Brit Gets Schooled on Gen Z By 'Never Have I Ever' Star Maitreyi Ramakrishnan

1. Choose your battles ahead of time.

You're not going to change everyone's opinion about all of the things over the course of a meal and a football game. You might want to show up ready for a duel of words with your Facebook-meme-king cousin, but that's just going to put your opinionated family member on the offensive from the moment you walk in. Decide ahead of time if there's one issue that you really cannot keep your mouth shut about if it comes up, and have two or three talking points ready that clarify your position on that topic. If your hot button does get pushed, your talking points will help you keep from making things personal.

2. Confer with the host.

If you feel comfortable with the person that's organizing or hosting Thanksgiving, speak to him or her in advance about how you can be on Team Keep the Peace. Most people aren't keen on a political brouhaha breaking out around their dinner table, so they'll probably be relieved to hear that you're on board and willing to help make the day go smoothly for everyone. Brainstorm some ideas about seating arrangements or wholesome activities to fill the idle family time that can lead to trading barbs.

3. Make it a game.

Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker and relationship expert for Three Day Rule, suggests a fun twist on the swear jar concept. “If your family is up for the challenge, you can even make it a game. Each time someone mentions something political, they have to put a dollar in a jar (or take a drink, depending on how your family celebrates the holiday). At the end of the night, that cash can be put aside for the next family get together!"

4. Have a moment of silence.

Sometimes the idea of a quiet table can be intimidating (all those chewing noises!), but encouraging a moment of reflection among your holiday guests can actually be transformative. Whether you observe several seconds of silence in honor of relatives you've lost, as a way to silently acknowledge your individual blessings, or as an act of prayer or meditation, you've hopefully brought the room back to focus on each other's company and the gift that it is to be together.

5. Be an active listener.

If your one doggedlypersistent aunt can't let go of her obsession with the latest political scandal, reconsider what she's actually trying to tell you. Chances are, it's not just about what she saw on the news. “Assume that your polarizing relative actually probably just wants to connect, feel respected, and reduce their own anxiety about holiday gatherings, and interpret even difficult behavior as such," advises Mary Fisher, a Salt Lake City psychotherapist who specializes in family relationships. “Express the desire to connect while redirecting the conversation," Fisher recommends. Emphasize the fact that you're interested in protecting the time your family spends together. That can help soften the blow when you ask to instead hear them share a family memory or talk about a hobby you both share.

6. Disengage.

Remember that if angry words or offensive language start flying at you across the sweet potato pie, you don't have to respond. Have a script in mind to use, something like, “While I hear where you're coming from, I don't share your opinion, and I'm done talking about it today." Convey the message that you're quite clear on the matter being discussed, and you're not going to take the bait. You may have to repeat yourself several times, or you may choose to remain silent until things cool down around you. Either one is okay.

7. Duck out early.

If you feel like you have to retreat from the situation entirely, do it. One of the best things about being an adult is leaving when you want to leave. You don't have to subject yourself, your spouse, or your family to any kind of dialogue that is insulting, bigoted, or aggressive. Fisher shares these words of advice: “While we might think that the holidays are the time to resolve differences, they are actually the time to affirm and nurture connection, which can be an uphill battle with politically polarizing relatives." If you don't feel like a connection is being nurtured and the environment is not good for you to be in, say goodbye and make a break for it.

Millennials And Gen Z Are Both Living In A Digital Age

Millennials grew up during a time when the digital age didn't exist, but we watched it unfold and change the way the world communicates. The internet launched in 1993 and connected people to each other in a way no one could've expected (via NPR).

I remember when MySpace, X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, LTK, Snapchat, and more popular apps launched — literally started from the beginning. Growing during as the digital age became what we know it as today, I can confidently say that Millennials and Gen Z are still finding our footing with all of the technology — and constant connection — at our disposal.

We both watched as social media and the algorithm change the way we think. We saw the rise of content creators and heavy politicized messages filtered to us. We doom scrolled and curated and shared and liked and kept trying to find the balance that would finally feel just right.

We're all in this very online experience together at the end of the day.

Millennials And Gen Z Value Flexibility

Going from my 20sto my 30s has seriously made me realize the flexibility I crave as a Millennial. It seems like I was born to look at certain parts of traditional ideals and go, "That's not going to work for me." It's even more evident now that I'm older and have found that my approach to my career and family life doesn't completely match what I was taught. And it's not that different for Gen Z either — check it out!

Approach To Careers

Over 80% of both Millennials and Gen Z believe it's important to work somewhere that gives us a sense of purpose. According to Deloitte, both generations also value work/life balance that doesn't require us to pretend that we don't have a life or other obligations outside of our jobs.

As a mom, this was one of the biggest issues I faced because I realized how much society doesn't make room for working parents. The amount of times I heard a random stranger say, "Parents should plan for one person to be at home" as if that solves the problem is ridiculous.

Whether we have families to raise, hobbies to juggle, or anything in between, it's clear that Millennials and Gen Z crave balance in their careers.

