his credibility.

8. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time

Sandy and Kirsten spend a lot of time in The O.C. season 1 trying to put their faith in Caleb, even though he continually proved he couldn't be trusted. While it’s nice to give people the benefit of the doubt, this dysfunctional family dynamic should serve as a reminder to all of us that people’s actions speak a whole lot louder than their words.

9. It takes a lot longer to rebuild trust than it does to destroy it

Ryan is basically the poster child for trust issues, and every time he’s let down by one of his friends (ahem, Marissa), we get a front row seat to the inevitably long process of the aforementioned disappointing friend trying to win him back. Life would be much easier — and TV much less interesting, I guess — if we didn’t tamper with people’s trust in the first place.

10. Appreciate family members and all of their quirks

No relationship better demonstrates this truth in The O.C. than that between the Cohen family and The Nana. By the time Sandy’s mother has arrived in Newport, we’ve already been treated to tons of family folklore about how intimidating and, well, mean she is. So when we find out later in the episode (spoiler alert!) that she actually has cancer, it’s like a punch to the gut for us too. This particular emotional roller coaster should serve as a lesson to us all that it’s important to appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugly in our family members because our time with them isn’t guaranteed.

1. They're always being dismissive.

Have you ever been really excited or upset about something only to be met with a dismissive tone from someone you confided in? This person is displaying toxicity which "gradually undermines trust in relationships," according to English. Would you want to keep sharing things with a person if they're always downplaying your emotions? Probably not.

2. Controlling others seems like a sport to them.

English says another way to determine someone is toxic is pay attention to their controlling behavior. It can be something as simple as telling you what to wear or something greater such as forcibly limiting your contact with anyone they think isn't good for you.

3. They consistently makes excuses for their behavior.

Have you ever let a close friend know certain behavior bothers you only for them to make an excuse for why they keep doing them? Bennett says this counts as "avoiding responsibility for actions." Furthermore, "constantly" doing so or looking to "push the blame onto someone else veers into toxic territory," she adds.

Another way to look at this is if someone is always falling into a pattern of "victimizing themselves," according to Bennett.

4. They tend to be manipulative.

Manipulation is tricky because it's not always obvious until it's too late. It's kind of like not realizing you were bit by a mosquito until your skin becomes itchy and red. Bennett says this is toxic because there's a knowing that someone can "appeal to a certain person's characteristics or personality traits." This looks like saying or doing something "with the intention of getting a certain reaction," according to her.

Bennett says, "An example may be one partner in sobriety who consistently uses their poor mental health as a reason to not be proactive about finding a job. They do this because they know that the other partner is worried about their loved one relapsing so they use that fear against her."

5. They never miss an opportunity to gaslight people.

Calling this a "well-known example," English says gaslighting often occurs when someone denies the reality of another person." What would cause someone to do this? Well, a toxic behavior often doesn't want to take accountability for their actions so they'd rather "cause people to doubt their own perceptions," according to English.

6. They're always looking for reasons to criticize someone.

The catty behavior on The Real Housewives of New York may be entertaining for TV, but that kind of behavior gets old quickly in everyday life. No one wants to hear why "so and so thinks they're all that" even if it's disguised as humor. English says, "Regardless of their motivation," behaviors like this "can lead to stressful and emotionally distressing situations."

Alena Darmel

Is it time to cut that toxic person out of my life?

We live in a society that started prioritizing ending relationships with people as soon as we spot red flags, but English and Bennett don't think this should be our immediate reaction. English says, "The decision to disengage with a toxic person in the relationship will depend on how harsh and serious the relationship is" because "it is often personal."

According to her, if you notice a consistent pattern where the behavior is "damaging your emotional health," it's okay to walk away from that person. Still, she believes "completely cutting [someone] off is often a last option when other approaches to changing the behavior have not worked." Bennett says something similar and notes how to approach different scenarios.

"If it someone you need to communicate with because of a job or family, there are things you can do to protect yourself," she says. She suggests reminding "yourself who you are dealing with" if the person is adept at gaslighting others because "it may be easy to become convinced that you are wrong or something did not happen the way you recall." A phrase she encourages you to tell yourself is, "I know that my experiences are my experiences no matter what."

If you're dealing with an aggressively toxic person, you'll have to "set and reinforce boundaries," Bennett says while English adds that "engaging in therapy to faciliate healthier relationships" may be a next step.

Here's how Bennett suggests navigating communication with someone like this:

• Set a boundary to end the conversation when you notice toxic behavior such as invalidation of your feelings.
• Receive support from another person so they can remind you of things you're trying to accomplish

If you're dealing with a friend or spouse, Bennett wants you to remember "you cannot change them" but you're in control of how you respond. English says, "It is important to analyze the whole situation and know when the cost of the relationship is greater than the benefits."