Views Of The Nuclear Family

Speaking of motherhood, I like to think Millennials and Gen Z aren't so different when it comes to our perspective of the nuclear family. Studies via Pew Research Center show we're not as judgmental about single-parent homes than prior generations, and that only 44% of Millennials were married in 2019.

This idea that families are supposed to look a certain way in order to be legit is something Millennials and Gen Z continue to raise their eyebrows at — and even scoffed at — but not because we don't value family. We're just less likely to stress ourselves out believing we're failing or behind because we don't have or want the traditional nuclear family model. Both generations approach relationships and family on our own terms.

Millennials And Gen Z Gravitate Towards The Same Pop Culture

Did you know almost half of Millennials love listening to music in our spare time (via Spotify), while 43% of Gen Z loves to stream it (via EMarketer) as well? It seems like music still makes the world go around.

Besides that, Millennials and Gen Z are still the driving force behind what's considered in or out in pop culture. Gen Z is usually regarded as being tastemakers on TikTok, but reporting from Ad Newsshows that Millennials are "...2.3 times more likely to be the ones fueling this online content engine by posting videos and tagging brands."

Basically, we're both moving the pop culture needle forward, consuming and driving the trends across platforms! So remind me, how different are we again?

Millennials And Gen Z Value Diversity And Inclusivity

I grew up during a time where certain internal biases were stated as facts and it was always handful of weird pills to swallow. I couldn't understand why I'd hear "Love thy neighnor" in church only to watch some of the same people blatantly treat the LGBTQ+ community in hellish ways. We could talk about what's in the Bible all day long, but I've never been a fan of picking and choosing who's worthy of being treated with love and respect.

It's clear I'm not the only one who rejects those notions, though. First of all, more young adults are identifying as queer than ever. In 2022, 19.7% of Gen Z and 11.2% of Millennials identified as part of the LGBT community compared to 3.3% of Generation X and 2.7% of Baby Boomers (Gallup).

Outside of sexual identity, there's also the racial aspect of how accepting Millennials and Gen Z are. According to reporting from Built In, 48% of Gen Z are racially diverse, and Millennials are 19% more racially diverse than Baby Boomers. This leads me to believe that both generations know that the world doesn't look a singular way — and therefore respect and understand that diversity even more than previous generations.

These shared qualities and values are just another way that Gen Z and Millennials are more similar than they are different at the end of the day. But in the ways we are different — well both generations would know how to celebrate that diversity, now wouldn't they? 😉

Millennials And Gen Z Aren't Fans Of Injustice

Compared to prior generations, Millennials and Gen Z have found ways to speak out against injustice. Both generations believe that systemic racism is still an issue in society (via Forbes) with 92% of Gen Z willing to be a part of public protests (via Oliver Wyman Forum). Despite the higher number of Gen Z that are actively participating in protests, Millennials have changed their tune.

Social justice organization, Points of Light discovered that 50% more of Millennials believe in civic engagement now that we're living in a post-pandemic era, which isn't hard to believe. We're in the midst of a great political, racial, and social reckoning that's causing more younger people to speak up than before.

A part of me is keeping hope alive that this Millennials vs. Gen Z debate doesn't take away from all of the ways we can align to continue changing outdated ideals and policies. It seems like together, we can create a positive change in the world around us.

Keiko Agena has a complicated relationship with 'Gilmore Girls' character Lane Kim.

“I think what [the role] was for people was different than what it was for me,” she tells Juliet Litman on an episode of the Dear Felicity rewatch podcast (via People). “In a weird way, I feel like I want to honor the experience that people had from the show, and what it meant to them, especially young Asian people, because I get that comment a lot, about what it was like for them to see someone like that on screen.”

And it's no surprise that as much as Gilmore Girls viewers love Lane, Keiko "[loves] her too. I can tell, when I meet someone who knows Gilmore Girls or who loves Lane, it's like, I recognize that love. I see that you love that person."

But it's possible to hold two conflicting emotions at the same time, and although Lane Kim was an incredibly special role at the time, there are some things Keiko would do differently today. “The best thing is to have a Korean American writer [and a] Korean American actor,” she says. “I don't think that that role, cast that way, would happen today. But at that time, in 2000, it was such a different time that I definitely know I wouldn't have said no or pulled myself out of that situation at that time...Now it's just a mix of just having gratitude for having gone through that experience and having that experience.”

Keiko Agena also keeps in touch with two very special 'Gilmore Girls' costars!

And one aspect of Gilmore Girls that Keiko Agena is thankful for is her relationship with the Gilmore Girls cast! And there are two costars in particular she frequently keeps in contact with: John Cabrera (who played Brian) and Sean Gunn (who starred as Kirk).

“There is this kind of lovely nostalgia for that time, and yet also we have years since then,” she says. “I [have] gone to both of their weddings. Our friendship is part Gilmore Girls and appreciation for that crazy time, and then part just like a million other things that are just like friends.”

I was totally surprised to learn she keeps in contact with John and Sean (supposedly) more regularly than Alexis Bledel, but it makes sense when you remember Keiko, John, and Sean are all around the same age — and Alexis is 7 years younger. Hopefully we get another Gilmore Girls reunion to see our favorite television BFF's reunite!